The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

markfromeurope

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Wow long time.. You should be over her.

Sometimes you don't meet anyone better, but they are better in other ways.

For example my previous Ex was hot, good looking, great career, nice house and car etc.. Good sex!

But she was a pain in the azz.. difficult woman!

My current ex was the opposite.. Average looking but with a banging body.. Average career, no money or education.

She had a innocence and naivity about her though, that I grew to love.

You will meet other woman, and maybe they won't match up with your ex, but try to find something else you can love about them.
Thanks for lifting me up, those memories are hard to bear sometimes.
 
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SoSuave666

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Thanks for lifting me up, those memories are hard to bear sometimes.
You know what people with personality disorders do? They feed your ego. It's manipulation to the nth degree. With a virgin I imagine it is especially tough especially when it comes to a male's sexual ego."

"Oh my God your d!ck is so big and feels great"
"I came 3 times how the fvck did you do that?"
"I can barely take you all the way"
"Im yours daddy fvck me in the ass I'm all yours"
"I could sit here and cvm over and over from you"
"You were worth the wait"

Gotta understand what's going on here. If you can learn to see them as the manipulation tactic of a deranged person it may help. Anyone who has been with a BPD understands why you feel the way you do and why even after 14 months you can't find someone better. The idea is that what she was feeding you was not her. It was the version of her that she knew you wanted the most. You may not ever meet a woman like that again because they don't exist...your ideal does not exist. There are flaws in every human
 

soulforge

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You know what people with personality disorders do? They feed your ego. It's manipulation to the nth degree. With a virgin I imagine it is especially tough especially when it comes to a male's sexual ego."

"Oh my God your d!ck is so big and feels great"
"I came 3 times how the fvck did you do that?"
"I can barely take you all the way"
"Im yours daddy fvck me in the ass I'm all yours"
"I could sit here and cvm over and over from you"
"You were worth the wait"

Gotta understand what's going on here. If you can learn to see them as the manipulation tactic of a deranged person it may help. Anyone who has been with a BPD understands why you feel the way you do and why even after 14 months you can't find someone better. The idea is that what she was feeding you was not her. It was the version of her that she knew you wanted the most. You may not ever meet a woman like that again because they don't exist...your ideal does not exist. There are flaws in every human

Woman in general are GREAT fuking ACTORS.. They will manipulate or make you believe they are this genuine caring loving person.. But one day, you will see EXACTLY whom and what they are.. Actors.
 

markfromeurope

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You know what people with personality disorders do? They feed your ego. It's manipulation to the nth degree. With a virgin I imagine it is especially tough especially when it comes to a male's sexual ego."

"Oh my God your d!ck is so big and feels great"
"I came 3 times how the fvck did you do that?"
"I can barely take you all the way"
"Im yours daddy fvck me in the ass I'm all yours"
"I could sit here and cvm over and over from you"
"You were worth the wait"

Gotta understand what's going on here. If you can learn to see them as the manipulation tactic of a deranged person it may help. Anyone who has been with a BPD understands why you feel the way you do and why even after 14 months you can't find someone better. The idea is that what she was feeding you was not her. It was the version of her that she knew you wanted the most. You may not ever meet a woman like that again because they don't exist...your ideal does not exist. There are flaws in every human
Yeah, it was even worse (she love bombed me in really classy way, called me best thing that has ever happened in her life, she was incredibly submissive and giving in bed, I was hatemagnet amongst my buddies because she was 7+/10 but had incredible amount of class and seemed to be a really kind person, really knew how to dress herself - she looked almost 9/10 in evening dress. When we travelled some guys asked me sometimes "how it is to be with such a beauty"?

I'm about 7+/10 myself in looks so I was easy target for her.

I eventually understood it was all manipulation - yet it was all after I suffered pain of withdrawal - understanding that something was false does not entirely override memories of feelings that were true for you, this chemistry felt real because for you it was real. For your brain it was real.

