Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

My Amazing LTR GF has a "Bad Past"

dietzcoi

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But..............

You should not be concerned about YOUR OWN past! You have to live with that no matter what.

The question is, do you want to take on somebody else's past as well?

If this is a LTR, this is a concern. If not, then not so much.

So, you are in a lifeboat. You know you have problems, such as lack of food and water. Now you see a woman floating in the water. The question is, do you want to take her and her problems into your lifeboat? Would you rather take a woman with a backpack full of food and water into the boat, or a woman who is starving and thirsty?

This is the issue!! Taking on somebody with problems.. welcoming them into YOUR world/

Be selfish and subjective here.. do not try to rationalize or excuse her behaviour. You have only one life. Your job is NOT to play CPT Sav-a-ho with your one life. Your job is to make sure you use your life wisely.

"The object of life is not to be with the majority. The object of life is to escape joining the ranks of the insane" - Marcus Aurelius

Dietzcoi
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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The main objective of this is to find a way for me to disengage from her past. Seriously, she never hurt anybody when she did them. She was single then. She regrets it wholly and admits it was very stupid of her.

But I am affected by it when it shouldnt. She has come to terms with my own past. I have hurt a lot of people in my past and stolen a lot of wives, fiances and girlfriends in my time (I was a great BF-destroyer back in my day, a trait that is making me insecure about my own relationship now).

Seriously if I can get over this hurdle we would have the best and most awesome relationship. Who else gets a massage before AND after sex? She has given up half of her things just to be with me. She has forgiven me for a lot of my own faults so as to not overcomplicate things by dwelling on my mistakes (most girls pine on that sh*t forever).

When I have time I will write up all the good things this gal has going for her. She has comments to me like "I dont want you to be like those wussies, spoiling their gfs like theres no tomorow. I'd rather you work on yourself to be the best you can do in life and find your purpose that waste your time on petty sh*t"...and proceeds to gobble me for another 55 minutes.
 

KontrollerX

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Rudy I'm curious do you sense that she is this into you because you are just that damn good of a DJ or do you feel that there is some other reason she wants you this badly?

I'm genuinely curious and don't mean to insult you in any way with the question its just that when things seem too good to be true they usually are.

Would you call the relationship with her one where she seems obessed with you or the healthier type where you both simply connect on all levels and thats why its so good?
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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I am glad you asked that question..we connect on a deeper level and we have a lot of fun. Her previous ex didn't give a crap about her or looked into her deeper and treated her like a woman. Most of her ex sucked at life and treated her badly, broke up with her over stupid reasons. Some dont even give her the affection she wants.

I encourage her and help in any way towards her life goals. I listened to her. I f*cked her hard...And I listened some more. I give her the emotional roller coaster ride everyone else is scared of. I never hesitated taking action with her and she loved that. And I f*cked her hard some more. I promised to her that I will be a better lover than all her exs have been combined. And I keep up with the promise and promptly told her if she treats me bad then someone else will get to take me. (I firmly planted the seed of walking away in her head and that she already knows other girls want me).

I was heavily spinning plates before I met her and when I was seeing her in the first place. She could see it in me that I had so many options (early in the year I had a bad breakdown which led me to not give a f*ck about things, I was sliding and never hesitate who I was sleeping with). She was bored with her bf, I always gave her that option of having an fun, meaningful and exciting life with me. She is probably the best and smoothest pick up I have ever had. Right now I can say I am doing well with women but sorry to say I am in a commited relationship.

I have never seen her play around with another guy or try to get someone's attention. I have told her about how people live life of unhappiness when they always try to look for greener pastures and chase the delusion of something better. How a partner you are in love with gives you a deeper experience than sleeping with tons of broads (as I have found, excitement does not equate to happiness)

I have told her about my past girls how they are always in a state of chaos and in deep, blind chase. Because they substitute long meaningful interactions with their impulse and superficial emotions to overqualify first impressions. Maybe I am full of sh*t. Most of the girls I've been with still find it hard to find good lovers. Some have, but a good DJ is hard to find. This town is a sausagefest, but very hard to find quality people.

She couldve ran off with hotter guys than me. But I have uncovered the whole shebang about males...the AFCs and how they are everywhere. I ask her "Would you really wanna be in that position?" Most guys she knows here worship alcohol and it gets old.

In saying these things about her, I cannot afford to be complacent. I am not going to sit back and just reap the reward without putting anything back in. Half the battle is only spending my time and effort with her. The other half is to do with what I am doing with my life, family, future and my reality. You can't just bask in the glory of knowing what to do with a woman, you have to have something else going in your life and it can't just be something average. Some people believe that to be DJ all you do is have learn these hoo-has in attracting broads left right and centre.

Our rule is, you only get what you put in. It is not a question of "expecting favours" but a matter of fairness and the opportunity to experience a fuller relationship. This is the only time you can sit back after putting in the hard yards, to give her the chance to shine within the relationship and do her thing. And then I f*ck her hard.

