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Rickboy is back update: kids, ex

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RicBoy

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Live without what? Thats only one person out of billions. There are many females who will satisfy you more and be better for you.
I know bro. My personality is horrible. I hate losing. I think I broken at least 5 PlayStation controllers..
She left me and to be honest all I can think about is revenge. Not harming, but psychologic revenge.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I know bro. My personality is horrible. I hate losing. I think I broken at least 5 PlayStation controllers..
She left me and to be honest all I can think about is revenge. Not harming, but psychologic revenge.
You didn't lose nothing. So when you finally fix a problem and you have less problems you "lost" something? You lost a problem.
 

Atom Smasher

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I keep asking, but never get a response.

Is it healthy to encourage A “best friendship” between a boy and a girl who are right on the verge of the hormones kicking in?

At this age he should be friends with and hanging out with other boys.

Something very bad is knocking at your door.
 

Spaz

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What's up man? I'm not as crazy as I was. I actually just came here to see u guys lol. Because last time I was all over the place.

My boy is moving here in 2 weeks, flights tickets bought and all. Just still wondering if I should let the kids be friends. My son and my ex's daughter that is.

But going back to my old threads and this one too, I think I'm gonna tell her no when she reaches out. Truth is seeing her, dealing with her, maybe see her with a guy will set me back and probably will put me in a beta position where I'll probably end up saying or doing something stupid.

No more playdates.. All or nothing for me
Ur Ex can stay in ur heart but not in ur life and that is OK, because sometimes you must forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Can you understand this?
 

RicBoy

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Ur Ex can stay in ur heart but not in ur life and that is OK, because sometimes you must forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Can you understand this?
I don't have a problem in cutting kids off and move on. Regardess if they meet or not, I think the chances that she will have anything romantic with me are slim to none. But there are a few things to take on consideration :

1- if I don't let kids meet, I'll be disappointing my son, her daughter will be crying for weeks as she did before. "Hurting" her daughter and make her daughter against me will surely not win my ex's heart. She will hate me even more. Also she could see this as a bargaining chip, kind of "you either come back to me or the kids won't meet".
The upside of cutting kids off is I'd be showing strenght to fully walk away and that itself could possibly make her change her mind in the future.

2- If I let kids meet. Kids meeting up is of course in my best interest, it can be used for my ex down the road to come closer. However, It could lead to false hope, me seeing and hearing things that will set me back big time. Like if I have to see some guy she could possible be dating. Of course I could try my best to be invisible in the background, not pop up during kids pickups and exchanges. In the beginning she probably would have her guard up and see this as me being beta trying to use the kids as pawns to get to her. I guess I could just let her lead the way, let her initiate all the contact regarding planning kids meet ups.
The biggest down site of them meeting is I'm gonna be stuck for another few years. And if it comes to the point I see her face to face I could possible become weak and start talking about past, invitations for drinks and revert to being needy.

Conclusion: I'm not sure yet what to do. My very best friend who knows all the details told me I should ignore all her msgs when she reaches out to pick ups the kids. And only reply if she says something solid like: "I'm sorry", "I miss you", "let's talk...", "let's work things out..." etc.. He seems to be certain of this..
 
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Spaz

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I don't have a problem in cutting kids off and move on. Regardess if they meet or not, I think the chances that she will have anything romantic with me are slim to none. But there are a few things to take on consideration :

1- if I don't let kids meet, I'll be disappointing my son, her daughter will be crying for weeks as she did before. "Hurting" her daughter and make her daughter against me will surely not win my ex's heart. She will hate me even more. Also she could see this as a bargaining chip, kind of "you either come back to me or the kids won't meet".
The upside of cutting kids off is I'd be showing strenght to fully walk away and that itself could possibly make her change her mind in the future.