Sometimes I read some posts on Sosuave wrote by different guys and I think "Dude, its obvious, she is narc or border or bpd or histrionic etc. how cannot you see that" but personally IDGAF about 'normal' women, I crave crazy. I'm usually very rational and try to stay this way IRL then suddenly those memories return and its almost overbearing. Like truth didn't even matter, It's easy to get burned in hellfire if you didn't know what are you dealing with - I suspected she was borderline at the begining of relationship yet I was convinced that I can deal with it because I've done a lot of reading. I felt prepared.

LOL. We both know reading about it doesn't explain anything really. You can understand it only when she is under your skin.

Hours of crazy sex that are like eternity, you feel a united with her. Then you get days and months of hell that seems to be neverending. Ultimate push&pull. Her tears, your scream. Eventually you are phucked because you lose it and you lose your frame. You're depleted, done, sexwhipped and dominated with push&pull outcome. Few years ago I was perceived by women from my social circle as a player. After my relationship with her I was unable to pick up 5/10 chick. I had insomnia, was incredibly tired, my body felt exhausted, mind depleted. Sometimes I cannot decide if I matured mentally by 20 years or its just my broken spine. My charisma is nowhere near the level it was three years ago.

That's why I consider Return to the Matrix as the ultimate solution I crave the most tbh. I think I'm addicted to it already. It was all too strong. The chemistry was so intense that I don't feel almost anything when interacting with average women. Push&pull with her heightened my senses to the point I see female games ASAP and they feel basic, primitive. I can evade those traps on Rollo Tomassi and Enterpreneur-in-Cars level but moreover I am able to outwit pretty much everyone with my behaviour (man A that would spoke with me for 30mins would tell you I'm incredibly rational person while guy B would tell you that I'm funny betaboi and guy C would say I'm a quiet type) this is the kind of upgrade you get after dealing with borderline. You have seen so many false faces that felt so real that you learned how to mimick their behaviour and adapt to the situation, ultimately you start to forget what kind of person you really are (aside of obvious capability to mimick every kind of person to vast degree).

Simultaneously I crave for another woman that would have that spark in the eye yet I subconsciously understand that this probably won't happen - they go after bold & brave (third adjective would be 'inexperienced' or 'bluepill knights') I can only mimick blue pill now. You can't be more red pill than after BPD. I try to build this idea that I need to understand women for what they are but in my heart I crave for chaos. It's what I'm addicted to. I really don't know how to get rid of it. I disengage from normal women - when they talk with me they see my utter lack of interest in their persona. I see no allure in them. I think I'm still in love in my ex tbh. I hate her and I love her simultaneously. Yes, it's possible. I think she is evil and relationship with her was pointless yet I'd go for it again.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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Woman in general are GREAT fuking ACTORS.. They will manipulate or make you believe they are this genuine caring loving person.. But one day, you will see EXACTLY whom and what they are.. Actors.
So they dont care bout no one?
 

LiveYourDream

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Received message from my Onetiss-ex. Still didn't meet anyone better than her (it's been over 14 months without her). Feels strange.

Replied back. Asked what's going on in her life. Weird feeling.
Dangerous move, especially with a BPD & NPD EX!! Safe guard yourself and your healing!! Do not get c0cky and sacrifice your gains. Interacting with her again, can quickly set you back, faster and farther than you likely ever imagined possible.

No matter how enticing, Be Careful. The illusion can/will tempt you. Before you know it, you may find that you are already back in it again.

It's like a recovering addict. Truly. Your brain wants the high again, just like a recovering heroin addict. It will try to sell/trick you, just have a little bit...just one more time won't hurt... Don't fall in the trap.
 
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markfromeurope

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Dangerous move, especially with a BPD & NPD EX!! Safe guard yourself and your healing!! Do not get c0cky and sacrifice your gains. Interacting with her again, can quickly set you back, faster and farther than you likely ever imagined possible.

No matter how enticing, Be Careful. The illusion can/will tempt you. Before you know it, you may find that you are already back in it again.

