The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[spax]

Spax, I've had the same feelings, so I can relate. It doesn't matter what she thinks, not one bit. What matters is your own image of yourself. You are not the you of back then - you are not defined by who you were in the past. You can change.

Take it as a learning experience, understand what you did wrong, resolve to try and avoid making the same mistakes again, and then move on! Don't dwell on it any longer than you need to.

A few months back, when I was struggling with similar issues, someone told me this: "Date lots of women. You won't care about what one girl thinks or have a childish need to set things straight with past loves." Also, "The more you try to fix the past, the more you can ruin it."

Hudpes (from this forum) also said this to me a little while ago when I was struggling with similar issues: "Why do you want her to think highly of you? It doesn't matter what she thinks of you, what matters is what you think of yourself and she's got nothing to do with it."

Roissy also said this on oneitis (man, I'm a quoting machine today): "Oneitis will kill your soul. That hot blonde you obsess over? Stop doing that. The world is filled with cute girls. Go out and mingle with them. Trust me on this, once you are experiencing the incomparable joy of a cute girl giving you all her love, you’ll forget about that one girl you used to think you couldn’t live without. You’ll forget allll about her."

One of the themes here that we're seeing is to have an abundance mentality. There are many girls out there who will give you just as, if not more fulfilling relationships than your ex.

Keep moving forward, onwards and upwards.

Thank you so much. I know that if I had another girl blowing me regularly and treating me like a god (how my ex used to treat me), I wouldn't even think of her at all!

Some friends advise though "It's too soon to move onto another relationship etc etc." and "have fun just by yourself". But I know that if I had a new girl, my ex would be the last thing on my mind. :kick:

 

[Genos]

Yeah, I too would recommend taking some time for yourself, get your life back together. When you are truly happy being single, then get back out there and start actively dating again. But don't close yourself off to any women if you meet someone cool during this period where you're still thinking of your ex, keep interacting with women that interest you.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Yeah. I can't sleep easy knowing that it ended and I was the biggest beta possible and that will be her lasting impression of me for life.

DO NOT MEET WITH HER. NOT YET...

 

[Yorkex]

Hey guys ,

So 2 months ago I found out my ex girl of 3 years got drunk and cheated so I ended things.
She begged me and even called my parents to talk to me because I dint answer her msg or calls. After 1 month of her begging my parents to talk to me I decided to meet up and talk about it.

She tried to kiss me and I said no then I asked her how is everything , she said well she been on 2 dates with the same guy and he is really nice(She kissed him) . Then I asked her if she is into this dude why was she begging my parents to talk to me to get back together ? I decided to call the night off and since then I haven't spoken to her. I deleted her number and I went back on Facebook last week she posted a birthday wish to this new guy along with a picture.

I waited till night time and deleted her from Facebook and then skype and everything else in general but I left our mutual friends. I'm fairly young (22) she is 22 as well and this was my only real serious relationship so it really hurt me in a whole , I try doing things but most times I think about the situation and get angry and sad.

I have a good job
Go to the gym and play soccer & basketball about 4 days of the week with my boys.
But deep down I'm hurting , I really have no older person to talk to about. I don't talk to my mom like that and I really dislike my step dad.

Need some advice on what to do from here on , I love her greatly but a part of me won't forget the pain she has caused me this year.

 

[Lolapo]

Hey guys ,

So 2 months ago I found out my ex girl of 3 years got drunk and cheated so I ended things.
She begged me and even called my parents to talk to me because I dint answer her msg or calls. After 1 month of her begging my parents to talk to me I decided to meet up and talk about it.

She tried to kiss me and I said no then I asked her how is everything , she said well she been on 2 dates with the same guy and he is really nice(She kissed him) . Then I asked her if she is into this dude why was she begging my parents to talk to me to get back together ? I decided to call the night off and since then I haven't spoken to her. I deleted her number and I went back on Facebook last week she posted a birthday wish to this new guy along with a picture.

I waited till night time and deleted her from Facebook and then skype and everything else in general but I left our mutual friends. I'm fairly young (22) she is 22 as well and this was my only real serious relationship so it really hurt me in a whole , I try doing things but most times I think about the situation and get angry and sad.

I have a good job
Go to the gym and play soccer & basketball about 4 days of the week with my boys.
But deep down I'm hurting , I really have no older person to talk to about. I don't talk to my mom like that and I really dislike my step dad.

