Plate comes over, refuses sex so I sent her packing

Amante Silvestre

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The moment I told her to grab her things and leave the room, she turned into a sweet, little angel telling me to "calm down, please" and started touching me all over, kissing my neck and rubbing herself against me. Why? Why these useless games? That's what I won't allow.
Women who do such things often seek answers.

The way I understand this, she came by with baking treats, got on you about possibly being with another woman, did not succumb to being a booty call and questioned her role as being only worth so much to you.... then immediately folded on all of it when she realized it pissed you off.

She was feeling you out for more than just sex. She was looking for an answer but got one she wasn’t expecting so strongly. She folded because she didn’t want to lose what she already has with you.

So far she is complying, and will likely fall back into routine.

That said, this sounds like a kind of girl that will pretend to be ok with being a FWB, but will not really be ok with it. She is likely to raise this issue again in the future, making a bigger deal of it.

This is one reason why I often try to make my intentions clear on what type of relationship I am really pursuing with a woman: to avoid these repeat occurrences from women who do not want to openly admit what they are feeling/thinking. If I see a woman as not being long term, commitment material, I will tell them that while open to such possibilities, I am not looking for that at this time. In essence, it is basically no different then telling them to grab their sh*t and go if they don’t want to deal with that....only difference being, you should only have to do this once.

Any woman who does it again will clearly understand she is stepping beyond the line.
 

AJ84

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@AJ84 I have not thrown an insult at you, firstly. Secondly no sex on second date is not a big deal, the most important part is for her to be genuine. Tagging a guy along for x amount of dates is before sex is not genuine, it is control.
You’re right it is not good to be tagged along like that. Not arguing that and I know some women do that.
Being genuine is definitely ideal for men and women. No one wants to be tagged along with the promise of sex or a relationship etc.
 

AJ84

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Do you believe the average women has never had casual sex?
No, the average woman has had casual sex, and some realize that it’s not the way to be worthy of his investment, and some don’t. And some don’t care anyway lol.
I’m not saying women are pure lol but I’m saying that some women don’t want to have causal no strings sex arrangements with guys. Some women want more and they know if they establish themselves as an easy lay f**k buddy it will be hard to transition that to gf. Maybe he doesn’t want anything more from her than what she establish ie casual sex. So turning the tables and sh*t testing will of course be met with frustration on his end, understandably.
It would be like a guy who is in a relationship with a girl, deciding that he wants to switch to a casual FWB situation, after a relationship has been established.
 

backseatjuan

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It's like having a wife and all the problems of a marriage without even having sex with a girl, we got it! Get him invested with his money, and weed out the weak and poor. I can give a suggestion to your game though, you can offer to pay for half the guy's bill on your dates, that way you show him you are a serious long term relationship consideration, think about it, no other women do it, you will be different from the rest!
 

AJ84

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It's like having a wife and all the problems of a marriage without even having sex with a girl, we got it! Get him invested with his money, and weed out the weak and poor. I can give a suggestion to your game though, you can offer to pay for half the guy's bill on your dates, that way you show him you are a serious long term relationship consideration, think about it, no other women do it, you will be different from the rest!
Hahaha I totally think women should be paying half or taking turns paying, which is how I did it with my now husband. He paid for the first date and I paid for the second and we continue to do it that way.
I mentioned this before on another thread but a girl expecting a guy to pay for everything is a red flag. No one is that special that they are entitled to that kind of treatment and if they think they are, that’s a prelude to what a relationship with them would be like.

I think we’re on the same page there.
 

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LARaiders85

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No, the average woman has had casual sex, and some realize that it’s not the way to be worthy of his investment, and some don’t. And some don’t care anyway lol.
I’m not saying women are pure lol but I’m saying that some women don’t want to have causal no strings sex arrangements with guys. Some women want more and they know if they establish themselves as an easy lay f**k buddy it will be hard to transition that to gf. Maybe he doesn’t want anything more from her than what she establish ie casual sex. So turning the tables and sh*t testing will of course be met with frustration on his end, understandably.
It would be like a guy who is in a relationship with a girl, deciding that he wants to switch to a casual FWB situation, after a relationship has been established.
You understand we men are not too interested gambling on the authenticity of your journey of self growth and awareness into some pseudo born again virgin, rather we want authenticity.

