Potential wife past sexual history

[Bokanovsky]

Thanks for clarifying that your post isn't about me, but it kinda is since you quoted me.

In any event, I'm not offended.

Since high school, I've had four LTRs before I recently got married.

I've always been a "relationship girl" and I've learned and grown from each and every one of them.

Each and every experience I've had eventually led me to my husband from whom I'm still learning and growing, as a woman and human being.

I think there's a massive difference between a woman being a slvt and having a few serious LTRs under her belt, but I know there are men who prefer virgins and that's fine, no judgment. To each his own.

I'm glad my hubs isn't one of them though.

Other than the men in those four LTR's, how many other guys have you had sex with since high school? (I'm assuming you are in your 30's)

 

[Dr.Suave]

I would hazard a guess that I’m at least two decades older than you are.

I'm mid 30s

 

[Bokanovsky]

I've heard another user put it brilliantly...there's city miles (slvts) and highway miles (LTRs)...in the end it's still high mileage, we can debate which is worse.

One the flip side, a crash at highway speeds is going to have far more serious repercussions than an inner-city fender bender. A woman with multiple failed LTR is going to have severe psychological damage, regardless of whether or not she is a slut.

 

[pipeman84]

One the flip side, a crash at highway speeds is going to have far more serious repercussions than an inner-city fender bender. A woman with multiple failed LTR is going to have severe psychological damage, regardless of whether or not she is a slut.

Very well said. Actually this is an AHA moment I've had during the past 2 months reading this forum and mulling it over. Before that I was weary of sluts, divorced women, single moms (no brainer really) as no candidates for LTR. Then I suddenly realized...a woman who's been in 4 LTRs by the time she's 28 but never signed a piece of paper called marriage certificate gets a clean pass while the one who signed it and then divorced is bad? So I upgraded my radar, so to speak.

 

[2Rocky]

I still don't see many guys deciding to turn Mormon and move to Utah to find their perfect blonde virgin.

https://www.utne.com/mind-and-body/mormon-sexuality-zm0z12mjzros/


It is not consistent with the approach that you as a man will have a hedonistic, low investment sexual life until a certain point and then "settle down"

 

[Dr.Suave]

I still don't see many guys deciding to turn Mormon and move to Utah to find their perfect blonde virgin.

https://www.utne.com/mind-and-body/mormon-sexuality-zm0z12mjzros/


It is not consistent with the approach that you as a man will have a hedonistic, low investment sexual life until a certain point and then "settle down"

She doesnt have to be a perfect Blonde virgin, a virgin that pases the boner test is good enough

 

[The Duke]

Why would anyone want a wife these days? I get having kids, but the deck is stacked against you. We've let women run wild in the streets, and they have damaged themselves. I think you will need to give up looks to get a good woman that makes a good wife.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Why would anyone want a wife these days? I get having kids, but the deck is stacked against you. We've let women run wild in the streets, and they have damaged themselves. I think you will need to give up looks to get a good woman that makes a good wife.

There could be exceptions but on most cases, yes, I agree. She doesnt have to be a 10. As long as she passes the boner test Im good.

 

[Velasco]

I have always chosen my female friends and the men I have relationships with very carefully and prudently

five years ago I was in a completely different headspace than I am now. I was just coming off a LTR with an alcoholic/drug addict who I was madly in love with at the time and addicted to.

He was about as unstable as one could get

Not carefully enough apparently

 

[pipeman84]

That's a good catch @Velasco . So @catsmeow2 you shot yourself in the foot before our very eyes. What was that about learning and growing? You've gone through 3 LTRs and all that learning lead you to a drug addict/alcoholic? Hmm...

I am rather proud of my history, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

So being in a LTR with a drug addict/alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of and in your perception didn't saddle you with baggage.

 

[pipeman84]

Why would anyone want a wife these days? I get having kids

For the great experiences and joy and growing it can bring. It's a bit like asking why go to a gym? With all the fat people, slobs, lack of time etc why bother? Because life is much better in a healthy, vibrant, good looking body.

 

[pipeman84]

Lol, I am flattered that you care so much about my posts that you take the time go searching, but again I have nothing to be ashamed of here.

I didn't search your posts, @Velasco posted that quote.
Your case is one more data point that confirms one of the theses I laid out in this thread, namely that LTRs do bring baggage and that mantra 'women learn and grow from them' is patently false.

 

[pipeman84]

My original post today was essentially seeking understanding as I didn't understand the "virgin" mindset.

I still don't BUT I respect it and will leave it at that.

C'mon now, through your posts, YOU answered your own question, but perhaps you don't like the answer so you choose to ignore. Ok, let me spell it out: Men seek purity, innocence while women seek experience, strength. That's masculine/feminine polarity 101. Now you admit going through 3 LTRs, then the 4th was with a drug addict/alcoholic. No one is that naive to not understand that after those experiences your innocence and purity tanked just like the stock of a company that went bankrupt. You boast about the growth (which is highly debatable, 3 LTRs to end up with a drug addict/alcoholic?!) and experience you gained but that's not what men seek.

 

[Velasco]

We were together six years and engaged to be married. I discovered a few months prior to marriage he had gotten involved with some unsavory characters and heavily into drugs

You were together for 6 years (!) and didn't know until a few months before you guys were supposed to be married, he was a drug addict? Lmao. Stop the cap.