Need some advice on what to do from here on , I love her greatly but a part of me won't forget the pain she has caused me this year.

The fact she wanted to see you and tried kissing you WHILE she went on 2 dates with the other guy AND kissed him is enough for you to see she's some low easy sh*t girl.

Right now you miss her because you still think she's that cute girl you always liked, but she's not. Keep doing what you do, workout play ball with your friends and whenever you think about her try and focus and REALIZE: she went on 2 dates with some guy, she kissed him and now she tried kissing you, do girls that are worthy of you do that?

Focus on yourself, have your goals, work towards them, your 'heart'*cough* may miss her but your mind is still stronger than your emotions so take control and show yourself.

 

[spax]

Hey guys ,

So 2 months ago I found out my ex girl of 3 years got drunk and cheated so I ended things.
She begged me and even called my parents to talk to me because I dint answer her msg or calls. After 1 month of her begging my parents to talk to me I decided to meet up and talk about it.

She tried to kiss me and I said no then I asked her how is everything , she said well she been on 2 dates with the same guy and he is really nice(She kissed him) . Then I asked her if she is into this dude why was she begging my parents to talk to me to get back together ? I decided to call the night off and since then I haven't spoken to her. I deleted her number and I went back on Facebook last week she posted a birthday wish to this new guy along with a picture.

I waited till night time and deleted her from Facebook and then skype and everything else in general but I left our mutual friends. I'm fairly young (22) she is 22 as well and this was my only real serious relationship so it really hurt me in a whole , I try doing things but most times I think about the situation and get angry and sad.

I have a good job
Go to the gym and play soccer & basketball about 4 days of the week with my boys.
But deep down I'm hurting , I really have no older person to talk to about. I don't talk to my mom like that and I really dislike my step dad.

Need some advice on what to do from here on , I love her greatly but a part of me won't forget the pain she has caused me this year.

You need to move on. Stop talking to her and find yourself a quality girl who won't cheat on you.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Hey guys ,

So 2 months ago I found out my ex girl of 3 years got drunk and cheated so I ended things.
She begged me and even called my parents to talk to me because I dint answer her msg or calls. After 1 month of her begging my parents to talk to me I decided to meet up and talk about it.

She tried to kiss me and I said no then I asked her how is everything , she said well she been on 2 dates with the same guy and he is really nice(She kissed him) . Then I asked her if she is into this dude why was she begging my parents to talk to me to get back together ? I decided to call the night off and since then I haven't spoken to her. I deleted her number and I went back on Facebook last week she posted a birthday wish to this new guy along with a picture.

I waited till night time and deleted her from Facebook and then skype and everything else in general but I left our mutual friends. I'm fairly young (22) she is 22 as well and this was my only real serious relationship so it really hurt me in a whole , I try doing things but most times I think about the situation and get angry and sad.

I have a good job
Go to the gym and play soccer & basketball about 4 days of the week with my boys.
But deep down I'm hurting , I really have no older person to talk to about. I don't talk to my mom like that and I really dislike my step dad.

Need some advice on what to do from here on , I love her greatly but a part of me won't forget the pain she has caused me this year.

You're young. Be greatful this happened now as this is a blessing in disguise. Learn the material here and in 5 years you'll be drowning in pvssy probably with this girl on your nuts and you won't care about her.

For now tho - it's over. No contact. Self-improvement. Your self worth is not based on this occurrence. Maintain your dignity and don't give her the time of day - you're NOT interested anymore. Get over it and f*ckin mean it. You'll be laughing about it in no time with a girl worth your time.

 

[spax]

Should I tell all MY friends to unfriend my ex of Facebook….just to rub in her fear of loss even further?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Should I tell all MY friends to unfriend my ex of Facebook….just to rub in her fear of loss even further?

No, just worry about you. Unfriend her, but don't gang up on her either. If they want to unfriend her, let them choose for themselves. Your buddies already have your back - no need to further validate that by having them shun her over the interwebs. It's downright overkill.

 

[Noyou]

No, just worry about you. Unfriend her, but don't gang up on her either. If they want to unfriend her, let them choose for themselves. Your buddies already have your back - no need to further validate that by having them shun her over the interwebs. It's downright overkill.

