The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

It's just human nature, both sexes do it.

She likely won't miss me until that guy drops her or dates around a bit and realizes she what she had. Hopefully that doesn't happen anytime soon because I may not be strong enough yet to resist. It's weird... I dated a girl when I was 20 and she dumped me after 9 months of dating for another dude (same weak needy BS). I let her back in after 3 months, and we stayed together for 2 years until I broke up with her for my exwife... After we had gotten back together from the split, she was wayyyyyy more invested in the relationship than I was. However, looking back, I should have stayed single for a while...

Branch swinging does not fix the problems within... my emotional dependence on women is frightening and I need to fix that... part of the reason I am so torn about even meeting women right now...

It's great that you recognize this. A breakup really lets you realise how weak you've become.

I wouldn't necessarily stay away from dating entirely though since the process of becoming a better man takes place over time. For example I'm enjoying the single life while also actively working on dealing with whatever inner demons contributed to the negative aspects of my previous relationship.

It doesn't need to be one or the other as long as you have the emotional maturity to not take these girls seriously. If you think you are simply in danger of falling headfirst into a new relationship then, yes dating wouldn't be the best idea.

 

[Roober]

It's great that you recognize this. A breakup really lets you realise how weak you've become.

I wouldn't necessarily stay away from dating entirely though since the process of becoming a better man takes place over time. For example I'm enjoying the single life while also actively working on dealing with whatever inner demons contributed to the negative aspects of my previous relationship.

It doesn't need to be one or the other as long as you have the emotional maturity to not take these girls seriously. If you think you are simply in danger of falling headfirst into a new relationship then, yes dating wouldn't be the best idea.

That is my exact fear, probably has to do with my mommy issues... sigh...

I am not going to close doors to opportunities, but I just need to tread very carefully.

 

[Firestar786]

6 days

Another 54 days left.

 

[Roober]

6 days

Another 54 days left.

Keep on keeping on. Those first couple weeks are rough. Why only 54 days?

 

[RoKKo]

Day 30

Am I learning the knowledge of becoming an DJ out of revenge? To meet her again in maybe half a year of later, just to revenge**** and dump her? Just to make her feel what i felt at the moment of the breakup and especially the time after? Why do i feel hate about her and myself for something that could be the best thing in my life? What a scary nightmare... thinking about having her married of even children with her and being in this situation too.
Every post about cheating still aches and makes me think about the past (like: when exactly could ... i lost control in my relationship). I know she is definitly not worth having so much pain and trouble, yet i dont seem to fully comprehend this yet.

All in all i am way too dependent from women. If i would meet a new woman, I would definitly try to possess her, to make her mine and probably would do anything for her (making the same mistakes over and over again; stop going to the gym etc)... I probably shouldnt even try dating at all and start working on a much healthier mindset.

Are these thoughts and questions a sign of healing or a hint that i develope myself on a good direction? Did any of you got similar thought processes after a breakup?

 

[Darrenez]

Hi guys,


I’ll just summarise and would appreciate your advice guys although I know No Contact is the way to go. Me and my ex broke up on Saturday although I stupidly went out with her last night for a meal even though she said she wanted to be friends, I thought I could change her mind.


We had only been together 4 months, I’m 35, she is 26. I done a lot for her and compared to her exs who had both cheated on her , I treated her very well. Brought her things, took her to London, gave advice etc all the usual things a guy does for his GF and thought I should treat her well and look after her since she has been messed around by her exs.


Anyway, went out for this meal last night and we had another row again quite a big one when I gave her some home truths on how she made me feel during the 4 months we were together. For example being cold towards me, not informing me when she was over an hour late for a home cooked meal I had made for her etc.


Cut a long story short, I dropped her off last night at her flat and also threw her roses and chocolates out of the car when she got out. I brought these as I felt bad for several arguments we had the week before and thought it was a nice thing to do. Early this morning she sent me a message saying she was sorry for the argument and that should have tolerated me more during the relationship…I haven’t replied and I’ m assuming I shouldn’t? …What kind of message will send out to her? I think the last few weeks I have definitely come across as a little needy and insecure. This is because of the way I let her make me feel. So should I reply back to her sorry message, I also had a missed call from her.

 

[Darrenez]

Also to add to above...She has since messaged me 3 times. She has said hello? i hope you don't hate me. and she apologised again...Advice guys, I feel bad not replying esp when she has apologised a few times...i mean I did throw chocolates and roses out of the car towards her.. But over the months she has frustrated me a number of times and made me feel like I wasn't important to her at all.

 

[BeTheChange]

@Darrenez

Your ex (rightly) sees you as a b*tch in this relationship. The best thing you could do for yourself is to grab your balls back (they're probably inside your ex's counter somewhere), remove this woman from your life, get through 60 days NC and actually try and absorb the philosophy of this website.