It's like a recovering addict. Truly. Your brain wants the high again, just like a recovering heroin addict. It will try to sell/trick you, just have a little bit...just one more time won't hurt... Don't fall in the trap.
It's really complicated. I literally hated her at some point. I'm almost sure that she cheated on me or just left me for another guy however considering her character I'm pretty sure that new guy phuckdumped her or just left her alone after some time or went beta ASAP. She was really something. Her mood swings and character were unbearable for every guy before me and I doubt she got healthier with any other on her own.

I seriously doubt that considering her social drawbacks - guy would need to 'work' on her and actually handle her - I know how to do that and I wouldn't repeat my mistakes except I don't want to do it anymore. I felt incredibly lonely at the beginning. I still feel lonely but she choose this. I knew she wasn't that great but I loved her neverthless, it was in fact a decision to commit and I did.

I cannot say I don't understand why she left me - I had troubles with a sleezy supervisor at work, my next work gave me excellent experience but didn't pay much more and she expected that I will be the provider and I couldn't bring it to the table at that time. It all changed one year after break up - that's how much time I needed to sort things out and I did. My life is 'fixed' right now and 'the sky is blue', I earn good money, have decent reserve, no debts.

It was just too much time for her, she gave up on us long before but it was my fault as well - I lost frame in relationship, I stopped believing in myself for some time as well. She did but stopped after a while too. I guess it can be too much for some persons. These days loyalty is like dust blown by the wind. It's there at some point and dissapears in the other.

I'm one of those guys that are either fiercely loyal or 100% disloyal and she betrayed my trust. I understand why, I do miss her (or rather I do miss what she meant to me at that time) but I know myself too well, I have both warm and vengeful feelings for her in my heart. I know that I loved her and I would be with her if something bad happened to her at that time. I wasn't even in such position and she DGAF.

If she knows me at least to some degree, she will stay away. I'm not going to be disrespected.
 