Agreed, but your friends will probably shun her anyway. All mine did once she broke up with me, also found out that none of my friends liked her.

 

[petitefri]

Hi guys,
So my ex sent me this, yet again yesterday :
Hey hows things? Have you been getting my texts? You dont have to talk if you dont want, but can you just let me know you're ok? x

Well, I haven't replied to his messages for a month now and knowing the guy I dated , one message was enough. Am not thing to read deep into it but anyways I decided to call him; good thing he didn't pick up and when I checked my message after work, he had left me a voice message saying he just wanted to know how am doing .
Guys... Please help me out here. I wanted to text him but I decided to come here first . x

 

[GS750]

I'm right at about 2 months complete NC with the BPD waif psycho manipulator. She was the last one to reach out, but she's blocked so I dont know if she's tried to contact me again. I have no idea what she's been up to. I don't plan on finding out. But in this time I have seen things in a different light now that I'm thinking more clearly and it's been 60+ days.

She rebounded with me. Which means she likely USED ME to get over her previous BF. Plus, she can't be alone.
After the breakup she attempted to keep me in her life for her own selfish agenda. Hoover attempts galore.
She rebounded in about a week after we split. Again, she can't be alone.
The clown she rebounded with was most likely someone she had waiting in the wings. Orbiter waiting to pounce.
She's a selfish, spoiled, insecure, self centered, life draining pain in the ass.
She still owes me $85. Severance pay for the hell I went through. She can keep it.
I should have listened to my cousin when he told me...scratch that...warned me to drop her because she was an emotional basket case. My cousin is a ****sman. He knows his sh*t.
I should have listened to my gut from the beginning when I saw red flags that something just wasn't right with her. But I'm a guy and I have a d*ck and sometimes I think with my little head rather than the big one. I am at fault for that.
I never want to see her or speak to her again. I have completely vanished from her life like I was never there.
I'm a better man for having gone through this crazy mind fvck of a situation.
Complete and total No Contact is the smartest decision I ever made. I thank my SS brothers for the support and advice.

 

[spax]

My ex who dumped me 40 days ago is coming to visit my town tomorrow for 1 week. We had been going out for 7 years. She texted me to meet 2 weeks ago but I never replied.

Now she is back in my town and it makes me feel sick. My head is spinning. I don't know WTF to do.

 

[Noyou]

My ex who dumped me 40 days ago is coming to visit my town tomorrow for 1 week. We had been going out for 7 years. She texted me to meet 2 weeks ago but I never replied.

Now she is back in my town and it makes me feel sick. My head is spinning. I don't know WTF to do.

Do nothing.
You're doing the right things
She's in town, so what? Let her tare down your door to get to you. You owe her nothing

 

[spax]

What would you need to stop asking this question? You have been on about it for a week steady now.

If you want to go - go.

Just do us all the favour of letting us know how it turns out.

Sorry...I was fine for the first 40 days. Ignorant bliss I suppose. Now that I know she is around.....its freaking me out.

 

[Noyou]

Sorry...I was fine for the first 40 days. Ignorant bliss I suppose. Now that I know she is around.....its freaking me out.

Because it's still fresh with you. It took me a good 3 months after a 5 year LTR to calm my ass down on the whole, "what if" or "she did this" ordeal. It is hard to get out of this state and this is why NC is so very important. She's in the same town, cool, should that matter? Not one bit. What should be a concern is why haven't you worked on you yet? Sit down and really think on what happened and believe me, it will suck and it will hurt, but it makes you stronger and you need this strength.

Think on it, if she came back today, would things change? No, you'd still be the same mess you are now and she'd end up leaving anyway when the next best thing comes if you don't fit her needs at the time.

Your job is to worry about yourself and to become the man you want to become, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WOMEN. That will come when you take care of you, ones that will make an effort to be with you and not do what your ex did, which is pretty ****ty by the way just up and leaving.

And you'll think: what if I don't find anyone else like her.

I'll tell you something, I thought the same.

Oh my ex loved me like that...
Oh my ex had a sexy body...
Her butt/chest was nice, hair, etc etc

That's until I started to see what kinda person I've become.

My ex had a nice body, women with nicer bodies came to me
My ex thought she was intelligent, women that are intelligent and degreed come to me.
My ex thought I'd never do anything with my degree, I got a job in my field of study when she left.
My ex gave me subpar sex that I miss, I've met women that blew my ****ing mind in every shape and form
My ex was loving to me but wasn't there for the bad times, women find me as a treasure that they never want to let go of.

