Talking to Multiple Women

[brad jarry]

Can someone explain this concept to me?
Because the way I thought, I believed that you should only invest feelings and time in one person and not have multiple people thinking that they have a chance with you etc. like you're a pimp or something. But the DJ bible and people on this site think the exact opposite.

Now that I'm actually texting a few girls at once, I'm starting to see their points of view. But can someone still, explain it to me?

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

I'll try to put it this way.

You're texting several girls right now. What's your level of commitment to them? Have you sworn holy matrimony? Have you verbally agreed to committed relationships?

Would you be in the right if you texted any of them and said, "Hey, if you're texting any other guys right now, I need you to stop."?

A date is not a commitment. A phone number is not a commitment. A text conversation is not a commitment. Having sex is not a commitment.

I'll skip the benefits of plate-spinning, as there's plenty of content there that seems like you've read up on. Sounds like you're hung up on the social aspects/what's "right" and "wrong".

Keep three things in mind:

1) Women take FAR longer than men for their interest in you to fully bake. No matter how high their interest level is in you, it takes time for them to really "become sold". You might instantly determine a woman is very attractive and that you're dead set on pursuing her. A woman, however, has been conditioned to slow things down. They don't even understand this need and try to rationalize it using phrases like "process my feelings" or "figure out how I feel."

2) In the beginning, women are ready and willing to drop you in a heartbeat. You're still a nobody in the book, just a "potential."

3) Don't believe Hollywood romance, but you've been told that a million times. How ever, think back to every chick flick or romance movie you've seen. Can you recall the last time you saw one where the woman was not tasked with choosing between at least two different men? This tells you something: women expect to choose, and they expect to be chosen. The only "romantic lovestory" is the dialogue between her and the ultimate winner of the **** race. All the losers were just irrelevant orbiters. This is the reality for women, so try to understand it's perfectly normal and even expected for you to be talking to multiple women when you are not in a committed relationship with any of them.

 

[El Payaso]

The more options you have, the less likely you are to pander.

 

[Glassguy]

The more options you have, the better you'll hold a strong frame if a woman flakes or acts emotional on you. If she does something bad, it's easier to walk away when you can stop at another ones house on the way home.

You have 1 chick you're talking to and she flakes 1 hr before you are supposed to hang out. You get mad and end up sitting at home. She senses your weak frame and confirms why she flaked on you. If she disappears you now have no options and the chances are high you're going to act needy/insecure.

If you have 2-3 women, and you should:

1.) If one flakes you just bounce the attention to another one. Bring her off the bench and to the plate so to speak. You don't get mad because you have 2 other chicks that want to see you.

2.) You don't have the urge to text 1 chick all the time because your taking to 3. And you're staying busy with other things in life. You're a busy, high value man that a woman wants.

3.) If one disappears, you simply don't text. You're not going to chase because you have options. She will wonder why you aren't chasing or asking what happened to her and her attractions BUILDS and she will be back.

That is why you have options.

It takes about 90 days to get a good feel for a chick. You should be test driving a few at a time to see who you're most compatible with if looking for a ltr.

 

[Ratiocinative]

Would you stop looking for a job just because one company scheduled you an interview?

Of course not. How do you know they'll offer you the job? How do you know you'll want to accept the job? How do you know they're offereing you what you're worth?

A woman has to prove she worth your commitment by being fun on many many dates, and until then you should be meeting other women too

 

[Roober]

Can someone explain this concept to me?
Because the way I thought, I believed that you should only invest feelings and time in one person and not have multiple people thinking that they have a chance with you etc. like you're a pimp or something. But the DJ bible and people on this site think the exact opposite.

Now that I'm actually texting a few girls at once, I'm starting to see their points of view. But can someone still, explain it to me?

This is what we are conditioned to believe since birth! We are taught growing up that you find a woman and stay with her, not dabbling in other women at the same time. Now, if you have agreed to a commitment, I don't think you should be messing around... However, before that, have all the fun you want...