You've been here since 2014 so I'm struggling to understand how you can't see what a pvssy you've been. I'm all for woman bashing when it's justified but frankly your ex doesn't seem to be the problem here. It's you. Grow a backbone. Why are you regurgitating your emotions on to your gf? If you feel like you need to get it out do it here or with a trusted friend. NEVER to your gf. All that achieves is the drying up of her vag*na walls and if she doesn't dump you there, then she will later use this against you. It's a no win situation.

If she makes you feeeeeel bad then either work on your inner game or dump her. You're talking like a woman. It's unseemly.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hi guys,


I’ll just summarise and would appreciate your advice guys although I know No Contact is the way to go. Me and my ex broke up on Saturday although I stupidly went out with her last night for a meal even though she said she wanted to be friends, I thought I could change her mind.


We had only been together 4 months, I’m 35, she is 26. I done a lot for her and compared to her exs who had both cheated on her , I treated her very well. Brought her things, took her to London, gave advice etc all the usual things a guy does for his GF and thought I should treat her well and look after her since she has been messed around by her exs.


Anyway, went out for this meal last night and we had another row again quite a big one when I gave her some home truths on how she made me feel during the 4 months we were together. For example being cold towards me, not informing me when she was over an hour late for a home cooked meal I had made for her etc.


Cut a long story short, I dropped her off last night at her flat and also threw her roses and chocolates out of the car when she got out. I brought these as I felt bad for several arguments we had the week before and thought it was a nice thing to do. Early this morning she sent me a message saying she was sorry for the argument and that should have tolerated me more during the relationship…I haven’t replied and I’ m assuming I shouldn’t? …What kind of message will send out to her? I think the last few weeks I have definitely come across as a little needy and insecure. This is because of the way I let her make me feel. So should I reply back to her sorry message, I also had a missed call from her.

You was kinda her "daddy"... Hey I been in the same position and they take it for granted and take advantage of it. They wanna play with their peers and they will be sneeking behind you.

You did way too much for her. We have to be smarter about balancing how much we give with how much they are giving. I don't know if your wrecked, but I do know she's not taking you serious. Perhaps she needs to know you have other babes or feel it. Also stop doing some of the stuff for her.

 

[Darrenez]

Hi Mrgoodstuff and Bethechange...

Yes I have done 90 days No contact before so I know I can do 30 days no problem. Just wanted reassurance to let me know I was doing exactly the right thing in ignoring her. I don't have really strong feelings for her so I know it won't be a problem.Maybe she just wants me to text her or apologise to ease her conscience, which I won't do. I def have been a bit of a bi%$h the last few weeks and I am annoyed with myself for letting myself be this way recently. It does feel good to have the upper hand now and will not text back.I even said last night...don't worry I won't text you ever again so I need to keep to this promise. Haha...Its definelty her loss.

 

[Glassguy]

Update- Its been nearly 10 months since the breakup with my ex (we were engaged and the wedding was planned and for the most part paid for by her parents at the time of the break up).

She started texting me and sending me letters a month and a half ago. I shut it down.

She texted me Sunday night saying that she found some stuff of mine at her house. One particular thing was a Christmas ornament that my daughter got me last year for Christmas that says "My dad, my hero". I wanted it back.

She offered to "bring it by one evening this week". I told her that wasnt a good idea, since my daughter would be home, but I could swing by and get it one of the 2 evenings this week that I didnt already have plans. I then elected to tell her to just meet me at a gas station and I would get it from her.

Met last night, I was all smiles and I had 2 chicks blowing my phone up the entire 5 minutes that I met with her. She tried the small talk, the "how have you been?", "you look good", etc etc. I didnt bite.

I was confident, all smiles and most importantly, friendly in a civil way. The look on her face was one of "how in the hell are you doing so well after our breakup".

Long story short, told her after a few minutes that I had plans and had to run and took off.

I wrote all of that to say this: I was devastated after the breakup. I was devastated because I let myself become vulnerable to someone that took advantage of it. I slowly but surely became beta like during the tail end of the relationship and she thought the grass was greener on the other side. It is not.

I have been spinning plates and have gotten a tremendous amount of pvssy since the break up. Its a carousel of 3-4 plates.

Bottom line: when you think you are crushed over your situational break up, work on yourself and spin as many plates as possible. Dont give ANY low interest women the time of day. Make them chase you after you give them a nibble of the bait.

Go find more options and you will be surprised how fast you will see that you probably dodged a bullet in the long run!

Oh yeah, I felt like a million bucks driving away from her last night while talking to a new plate on my cell.

 

[Roober]

Update- Its been nearly 10 months since the breakup with my ex (we were engaged and the wedding was planned and for the most part paid for by her parents at the time of the break up).

She started texting me and sending me letters a month and a half ago. I shut it down.

She texted me Sunday night saying that she found some stuff of mine at her house. One particular thing was a Christmas ornament that my daughter got me last year for Christmas that says "My dad, my hero". I wanted it back.