I was a fat, lazy, 288lb guy that just graduated and was working a dead end job, soon as she left me, I got a job to start off my career, I lost 60lbs, buff, make more money. Etc.

I ask myself to this day if I ever start to miss my ex, "would I be in this position if my ex was with me?"

No.


You need to stop thinking about her and think about you or you will miss out on the finer things in life. There are TONS of women out there waiting to meet a nice guy like you, go and meet them.

 

[Dgwizdal]

I'm right at about 2 months complete NC with the BPD waif psycho manipulator. She was the last one to reach out, but she's blocked so I dont know if she's tried to contact me again. I have no idea what she's been up to. I don't plan on finding out. But in this time I have seen things in a different light now that I'm thinking more clearly and it's been 60+ days.

She rebounded with me. Which means she likely USED ME to get over her previous BF. Plus, she can't be alone.
After the breakup she attempted to keep me in her life for her own selfish agenda. Hoover attempts galore.
She rebounded in about a week after we split. Again, she can't be alone.
The clown she rebounded with was most likely someone she had waiting in the wings. Orbiter waiting to pounce.
She's a selfish, spoiled, insecure, self centered, life draining pain in the ass.
She still owes me $85. Severance pay for the hell I went through. She can keep it.
I should have listened to my cousin when he told me...scratch that...warned me to drop her because she was an emotional basket case. My cousin is a ****sman. He knows his sh*t.
I should have listened to my gut from the beginning when I saw red flags that something just wasn't right with her. But I'm a guy and I have a d*ck and sometimes I think with my little head rather than the big one. I am at fault for that.
I never want to see her or speak to her again. I have completely vanished from her life like I was never there.
I'm a better man for having gone through this crazy mind fvck of a situation.
Complete and total No Contact is the smartest decision I ever made. I thank my SS brothers for the support and advice.

vBulletin Message
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to GS750 again.

Stick with it. She is just another hinderance to your personal growth as a man. No reason for any guy here to stick with anything in life that you don't see as a positive aspect of your future. The best decisions for yourself often feel the worst to make...right now.

 

[mikey2012]

I'm right at about 2 months complete NC with the BPD waif psycho manipulator. She was the last one to reach out, but she's blocked so I dont know if she's tried to contact me again. I have no idea what she's been up to. I don't plan on finding out. But in this time I have seen things in a different light now that I'm thinking more clearly and it's been 60+ days.

She rebounded with me. Which means she likely USED ME to get over her previous BF. Plus, she can't be alone.
After the breakup she attempted to keep me in her life for her own selfish agenda. Hoover attempts galore.
She rebounded in about a week after we split. Again, she can't be alone.
The clown she rebounded with was most likely someone she had waiting in the wings. Orbiter waiting to pounce.
She's a selfish, spoiled, insecure, self centered, life draining pain in the ass.
She still owes me $85. Severance pay for the hell I went through. She can keep it.
I should have listened to my cousin when he told me...scratch that...warned me to drop her because she was an emotional basket case. My cousin is a ****sman. He knows his sh*t.
I should have listened to my gut from the beginning when I saw red flags that something just wasn't right with her. But I'm a guy and I have a d*ck and sometimes I think with my little head rather than the big one. I am at fault for that.
I never want to see her or speak to her again. I have completely vanished from her life like I was never there.
I'm a better man for having gone through this crazy mind fvck of a situation.
Complete and total No Contact is the smartest decision I ever made. I thank my SS brothers for the support and advice.

But she was good at sucking?

 

[mikey2012]

Like Lolapo said..............and to add, in bold above, why would you want her back?

Could you ever trust her?

There is nothing attractive about a girl who can't keep her legs shut.

Holy fvck man, she cheated on YOU with the new guy, then is desperately trying to cheat on HIM with YOU.

The cuckold asked her to come back after she continues cheating. Yes there are losers like that...

 

[GS750]

vBulletin Message
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to GS750 again.

Stick with it. She is just another hinderance to your personal growth as a man. No reason for any guy here to stick with anything in life that you don't see as a positive aspect of your future. The best decisions for yourself often feel the worst to make...right now.

Thank you brother. Emotionally disturbed girls are only good for one thing.