2- If I let kids meet. Kids meeting up is of course in my best interest, it can be used for my ex down the road to come closer. However, It could lead to false hope, me seeing and hearing things that will set me back big time. Like if I have to see some guy she could possible be dating. Of course I could try my best to be invisible in the background, not pop up during kids pickups and exchanges. In the beginning she probably would have her guard up and see this as me being beta trying to use the kids as pawns to get to her. I guess I could just let her lead the way, let her initiate all the contact regarding planning kids meet ups.
The biggest down site of them meeting is I'm gonna be stuck for another few years. And if it comes to the point I see her face to face I could possible become weak and start talking about past, invitations for drinks and revert to being needy.

Conclusion: I'm not sure yet what to do. My very best friend who knows all the details told me I should ignore all her msgs when she reaches out to pick ups the kids. And only reply if she says something solid like: "I'm sorry", "I miss you", "let's talk...", "let's work things out..." etc.. He seems to be certain of this..
U hv fallen off the path that every man must take and that's why u r desperately seeking to bind with someone or even something.

Just like a fish without water.

What u r doing now is a compulsive process and u r paying the price for it. Even ur own son has been roped into it, that poor boy.

U should ask urself, what is ur priority in ur life?

If ur priority is to make ur life rise to a higher possibility then you must make conscious choices and not compulsive one's.

I've said enuf and will not participate further until you're able to digest what I've just told you.

I ain't gonna be part of the party that uses children for their own compulsion.
 

RicBoy

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U hv fallen off the path that every man must take and that's why u r desperately seeking to bind with someone or even something.

Just like a fish without water.

What u r doing now is a compulsive process and u r paying the price for it. Even ur own son has been roped into it, that poor boy.

U should ask urself, what is ur priority in ur life?

If ur priority is to make ur life rise to a higher possibility then you must make conscious choices and not compulsive one's.

I've said enuf and will not participate further until you're able to digest what I've just told you.

I ain't gonna be part of the party that uses children for their own compulsion.
I hear you man. I'm 38, im no kid. My priority is to provide a good life for my son and evolve as a man. I did improve quite a bit since the break up. If you remember I was unemployed living with a roomate.

I got a job and I have a company car, I move to a sweet apartment near the sea and I'm now, actually this week I have my motorcycle test. I'm at the gym and all that stuff.

I'm not gonna lie I miss my ex and I was hoping me and her, my son and her daughter could be a family. Its too late now, she knows I'm desperate and not only that, I think she got scared with my obsessive compulsive behaviour.

The one way to really "punish" her and totally regain my power faster in this whole situation, would be to totally ignore her msgs when she reaches out to pick up my son and only reply if she clearly states she is sorry and wanna work things out.
 

derby1

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Couple of married girls lol. Women are so disgusting these days.
women havent changed, their nature has been put on full display.

Also dont let your kids meet, and dont use that quote "if were not dating"...

do you think anything good will come of this ?

she just wants to check how much you still fancy her

you will be back on here in 6 months drunk on mental health meds
 

derby1

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I'm thinking that even if by letting kids meet would lead to something down the road which probably won't,
just read this, you are pathetic.

unfortunately men like you are spreading like wildfire. and now women can put whatever price they want on themselves.

mediocre women now get marilyn monroe treatment and that disgusts me
 

RicBoy

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women havent changed, their nature has been put on full display.

Also dont let your kids meet, and dont use that quote "if were not dating"...

do you think anything good will come of this ?

she just wants to check how much you still fancy her

you will be back on here in 6 months drunk on mental health meds
She will probably won't even reach out. She has me blocked. Most likely she will contact me through my son - "tell your dad to bring you over Friday" or something of that nature.
If she contacts me should I just ignore her or reply?
 

Spaz

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I hear you man. I'm 38, im no kid. My priority is to provide a good life for my son and evolve as a man. I did improve quite a bit since the break up. If you remember I was unemployed living with a roomate.

I got a job and I have a company car, I move to a sweet apartment near the sea and I'm now, actually this week I have my motorcycle test. I'm at the gym and all that stuff.