She offered to "bring it by one evening this week". I told her that wasnt a good idea, since my daughter would be home, but I could swing by and get it one of the 2 evenings this week that I didnt already have plans. I then elected to tell her to just meet me at a gas station and I would get it from her.

Met last night, I was all smiles and I had 2 chicks blowing my phone up the entire 5 minutes that I met with her. She tried the small talk, the "how have you been?", "you look good", etc etc. I didnt bite.

I was confident, all smiles and most importantly, friendly in a civil way. The look on her face was one of "how in the hell are you doing so well after our breakup".

Long story short, told her after a few minutes that I had plans and had to run and took off.

I wrote all of that to say this: I was devastated after the breakup. I was devastated because I let myself become vulnerable to someone that took advantage of it. I slowly but surely became beta like during the tail end of the relationship and she thought the grass was greener on the other side. It is not.

I have been spinning plates and have gotten a tremendous amount of pvssy since the break up. Its a carousel of 3-4 plates.

Bottom line: when you think you are crushed over your situational break up, work on yourself and spin as many plates as possible. Dont give ANY low interest women the time of day. Make them chase you after you give them a nibble of the bait.

Go find more options and you will be surprised how fast you will see that you probably dodged a bullet in the long run!

Oh yeah, I felt like a million bucks driving away from her last night while talking to a new plate on my cell.

That's inspirational! Is this the first time she reached out?

 

[Glassguy]

That's inspirational! Is this the first time she reached out?

No. Following the break up she was wishy washy, hot and cold, etc. She would text me every now and then (maybe once a week) when she had not heard from me to see if I would still make the bobber bounce on the water. She owed me repayment for thousands of dollars we had shared on the purchase of new furniture. She eventually finished repaying me in August. So there was contact between us regarding that, although I kept it "business only".

She reached out hard on Oct 6th. Texted "regardless of what our status is, today will always be our anniversary and the day you gave me the ring of my dreams".

I responded back, very casually, with: "Its nice to hear from you. I hope all is well. I understand you were not ready to get married and that is completely ok. You have actually opened my eyes as well, so thank you. I hope your family is all doing well".

She then began to prode me through text and sent me a 7 page hand written letter. I shut it down.

She realizes that the security, friendship and bond that she and I had cant be found around every corner.

I have realized (again) that pvssy is around every corner and its a challenge that I like (and up for) to go get it. I have also realized that she made the water muddy so to speak, and there are unresolved problems on her end, not mine, that will not be repairable any time soon. We are not connected in any way via social media. She gets bits and pieces of what is going on in my life through mutual friends and thats all she deserves.

BTW she is 26 and I am 39. Its sad that she finally realizes what she gave up and what she got in the trade but its reality. Somewhere soon after the break up I flipped the light switch and went full blown spinning plates and I have been fine with that. Its all about me now and that has been working well.

 

[Darrenez]

OK so she's now again sent me a question mark. I'm still not responding and won't. I've done 90 days no contact so I'm sure I can handle 30 days at least with someone I've only been with 4 months. Why is she still contacting me? Saying sorry?

 

[Roober]

OK so she's now again sent me a question mark. I'm still not responding and won't. I've done 90 days no contact so I'm sure I can handle 30 days at least with someone I've only been with 4 months. Why is she still contacting me? Saying sorry?

ignore ignore ignore. Remember, she wanted to be friends!

 

[Darrenez]

You know, what you guys are saying is spot on.. I only just said earlier that she offered me nothing in comparison to what I did for her in this relationship. And I always felt that I wasn't her priorty. In regards to no contact and ignoring her what message does this send out to her?

 

[Roober]

You know, what you guys are saying is spot on.. I only just said earlier that she offered me nothing in comparison to what I did for her in this relationship. And I always felt that I wasn't her priorty. In regards to no contact and ignoring her what message does this send out to her?

Does the message matter? no!

It basically says that you are not tolerating her crap. Some guys will send a final text of "You want to be single and I respect that. Good luck!" Sounds like that may drive her mad because it makes her question her decision and later realize what she did.

You just can't forget that ... if she is willing to dump you once, she will be willing to do it again. You need to work on yourself... like most of us do when we get here.

 

[Darrenez]

Thank you Roober. Already train 5 times a week and in good shape so will train even harder and start spinning plates like I was before I met her.

 

[Darrenez]

Again she has messaged me saying you obviously don't want to talk to me anymore so I'll leave you alone. Take care... Well I guess that's the end of her messaging and calling me lol. No contact not broken.

 

[Darrenez]

Sorry for the updates but this is the place to do it.. Another message from her saying she misses me.. Even though a couple of hours ago she said she will leave me alone.. Still no contact. How can she all of sudden miss me when we argued like mad yesterday and she wanted to be single? So confused lol.