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Serious problem (external events effect me too much)

RestUnknown

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Last week I realized something. My mood depends a lot on external events around me. The best way to explain is:

when I see a guy talking to a girl I'm only even partially interested in, I feel down. When that same girl talks to me I feel great, when that girl doesn't talk to that guy, I feel great. When that same girl doesn't talk to anyone, I feel better as well. You see where this is going. But this goes as far (albeit less) as other people talking to others and not to me. This also goes with my friends, every night is different of course, some nights everyone is in a good mood and I am as well, if they're off I am as well.

I honestly need to know what this sh*t is, I need to know how to just feel good about myself every single moment and not be effected by outside events. I need to know why I act this way. I know this is not healthy, but this effecting me in such a way that it has the possibility to, and already has, screw up a lot of things.
 

zekko

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I need to know how to just feel good about myself every single moment
I think you have a valid issue that you need to work on, probably by getting more experience.

But this whole concept of "I have to feel good myself all the time" or "I have to feel like I'm the top dog alpha #1 most handsome HM10 in the room at all times" is very overrated and impractical. The manosphere and PUA theory seems to tell you to feel this way. It all seems very millenial, like how everybody has to get a participation trophy and there can't be any winners or losers because someone might feel bad.

If you always feel good about yourself, how are you supposed to ever recognize your faults and weaknesses, and work on them? Humility is a highly underrated characteristic, especially in the seduction community. You need to at least have a certain baseline self esteem though. That's why they say to destroy your ego. It's okay to recognize that you're not perfect, and that it's okay to fail.
 

tony.shai

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You gotta work on yourself more in terms of not caring. I have the same problem too, try to be more outcome independent. For example, how I flip the script with the situation you described is I'd imagine this girl is a slut, and I'm not losing anything, so I feel chill. Reframe it.
 

Billtx49

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A man’s moods and confidence level can naturally vary throughout a day, week, or month, but letting outside events by others affect how you feel, that’s women’s territory. Totally reactionary. Don’t crowd their space and go build some confidence …
 

samspade

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You have to learn how to build value from within. Right now you are seeking your personal value through others. Their actions are validating whether or not you feel good about yourself. That's no way to live.

But think about this: What if you could, day by day, look inwards and find ways in which you have value, regardless of the day's events? I don't mean you will always feel amazing, but you will always know that your personality, experiences, etc. are great - that with them you can do anything if you work hard. (And some things will come easily.)

Not only that, but with this recognition of internal value, you can learn to give value to others and make them feel great. The girl talking to that guy? You can talk to both of them, charm them, so that they're both grateful to know you and want to be around you. This is an inversion of what you're currently feeling. But instead of it being a zero-sum game (he wins, you lose), it's win-win. Even if that guy sleeps with that girl, which would make a lot of guys jealous. You can change your outlook to appreciate that you can be happy when others are happy, you can cheer them up when they're down, and you can have an infinite reserve so that things will usually go your way. And when they don't, you'll be cool with it.

I'm not selling you a book, lol. Just giving you food for thought. Look for some YouTube meditations on this type of subject. Make a list of things about you that are awesome, that you like. That others like. Whatever. It's a matter of rewiring your brain, which can be done.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Last week I realized something. My mood depends a lot on external events around me. The best way to explain is:

when I see a guy talking to a girl I'm only even partially interested in, I feel down. When that same girl talks to me I feel great, when that girl doesn't talk to that guy, I feel great. When that same girl doesn't talk to anyone, I feel better as well. You see where this is going. But this goes as far (albeit less) as other people talking to others and not to me. This also goes with my friends, every night is different of course, some nights everyone is in a good mood and I am as well, if they're off I am as well.

I honestly need to know what this sh*t is, I need to know how to just feel good about myself every single moment and not be effected by outside events. I need to know why I act this way. I know this is not healthy, but this effecting me in such a way that it has the possibility to, and already has, screw up a lot of things.
Get testosterone checked.

You sound depressed but it could be early or late stages of low testosterone.

Rsdnation lads use to bump state. Its epic to approach when in state but moreover, you want to smash and approach regardless.
 

RestUnknown

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Testosterone might be a problem, been on a nofap for over a week now and I feel better. Still sucks way too hard to see her talking and laughing with that guy even though she's been texting me practically every day for the last week and a half, but I can't get myself (nor can she apparantly) to talk to her in real life (bear in mind that due to logistics it's very difficult nonetheless but too long to explain).

Are there any proven natural things that increase testosterone noticeably? I don't mean bullsh*t stuff like meditate or something like that. I lift heavy already and my showers end with the coldest water possible, but doesn't seem to do any major effect.
 
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