ShizamDaMan
Master Don Juan
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Yeah, we are. It's true. Just look at what we put the poor people at Minuteman Pizza up to:
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
My friends and I are jerks
- Thread starter ShizamDaMan
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
diablo
Master Don Juan
So you and your friend had a good time taking turns eating a penis?
Funny picture.
Funny picture.
ShizamDaMan
Master Don Juan
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It was MANTASTIC!
But seriously, that thing was undercooked due to it's girth. It's still in the fridge. Oh the havoc I could cause with a phallus-shaped lump of sausage meat
ThreeStorms
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2002
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I'll never eat pizza again.
Warning to all DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PICTURE IF YOU LIKE PIZZA!!
Yeah, I am a sensitive one
Warning to all DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PICTURE IF YOU LIKE PIZZA!!
Yeah, I am a sensitive one
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Jake-inator
Senior Don Juan
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- Apr 24, 2005
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:crackup:
That is the most disgusting, sick, twisted, joke i've ever seen. Congrats.
That is the most disgusting, sick, twisted, joke i've ever seen. Congrats.
ShizamDaMan
Master Don Juan
- Joined
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Nah, I actually used a faux-German voice when I ordered the pizza. Think the yellow plutonian from Aqua Teen. I told them my name was Gunter Wernon, pronouncing the W as a V in my best imitation of an accent. So they just put it as Vernon.