The issue is once you get in a relationship, you have to maintain the abundance mindset, but commit to one girl only... that will give you a strong healthy relationship because that is what attracted her in the first place

 

[devilkingx2]

Because the way I thought, I believed that you should only invest feelings and time in one person and not have multiple people thinking that they have a chance with you etc. like you're a pimp or something. But the DJ bible and people on this site think the exact opposite.

that's not to your benefit so you can completely forget about any of that.

you do what works for YOU, not anyone else. it's inefficient to do 1 girl at a time unless you're some sort of game master who can get any girl he wants

for me, i always thought "what if they both like me, what'll I do then?"

and eventually i reconciled "what are the odds of that?" (it was all theoretical, I was never actually in the situation where all or multiple of the girls I was hitting on liked me at the same time, so there was no point in considering it)

and now I know that the theoretical answer is "date them both"

 

[Slash Dolo]

Ever heard the saying 'don't put all your eggs in one basket'?

proverb
don't risk everything on the success of one venture

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

If you are meeting and talking to a few women, one single woman will not be your focus. When there is only one on the radar, then you tend to over-communicate. Personally, I give a woman more attention, the more she comes into my gravitational field... to the point where we might be two twin stars circling in the night.

 

[wifehunter]

Plates, plates, plates...

If you're not exploring all the options, and you settle, how will you know if you made the right decision?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Plates, plates, plates...

If you're not exploring all the options, and you settle, how will you know if you made the right decision?

You don't have to date everyone to learn how they are. You could already know someone is too bossy, too selfish, not able to be committed, non-sexual, etc without even dating them. Observe them in the situations they are or have been in before you.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Plates, plates, plates...

If you're not exploring all the options, and you settle, how will you know if you made the right decision?

Ultimately, you want to create something... and have a bit of faith.

 

[wifehunter]

You don't have to date everyone to learn how they are. You could already know someone is too bossy, too selfish, not able to be committed, non-sexual, etc without even dating them. Observe them in the situations they are or have been in before you.

True, that's the plan! Bypass the dating!

Key word "observe"

 

[wifehunter]

Ultimately, you want to create something... and have a bit of faith.

Faith? I think you mean, Hope.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

True, that's the plan! Bypass the dating!

Key word "observe"

Just normal situations... One said that it's interesting to notice someone who is ALWAYS treating people that serve them like waiters and maintenance people like their "beneath" them. They felt like it means that they dont' share generousity for people that HELP them. Not a trait you want in someone if you want to be with them.

There are other normal situations that tell you about their personality.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Faith? I think you mean, Hope.

No, 'hope' has negative connotations as in 'blind hope'. Faith, in the sense you learn to believe in each-other, and in the sense that it transcends the sphere of cold knowledge.... perhaps a different kind of 'personal knowledge'.

If what we normally take to be knowledge rises from a central doubt and then continual and cautious reference to experience, and you confine yourself to this kind of knowledge, how can you build a relationship that is based on faith/ trust?

 

[wifehunter]

No, 'hope' has negative connotations as in 'blind hope'. Faith, in the sense you learn to believe in each-other, and in the sense that it transcends the sphere of cold knowledge.... perhaps a different kind of 'personal knowledge'.

If what we normally take to be knowledge rises from a central doubt and then continual and cautious reference to experience, and you confine yourself to this kind of knowledge, how can you build a relationship that is based on faith/ trust?

Faith is a gift.

 

[wifehunter]

Just normal situations... One said that it's interesting to notice someone who is ALWAYS treating people that serve them like waiters and maintenance people like their "beneath" them. They felt like it means that they dont' share generousity for people that HELP them. Not a trait you want in someone if you want to be with them.

There are other normal situations that tell you about their personality.

Anytime someone gets in my car and treats me as if I am beneath them, I either kick them out, or I'll give them one star and a nastygram to Uber.

 

[TheFixer14]

I just think it's funny how much thought that we all put into this.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Who days we can't have feelings for more than one woman and woman can have feelings for you even if they know they are not the only ones.

Whether you actively are spinning plates or not, simply knowing there are women out there that are attracted to you can make a huge change in how you perceive yourself and social dynamics between you and your partner.