Totallykile

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I guess over a month now has passed. I'm about to sound like the biggest loser on this forum ever probably but I don't care and I don't know why I care to even post because I know the answer is my mind set and that I have one-itis and that there's always more and time heals etc. but my story is unique in sh!tty way I'm pretty sure.
I've filled my mind the past month with so much of this knowledge and information yet I dont feel any of it soaking in and connecting with me the least bit. I know none of you have a magic wand but I dont know what else to do at this point in my day to day life. I wrote a week ago in this thread explaining how it went down mostly with my ex and I but to get more clear I'm 32 and she is 23 now. As embarrassing as it it for me to admit I didnt get laid through highschool because I was super shy and insecure about myself for sure. Had opportunities but i got so nervous and in my head to where i was in the act on 2 different occasions with 2 different girls and couldn't perform and looked like the biggest dumbass they'd ever seen probably(not probably, 100%). Went to community college for one year and never attempted to even hit on a girl there. Big surprise, Never got laid.
Now I was 19 and in my other post I mentioned at that time a girl that was 23 liked me at work and wanted to bang. I instantly fell for her and she just wanted a **** buddy. I told her i still had the v card one day after we got Intimate and that made her obviously completely uninterested but she liked me alot so she invited me one last time and banged me out which was awesome but then we stopped chilling for obvious reasons (I liked her even more after and she wasnt looking for none of that). So after that I wanted pretty much my whole 20's not even going out on dates or hitting on many girls at all. I have a best friend I grew up with who is for sure a Chad btw and he always said I was good enough looking I just didnt apply myself in any manner whenever we went out to bars or clubs. (7+ woman would walk up and hit on him all the time when we were out too) also throughout all these years I never found a passion that I knew I wanted to direct towards a career so I worked decent jobs but nothing that was fulfilling in any way or made me feel good about myself at all. I had a good social circle from friends I had throughout highschool and jobs but not many female's. I went to bars and clubs for the next couple years and was so insecure and not confident that I would think maybe "she'll" walk up and say "your hot" and I'll find the girl of my dreams which was obviously never going to happen because I did hold a pretty high standard in my mind and life isn't a Disney movie. In my head I'd always been the "nice guy" who just wanted to find "the one" and would tell myself " I dont want one night stands or s!utty girls". I'll wait for the one.
After reading through this forum for the last month I now realize I was the ultimate beta of betas and was just going down a hole I would never dig myself out of if I kept up this way of thinking.
But I held this as a belief in my mind so opportunity after opportunity passed me by through the YEARS. Fast forward to when I'm 27 (5years ago) and I'm still as inexperienced as a freshman in college with about an much confidence with woman as one as well. I still have no great job, i was living at my grandparents to pay a new car off I never should have bought oh and I smoked pot every day and lived paycheck to paycheck. Pretty much the complete loser package I know, I know.
I have alot of friends and I'm good guy I just wanted a good girl to love and treat right and have that reciprocated. So my best friend knew this girl through other mutual friends and figured she'd be a good fit for me because she was 19 at the time and a virgin and considering everything I might as well been as well. So we hit it off and started dating right away. She liked me ALOT being her first real love Interest, and I didnt feel so nervous and Insecure because of her age i guess and she was kinda nerdy and shy as well but had a bangin body and she was born in Russia and could speak it and it was just very attractive all around. So things went real well, we moved in together after just 3 months I think and have been ever since. Up until she broke up with me 1 1/2 months ago. I wrote most why in my last post but overall I just stopped meeting her needs as a man still having most of the same habits I carried through my adult life(if you can call it adult, more like a grown boy) she finally saw that I was just clinging to her and didnt care about my own life at all anymore. Like mentioned I stopped going out with my own friends or doing anything on my own. I felt secure because of how we met and I was her first I guess that we'd work it out but boy was I wrong. I now realize after it's too late of course that eventhough I never cheated, always made her a priority and really loved and cared for her with my entire soul, that in fact was my downfall. I read on here every day how a DJ should act and live. Although I dont believe everything on here, I do value a TON of the knowledge and Information on this site for a f!ckup like me in the world of being in relationships with women or lack there of.
So anyway the reason for my post I'm not really sure I guess...I feel like a failure. I'm 32 years old and 23 year old girl dumped me which makes me feel more pathetic than anything else In my life because I couldnt meet the basic needs of this girl anymore after 4 years. I'm starting over with a little more experience I guess, but was it really because of how easy it was and fell Into my lap...? I still f'ed it up In the end. I fell more empty than i ever had because i emotionally invested my everything into this person who also did but then so easily just left and I'm sure is much happier because who would wanna be with a 32 year old man with no aspirations or set goals in life. No great job or passions. Never went out and socialized with his friends and family alone and suffocated her by trying to be with her 24/7. I realize now no matter how much I thought if I tell her I love her and f!ck her with my all and try to be a good man to her, that in fact that's not what she was looking for at all in a partner once she was a little older and saw what else was out there.
I know how far behind I am and I feel like trying to play catch up at this point in my life it's like the donkey and the carrot and no matter how much I run I'll never meet the needs of a good woman. I dont know how to not be emotionally invested in a relationship. I dont know how to juggle multiple woman at once and get the feeling that I can just let one go and pick up another. I dont know how to feel like IDGAF. I'm just really lost I guess.... damn that's a pathetic story but a good laugh for someone I'm sure.
 

guru1000

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@soulforge , outside of no LDRs, what have you learned about yourself from this ex? Why was this lesson necessary for your growth?

Let these questions sit in your consciousness for some time and ruminate. Answers will come.
 

SoSuave666

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@Totallykile PM me I am happy to offer advice.

Again, a lot of people have felt what you are feeling right now. I personally haven't gone through your story, but I can offer some tangible advice as a 32 yo myself.
 
