The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Glassguy]

So day 4 of NC. I've been messaging quite a few women off tinder and one beauty is coming over tonight which should be fun!..Went out Saturday evening but being an idiot I didn't drink so I was so wooden it was pointless going out! Annoyingly I could have gotten with someone Saturday but as I said I was wooden..Going out does help you when you see hotter girls than you're ex thats for sure.

The thing is, your ex was whatever she was in your eyes because of the attachment. At first its easy for the other chicks to not stack up.

As you are in NC with your ex, the attachment (and attraction) will slowly fade. My ex fiance was beautiful in my eyes while we were together, once we broke up she has drifted back to just another good looking chick.

Hang in there. It takes 17 days of doing something consistently for it to become a habit. Dont give in and break NC.

 

[Roober]

The thing is, your ex was whatever she was in your eyes because of the attachment. At first its easy for the other chicks to not stack up.

As you are in NC with your ex, the attachment (and attraction) will slowly fade. My ex fiance was beautiful in my eyes while we were together, once we broke up she has drifted back to just another good looking chick.

Hang in there. It takes 17 days of doing something consistently for it to become a habit. Dont give in and break NC.

Maybe more for some... I still think about my ex all the time. Just constantly replaying how I could have corrected my needy ways...

 

[Glassguy]

Maybe more for some... I still think about my ex all the time. Just constantly replaying how I could have corrected my needy ways...

Well, realize that you cant. You can only change it for the future.

Keep them guessing, be a mystery, be scarce. When you are with a chick be confident, assertive, engaged and confident. When you leave her, go back to being scarce and mysterious until you meet up again.

Its like a drug for them when you do that. They learn they can only get it when they are around you, because you're not going to text them 20 times a day. It makes them want to see you and then when you're with them they are high interest.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Week 11 of NC, staying strong.
No word or whatsoever from Ex, and I highly doubt that that'll change in the future.
But, who cares, life goes on.

 

[Roober]

Week 11 of NC, staying strong.
No word or whatsoever from Ex, and I highly doubt that that'll change in the future.
But, who cares, life goes on.

It sucks royally, but you have to consider it a blessing in disguise. Something was broken in the relationship and she was not willing to fix it, that is on her conscious now.

After more time without her, you will begin to see her for what she really is. Like you, I haven't heard a peep and that is probably what bugs me the most. I am at about 4 weeks.

 

[5chm1dd1]

It sucks royally, but you have to consider it a blessing in disguise. Something was broken in the relationship and she was not willing to fix it, that is on her conscious now.

After more time without her, you will begin to see her for what she really is. Like you, I haven't heard a peep and that is probably what bugs me the most. I am at about 4 weeks.

Actually, I don't care what's on her mind.

I already see her for what she is, a 17 y.o. Girl without a clue about life or anything else.

My head doesn't want her back anymore, already since 2-3 weeks, but my heart is somewhat still attached to her and the memories.
Guess it just takes some more time and work on myself to get rid of that.

Most important thing is to stay strong in the NC. At least like that, you can get your balls back and ultimately come out on top.

 

[Darrenez]

Good tips Glassguy, I need to remember that for my next relationship. Funnily enough I was like that at first with my ex. Not texting her much, she even asked me to text her more lol...

I won't break contact with her no worries on that front, done 90plus days before. However, I'd be lying if I didn't want her to message me. I'd just be interested to see if she does reach out. I played the perfect bf apart from being needy/insecure the last month of so..literally I reckon I'm the best she had in every department however obviously she either found someone else/wanted time apart...Well now I have become confident again messaging numerous women and going out again and its only day 6. Wish I hadn't have sent that message stating do not contact me unless you want to give things another go..kind of didn't need to send it haha. Oh well

 

[mrgoodstuff]

ignore ignore ignore. Remember, she wanted to be friends!

True. If she knows how to get to your house, she can show up, knock on the door and give you some pvssy.

 

[Glassguy]

Good tips Glassguy, I need to remember that for my next relationship. Funnily enough I was like that at first with my ex. Not texting her much, she even asked me to text her more lol...

I won't break contact with her no worries on that front, done 90plus days before. However, I'd be lying if I didn't want her to message me. I'd just be interested to see if she does reach out. I played the perfect bf apart from being needy/insecure the last month of so..literally I reckon I'm the best she had in every department however obviously she either found someone else/wanted time apart...Well now I have become confident again messaging numerous women and going out again and its only day 6. Wish I hadn't have sent that message stating do not contact me unless you want to give things another go..kind of didn't need to send it haha. Oh well

You just need more options.....trust me.....and you when she does text you in a month or four you will feel differently about it. Almost a sick to your stomach feeling when you see her send you that text.....