I'm not gonna lie I miss my ex and I was hoping me and her, my son and her daughter could be a family. Its too late now, she knows I'm desperate and not only that, I think she got scared with my obsessive compulsive behaviour.

The one way to really "punish" her and totally regain my power faster in this whole situation, would be to totally ignore her msgs when she reaches out to pick up my son and only reply if she clearly states she is sorry and wanna work things out.
Ur happiness should be determined by what's happening within you and not by what's happening around you, in this case ur need for ur ex, she's an external factor that you feel you need to make you feel happy.

This is where u r wrong.

You don't need external factors to feel happy and I can prove it to you.

A miserable man, who goes to the pub and after a few drinks will feel very happy, is this not true?

So it is not difficult to fix huh?

It is the same thing that you need to do (not the alcohol part), focus internally and chg ur chemistry.

All you need to do is manage internally and it all starts off by how you think.
 

Atom Smasher

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This is precisely like trying to reason with a woman who is hell-bent on something. No amount of rational conversation is going to get her to see reason, just as no amount of reason will alter @RicBoy ’s self-destructive process. He must be left to crash and learn the hard way. Part of all this is that he simply wants attention from us.
 

oldmanofthesea

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For everyone who has replied offering their opinion as to whether or not he should allow his ex to have visitation rights of his son, I think most of you are either unaware or have forgotten that this is not the mother of his child - it isn't even a serious LTR. This is simply a girl he dated for SEVEN months.

Why on earth is there even a conversation around whether he should be organizing and involved with "visitation" of his son with this woman?

He is unable to admit the only reason he is doing it is in hopes that his interactions with her surrounding the visitation will lead to him "getting her back." Hint: It won't, and only repeated failure and humiliation will possibly remedy this situation (one hopes). However, despite already suffering that exact humiliation, he is looking to go back for more.

RicBoy, you need to seek therapy from a professional psychologist to heal whatever is causing you to still be this confused about this woman, and having these obsessive thoughts and behaviors, and such a negative internal opinion of yourself that causes you to act in a way that lacks self-respect and dignity.

Good luck.
 

mrgoodstuff

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This is precisely like trying to reason with a woman who is hell-bent on something. No amount of rational conversation is going to get her to see reason, just as no amount of reason will alter @RicBoy ’s self-destructive process. He must be left to crash and learn the hard way. Part of all this is that he simply wants attention from us.
He doesn’t necessarily want attention. What he does want is his thought process justified.
 

mrgoodstuff

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For everyone who has replied offering their opinion as to whether or not he should allow his ex to have visitation rights of his son, I think most of you are either unaware or have forgotten that this is not the mother of his child - it isn't even a serious LTR. This is simply a girl he dated for SEVEN months.

Why on earth is there even a conversation around whether he should be organizing and involved with "visitation" of his son with this woman?

He is unable to admit the only reason he is doing it is in hopes that his interactions with her surrounding the visitation will lead to him "getting her back." Hint: It won't, and only repeated failure and humiliation will possibly remedy this situation (one hopes). However, despite already suffering that exact humiliation, he is looking to go back for more.

RicBoy, you need to seek therapy from a professional psychologist to heal whatever is causing you to still be this confused about this woman, and having these obsessive thoughts and behaviors, and such a negative internal opinion of yourself that causes you to act in a way that lacks self-respect and dignity.

Good luck.
He's a normal "fixer" type that gets trapped on this sort of problem.
 

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Blacksheep

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Hello guys, maybe some of you remember me from spring/summer. You can read my last 2 or 3 threads.

After I broke 4 months no contact and made a full out of myself, (send her like 20 msgs in 5 days and she replied one, saying she won't unblock me, don't wanna meet me, that our kids can meet but she won't be involved and to leave her alone) I have to say I feel much better now. I'm now again 3 months no contact.
I've had a few one night stands and had a fuk buddy for a while but she is married so eventually we stopped seeing.

