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The pain of being a man

anonymous12345

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Tl;dr, but for me life has been painful. The fun thing is that this is largely reserved to villains in movies, like the blind dude in Bladerunner 2049 (“You don’t know what is pain”) and the guy in Casino Royale that weeps blood due to a deranged tear canal. Great club.

I’ve had pain, and have to process on a daily basis that I’m concerned I’ll start to like it or it’ll go haywire in some other way.

One can google these things but I haven’t really read anything mind blowing. One can hire some blue-pilled beta therapist that sit there and says “let it all out” or whatever.

It is problematic, as a man, to receive help, because you become dependent on that entity — it solves the problem for you, instead of that you do it yourself. What I hope is that as you wear the pain you grow stronger. The problem is that it sometimes feels like it doesn’t end, or rips you down like napalm or acid. It’s stuck in your head, and time continues to pass by.

Maybe I’m at the latter part of this saga in my life, and it’s good to have built the capability of processing great pain. Life will always have pain. There is value in expression. And having a fitness regime.

(Fill in fap/alcohol/your favorite addiction/coping mechanism.) If you have the same challenge, I hear you bro.
 

kavi

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I medicate my pain with weed tbh.
 

Pierce.Manhammer

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Physical or mental pain? Both are debilitating.

Chronic physical pain can affect your mind as well; I know that short-term (a few weeks) has f'ed me up in the past in many ways.

Then there is mental anguish, not being over to get a traumatic event out of your head, be it woes with a woman, nightmares of combat, and other assorted traumatic memories...
 

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Deranged

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It can be humbling and overwhelming, but pain is part of life. It is necessary, so you may experience non-pain. We are built to handle it. It is nothing we can't endure. It is all mindset.
 

kavi

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It can be humbling and overwhelming, but pain is part of life. It is necessary, so you may experience non-pain. We are built to handle it. It is nothing we can't endure. It is all mindset.
Some societies can cause more pain and suffering than others. Pain is a consequence of the social system one lives in. It is important to hold the current system to account instead of internalising suffering.

If men are suffering it is not because they are weak, it is due to society. It is important to look outside and not inside. Men are being played by the system and those in power and invested in it, the system continues because men believe the suffering is their fault, hence they attempt internal change when change needs to happen externally.
 

Kotaix

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Some societies can cause more pain and suffering than others. Pain is a consequence of the social system one lives in. It is important to hold the current system to account instead of internalising suffering.

If men are suffering it is not because they are weak, it is due to society. It is important to look outside and not inside. Men are being played by the system and those in power and invested in it, the system continues because men believe the suffering is their fault, hence they attempt internal change when change needs to happen externally.
It all depends on how much you allow yourself to be defined by social expectations. Men who constantly desire more, and who resort to self-deprecation when they fail to achieve the desires/expectations that society has, are going to live in pain. There is almost nothing worse than this self-loathing.

@Deranged is right, it's all mindset. You are only "hurt" by how much you allow yourself to be hurt.

Physical pain, now that's another matter entirely.
 

BillyPilgrim

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Yup, it's going to be all about mindset in the phucking FEMA CAMPS.

I swear, some of you dudes are dense. Yes, mindset helps but not when the phucking world is being destroyed by satanists. You don't suck it up, you phucking fight. You turn the pain into action, you don't bury it unless you're a cuck.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Tl;dr, but for me life has been painful. The fun thing is that this is largely reserved to villains in movies, like the blind dude in Bladerunner 2049 (“You don’t know what is pain”) and the guy in Casino Royale that weeps blood due to a deranged tear canal. Great club.

I’ve had pain, and have to process on a daily basis that I’m concerned I’ll start to like it or it’ll go haywire in some other way.

One can google these things but I haven’t really read anything mind blowing. One can hire some blue-pilled beta therapist that sit there and says “let it all out” or whatever.

It is problematic, as a man, to receive help, because you become dependent on that entity — it solves the problem for you, instead of that you do it yourself. What I hope is that as you wear the pain you grow stronger. The problem is that it sometimes feels like it doesn’t end, or rips you down like napalm or acid. It’s stuck in your head, and time continues to pass by.

Maybe I’m at the latter part of this saga in my life, and it’s good to have built the capability of processing great pain. Life will always have pain. There is value in expression. And having a fitness regime.

(Fill in fap/alcohol/your favorite addiction/coping mechanism.) If you have the same challenge, I hear you bro.
Without pain, fear, or sadness, how would you know or genuinely experience the opposite emotions?