I think I have been very aggressive in this relationship. When we go on road trips, I start feeling her and then stop the car. I say "take your panties off, get in the back". She loves that kind of aggressiveness and no bullsh*t approach. When she makes silly little mistakes, I say "OH no, now you have to go upstairs..."And then I f*ck her hard.

I better stop talkin sh*t before I jinx myself and I get a fonecall saying she has met an absolute animal and she just wants to be friends. But yea you get the idea. We have a lot of things that we enjoy (apart from history) and if it wasn't for that I see myself staying with this girl for as long as possible.
 

duke007

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I read your first and last post Rudy, that is amazing sh1t!

you seem to be one of the few guys that get it...the emotional connection and the dominant hard f*cking...no wonder you have her infatuated.

F*ck her past....any girl will change for the better with a DJ like yourself (and not the fake DJs here that just look for meaningless ONSes).

I'm actually finding myself in the same situation now (troubled past girl falling for me). Go with your gut dude....I am.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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yea for the time we have been going out I have tried to find a way to get out of the relationship but only her past is the only reason (logical?) yea she has not treated with me significant disrespect. seriously if she didnt have this history I would have no doubt be marrying this girl but for some stupid thing she did when she was young this has put a lot of complications. i have little room for tolerance for any crap WITHIN the relationship with past girls but she has won me over a lot of other girls I was seeing. (If she found an empty packet of my chocolates visible from the trash can, later on the day I come home with two neatly presented in bed)

So duke, how were able to deal with your girl? Did you have a solution?
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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If people are saying here....that I am insecure, silly, judgmental, hasty, capt-save-a-ho, and all that...yes I may have to agree to them BUT..

...how do I stop being like this and how do I get on with life and be happy.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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I went on to read some real life letters of response to another person who had a similar problem as mine. The gf told her bf about her MMF experience and as we all would do, he freaked out, showed resentment, cast judgment and got distant. As normal he was sad and unhappy, uncomfortable and lost it...but stayed on for a bit to try and work it out.

Then all the posters (females of course) were saying that the guy is a "jerk a*sshole bastard insecure wimp, p*ssy, abusive , control freak" simply because he was not ok with her threesome.

Basically these female posters cast the same judgment on the boyfriend as most of the guys here cast the same judgment on my girlfriend. See where this is pretty f*cked up? Wow they seriously want this guy dead!!! (I pretty much concluded that these females are fat, lonely feminist and sl*ts themselves who say you go girl whenever they go "liberate" themselves to the point of social, emotional, traditional, family, ethics/principles, class and physical degradation.

They were seriously recommending the poster (the gf who had the threesome) to throw out his stuff, call the cops, leave him without telling him etc...al because he was not happy about it.

What is wrong with the world these days? I would be so damn suicidal if one of these women are my own mother. They think there are no boundaries to everything that damn want to do.

Some of girls these days expect their men to be "happy" with the girls threesome, but they get extremely judgmental about their bf's BJ in an alley from a stranger a few years ago. Some females call out double standard when they the worst of the worst.

Think about the divorce rates, families with no love, f*cked up emo children, fights and abusive relationships because people take the easy way (yet cowardly) to just cast judgment and they go f*ck all these other people just cos it is "liberating" and also it is the best way to get over things. These feminist preach on things they want and never have to pay for consequences and sh*t.

I hate this god-damn effeminate and feminist matrix. THEY WANT ALL THE GLORY, PRIZE, THE BEST WITHOUT WORKING FOR IT OR PAYING FOR THE CONSEQUENCE!!!!

I hate being stuck in the middle of all this crap. I know she won't do it again. I don't want a threesome. Hell even my own mother and my sister could do the same treatment for their husbands as my gf has done for me. I relly wish there would be more women like my mother and sister. They can satisfy their husbands with so much valuable stuff, emotional support, be a strong female figure and lover and unconditional love. Some women these days praise that they only want to be sexually glorified and not be victimised for not being good on anything else, yet they cry foul when they get seen or used as a piece of meat. I really hate this new movement of women who want to have this "Keeping up with the Jones' GANGBANGs. Sometimes I think I am going prude as I get old. I wouldnt have a threesome. Sure I would love it but I think long term these days...How it is going to affect me as a growing human being and how I would raise my kids "MY DADDY IS A MANWH*RE"

But there is the HOR MATRIX. Should I be blissfully ignorant or the edgy, paranoid realist?

I know I would regret it if I break up with my girl. 10 years down the line I would think to myself, "That was a very stupid reason I broke up with her for." I guess I am not mature enough to be secure but then again who can stomach this sort of situation? But I am willing to do whatever it takes and man up to my own insecurities and work smart to fix it.