A month ago I saw my ex on a dating site.
2 weeks ago, my son who still plays online games and speaks to my ex's daughter almost daily on the phone, told me that her daughter said her mom has a new bf and my son could see him around the house through my ex's daughter's phone. My ex spoke to my son during that call saying she missed me.

Looks like my ex and her daughter were trying to send me a "message" that she now has a bf. Must be recent because I saw her 1 months ago on darting app.
My son by instinct replied to my ex and her daughter during that video call that I no longer want my ex back. Funny he tried to protect me.

Anyways, my son is moving here in 2 weeks, his flight tickets are bought.

I know my ex will want to see him and have play dates with her daughter, nights over etc.

What you guys think I should do now. Let kids meet or just tell my ex I'm not interested in having any connections if we are not dating when she reaches out?

I'm nowhere nearly as desperate as I was but I still like her. I know letting kids meet could possible lead to something down the road but it can also be painful to see her, interact and in a moment of weakness I could be clingy and needy again.

If I decide kids can meet, my plan is to stop the car in front of her house and my son leaves, I'm not going to her doorsteep after so much rejection. And if she comes to my house to pick him up, I'm sure she will do the same, so I just send him out alone. I have no intention to go out and say hi and be cordial without a clear sign from she has some interest, which she clearly doesn't. She hasn't reached out since and will only for my son.
Sorry for that situation man! I know how hard those things can be.

I would suggest to answer this question for yourself: What I should do that, if I did that... I would feel that I'm respecting myself? What my gut is trying to show me?

Self-respect is the key.

If she found another bf and show that she doesn't care... Don't lose your respect for such a person. Put yourself first!
 

Blacksheep

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I'm not gonna lie I miss my ex and I was hoping me and her, my son and her daughter could be a family. Its too late now, she knows I'm desperate and not only that, I think she got scared with my obsessive compulsive behaviour.
Thats ok to have that feeling, accepting that is a first move to let it go.

Then, you have to think about expectations and idealizations. You're putting too much fantasy and expectation into that dream... then you're losing your own respect and you're disrespecting her. What she have so special that you're so desperate to get her back? Is it really something in her, or do you have something inside you that needs to be care?

If this is too hard, maybe its a good idea to find a good therapist to help you understand this situation. It can really help you.


The one way to really "punish" her and totally regain my power faster in this whole situation, would be to totally ignore her msgs when she reaches out to pick up my son and only reply if she clearly states she is sorry and wanna work things out.
This will only give you a ego validation. A false idea of power.

The real power may be solving this problem within yourself, letting this idea of punishment and revenge go away.

Be very careful with those emotions... this path is not a healthy one, and you will have to carry that weight on your back... for everything you did as a way to punish or revenge her. And you don't imagine how heavy it is, until its done.
 

Atom Smasher

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He doesn’t necessarily want attention. What he does want is his thought process justified.
He admitted in a previous thread that wanting attention from us is part of all this.
 

RicBoy

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I would suggest to answer this question for yourself: What I should do that, if I did that... I would feel that I'm respecting myself? What my gut is trying to show me?
My gut is telling me that it's best that the kids don't meet, they can just have their online friendship. I'm certain if the kids meet, I'm gonna eventually make a fool out of myself, look weak and possibly be stuck in this loop for a few years.
In the end if I decide they don't meet, I'll be the one cutting the connection and will make me feel a little better, regaining a bit some self respect.

@oldmanofthesea your post is quite accurate my friend.
 
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Blacksheep

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My gut is telling me that it's best that our kids don't meet, they can just gave their online friendship. I'm certain if the kids meet, I'm gonna eventually make a fool out of myself, look weak and possibly be stuck in this loop for a few years.
I'm thr end of I decide they don't meet, I'll be the one cutting the connection and will make me feel a little better, regaining a bit some self respect.

@oldmanofthesea your post is quite accurate my friend.
Just follow it... Our gut can save us from a lot of pain.

And I can say, how many thing I could avoid if I had believed more in my gut. When I realize my gut is telling me something, I just trust on it... Most of the times, its the best choice.
 
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