The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[xstang77]

NC Day 12: So I know I'm doing this to get over her.... and I am. However, I think we all are also doing NC BC we want them to contact us. It seems like most guys on here do get contact from these women at some point. On average how long did it take? I know I'm not supposed to care and honestly, I don't even know if I'd reply, but for some reason I'd like to see if she is even bothered by NC.

It really depends on each case, if she had true feelings for you then you'll most likely hear something. It also depends how and why it ended, the first time me and my current ex fvcked my previous bpd ex literally texted me "I miss you" literally while my new girl was freshening up a few minutes afterwards,it's like they know. My previous ex even showed up at my door 3 months later after ignoring her the whole time so it really depends. Day 15 myself btw.

 

[Paul_FR]

I do honestly think that if we are all writing in this thread and even reach day 40-50 saying that We still miss her and think about her so much, the NC is not working and hurting us much more than it should.

I just went a week with NC, just a few likes here and there in FB, nothing more. But yesterday, I just had to say Hello. Answer from her was instant, but so cold and distant talk, simple : "how are you?", "Good. You?". It pains me so much as at that precise moment I started comparing that conversation to all our previous ones...and said to myself :"How did it come to this?".

I must put the emphasis that this woman does still love me like hell but has decided to put a stop on our LTR (yes, she lives in the US and me in France) because She is persuaded that our story can't go much further. Our last video call a week ago ended in tears and NC until I contacted again yesterday...

The issue is that I still have my tickets and everything booked to see her end of Jan. I'm going to go NC again, see what happens and decide what I should do. But I'm in immense pain right now....

 

[Jediknight888]

Day 13: I deactivated my SM accounts today. They are delaying my healing process and it's too easy to post **** that clearly shows her I'm thinking about her or at least the situation. So I'm going MIA for a while.

To be honest NC has been very difficult. Everything I have in my life I have BC I aggressively pursued it. Not doing that with this woman has been so f'ing difficult.

Anyway.... on to day 14

 

[Roober]

Day 13: I deactivated my SM accounts today. They are delaying my healing process and it's too easy to post **** that clearly shows her I'm thinking about her or at least the situation. So I'm going MIA for a while.

To be honest NC has been very difficult. Everything I have in my life I have BC I aggressively pursued it. Not doing that with this woman has been so f'ing difficult.

Anyway.... on to day 14

Good stuff man! I had to stop using snapchat altogether, because I couldn't resist the urge to look at her snaps. We were never friends on Facebook, so that was never an issue. Most of the crap on there is just junk anyways.

 

[DamnSon]

Just got a text from her "hi" lol probably gonna ask for her shoes

 

[Jediknight888]

Just got a text from her "hi" lol probably gonna ask for her shoes

Sometimes they just want the security of knowing that you're still there. Be careful.

 

[Jediknight888]

Day 14: today I keep thinking f it. This is the girl I want and I'm willing to turn my life upside down to get her. So far my relationship with her has been kept a secret from everyone. BC I was seperated from my wife and she was cheating on her LT BF (which she told me they had broken up).

So I keep thinking f it tell the whole world and go after her. It might backfire. So I'm thinking of emailing her to say hey just FYI I've decided I'm letting the whole f'ing world know about us and I'm coming for you full stop. Give me some opinions please?

 

[Roober]

Day 14: today I keep thinking f it. This is the girl I want and I'm willing to turn my life upside down to get her. So far my relationship with her has been kept a secret from everyone. BC I was seperated from my wife and she was cheating on her LT BF (which she told me they had broken up).

So I keep thinking f it tell the whole world and go after her. It might backfire. So I'm thinking of emailing her to say hey just FYI I've decided I'm letting the whole f'ing world know about us and I'm coming for you full stop. Give me some opinions please?

She broke up with you to go back to another guy. If she wants to work it out, are you willing to accept that you are her second option? After two weeks, I started to feel a low again. It gets better when you start going out with other women, talking to people, and getting out.

I posted a couple days ago that I was thinking about reaching out and sending a simple text. I went out on Tuesday, had a fantastic date, and then decided against the text. Mine didn't leave for another guy (as far as I know) and likely just was tired of my neediness. There is plenty more fish in the sea. She may have been a good one, but there are plenty more good ones out there...

Pickup "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi... I have a hard time putting it down because it just seems to make sense with the whole female imperative. The whole concept about plate spinning is about finding the best one for you; not just about getting laid. You should do it long enough till it becomes ingrained in your DNA. When you decide to get into an LTR, it will be on YOUR terms, not because you are "settling" (me ex wife) or falling for the next one in line (my ex gf). When you have reached this level, your LTR will be one that others admire, while all your other friends are getting divorced/separated or just plain average frustrated chumps! Women have been spinning plates for millenia by keeping orbiters and attention from men. It may not always be sexual, but they let the men think it "could" be. Why the fvck can't we do it? Hypocrisy at its finest, and it so socially accepted, it is fvcking pathetic!

