Thoughts on "early" drink dates?

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I’m going on a little tangent here, but one of the biggest pieces of evidence that internet dating advice is often passed down by people who are not actively dating and/or are not using critical thinking is the obsession with, “Meet me on [day I have no idea if she’s free] at [X time I have no idea if she’s free].”

The original purpose of that approach was for situations where you already had plans and were simply going down a list of prospects on your phone to see who wanted to join you. If one woman said no, you moved on to the next. If someone said yes, great. If nobody could make it, you were still going anyway. It was never intended to be some magical technique for securing a date with a specific woman.

I agree. There is a place for this^.

But the way I originally read it, it sounded like OP randomly asked her out on a date with a specific day/time in mind; without knowing if she'd be available...and when he found out she wasn't available and wasn't going to change her pre-planned activities for him..sounded like he was thinking about charging her to the game.

He provided more context though, and I understand now.

If your goal is actually to meet a particular woman, then ignoring the fact that she has her own schedule is just dumb. I also think about all the old-school field reports where guys got lucky pulling that off, then acted like it was a universal method. They expected every man to be able to “lock in” a specific woman for a specific day and time, without even knowing her schedule, and then treated it like a reliable strategy instead of a situational outcome without context.

Yeah, you have to respect other people's plans.

That's why I never randomly call people; I text first...to see if you are available, and THEN I call.

People could be at work, sleep, or just plan don't feel like talking..and I don't like infringing upon anyone.

That's just me .

 

[Velasco]

She's a little older, has her own place, makes her own money, and unfortunately lost both her parents in her mid-20s, so she's quite independent. She's been in a few relationships but also in a few situationships, mostly with younger guys.

ah the ole “i’m not that type of girl anymore” classic lol. “higher value” lol

 

[Sega Genesis]

From what she's described, she doesn't like dating because she gets "burnt out", meaning that she doesn't enjoy taking the time and effort to get to know somebody new, only to not click and end up playing games or ghosting or whatever.

I just re-read your post and confused by this^^.

May I ask what she's doing on a dating app since she doesn't like dating nor enjoys taking the time and effort to get to know someone?
Did you ask?

Did I miss something in there?

And then her 'no kissing on first date' rule.
I dunno it's a weird one.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If the woman wants to fvck you she will do it at 12pm, 5pm, 8pm or midnight, it doesn't really matter

 

[BPH]

I just re-read your post and confused by this^^.

May I ask what she's doing on a dating app since she doesn't like dating nor enjoys taking the time and effort to get to know someone?
Did you ask?

Did I miss something in there?

And then her 'no kissing on first date' rule.
I dunno it's a weird one.

Not all of this is verbatim, but my interpretation is that she doesn't enjoy swiping on a bunch of ugly guys on the apps, only to go on dates that lead nowhere, or involve the guy playing games or something.

She finds it exhausting.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Good luck OP. I personally have never gone on a date that "went well" that didn't result in at least a kiss. It's a little telling she was too burned out to meet up with you the 3 times you matched prior. With the distance involved, I'd do a little more screening/gaming over text.

Personally, I'd both ask her if she's a good kisser (a rhetorical question, but needed in this case imo). You can screen her out if she gives a halting response, and hopefully get her warmed up a little bit, since it sounds like she could use it. As you know, don't get too carried away if the convo happens to start turning hot with this chick. Stop at the subject of foot massages and leave her wanting more.

Consistency is good, but with a mid-30's woman who's burned out and an hour away, she might get off put by the distance even if you're the one driving. It still sounds like she's still burned out if she can't even kiss a dude who's a proven seducer, in the top tier of looks, and gives her the warm and fuzzy feels on the date,

If she doesn't allow herself to get emotionally invested (through physicality) by the 2nd date, this doesn't look good imo. I'd gather a little more intel. You gotta be willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position in dating. Even if the girl is Sydney Sweeney, she's still a bad prospect if she isn't willing to be at least somewhat vulnerable..

 

[BeExcellent]

Well. Some people, including (Egads!) women, are actually introverts. How do you identify an introvert? Socializing, crowds, having to be at a party or in a social setting are mentally draining and exhausting to an introvert. This chick sounds introverted.

My husband is an introvert. OP didn't get to meet him the night he met my friends because shortly after we arrived (but before OP arrived), my husband decided he just wasn't in the mood to be out doing social stuff, so he caught an Uber home. I think he was much more interested in some video gaming tournament than making small talk with people that night, so he left. I understand this about him & that was just fine.

I'm an extroverted introvert myself. I'm fine socializing with people I know well for a while but I'm not a fan really of crowds, big parties, and so forth. Even with people I know well, I often get exhausted by being "on" in a social setting. I prefer alone time, time with my husband, and 1:1 time with friends & family. I find it restorative. Even being on stage at a gig beats socializing. I have something specific to do, am focused, and small talk is limited to the built in time constraints of being on break (although it is cool, and the audience wants to feel seen & interacted with....) but the stage is its own little island where you are performing but you are a bit removed from the crowd.

So this gal OP met may genuinely find it a chore the whole dating platform/social media thing tiresome but still want to meet someone without expending the necessary time in real face to face environments.

My cousin (a fun nerdy PhD in statistics) met her husband this way (dating app). She was too busy to go be social out and about as a stats professor, and she greatly disliked the bar/singles scene. He was similarly inclined. They met on the app, liked each other, met & hit it off. They are really cute together & really happy. So don't assume everyone ticks the same way gentlemen......

 

[Bingo-Player]

Tbh 10pm for a first date is ridiculous

I'm assuming its an APP date too which makes it even more ludicrous ,

Most people have busy lives and early starts who wants to be meeting some random off an APP at 10pm on a week night

it just sounds like unemployed fantasy scheduling from you hoping you can get away with buying 2 drinks and get her back for easy secks

Its like a plan from an American pie script

Jesus come on man you're not 15

 

[BPH]

Tbh 10pm for a first date is ridiculous

I'm assuming its an APP date too which makes it even more ludicrous ,

Most people have busy lives and early starts who wants to be meeting some random off an APP at 10pm on a week night

it just sounds like unemployed fantasy scheduling from you hoping you can get away with buying 2 drinks and get her back for easy secks

Its like a plan from an American pie script

Jesus come on man you're not 15

1. It's a Saturday, not a weeknight.

2. If you've read my reports, you'd see that 10PM for a drink date on a weekend is never an issue, aside from this example here. I don't know why you always chime in just to hate...

EDIT: I specified in the second sentence that the date was "tonight", and posted on a Saturday. Which leads me to believe you can't even be bothered to read the post before leaving your 2 cents...