My girl has done nothing wrong to me. She couldn't do me wrong in a year what any girl in my past has done in a week.
 

aliasguy

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
I went on to read some real life letters of response to another person who had a similar problem as mine. The gf told her bf about her MMF experience and as we all would do, he freaked out, showed resentment, cast judgment and got distant. As normal he was sad and unhappy, uncomfortable and lost it...but stayed on for a bit to try and work it out.

Then all the posters (females of course) were saying that the guy is a "jerk a*sshole bastard insecure wimp, p*ssy, abusive , control freak" simply because he was not ok with her threesome.

Basically these female posters cast the same judgment on the boyfriend as most of the guys here cast the same judgment on my girlfriend. See where this is pretty f*cked up? Wow they seriously want this guy dead!!! (I pretty much concluded that these females are fat, lonely feminist and sl*ts themselves who say you go girl whenever they go "liberate" themselves to the point of social, emotional, traditional, family, ethics/principles, class and physical degradation.

They were seriously recommending the poster (the gf who had the threesome) to throw out his stuff, call the cops, leave him without telling him etc...al because he was not happy about it.

What is wrong with the world these days? I would be so damn suicidal if one of these women are my own mother. They think there are no boundaries to everything that damn want to do.

Some of girls these days expect their men to be "happy" with the girls threesome, but they get extremely judgmental about their bf's BJ in an alley from a stranger a few years ago. Some females call out double standard when they the worst of the worst.

Think about the divorce rates, families with no love, f*cked up emo children, fights and abusive relationships because people take the easy way (yet cowardly) to just cast judgment and they go f*ck all these other people just cos it is "liberating" and also it is the best way to get over things. These feminist preach on things they want and never have to pay for consequences and sh*t.

I hate this god-damn effeminate and feminist matrix. THEY WANT ALL THE GLORY, PRIZE, THE BEST WITHOUT WORKING FOR IT OR PAYING FOR THE CONSEQUENCE!!!!

I hate being stuck in the middle of all this crap. I know she won't do it again. I don't want a threesome. Hell even my own mother and my sister could do the same treatment for their husbands as my gf has done for me. I relly wish there would be more women like my mother and sister. They can satisfy their husbands with so much valuable stuff, emotional support, be a strong female figure and lover and unconditional love. Some women these days praise that they only want to be sexually glorified and not be victimised for not being good on anything else, yet they cry foul when they get seen or used as a piece of meat. I really hate this new movement of women who want to have this "Keeping up with the Jones' GANGBANGs. Sometimes I think I am going prude as I get old. I wouldnt have a threesome. Sure I would love it but I think long term these days...How it is going to affect me as a growing human being and how I would raise my kids "MY DADDY IS A MANWH*RE"

But there is the HOR MATRIX. Should I be blissfully ignorant or the edgy, paranoid realist?

I know I would regret it if I break up with my girl. 10 years down the line I would think to myself, "That was a very stupid reason I broke up with her for." I guess I am not mature enough to be secure but then again who can stomach this sort of situation? But I am willing to do whatever it takes and man up to my own insecurities and work smart to fix it.

My girl has done nothing wrong to me. She couldn't do me wrong in a year what any girl in my past has done in a week.


See, THIS post is why I encourage all to ACCEPT the world, and women, and men, too, AS THEY ARE. Expectations of fairness, faithfulness, honesty, and all other pollyanna cr*p are doomed to disappointment, eventually.

I'm not saying that there aren't good people, or that good things don't happen. And it's ok to seek those good things, and to try to surround yourself with good people. But never allow yourself to fall into complacency. Expect only that people will behave as they behave.

You will be pleasantly surprised with good things sometimes. Grab those little crumbs of "goodness" and treasure them. Because you will be hit with bad stuff more often. It's not an EVIL world, it just IS.

Wanting the world and other people to be AS YOU WISH rather than AS THEY ARE is the MAIN source of the frustration which led to Rudy's rant above. Rudy sounds like a good guy. He wants to be happy. He wants this girl, who he likes and who treats him well, to be happy, too. And he's not going to be happy, and he's not going to help her in her pursuit of happiness, if he keeps on wanting things to be different than they ARE.

I'm not saying he should ignore the threesome stuff. I'm not saying he should like it or find it abhorrent. That's up to him. But, the truth is the truth. She did it. She might have done more, we don't know. But whatever she did, she did. If he wants to break up over that issue, it's ok to do so. If he wishes to continue with her, that's ok, too. But he needs to decide. Weigh out the "bad past" (which I personally don't think is all THAT bad, but we all have our own measuring sticks) against the quality of the relationship now. And then, depending upon how it all weighs out, then dump her or don't. Either choice seems reasonable in this situation (at least to me.) It just depends on what he wants to do.