The fact that, "he was about as unstable as you could get" didn't tip you off that there's something off about this dude?

I've been with girls that who were drug addicts. Every single one of them I knew this about them very early on. I didn't care. I just knew they weren't long term relationship material is all.

Just because your easily able to fool a lot of these other guys, and your naive husband, doesn't mean others can't see right through you. Just stop lol.

 

[The Duke]

For the great experiences and joy and growing it can bring. It's a bit like asking why go to a gym? With all the fat people, slobs, lack of time etc why bother? Because life is much better in a healthy, vibrant, good looking body.

How many wives have you had? What does a wife provide that a solid girlfriend doesn't? I don't see the benefit.

 

[The Duke]

Once again CatMeow destroys a great topic. She is full of herself, all about getting attention and Can't keep her mouth shut. Offers horrible advice.

When are you mods going to remove her for good?

I've been here a lot of years and seen you remove people because they offended somebody, yet this idiot keeps corrupting this forum and nothing is done.

This forum is about men understanding women and improving themselves. She offers next to nothing.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I totally disagree. It depends on the person (men as well as there are plenty of men who have suffered psychological damage after a LTR ends) and how they choose to deal with adversity.

Personally speaking as a woman who has had multiple LTRs prior to marriage, I don't have severe psychological damage. The opposite, I am actually a better more well rounded person for having those experiences.

Resilience is key. Resilient people bounce back, learn and grow from past experiences.

Emotionally fragile people allow those experience to destroy them or severely affect them in negative ways.

It all depends on how you choose to deal with your personal journey called LIFE.

You can disagree but your opinion on the subject is not exactly impartial, is it?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Once again CatMeow destroys a great topic. She is full of herself, all about getting attention and Can't keep her mouth shut. Offers horrible advice.

When are you mods going to remove her for good?

I've been here a lot of years and seen you remove people because they offended somebody, yet this idiot keeps corrupting this forum and nothing is done.

This forum is about men understanding women and improving themselves. She offers next to nothing.

In fairness, any man who takes dating advice from a woman (any woman) deserves the disaster that he's about to bring upon himself. Doesn't matter if the woman has good intentions. Doesn't matter if the woman is his own mother. Women are simply not capable of giving good dating advice to men (there are a number of reasons for this but it's a subject for a much longer discussion).

Women are also notoriously incapable of objective self-reflection. A man with four failed LTR's under his belt would have no difficulty admitting that there is something wrong with him. A woman, on the other hand, would never admit anything of the sort. She would rationalize her failures in every way possible way and ultimately find a way to assign blame to everyone other than herself.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You're right it's not, it's my experience. However, there are many women (and men) who feel same way I do. Who choose to see the glass half full, who have the ability to overcome adversity and come out the other side stronger.

We are talking about two different things. You are talking about subjective feelings and I'm talking about ascertaining objective verity (independent of subjective bias). How a person "feels" about themselves rarely has any bearing on objective reality. Feeling good about yourself is a psychological defence mechanism. Ted Buddy, by all accounts, felt pretty good about himself. That didn't make him objectively a good person.

Ascertaining objective verity requires cold, detached thinking that is not tainted by emotion (which is the root cause of bias). Because women are emotional creatures by nature, this kind of thinking is not natural to them. This is why there has never been a great female scientist or philosopher. When a woman encounters a fact pattern, she analyzes it, first and foremost, in terms of how she can relate it to herself. You may have noticed that the few female posters who frequent this board (including yourself and “the old lady”) always, without exception, turn every thread that they participate into a discussion about themselves. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. Women struggle to formulate and express thoughts that are not subjective.

 

[Pandora]

I was hesitant to post this but decided what the heck, gonna post.

To the men who seek virgins and degrade women who aren't, you talk like you think sex is some dirty disgusting activity and women who engage in it before marriage (or sometimes even after) are gross, disgusting and aren't "pure."

One poster in particular keeps harping on how non-virgins are "disgusting."

What makes a woman engaging in sexual intimacy with a past serious boyfriend so disgusting to you?

Would you deem a virginal woman disgusting after having sex with you?

Answer - yes I've heard of men losing all attraction for his virgin wife after having sex with her believing her to be "disgusting."

Giving him license to abuse her, in some cases kill her!

I've worked with women whose abusive boyfriends and husbands had this mindset, calling them "disgusting wh0res" after they had sex with them. They were virgins prior.

Before sex = virginal, pure.
After sex = damaged goods. Unworthy. Disgusting.

Not sure where this hatred towards women and sex stems from, perhaps from their own fathers? Trickle down?

Or a Madonna/Wh0re complex?

Who the hell knows.

I wish y'all luck.

Having many previous partners is disgusting because it shows that the women is easily impressed. Sex for a woman is an act of surrender. She is being willingly invaded by a foreign force. She opened her gates and let him ravish her and she loved it.

Would you want to be with a person that surrenders to everyone? Would that make you feel special? Here you are as a man surrendering your money, time, effort, future sexual partners just to make her feel special yet she surrendered her most precious asset to everyone.

A woman having 3 or 4 sexual partners per lifetime is okay and understandable. But when you start hitting 15, 20 etc that just means you surrender to a lot of men. Its a sign of a very low self esteem.