The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Between_The_Lines]

I'm jumping in to the no contact challenge. My situation is a little different.

I dumped a BPD HB 7.5 about two months ago after a 2.5 year LTR. She keeps contacting me, and I keep responding.

I am not missing her or wanting to talk to her. But every time she contacts me she gets me p|ssed off and I can't control myself and I have to respond to get the last word in. She is having some issues now that she is attempting to blame me for, jumping from A to Q to X to Z saying that her Z is a result of A which was my fault. Notice the skip in letters? I have blocked her # with Verizon so she cant call or text, but now she is Emailing me at both personal and work Email accounts.

I need to quit responding, but every time she jabs me and blames me for her sh|t, I have to attack back.

Then wait until she swings at you again and this time hit her back with dead silence. That's the TKO you're looking for.

 

[ZTIME]

I need to quit responding, but every time she jabs me and blames me for her sh|t, I have to attack back. :mad:

No you Don't. It's your choice to respond. If this is the path that you continue to choose, You will lose. Even anger is a sign that you are still emotionally invested in this one. And feeds her BPD personality. Silence my friend heals the mind.

 

[StuffofLegends]

So my Ex and I haven't spoken or any contact in over a month.. She text me happy thanksgiving late that night and I of course ignored it... Now she likes every status and pic I post on fb?! I mean every single one of them... Any idea why she's acting like this??? She broke up with me 6 months ago.

 

[Mikesnm]

She misses you.
Or wants to make sure you're not rejecting her in some way.

 

[Dgwizdal]

I'm jumping in to the no contact challenge. My situation is a little different.

I dumped a BPD HB 7.5 about two months ago after a 2.5 year LTR. She keeps contacting me, and I keep responding.

I am not missing her or wanting to talk to her. But every time she contacts me she gets me p|ssed off and I can't control myself and I have to respond to get the last word in. She is having some issues now that she is attempting to blame me for, jumping from A to Q to X to Z saying that her Z is a result of A which was my fault. Notice the skip in letters? I have blocked her # with Verizon so she cant call or text, but now she is Emailing me at both personal and work Email accounts.

I need to quit responding, but every time she jabs me and blames me for her sh|t, I have to attack back.

Silence - stop responding. I did that to my bpd nut job last week and although it's tough all you're ever going to do is go for another ride on the crazy train w her if you don't cut contact. Certainly doesn't help that she reaches out every fvckin day to hang out or fvck but I know I outta cut her off for good this time.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Yeah, Mike.. It's weird... Some days I don't miss her at all and then some days for no reason at all I will??? Sucks D: I think of it like a video game where the boss of a level is about to die and then begins to flicker.. I feel like the flickering of emotions is the attraction dying but not completely dead yet unfortunately. Just when I think I'm over it all BAM! Can only ride it out.....

 

[mikey2012]

I gotta ask, why would anyone want their ex back? They're your exes for a reason, it didn't work out for one reason or another. Whenever I've broken up with someone I've never gone down the same road twice. There are more women on this planet than men, why continually go after the same one continuously?

I will agree however that if you for some silly reason do want them back, completely severing any and all communication does seem to do the trick. You let them see what life is like without you, providing they had substantial feelings for you, and they'll eventually get back into contact with you. Girls have that whole ex-boyfriend thing that they keep going back to.

Ppl wanna go back coz they have no options coz they weren't spinning plates. You are right thought of they had feelings for you and you went NC they do come back .

 

[mikey2012]

Ok maybe you truly loved her, but ask yourself these questions

Does she love you now?
Did she stick with you during the hard times?
Is she with you now?
Was she faithful?
Was she honest?

More than likely you'll say no to most of that.

You might love her still but she is a damaged female who can't handle adversity. She bailed on you more than likely during a hard point or low point in your life and she found something "better"
I had the same problem too and I woke up and saw things for what they really were:

She never really loved me, was more about that ego trip and control
She lied several times in the relationship, I lied once, and very minor and she crucified me for it.
She didn't want the hard times but she wanted the Disney life
She's not with me now and is trying or found a lesser mark than myself
I question was she ever faithful to me fully

Now I got females knocking on my door wanting me more than the ex ever wanted me.

You have to put things In perspective. More than likely you used NC to get her back and she never called. That's ok, you found out 2 things.
1. She clearly doesn't want you, but she can't help herself because she herself doesn't know what she wants and more than likely get what she doesn't want. Be glad you are not a part of that. I have friends that are married and have kids tell me that I'm lucky, I'm young, career has started, no kids and that they are jealous of me.
2. You are a normal human being with feelings. Use your actions of sadness, depression or anger, and go run, hit the gym, work on your career, etc. You deserve someone who cares just as much as you do and will not take you for granted. You do not need that drama you had with your ex in your life.