If the average woman has casual sex, and we see all the typical signs of a woman's mediocrity, why would we expect anything less than her true desire?
 
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lizardking82

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for sure sometimes you can't control your mood but the real skill is learning to review what happened after the fact and admit "yeah, maybe i could have handled that a little better" then do better the next time.

It takes guts to admit you were wrong
Well, with what I have seen around here, I am one of the few guys who admist his wrongs when he is wrong. I never said I handled it best, but I have to "argue" with you because there a lot of things one doesn't know about the other guy in a forum so I have to fill in. I am here to read new perspectives and get better from that.
 

AJ84

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You understand we men are not too interested gambling on the authenticity of your journey of self growth and awareness into some pseudo born again virgin, rather we want authenticity.
I get that, and you get that women usually don’t like taking a gamble either and also want authenticity.
However when it comes to dating and looking for a relationship out of it (not to be confused with looking for casual hook ups), its impossible to avoid taking some risk.
Which sucks but that’s how it is.
 

AJ84

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Well, with what I have seen around here, I am one of the few guys who admist his wrongs when he is wrong. I never said I handled it best, but I have to "argue" with you because there a lot of things one doesn't know about the other guy in a forum so I have to fill in. I am here to read new perspectives and get better from that.
Now that you provided more info on this woman, I better understand your reaction.
 

LARaiders85

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I get that, and you get that women usually don’t like taking a gamble either and also want authenticity.
However when it comes to dating and looking for a relationship out of it (not to be confused with looking for casual hook ups), its impossible to avoid taking some risk.
Which sucks but that’s how it is.
Male authenticity doesnt really need to be screened for. Men want sex as soon as possible. They may or may not want a relationship going forward(same as women, no women actually intend a relationship without screening for a while). The only inauthenticity at play is the woman pretending she wants a relationship with a man prior to screening. An exception is married men or men in a relationship which I understand play a huge role in women's dating lives so often, THEN you need to screen for intention to leave the wife/gf.

So right now my options are 1) a Christian girl who I am willing to wait as long as needed because I do believe she is somewhat, sort of, authentically sexually demure.

At the same time its 2) sex on the first date with the girl with the full sleeve and 2nd and 3rd date with everyone else.
 

lizardking82

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Male authenticity doesnt really need to be screened for. Men want sex as soon as possible. They may or may not want a relationship going forward(same as women, no women actually intend a relationship without screening for a while). The only inauthenticity at play is the woman pretending she wants a relationship with a man prior to screening. An exception is married men or men in a relationship which I understand play a huge role in women's dating lives so often, THEN you need to screen for intention to leave the wife/gf.

So right now my options are 1) a Christian girl who I am willing to wait as long as needed because I do believe she is somewhat, sort of, authentically sexually demure.

At the same time its 2) sex on the first date with the girl with the full sleeve and 2nd and 3rd date with everyone else.
Sex on the first time you meet/date doesn't mean the woman is dumb or below your SMV or sh1t like that. It just means she is a rare woman with high interest that won't play games and wants to have a chance at 1)having sex with you regularly 2) possibly engaging you in a relationship further one.

A lot of men here need rules to abide by because they still don't understand the dynamics well enough for all these to flow (including me, in some aspects).
 

LARaiders85

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Sex on the first time you meet/date doesn't mean the woman is dumb or below your SMV or sh1t like that. It just means she is a rare woman with high interest that won't play games and wants to have a chance at 1)having sex with you regularly 2) possibly engaging you in a relationship further one.

A lot of men here need rules to abide by because they still don't understand the dynamics well enough for all these to flow (including me, in some aspects).
It means she's promiscuous but I don't think we are really screening for that out automatically anymore, and certainly we are willing to sleep with them regardless of relationship material.

Truth is, if a woman runs PERFECT game on you and then withholds sex its going to be pretty obvious she is just putting on a demure act. The more experienced the woman the better the seducer.
 