But to continue with this attitude of H_ors, matrix, divorce, crumbling society, etc., and BEMOANING it accomplishes nothing except continuing his frustration. I know Rudy is likely merely venting here, but I believe he will be happier later if he begins to accept the world as it is.

Accept the "good." Accept the "bad." No expectations. There is no big conspiracy. It's just life. Life in a confusing social climate, with "confusing" women. But just life. Seek not for "fairness," "goodness," etc. where it does not lie. Rejoice when you stumble upon it.
 

MacAvoy

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Rudy,

if you still haven't been able to get over it after all this time, maybe you should just think about one guy ramming her pvssy while she's sucking the other guy's c0ck at the same time.

Then picture that every time you see her. Your problem will be solved in no time at all cuz she won't be in the picture much longer if you think of her taking 2 c0cks at the same time every time you see her sweet innocent face.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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ALIASGUY. Great post...Excellent! Yes I think the root of my problem is because I dont take things the way they are I was trying to change things the way I WANT/WISH. The frustration that grew from thisis my own fault and not of hers.

Yes I was venting, What is wrong with the world today blah blah...it is a bad thing rambling on about, but you, sir, have opened up my eyes to it. I am not going to waste my life on those bad things and rather head towards real happiness. As much as there are EVILs in the world, there are also a lot of GOOD. And if I want to see good then it is only fair that I contribute towards it. My gal has done more good towards fellow human beings that I think I claimed to have.

Yes she had friends like those feminsta with an overly compensated sense of self-importance. They led to her a lot of things which are not consistent of who she really is in person.

Its been many months that I have been agonising over this issue. But by reminiscing about the goodness crumbs over this girl is way more than sufficient to even think long term with her. I must confess I do regress where I have terrible flashbacks of images of her past. I know it is immature and unfair but it is something I do not have control over. I just want a solution. It is stupid to hope for her to un-f*uck people.

I have been so insecure and immature over my girl's past. I must admit I am the most luckiest guy for her to be staying with me and seeing that I could snap out of it. She can see the good in me.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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macavoy I am with her...she worked so hard to get me back. She couldve moved on but dedicated most of her time on me. There was all these guys after her but she not a single bit of attention towards them. I know that for sure because I am with her most of the time. Plus I have way too many eyes and ears that friends offer (big social circle) and theyve all seen her out and about and does not do a single thing shady. Lol if I was her I would have left my sorry a*ss ages ago for putting up with a lot of crap.
 

MacAvoy

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My point isn't about her, she isn't the problem, we all know that. Its you and after all these months, nothings changed. You still feel the same way. Now that you've reinforced these thoughts in your mind for a few months, you can't just make them disappear.

The fact is by thinking about it for these past few months, you've only made it worse. I guarantee you this relationship will not last because you will never be able to get over this. Its something that is firmly ingrained in your head.

You've brainwashed yourself these past few months and there is no escaping that. You need to be a man and start being assertive, you have to take back your life. Take control of your mind. Move on and find yourself a good women, or enjoy the next few months with her because it won't last longer than a year.

Mark my words. I'll name my next born child after you, if this relationship makes it 5 years. Can you say that you believe in your relationship with her that much?





I didn't think so. So you can either wake up and face reality, that you'll never be able to shake this or you can continue to live with your blinders on. Its your choice.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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Thanks remotecontrol lol...I am finding myself sliding back down again cos of u hehe...I am trying to accept her past as something tucked away never to be repeated again...A mistake, mispent short phase of youth experimentation that even when we were first friends, have told me she swore never to do again. She had no reason to lie about that back then. Ive done nasty crap too. But it is highly unfair to judge me as that person and to say I am forever f*cked in the head.
 

dietzcoi

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Remote Control nailed it... right on the head.

What man wants a woman with that past? Answer: A man who thinks he cannot do better.

I know it is uncharitable to think this way, but your risk your future life if you don't protect yourself from broken women.

Believe me, I have lived it, and know better (now)

Dietzcoi
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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she did those 2 years ago and has regretted it and then just stuck on proper relationships and going back to college and then bettering herself.

but the guys here who have done threesomes any better? i could do the same so just i could find it easier to move on.

honestly she hasnt done anything wrong by me the year we have been together...so why break up over the past now.
 

Technical1

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Hey man, you already know the answer.

Isnt one of the cardinal rules to this **** the following:

CARDINAL RULE NUMBER 1 of HUMAN INTERACTION:
Always trust your gut feeling.

You are using reasoning, philosophy, theorizing, comparison
of morality systems, and other forms of analysis, to combat
what your gut feelings tell you.

I want a 'good girl' for an LTR. You dont even want a 'good girl', you
just want a girl who wasnt a crazy freak for a few years. You want
a normal girl! Guess what? There are tons of them!
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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I have just had so many mixed feeling about this that it is a bit hard to go back to my initial gut feeling.

As most people would say, why ruin a good relationship by digging into something that was a long time ago.
 
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