You'll find out if you are you, women will flock to you just like your ex did, but realize there is always someone better than your ex.

My comments were in response to narcissist post .

Love is emotion not logic....

 

[Noyou]

My comments were in response to narcissist post .

Love is emotion not logic....

True, however most of us went through the whole, "well I'm in love and I get emotional," and about 100% got burned on that notion, that's why we are here talking about this.

I'm not saying be an emotionless drone, but the thing is each and everyone one of us, female or male, were in a relationship in which:

1. You were taken for granted.
2. You were lied to
3. You were cheated on
4. "Loved" you like the in "fad"
5. You were dropped for the "next best thing," no mercy with a mix of #2 and #3
6. You were being controlled emotionally, sexually and/or psychologically
7. You lost yourself

This was due to emotion and love, because I'm sure there were settle hints to which anyone of us not emotionally involved would have called out that you yourself didn't pick up on.

Example: The ex and I used to do everything sexually (well not everything, but most of what I wanted and she as digging it), 2 years in, I couldn't even touch her breasts because it "hurt" her, but I could touch her whenever I wanted before that. Not only that, I did what she wanted to do, never complained, EVEN IF I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, because I loved her...and she knew this. This is a form of control. I wouldn't notice this because I'm getting some, making her feel good, etc. This was one of the MANY things I never saw because I was in love

Now with a normal mindset, I'd never do that.

Love is emotion, but its also about patience, understanding and communication.

I'll probably take a guess that each of our relationships were missing one of those 3 if not all 3.

Mine was missing communication, she was the one who wanted to bottle all her problems on the inside and never let anyone in because it hurt her and her pride, and this led to alot of problems.

I'll take another guess and say you put up with your fair share of bull**** as well

Be in love but be smart about it. I settled, and it wasn't good at all, I was emotionally invested and I was lying to myself because I was not happy

 

[StuffofLegends]

Mauser96 I would only entertain the idea if she reached a level of complete desperation and even then it's questionable. She hasn't shown me that so def no. Just keep ignoring her.. Still a little tough but I know giving her any attention will do no good. Been hard to find another female I liked as much as her.

 

[spax]

Guys,

I have not spoken to my ex of 7 years in about 40 days. She comes to town in 1 week and wants to meet (we did the last 10 months long distance due to work). I never replied to her.

What do I do? She dumped me. I was sad and beta. I have learned so much in this time of NC and want her lasting impression of me to be Alpha, not the the AFC I was when she left me.

What do I do?

 

[Noyou]

Guys,

I have not spoken to my ex of 7 years in about 40 days. She comes to town in 1 week and wants to meet (we did the last 10 months long distance due to work). I never replied to her.

What do I do? She dumped me. I was sad and beta. I have learned so much in this time of NC and want her lasting impression of me to be Alpha, not the the AFC I was when she left me.

What do I do?

7 years?!

It seems like you haven't gotten over her. Do you really want to meet up with her?
Sounds like a bad idea, who's idea was it?

 

[spax]

7 years?!

It seems like you haven't gotten over her. Do you really want to meet up with her?
Sounds like a bad idea, who's idea was it?

We went out for 7 years and broke up 40 days ago. She dumped me and wants to meet.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Guys,

I have not spoken to my ex of 7 years in about 40 days. She comes to town in 1 week and wants to meet (we did the last 10 months long distance due to work). I never replied to her.

What do I do? She dumped me. I was sad and beta. I have learned so much in this time of NC and want her lasting impression of me to be Alpha, not the the AFC I was when she left me.

What do I do?

The desire to prove your alphaness to your ex is profoundly beta, much like a guy who flexes unnecessarily to show off his arms, or a guy who uses excessively ornate language in everyday casual conversation in an effort to prove his intelligence to others. The impression I'm getting of you from over here, the reoccurring theme in each of your posts, is that of a guy more driven by what sort of image he projects to his ex than a guy interested in getting his ex back, if at all.

 

[Noyou]

We went out for 7 years and broke up 40 days ago. She dumped me and wants to meet.

I'd say no and I'll agree with BTL. Showing that you are flexing something "alpha" is very beta. A true alpha moves on, doesn't give a damn what she wants or thinks, because the very reason of you letting her have what she wants and she has to go with her decision. You dated 7 years and then she up and leaves?

Now she wants back after 40 days?

What, her new boy toy didn't work out? Didn't find anything better? Or is she stringing you?