Spaz

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Here's a the thing, for some men a woman will withhold sex on many dates which you'll consider high smv or a good girl with good morals and yet the same woman will sleep with a different man on just 1 date.

Why is that ?

You boys need to fvck more then talk about promiscuity.
 

kbbroiler1971

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For women you say you only want me for sex I tell them that's your audition. You claim you are different and a cool chick. Start ****ing and sucking or get the **** out. I start up and tell women for me to get in deep with a woman it's all about her performance in bed. If they aren't down, bye. If they are down, I'll give them a chance. A woman saying you are only using me for sex is a **** test. Think about it. If I'm attracted to a woman then, of course, I want to have sex with her. For me, no sex no relationship and no waiting for sex either. It doesn't have to be the same night but Leykis 101. If she doesn't have sex with you by the third date or meeting, move on to the next.
 
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backseatjuan

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Display high value and let her wonder! I just had a crappy date, sh1t. HB 7, tall girl, I’m 5’11 she’s 3 or 4 inches taller, no heals. I’ll be honest, I dreamed of dating a tall girl, and this today was a surprise to me, she didn’t have her height in her profile, I was intimidated. It’s a scary experience! She hasn’t listed having kid in her profile either, it came up during our whatsapp convo just the day before the date, so here is only a fling for me, althought not ons. She did have all the sh1t going for her in terms of an interesting career as a programmer, that’s just awesome, programming is one of my hobbies. Cap’t excitet here shows up on date on time, that’s just my thing, I know next one I’ll be late. Red flag, she shows up 23 minutes later, I just said to myself f this, I’m gonna wait here have a smoke, after all she has a kid she gonna sh1t test my ass. She was already a fling for me as I said, but I came there with sh1t test mentality anyway, she be late she failed! Shows up and she’s boring as fvck! Don’t drink. We have a coffee and fing fruit cake for hour and a half, I had two coffees, I picked all the sh1t for her even coffee. We have a lul, I say f it, I chill untill she begins talking. No escalation no sh1t not even talk about us, just boring conversations about work and past and sh1t. Then I end it and take her out on a boring ass walk towards my place, she tries talking and initiating conversation and sh1t. We don’t kiss or hold hands, nothing sexual! I tried zero anything. Two red flags her being late and having a kid. Plus she’s boring as a person herself, she’s a nerd. Although in the right hands she’d be a freak. I wonder how good she svcks d1ck. I’ll fvck her next time, next week on the second date if she’s down for it, which she will be.
 

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ubercat

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+1 for Masers comment. The better class of girls normally need to feel some connection before they put out. As long as they keep turning up and showing interest it's all good. They've done their part and you have to arrange the landing.

I think OP handled this one fine. In this case he wanted to show that he has low tolerance for dramas

Unfortunately the reality of plating is that it does generate some drama. But the benefits far outweigh
 

Chi Town

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It doesn't matter if it was the right thing or not, you made a grown up decision and followed you're instinct which is what you are suppose to do, who cares how she respond to it, if she's still hanging around or still staying in contact with you then you are fine......

You showed her you don't play games and don't have time for nonsense.....
 

mrgoodstuff

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This sex by date two or three rule. Really? This is a rule for men, not women, by the way.

Women don’t go around thinking “gee, I better abide by the second/ third date rule.”

If a guy wants to dump a girl for not putting out on the second date that’s his right but it’s not something she did wrong, other than date a guy who decided to forgo potential sex because of a date rule that he basically made for himself.

Not seeing the logic in that but can see lots of missed opportunities. For every one hot girl that is dumped by a guy who is holding himself accountable to a second date rule that really only affects him, there are 20+ guys who are more than happy to excercise a bit more patient and build a bit of comfort before sex.
Patience like 20-30 $50-$150 dates? The 3 date rule while it was invented by players to make sure they are fvcking now applies to all men to ensure they arent being strung along for dates.
 

MakaTakyn

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Hi i'm looking for someone to hook up with on a regular basis for a mutual agreement. Just reply me on the site: Get****a.com my nickname: MakaTakyn
 
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