I think my ex was a good one, but SHE made the choice to leave. SHE will have to live with that for the rest of her life. Your ex will be the same. YOU are the prize, SHE is not the prize!

 

[Jediknight888]

She broke up with you to go back to another guy. If she wants to work it out, are you willing to accept that you are her second option? After two weeks, I started to feel a low again. It gets better when you start going out with other women, talking to people, and getting out.

I posted a couple days ago that I was thinking about reaching out and sending a simple text. I went out on Tuesday, had a fantastic date, and then decided against the text. Mine didn't leave for another guy (as far as I know) and likely just was tired of my neediness. There is plenty more fish in the sea. She may have been a good one, but there are plenty more good ones out there...

Pickup "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi... I have a hard time putting it down because it just seems to make sense with the whole female imperative. The whole concept about plate spinning is about finding the best one for you; not just about getting laid. You should do it long enough till it becomes ingrained in your DNA. When you decide to get into an LTR, it will be on YOUR terms, not because you are "settling" (me ex wife) or falling for the next one in line (my ex gf). When you have reached this level, your LTR will be one that others admire, while all your other friends are getting divorced/separated or just plain average frustrated chumps! Women have been spinning plates for millenia by keeping orbiters and attention from men. It may not always be sexual, but they let the men think it "could" be. Why the fvck can't we do it? Hypocrisy at its finest, and it so socially accepted, it is fvcking pathetic!

I think my ex was a good one, but SHE made the choice to leave. SHE will have to live with that for the rest of her life. Your ex will be the same. YOU are the prize, SHE is not the prize!

ThanK you for the response. Sometimes I need to be talked back from the cliff. This specific scenario was difficult BC of her being unsure about her BF and me being unsure about my wife. This girl is from a poor broken family and I'm a well off doctor. So there was always this hint with her like she didn't totally belive that I was crazy about her. I could tell she thought I was just going to go back to my wife. When that was never my plan. So I sort of feel like she dumped me cold BC she thought I was just using her and now she just wants me to stay away and not confuse her anymore.

So part of me understands her actions. The problem is that she won't f'ING talk to me at all. All my past responses over the last 6 months or so have been met with silence or leave me alone. It's driving me nuts. It's like I can't break through it and show her that I'm for real. WTF.

 

[Carpathian]

ThanK you for the response. Sometimes I need to be talked back from the cliff. This specific scenario was difficult BC of her being unsure about her BF and me being unsure about my wife. This girl is from a poor broken family and I'm a well off doctor. So there was always this hint with her like she didn't totally belive that I was crazy about her. I could tell she thought I was just going to go back to my wife. When that was never my plan. So I sort of feel like she dumped me cold BC she thought I was just using her and now she just wants me to stay away and not confuse her anymore.

So part of me understands her actions. The problem is that she won't f'ING talk to me at all. All my past responses over the last 6 months or so have been met with silence or leave me alone. It's driving me nuts. It's like I can't break through it and show her that I'm for real. WTF.

Dude, stop trying to rationalize her actions, it will drive you insane and put you off your work that as a doctor (like me) demands your absolute focus. You are trying to apply logic and reason to matters of the heart. It does not work. Move on with your life as if it is over. I understand how hard it can be when her leaving does not make sense; the same happened to me in springtime. Makes no fvkking sense at all what she did, I loved her and was always there for her, a professional, kind, level-headed and well-off man who adored her. I tortured myself for three months just asking "why?" Save yourself that pain dude - it just "IS" so accept that fact as quickly as you can and get yourself a new woman when you have healed over this, someone worthy of you. You deserve that, not that stupid b1atch who looked the gift present horse in the mouth (that is a Slovakian saying not sure it makes sense in English? )

 

[xstang77]

Day 18, I miss this girl like crazy and can't help but think of how great it would be to spend Christmas with her and her daughter which she said she bought presents for the two of us could play together,really thinking about just sending a text though I'm fighting it. Haven't found a single girl that compares to her looks wise let alone that's interested in even going on a date instead of game playing,lonely as hell this sucks.

 

[DamnSon]

She texted me two days ago after 11 or so days of NC. On Social media, I had been posting photos of projects i'm working on etc and other girls have been talking to me. Not that I want them) I was feeling great, like "ah **** this *****"
She dumped me because "She rushed into the relationship, needed time for school, didnt want me to hurt by not having time, bla bla" Basically, I think there was someone else who was less boyfriendy and wanted less from her.

The convo went like this:

Her: Hi
Me: Hey
Her: How are you?
Me: Mhhm, I'm good, you?
Her: I'm okay. I think I made deans list
Me: Woah look at you go, listen im a little busy right now, but i'd love to catch up later, why don't you come by tomorrow night with some wine and we'll catch up. (Trying to set up some sex lol)
Her: I needed to do that, I had to do good and I hope you know that
Her: I think I'm going tomr home tomorrow morning "

I didn't answer. In my head theres 2 outcomes, things are moving along with the guy she left me for and she doesn't want to feel like a hoe, so shes trying to tidy up the past with me. 2: Semester is over, maybe she misses me, or she got with someone else realizes she ****ed up. I dunno.