It's one of those reasons, there is a slim to zero chance she wants to get back because she "made a mistake"

Now if it was around about a year or such after that LTR, THEN I'd ponder what she really wanted, then again that would be pretty clear cut about getting back with you. If they want to get back, they'll let you know and will stop at nothing.

 

[spax]

The desire to prove your alphaness to your ex is profoundly beta, much like a guy who flexes unnecessarily to show off his arms, or a guy who uses excessively ornate language in everyday casual conversation in an effort to prove his intelligence to others. The impression I'm getting of you from over here, the reoccurring theme in each of your posts, is that of a guy more driven by what sort of image he projects to his ex than a guy interested in getting his ex back, if at all.

Yeah. I can't sleep easy knowing that it ended and I was the biggest beta possible and that will be her lasting impression of me for life.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Yeah. I can't sleep easy knowing that it ended and I was the biggest beta possible and that will be her lasting impression of me for life.

What are your goals in life? Why are you here on this Earth? In what area(s) do you want to achieve mastery? This is the direction you ought to be doing your very best to concentrate on, not something petty and utterly insignificant like what lasting image your ex will carry with her to the grave (which, by the way, will continue to fade deep into the recesses of her mind as she grows older) - in other words, she will, in all likelihood, eventually forget completely.

 

[Genos]

Yeah. I can't sleep easy knowing that it ended and I was the biggest beta possible and that will be her lasting impression of me for life.

Spax, I've had the same feelings, so I can relate. It doesn't matter what she thinks, not one bit. What matters is your own image of yourself. You are not the you of back then - you are not defined by who you were in the past. You can change.

Take it as a learning experience, understand what you did wrong, resolve to try and avoid making the same mistakes again, and then move on! Don't dwell on it any longer than you need to.

A few months back, when I was struggling with similar issues, someone told me this: "Date lots of women. You won't care about what one girl thinks or have a childish need to set things straight with past loves." Also, "The more you try to fix the past, the more you can ruin it."

Hudpes (from this forum) also said this to me a little while ago when I was struggling with similar issues: "Why do you want her to think highly of you? It doesn't matter what she thinks of you, what matters is what you think of yourself and she's got nothing to do with it."

Roissy also said this on oneitis (man, I'm a quoting machine today): "Oneitis will kill your soul. That hot blonde you obsess over? Stop doing that. The world is filled with cute girls. Go out and mingle with them. Trust me on this, once you are experiencing the incomparable joy of a cute girl giving you all her love, you’ll forget about that one girl you used to think you couldn’t live without. You’ll forget allll about her."

One of the themes here that we're seeing is to have an abundance mentality. There are many girls out there who will give you just as, if not more fulfilling relationships than your ex.

Keep moving forward, onwards and upwards.

 

[spax]

Spax, I've had the same feelings, so I can relate. It doesn't matter what she thinks, not one bit. What matters is your own image of yourself. You are not the you of back then - you are not defined by who you were in the past. You can change.

Take it as a learning experience, understand what you did wrong, resolve to try and avoid making the same mistakes again, and then move on! Don't dwell on it any longer than you need to.

A few months back, when I was struggling with similar issues, someone told me this: "Date lots of women. You won't care about what one girl thinks or have a childish need to set things straight with past loves." Also, "The more you try to fix the past, the more you can ruin it."

Hudpes (from this forum) also said this to me a little while ago when I was struggling with similar issues: "Why do you want her to think highly of you? It doesn't matter what she thinks of you, what matters is what you think of yourself and she's got nothing to do with it."

Roissy also said this on oneitis (man, I'm a quoting machine today): "Oneitis will kill your soul. That hot blonde you obsess over? Stop doing that. The world is filled with cute girls. Go out and mingle with them. Trust me on this, once you are experiencing the incomparable joy of a cute girl giving you all her love, you’ll forget about that one girl you used to think you couldn’t live without. You’ll forget allll about her."

One of the themes here that we're seeing is to have an abundance mentality. There are many girls out there who will give you just as, if not more fulfilling relationships than your ex.

Keep moving forward, onwards and upwards.

Thank you so much. I know that if I had another girl blowing me regularly and treating me like a god (how my ex used to treat me), I wouldn't even think of her at all!

Some friends advise though "It's too soon to move onto another relationship etc etc." and "have fun just by yourself". But I know that if I had a new girl, my ex would be the last thing on my mind. :kick:

 

[Genos]

Yeah, I too would recommend taking some time for yourself, get your life back together. When you are truly happy being single, then get back out there and start actively dating again. But don't close yourself off to any women if you meet someone cool during this period where you're still thinking of your ex, keep interacting with women that interest you.