Even then, I would respond. If I did, it would be something very CIVIL and a quick "good to hear from you, I am really busy right now with so many things going on.....I'll ttyl". Then go silent.

 

[Roober]

Day 28

I know I am going to get flamed, but I looked at her Snapchat again. It made me laugh because she looks depressed, maybe regretting her decision? It was a video singing some stupid song with a caption "I love meeeee (emojis)". I could be completely wrong here, but everything I saw two weeks ago and yesterday is all about loving herself. It is like she is trying to tell everyone else she loves herself, when I think she really knows she doesn't. Who shares things with everyone like "I am so purrrrdy" and "I love me"?

Anyway had a date last night that went great, got another girl blowing up my phone in text, so feeling good... great actually... opportunities there to get numbers, just not asking... working up to that. Very productive at work too!

 

[Joshm55]

A slightly different situation to normal, but I feel the need to vent anyway.

About 15 months ago I moved to London having just broken up with my girlfriend at the time and gone through 3 months of NC, I was finally pretty much over her and confident, looking good having been at the gym a lot and ready to start a new life.

Of course then what inevitably happens is the cycle begins again and within 10 days of being in London I hook up with my flat mate who happens to have a boyfriend in Ecuador. This relationship continued for over a year, with him making visits to London every 3 months for 2 weeks at a time, sometimes we'd even hook up whilst he was there!

It became a quasi-relationship, with us basically being boyfriend and girlfriend, sleeping together every night, going on trips together, she even met my family, but always was the annoying backdrop of her being in a relationship which she was unwilling to end.

It's finally over now, she's moved back to Ecuador as her time in the UK is over (she was here for a degree) and obviously the feeling fr myself isn't especially pleasant.

A horrible feeling although inevitably for the best, time for NC and, again, getting over it.

 

[Carpathian]

NC is the only way to purge yourself of these people. I'd appreciate what you guys think of this. I know the answer (NC) but interested in what you think are her motivations?

Background: Both 48 and got kids, Both divorcees. Loved and adored her, families adored each other. Her kids thought I was the best thing that had ever happened to their mom. No serious issue at all that I could see. Great sex, great times. She just dumped me. She did it three times in the previous two years. No reason at all. I think she is BPD but can't be certain. Maybe an ex in the background. I was really upset for two months. I know some of you guys are going through this now [so hang in there guys it gets better] and was helped greatly by this thread.

• So dumped in March, telling me we are 100% at the end of the road (ended badly with me telling her to fvkk off and leave me alone). Threw all her stuff she bought me over her garden hedge that night.

• Heard nothing from her for two months. She reached out end of May apologizing the way it ended.

• A few texts between us for a week, good natured, then silence.

• I started dating a new woman - a 8/10 - in June. I am still with her and am happy, wild sex, good times etc, but the ex still casts a shadow over me. I really loved her and do not mind admitting it.

• My birthday in August. She wishes me happy birthday. Ignored her. A few more texts over the course of the next few weeks. Ignored her.

• Asked me over text if I'd like some private and no commitments "sexy times" with her round her place since she missed it with me. She even sent me a picture of her vibrator. Despite being tempted I told her I have a GF and best we don't. She told me she's started Match.com but the guys are no match for me and she gets sad as it makes her think of me all the time.

• Between then (in September) and now (December) she sends me a Whatsapp commenting on my Whatsapp profile photo every couple of weeks - always complimentary comments ending with a kiss and a blowing a kiss emoticon. I replied a couple of times with a thumbs up and nothing else.

What the fvkk is she up to? Do think she wants me back? I am just ignoring her from now on. I should block her I know but part of me is amused by this...!

 

[Carpathian]

It's just hoovering to get attention I.e. narcissistic supply. Maybe she wants "it" back i.e. you as a primary source of narcissistic supply, but who cares. Do yourself and your GF a favor and block her.

Thanks for echoing pretty much exactly the thoughts I was having. It's nice to have a reality check sometimes from fellow DJ's.

 

[Roober]

NC is the only way to purge yourself of these people. I'd appreciate what you guys think of this. I know the answer (NC) but interested in what you think are her motivations?

Background: Both 48 and got kids, Both divorcees. Loved and adored her, families adored each other. Her kids thought I was the best thing that had ever happened to their mom. No serious issue at all that I could see. Great sex, great times. She just dumped me. She did it three times in the previous two years. No reason at all. I think she is BPD but can't be certain. Maybe an ex in the background. I was really upset for two months. I know some of you guys are going through this now [so hang in there guys it gets better] and was helped greatly by this thread.