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powersize

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Day 52

Damn...Yesterday I was checking Instagram and my ex appeared on one of the her friend's story who are in Spain right now. Today I had a dream with her. And I am feeling ****ty again. After that i have unfollowed all her friends to avoid such situations in future.

I just can't understand how it can be possible that when she dumped me over the text (which was a sign of my low value) and she texted that "I am important for her", and when I replied "I have nothing to say...good buy" she texted "Wait, I don't want to loose a contact with you" - that was the last message between us.

Later I have seen her couple times at the office (we work in the same company) and one time in a club. All these times I did not pay attention on her and never speak.

To be clear I have started healing since the break up, working on myself, and developing the right approach. I understand that it is just an emotion and after a couple of days I will be fine.

But how to understand the whole situation, why she acted like that? Was it just a polite way for her to brake up by lying to me (make it easier for her emotionally)?

Here are some red flags i have spotted during the we were dating:
she always replied after couple hours and at the end even next day;
she was in her phone texting in WhatsApp during the meeting with me (sometimes);
multiple times when we were parting she left me and concentrated on her friends and i was doing nothing on the parties where I know nobody;
she did not appreciate my gift on her birthday (it was quite expensive);
she forgot about my birthday and gave me nothing (2 weeks later she dumped me);
kisses without passing and bad sex;
when we had conversations where i was telling "What i don't like" she agreed on some points but did nothing do improve it (my female friend advised me to do that...P.S Now I will never listen to female advises when it comes to dating);
she lives in a hostel with other students who party couple times a week and she had that "student exchange program experience"
and the most important - She never confirmed that "We are dating" even though I was acting like a boyfriend and etc.

What do you think guys about the whole experience? I know I was needy and acted like a doormat. Was it a waste of the time from the very beginning?
 
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soulforge

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Day 52

Damn...Yesterday I was checking Instagram and my ex appeared on one of the her friend's story who are in Spain right now. Today I had a dream with her. And I am feeling ****ty again. After that i have unfollowed all her friends to avoid such situations in future.

I just can't understand how it can be possible that when she dumped me over the text (which was a sign of my low value) and she texted that "I am important for her", and when I replied "I have nothing to say...good buy" she texted "Wait, I don't want to loose a contact with you" - that was the last message between us.

Later I have seen her couple times at the office (we work in the same company) and one time in a club. All these times I did not pay attention on her and never speak.

To be clear I have started healing since the break up, working on myself, and developing the right approach. I understand that it is just an emotion and after a couple of days I will be fine.

But how to understand the whole situation, why she acted like that? Was it just a polite way for her to brake up by lying to me (make it easier for her emotionally)?

Here are some red flags i have spotted during the we were dating:
she always replied after couple hours and at the end even next day;
she was in her phone texting in WhatsApp during the meeting with me (sometimes);
multiple times when we were parting she left me and concentrated on her friends and i was doing nothing on the parties where I know nobody;
she did not appreciate my gift on her birthday (it was quite expensive);
she forgot about my birthday and gave me nothing (2 weeks later she dumped me);
kisses without passing and bad sex;
when we had conversations where i was telling "What i don't like" she agreed on some points but did nothing do improve it (my female friend advised me to do that...P.S Now I will never listed to female advises when it comes to dating);
she lives in a hostel with other students who party couple times a week and she had that "student exchange program experience"
and the most important - She never confirmed that "We are dating" even though I was acting like a boyfriend and etc.

What do you think guys about the whole experience? I know I was needy and acted like a doormat. Was it a waste of the time from the very beginning?
Dude this is a chick who had low interest in you and treated you rather badly.

Part of the mistake you made is, accepting poor treatment from this girl.

If a girl shows low or very little interest.. You Walk

If a girl shows you disrespect.. You Walk

If a chick isn't making you happy or filling you're needs.. You Walk

A girl who has very little interest in you, will eventually dump you.. The trick is to pick up on the signs of low interest EARLY and simply walk away.

Learn from this mistake.. You are young, plenty more puzzy to come your way yet.
 

