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Second date tonight, should I be clear about my intentions?

Whydomyeyeshurt

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I suspect this is just old blue pill conditioning kicking in but I have a second date tonight with woman that I've known for a while. We got together for a drink the other night and ended up kissing but nothing else happened. We're hanging out again tonight and I'm wondering if I should be clear that I'm keeping things pretty casual with dating right now, or if I should just air on the side of keeping my mouth shut and letting her do most of talking. I tend to really overthink things and want to really over communicate and go out of my way to make sure there's no pressure on her and all that stuff, that's why I think I've got blue pill stuff kicking in.

Basically, I'm just trying to practice, my dudes, and could use your guidance.
 
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Keep it casual, don't do anything that isn't congruent with what you've been doing. I know emotions get kicked in, try to subdue them. You got this, my man!
 

BillyPilgrim

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Has there been any sexual tension between you and this woman to this point?
 

Pedrito0906

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We got together for a drink the other night and ended up kissing but nothing else happened.
I pretty new to this too but, when you were kissing each other did you try to escalate further?

woman that I've known for a while
What does this mean? You were "friends"? Were you an orbiter of her waiting to get a chance while she was getting free attention from you? Did you notice she flirting with you in the past? Women already have you in a category, lover or friend, so I would say try to escalate further and see how she reacts.
 

Whydomyeyeshurt

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I pretty new to this too but, when you were kissing each other did you try to escalate further?

I did a little but I didn't push too hard. I think she may have let me go further than I did had I pushed.

What does this mean? You were "friends"? Were you an orbiter of her waiting to get a chance while she was getting free attention from you? Did you notice she flirting with you in the past? Women already have you in a category, lover or friend, so I would say try to escalate further and see how she reacts.
No nothing like that. We worked together several years ago and recently got back in touch. Like I messaged her to say hi and ask her if she wanted to get a drink.
 

Whydomyeyeshurt

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You don't need to say anything. I literally have never brought up that subject with a woman ever, why do you feel the need to do so? For what purpose and what is the goal in doing so?
To be a "nice guy." But maybe also to try and buffer myself against rejection. I'm really trying to be aware of old blue pill and impulses.
 

Pedrito0906

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To be a "nice guy." But maybe also to try and buffer myself against rejection. I'm really trying to be aware of old blue pill and impulses.
LOL I totally get you bro, I struggle with that as well, but we gotta do what we gotta do and risk it. To get a girl you have to run the risk of losing her - Mark Manson
 

Kotaix

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The less you say, the better. Women don't want to have anything explained or described to them, you're supposed to just get it.

You tell her you're attracted with looks and body language.

Stop thinking about things and enjoy your time with her, and if you don't enjoy your time with her, leave.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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@Whydomyeyeshurt
As others have said, meta relationship conversation is a mood killer unless you already know her answer to whatever you want to bring up. Let your actions speak for themselves.

You should always assume casual is the initial goal, because relationships are meant to naturally develop over time. If you see STR or LTR potential, it should still be because you have simply been hanging out a lot and having a really great time, not because you planned it out and sat down to talk about it.

Go with the flow and use dates as a way to find out more about her, and to subtly test to see if she's worth your time and attention. Forget about sex while on the date and just focus on having a good time. If it's difficult to even have a good time together then the sex will probably be terrible anyway.

When she starts giving obvious signs that she wants to fuuck, even then take your time, tease her, jokingly pretend like you're on the fence, and enjoy being in the moment. Women that enjoy being feminine and submitting absolutely love feeling that they can melt into you without you losing frame or getting desperate.
 

BillyPilgrim

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There is a lot of women who seek out nice guys as "beta boyfriend material" to make them believe in love again, feel good about dating again, assuage past hurts by bad boys, etc. These women will use the veneer of interest while focusing exclusively on themselves and their emotions. I'm not saying this girl is like that OP, but it's something to keep in mind.

I wouldn't verbalize anything or make any abrupt kiss attempts. As always, start with kino so make sure you have a venue very conducive to that.
 

Barrister

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You let her know your intentions through your actions -- not words. Employ kino, maintain strong eye contact, and be charming/flirtatious. Sometimes this is more difficult to employ effectively if, as you are, there is familiarity between the two of you for a long period of time before you start dating. You don't want to come off as not being genuine - but you can still make it work.

The last thing you want to do is be too milquetoast. She needs to know you are sexually attracted to her (hence making your intentions known), but this needs to be accomplished through non-verbal communication (kino).
 

Pedrito0906

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there is familiarity between the two of you for a long period of time before you start dating
That same thing happened to me, I've been in my job 3 years, I unplugged 1.5 year ago, I wanted to date this girl at work, but it was too late, I realized all the pathetic beta puzzy overly nice $hit I did. So I fell into the category of never being dateable by own doing.

Even if we improve there is the 1k feet rope and her image of me probably will never change.
 
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