U hv fallen off the path that every man must take and that's why u r desperately seeking to bind with someone or even something.I don't have a problem in cutting kids off and move on. Regardess if they meet or not, I think the chances that she will have anything romantic with me are slim to none. But there are a few things to take on consideration :
1- if I don't let kids meet, I'll be disappointing my son, her daughter will be crying for weeks as she did before. "Hurting" her daughter and make her daughter against me will surely not win my ex's heart. She will hate me even more. Also she could see this as a bargaining chip, kind of "you either come back to me or the kids won't meet".
The upside of cutting kids off is I'd be showing strenght to fully walk away and that itself could possibly make her change her mind in the future.
2- If I let kids meet. Kids meeting up is of course in my best interest, it can be used for my ex down the road to come closer. However, It could lead to false hope, me seeing and hearing things that will set me back big time. Like if I have to see some guy she could possible be dating. Of course I could try my best to be invisible in the background, not pop up during kids pickups and exchanges. In the beginning she probably would have her guard up and see this as me being beta trying to use the kids as pawns to get to her. I guess I could just let her lead the way, let her initiate all the contact regarding planning kids meet ups.
The biggest down site of them meeting is I'm gonna be stuck for another few years. And if it comes to the point I see her face to face I could possible become weak and start talking about past, invitations for drinks and revert to being needy.
Conclusion: I'm not sure yet what to do. My very best friend who knows all the details told me I should ignore all her msgs when she reaches out to pick ups the kids. And only reply if she says something solid like: "I'm sorry", "I miss you", "let's talk...", "let's work things out..." etc.. He seems to be certain of this..
Just like a fish without water.
What u r doing now is a compulsive process and u r paying the price for it. Even ur own son has been roped into it, that poor boy.
U should ask urself, what is ur priority in ur life?
If ur priority is to make ur life rise to a higher possibility then you must make conscious choices and not compulsive one's.
I've said enuf and will not participate further until you're able to digest what I've just told you.
I ain't gonna be part of the party that uses children for their own compulsion.