The Professor
Don Juan
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How long should you do no contact rule with an ex?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
No contact
- Thread starter The Professor
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
backseatjuan
Banned
Purpose of no contact is to move on, find another woman. Forever man.
Romanemp22
Master Don Juan
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Like backseatjuan said, forever. When you're done with her, you're done and on to the next one.
BackInTheGame78
Moderator
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Firstly you need to ask yourself why you want her back and be honest with yourself as to if you want to really change during that time.
It differs depending on how you acted, the reason for the breakup and how long you were dating.
Anywhere from 21 to 60 days. The worse the breakup and the more beta you acted the longer you do it.
oldmanofthesea
Master Don Juan
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Be honest with why you would want to contact her again. If it is for any hope of getting back together, that ship has already sailed. Forget about it. Doesn’t work. If it is to “be friends,” first ensure you are 100%, absolutely, without a doubt, honest with yourself that you want a true platonic friendship with her, that you understand it will never be romantic, that you will never desire romance with her, and then ask yourself if you believe she will be a true friend.... the kind who invests in you as you invest in her.
99 times out of 100, the guy thinks he can get her back, or wants her back, whether he is willing to admit it to himself or others, and then the self justification comes along, “Oh I just want to make sure she is ok” or, “I don’t want any bad feelings and just want us to be friends.” But that’s not the real reason.
This is why the gold standard advice is to move on with your life, stay in no contact, and keep looking forward to your future.
99 times out of 100, the guy thinks he can get her back, or wants her back, whether he is willing to admit it to himself or others, and then the self justification comes along, “Oh I just want to make sure she is ok” or, “I don’t want any bad feelings and just want us to be friends.” But that’s not the real reason.
This is why the gold standard advice is to move on with your life, stay in no contact, and keep looking forward to your future.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
BackInTheGame78
Moderator
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Of course it can work. People get back together all the time. The problem is that very rarely has anything really changed and it only is a very short time until they realize it and break up again.
If you want to give this a try you need to ensure you are actually making quality changes in yourself after understanding what went wrong and what you need to fix.
Only necessary contact for the well being of the kids