She woulda probably saw me though. Shes home now, 3 hours away up north, off from college for a month or so. 2 day of NC again, not a word from her yet.

 

[Firestar786]

One month from tommorow onwards
Another month to go

 

[Jediknight888]

Day 16. I keep thinking of contacting her. I know my life is exponentially better then hers. I'm snowboarding and just generally very active. Meanwhile she's working and doesn't have a pot to piss in. I feel like checking in and just to say "hey are you done throwing your tantrum? The rest of us are out enjoying ourselves. You could be too".

I'm sure should would respond with some venomous email, but at this point it's like so what, it's her loss. Opinions?

 

[DamnSon]

You may be bordering on Co-dependency, you feel important because you can "save" her from her "poor" life, you enjoy feeling like a hero. I guess most men feel this way, but be careful here.

 

[searching solace]

Day 16. I keep thinking of contacting her. I know my life is exponentially better then hers. I'm snowboarding and just generally very active. Meanwhile she's working and doesn't have a pot to piss in. I feel like checking in and just to say "hey are you done throwing your tantrum? The rest of us are out enjoying ourselves. You could be too".

I'm sure should would respond with some venomous email, but at this point it's like so what, it's her loss. Opinions?

Come on man, she would see right through that veiled, haughty attitude. Your life is not exponentially better than hers at the moment and even if it was, so what? Do you think she's having this hard time deliberating, agonising whether or not to contact you? No, she is most definitely not. I don't know your story, but I'd wager that she's out having good fun with another man, perhaps not even giving you a second thought.

This was the thought that always sobered me when I was in the depth of depression and oh-so-tempted to reach out and break the deadlock which she probably wasn't even conscious of. She doesn't give a **** anymore, man. And you will (and should) never be with her again.

She probably will contact you again. Mine did after over 6 months. She'll check whether you're still there or to absolve her guilt. Even then, don't entertain it even if 99% of you wants to.

As hard as it may be - and believe me, I know how hard it is - keep the no contact. Either that, or contact her once RIGHT NOW, to put your mind at rest knowing that it really is OVER.

 

[xstang77]

Really on the fence if I should sent out a text saying I hope her daughter has a good Christmas and that I miss her daughter,thinking it would hit her right in the feels since she said how she got her daughter presents for me and her to play together,could this hurt the possibility of my nc making her miss me eventually? Opinions?

 

[DamnSon]

Come on man, she would see right through that veiled, haughty attitude. Your life is not exponentially better than hers at the moment and even if it was, so what? Do you think she's having this hard time deliberating, agonising whether or not to contact you? No, she is most definitely not. I don't know your story, but I'd wager that she's out having good fun with another man, perhaps not even giving you a second thought.

This was the thought that always sobered me when I was in the depth of depression and oh-so-tempted to reach out and break the deadlock which she probably wasn't even conscious of. She doesn't give a **** anymore, man. And you will (and should) never be with her again.

She probably will contact you again. Mine did after over 6 months. She'll check whether you're still there or to absolve her guilt. Even then, don't entertain it even if 99% of you wants to.

As hard as it may be - and believe me, I know how hard it is - keep the no contact. Either that, or contact her once RIGHT NOW, to put your mind at rest knowing that it really is OVER.

Why to absolve guilt though? You dont think they could reach out generally wanting to get back, like they made a mistake? Why would they be feeling guilty if they didnt give a ****?

 

[searching solace]

Why to absolve guilt though? You dont think they could reach out generally wanting to get back, like they made a mistake? Why would they be feeling guilty if they didnt give a ****?

There will probably come a point down the road when she's moved on, when she takes a look back over her shoulder at you and thinks 'I hope he doesn't think badly of me for what I did, I should be an awesome person and wish him well, maybe even see if he still wants back into my life'... It probably won't be about you as much as it is about herself. Or perhaps her new relationships starts to flicker out and so she will begin efforts to create a back-up and contact you then. Not so much that they made a mistake - these girls know what they're doing - that's just you framing it in a way that's easier for you ego to handle. Sorry, but there is always going to be someone better than you.

And of course they will eventually reach out if you keep 100% no contact. I bet 90% of them do within the timeframe of a 6 months - a year. Do you think that all this is as big a deal to them as it is to you right now? Nope.

I know all that probably sounds 'pessimistic' to you and I'm happy to consider other opinions, but from what I've seen it's the reality.

 

[Reykhel]

Fellas, the reason you're suffering is because of attachment and believing she is more special than the next woman.

You think it's love.

Fellas, the one true love is with yourselves. Fall in love with yourselves and learn the art of detachment.

You learn those too things it will revolutionise your ****ing life.

Fellas, bytches they come they go.....

You are your best gift