Robert28

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Day 52

Damn...Yesterday I was checking Instagram and my ex appeared on one of the her friend's story who are in Spain right now. Today I had a dream with her. And I am feeling ****ty again. After that i have unfollowed all her friends to avoid such situations in future.

I just can't understand how it can be possible that when she dumped me over the text (which was a sign of my low value) and she texted that "I am important for her", and when I replied "I have nothing to say...good buy" she texted "Wait, I don't want to loose a contact with you" - that was the last message between us.

Later I have seen her couple times at the office (we work in the same company) and one time in a club. All these times I did not pay attention on her and never speak.

To be clear I have started healing since the break up, working on myself, and developing the right approach. I understand that it is just an emotion and after a couple of days I will be fine.

But how to understand the whole situation, why she acted like that? Was it just a polite way for her to brake up by lying to me (make it easier for her emotionally)?

Here are some red flags i have spotted during the we were dating:
she always replied after couple hours and at the end even next day;
she was in her phone texting in WhatsApp during the meeting with me (sometimes);
multiple times when we were parting she left me and concentrated on her friends and i was doing nothing on the parties where I know nobody;
she did not appreciate my gift on her birthday (it was quite expensive);
she forgot about my birthday and gave me nothing (2 weeks later she dumped me);
kisses without passing and bad sex;
when we had conversations where i was telling "What i don't like" she agreed on some points but did nothing do improve it (my female friend advised me to do that...P.S Now I will never listen to female advises when it comes to dating);
she lives in a hostel with other students who party couple times a week and she had that "student exchange program experience"
and the most important - She never confirmed that "We are dating" even though I was acting like a boyfriend and etc.

What do you think guys about the whole experience? I know I was needy and acted like a doormat. Was it a waste of the time from the very beginning?
Hell at least you got dumped. I was in a similar situation and I had to eventually figure everything out by myself, which probably caused me to hang on way longer than I should have. We never had “the talk” to end whatever it was we were and I tried several times to get her to spill it but didn’t want to sound all needy. All I got was “I’ve just had a lot going on lately and have been in a bad spot mentally.” I said “I understand, well if you need to talk you know I’ll listen.”. Last I heard from her.lol You y’all about tough, try walking away when you have even been told to walk away or what made her act like that and try to figure it out when she won’t talk to you or to at least give you the “I don’t think we should see each other” line at the very least.
 

soulforge

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Week 5 NC

Had abit of a crappy day.. not because I want her back.. I certainly don't.

Its just adjusting to single life again.. Missing things such as spending weekends together with someone etc.

I'm sure in time it won't bother me so much.

I'm looking at things in this way... Its short term pain, but in the long run it will be a gain!

I was wasting precious time with her.. Two years was enough, another 4-5 years more would have been a catastrophe!

Not that we would have made it through another 4-5 years when its a LDR.
 

SoSuave666

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Hell at least you got dumped. I was in a similar situation and I had to eventually figure everything out by myself, which probably caused me to hang on way longer than I should have. We never had “the talk” to end whatever it was we were and I tried several times to get her to spill it but didn’t want to sound all needy. All I got was “I’ve just had a lot going on lately and have been in a bad spot mentally.” I said “I understand, well if you need to talk you know I’ll listen.”. Last I heard from her.lol You y’all about tough, try walking away when you have even been told to walk away or what made her act like that and try to figure it out when she won’t talk to you or to at least give you the “I don’t think we should see each other” line at the very least.
You do not need this closure. It is a false sense of security. If only I fixed this *one* thing that she said is the impetus for our breakup I will be successful with women!

The reality is that she broke up because she lost interest. She could tell you "you wear your socks funny" but you've been wearing them that way for the 5 years you've known her. Women don't have to work in relationships these days, especially 7-10 women. There is no fear of loss, so as soon as their attraction drops they will be looking for other suitors.

Short 3-6 month relationships are the way to go with little attachment. She wasn't yours, is was only your turn.
 
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