Don't shy away from it. Don't ignore it. Embrace it.

Without suffering you wouldn't truly have a human experience. You need it. Just don't assume you'll live with the pain forever, it's impossible. But it can feel like forever if you simply ignore and shy away from it.
 

anonymous12345

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Physical or mental pain? Both are debilitating.

Chronic physical pain can affect your mind as well; I know that short-term (a few weeks) has f'ed me up in the past in many ways.

Then there is mental anguish, not being over to get a traumatic event out of your head, be it woes with a woman, nightmares of combat, and other assorted traumatic memories...
It's mental pain. It's weird when this equilibrium forms where there's nothing to express, the pain is just etching in you. Sometimes I can't be bothered by exercising/running it away. There's something pathetic about it, literally attempting to run away from something. Can't be bothered.
 

anonymous12345

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Without pain, fear, or sadness, how would you know or genuinely experience the opposite emotions?
Aww, how lovely, A+. I'm not religious, but look at the woman's expression when Will's character says in the beginning "The lord is with us". She questions him:


There's undeniably a truth to your relativistic reasoning, but the assumption of an upside does not hold. Try to have so much pain you evaluate whether you need to go to the bathroom to puke or emptying a bottle after eight hours, because you thought putting in a good fight would give returns. Tell it to someone who has cancer or lost a kid.
 

kavi

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There is no value to suffering, no upside no silver lining.

The absolutely worst thing about pain and suffering, it messes with your moral compass. People who suffer and feel too much pain can become bad people and create yet more pain and suffering.

The cause of excess pain and suffering is fuedalism, religion, political inequality, power, loss of freedom and general 'incorrect' way of living.
 

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anonymous12345

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And what causes you that pain?
I got some reason to complain, but let's face it, a Sparta warrior handles adversity.

It's a problem of affect/emotions. An alpha doesn't whine, he's unthreatened by anything.

Still, many men have problem with it. I don't act out, I'm in control -- I instead implode. I'm in that sense a useless concrete block. But could be worse.

Problem is what the hell to do with that energy inside (pain etc.), or go smoking like @kavi. A balloon doesn't loose its pressure by squeezing it or letting it be. On the other hand, it got infinite air, so it never stops if one goes crying or whining or whatever.

I think it's some kind of middle ground. Slowly mold the affect into some malleable, dynamic control.
 
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Chilimili

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Without pain, fear, or sadness, how would you know or genuinely experience the opposite emotions?

Don't shy away from it. Don't ignore it. Embrace it.

Without suffering you wouldn't truly have a human experience. You need it. Just don't assume you'll live with the pain forever, it's impossible. But it can feel like forever if you simply ignore and shy away from it.
Exactly how I’d explain it without all that struggle we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good things in life

Embrace it, learn from it and grow from it
 

Modern Man Advice

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Aww, how lovely, A+. I'm not religious, but look at the woman's expression when Will's character says in the beginning "The lord is with us". She questions him:


There's undeniably a truth to your relativistic reasoning, but the assumption of an upside does not hold. Try to have so much pain you evaluate whether you need to go to the bathroom to puke or emptying a bottle after eight hours, because you thought putting in a good fight would give returns. Tell it to someone who has cancer or lost a kid.
Thanks, man. I appreciate your input.

But there is a difference between embracing pain and holding on to pain.

Everything I coach, advise and have an opinion on is based on experience. I do not coach on anything I haven't experienced myself. I have lost family tragically (not natural death) and from natural death. I have lost friends, women, and even lost myself. I have come close to ending it all. While I do not dare to compare the pain I've experienced to others, as I know what I've gone through can seem like a walk through the park to others who have suffered unimaginable pain, I will dare to say the fault lies in holding on to pain or anger.

What will hurt you is holding on instead of embracing and letting go. And what really hurts is that you do it to yourself, you are effectively giving yourself a "cancer". It will eat you up from the inside out.
 

ThisIsSparta

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Problem is what the hell to do with that energy inside (pain etc.), or go smoking like @kavi. A balloon doesn't loose its pressure by squeezing it or letting it be. On the other hand, it got infinite air, so it never stops if one goes crying or whining or whatever.
I suffered through pain for a year until i was fed up enough to transform pain into anger and spite, which i weaponized to work on and change the things that caused me pain. Anger and spite are good motivators and provide energy. In the end it worked out and my life got a lot better.
 

Ricky

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Operating system: Stoicism
Major operational requirements: Sleep, exercise, adequate nutrition
Superpowers: Ability to focus, reframe and improve others moods
 
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