• So dumped in March, telling me we are 100% at the end of the road (ended badly with me telling her to fvkk off and leave me alone). Threw all her stuff she bought me over her garden hedge that night.

• Heard nothing from her for two months. She reached out end of May apologizing the way it ended.

• A few texts between us for a week, good natured, then silence.

• I started dating a new woman - a 8/10 - in June. I am still with her and am happy, wild sex, good times etc, but the ex still casts a shadow over me. I really loved her and do not mind admitting it.

• My birthday in August. She wishes me happy birthday. Ignored her. A few more texts over the course of the next few weeks. Ignored her.

• Asked me over text if I'd like some private and no commitments "sexy times" with her round her place since she missed it with me. She even sent me a picture of her vibrator. Despite being tempted I told her I have a GF and best we don't. She told me she's started Match.com but the guys are no match for me and she gets sad as it makes her think of me all the time.

• Between then (in September) and now (December) she sends me a Whatsapp commenting on my Whatsapp profile photo every couple of weeks - always complimentary comments ending with a kiss and a blowing a kiss emoticon. I replied a couple of times with a thumbs up and nothing else.

What the fvkk is she up to? Do think she wants me back? I am just ignoring her from now on. I should block her I know but part of me is amused by this...!

Agreed! sounds like her branch swinging didn't work out. Didn't realize you guys broke up 3 times before that. At least your past the point of no return. Not sure I could resist my ex if she reached out. Fortunately, I don't think she will...

 

[Darrenez]

Day 7...No Contact. OK so I've done 7 days, not a problem at all seeing as I have done 90+ days in the past with someone I was with for 7 years. I am chatting to several different women online and travelling nearly an hour and a half for date with this beautiful girl and I mean beautiful. Don't mind travelling that far for someone that is worth my time,hopefully. Just don't wanna be a simp and buy her flowers haha.

 

[Carpathian]

Agreed! sounds like her branch swinging didn't work out. Didn't realize you guys broke up 3 times before that. At least your past the point of no return. Not sure I could resist my ex if she reached out. Fortunately, I don't think she will...

She will if you remain NC. Rest assured. Don't be tempted to think of that as a good thing either. They can't stand it when you ignore them - it fazes them and triggers something deep inside their psyche "What, he doesn't want me anymore?". And they chase you. If you fall for it (like I did twice with the ex) it returns to getting dumped again eventually. Nearly always.

 

[Jason887]

So my wife told me it was over a little over 3 weeks ago. I lost my job and am on the hunt for another. Got interviews lined up all next week. To her I must look pathetic. I did what I should not have done (begged, made promises ect) its like this woman decided I was a stranger overnight. We have been together 9 years married for 7. No contact rule is not really an option as I don't have the means to leave yet. Is there anyway I can turn this around?

 

[Roober]

So my wife told me it was over a little over 3 weeks ago. I lost my job and am on the hunt for another. Got interviews lined up all next week. To her I must look pathetic. I did what I should not have done (begged, made promises ect) its like this woman decided I was a stranger overnight. We have been together 9 years married for 7. No contact rule is not really an option as I don't have the means to leave yet. Is there anyway I can turn this around?

Since your married, I would always say try to work it out. communication is soooooo important, and it falters so many times. Try talking it out, and seeing what is going on? As bad as this may sound, if it was unexpected and her behavior has changed dramatically overnight, there is probably someone else in the picture.

If you were being totally beta, you can't completely change gears, you need to ease into frame. This is a much bigger topic that a message board or nayone here can probably answer.

 

[Jediknight888]

DAY 1

She's back with her her scumbag x-con bf. I'm a good looking doctor. It's like wtf?! Yet I'm still hung up on her. Tonight I missed her so I snuck over to her apartment and left a rose on her car. As I drove off I felt like such a piece of s**t. She's probably up there f'ing him and here I am putting a rose on her car. I'm such a douche. So day 1 starts tomorrow and will have 59 days of no contact following it. Thanks everyone.

 

[Jason887]

Since your married, I would always say try to work it out. communication is soooooo important, and it falters so many times. Try talking it out, and seeing what is going on? As bad as this may sound, if it was unexpected and her behavior has changed dramatically overnight, there is probably someone else in the picture.

If you were being totally beta, you can't completely change gears, you need to ease into frame. This is a much bigger topic that a message board or nayone here can probably answer.

Ive been here once before. Last time I had a place to go. We still **** around which is nice. But whenever I try to talk to her Its like speaking with a wall. Maybe its for the best. Hard to let good ***** go. I do love her or whatnot, but this seems to happen every three years or so. It just sucks that I don't have the option to not be here.