My Amazing LTR GF has a "Bad Past"

Don Juanabbe

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
I've been going out with this girl (21, I'm 23) for nearly 6 months (she's been my longest) and so far things have been so good compare to my previous flings and hook ups.

She treats me like a king (as my friend says, kisses the ground I walk on) she doesn't go out clubbing or has a lil drink unless she is with me. Calls and txts me all the time without me having to initiate lately. She buys me heaps of treats and other sappy stuff and does all a typical good girlfriend does. To top it off she is on the same level of sex drive as I am.

She has high grades with physiotherapy, teaches lil kids how to swim, teaches aqua aerobics and regularly volunteers for charity events and camps. She has a very strong family relationship too.

To my horror she has revealed to me her rebellious past (compare to what she is now). She had a F-Buddy for about 6 months to which she had a threesome with his male friend. WTF!! She also had another threesome with her female friend and her friend's work colleague! After that she went on to sleep with her FB for a couple more times until she met a new guy and settled down with him for nearly a year. It was nearly a year they were going out until I "stole" her from him because he hasn't been in the country for over 4 months and was stuffing her around when he could finally be with her.

She lost her virginity at 17 and has only slept with 7 guys in total (4 LTRs and 3FBs from 3somes, her "rebel" stage). 7 guys is a very small number for a 21 yr old. But I just can't get over her little s'lutty stage. She explained that she was a real good girl back in high school who never drank, took drugs, didnt lose virginity until 17 when everyone else lost it at 14, worked her a'ss off and never pi'ssed off her parents. So I guess she was breaking out and had a "system overload" then got it out of her system. The main problem I have with her is her threesomes and her cheating (from her previous boyfriend to me)

I've been with a lot of girls and this one has been awesome. I am falling for her big time (which is a first) but I feel that the past is holding me back. I literally feel disgusted and can't touch her or look at her whenever I get a visual of what shes done.

It really eats me up and I feel like it is robbing me of a healthy relationship. I am sick of the old lifestyle I had before I met her because I was just sleeping with a lot of other girls and everything was just a mask to make me happy on the surface. Now I dont even think about all the useless things and actually got a better direction in life (DJing too much is actually bad for your WELLBEING!!!)

So please, I am asking advice from the experience DJs.

PS And NO I am not going to ask her for a threesome...I have worked hard on this relationship to lose it to a petty fantasy.
Sorry, but her f*cking two other guys is a huge red flag to me.
 

Don Juanabbe

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Holland said:
Can anyone say... Pre-judice?

Damn dude, what's so wrong with a threesome?
I would do one if I was single or if my girl had bisexual interests.
Sex doesn't equal love. They are two seperate things. You can blend the two with the woman you love and you'll both be in for a beautifull experience. That is a recommendation if you want to live life to the fullest, but it doesn't mean you can't experiment with your sexuality (especially while you're single).

Fix your sexuality issues, man.
You really need to find a dating site for homosexuals, because you sound like one.
 

Don Juanabbe

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Holland said:
HELLO???
You people act like being in a threesome is a fuucking SIN.
Rudy, this has nothing to do with you. She just wanted to have some fun back then. The only way you're going to fucck up your relationship is by judging her like this.

Don't listen to LMS, if you would ever get to the point of getting

he'll be the priest wedding you and afterwards molesting your children because of his sexually repressed nature.

Don't buy into this BS. Truth is that you would've done the same if you had an opportunity to have a threesome with 2 gals in the past.

Just be openminded. If I were you I'd ask her about the positive aspects of it (especially the one with the 2 gals of course). Maybe you might get her interested for an ONS with girl you can pick up together at a bar. Wouldn't that be awesome ;)

Tip: To all the people who are ranting against this girl: "Who are the ones that are acting neurotic and who are the ones that are acting healthy?"
I think the answer is clear.

Dude, you are stuck in a homosexual mindset.
 

Don Juanabbe

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What was the eventual outcome and how did you feel afterwards.

I could break up with her, easy as that. But I will feel like crap for so long. So yea it doesn't make it any easier. We've been fighting on and off recently. I feel like the harmony has been disturbed.
I've dated one girl who used to have threesomes with another girl and guy. She was messed in the head, played mind games, and was an all around freak. I also have a woman acquaintence who does two guys at once frequently - she's a mess, an truly miserable excuse for a human being, and diseased too - not only down there, but in her mind as well.
 

Don Juanabbe

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Albion10 said:
But who the hell cares? We're talking about a sexual experience here, not some guys ability to pay his mortgage. You really think someone who's had a "kinky" experience is irresponsible? I'd be happier then ****e to be with a kinky chick. I've been in enough relationships that have ended because of boredom in the bedroom to think otherwise. Kinky means she'll always be willing to be experimental and keep things exciting in bed. It doesn't mean she's gonna max all your credit cards. lol

I can still remember the first chick that wanted to stick a vibrator in my ass. I was a little taken back and disagreeable at the time but I figured what the hell. I wouldn't think twice again. Does that mean I'm gay, or that I'd make a bad partner? lol!

-Al
Sorry mate, but if you took a dildo up your butt, then you are a 100% homosexual.
 

Don Juanabbe

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Holland said:
No, your neurotic attitude is hurting people.

Murdering people is something destructive and unhealthy. Sex (including threesomes) is something that is constructive and healthy.
If it's not it's called sexual assault/rape/whatever. This was not the case in Rudy's situation.

Stop reinforcing this man's sex issues. It's the last thing he needs right now :down:
You sound exactly like a homosexual. Unbelievable.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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So some of you are saying....it doesn't matter if you have the most near-perfect life, the biggest contribution to other people, loved and cared so much for another,has a great future etc....but if the girl had an experimental stage with 2 guysjust ONCE...then that girl is scum for life?
 

Don Juanabbe

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
I just broke up with her. Her good friend who got her in a threesome just busted her way into visiting her and staying for a few days. I just find it very disrespectful and insulting but her friend insists on coming because she doesnt want to refund her ticket. And my gal (well ex) said she couldnt stop her from coming cos she's worried about their friend ending their friendship.

Neither could compromise. My gal (ex) said said she tried convincing her not to come but not enough to go somewhere else but to no avail.

I hope it was all worth it to lose me. This is not an ultimatum, but a question on where who's credibility, loyalty and integrity lie.

I am hurt but at least there is a solution.
This is the problem with the homosexual/bi-sexual mind set. Anything goes as long as it makes ME feel good. This is how they justify their depraevd existence, where if you have sex with someone else you can get away with it.

I would walk away from this hor. Find yourself a nice girl, you don't want to have a LTR with a hor.
 

Don Juanabbe

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
So some of you are saying....it doesn't matter if you have the most near-perfect life, the biggest contribution to other people, loved and cared so much for another,has a great future etc....but if the girl had an experimental stage with 2 guysjust ONCE...then that girl is scum for life?
Yes.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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Dude I just broke up with a girl whos treated me way better then ALL of the girls I have ever been with. She even treats me better than my own mother. She's the longest LTR, no other girl has even been with me longer than half the time she's invest in me.

This is pretty hard you know, I just dont want to wake up with a headful of regret.
 

knglerxt

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
7 guys is a very small number for a 21 yr old.


Since when did 7 partners for a 21 year old become normal? Where are you guys meeting these girls?
 

Sandow

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When I was younger, this would habe totally bothered me! But you know what? Who Cares! Seriously, the past is the past and there is nothing you can do about it.

You should never judge a person's character based on the past. Look at all the things you've done in the past, you may not have had those 3somes, but I'm sure you've had a lot more partners and one night stands. Also, it's so much easier for girls to be thrown into these situations, they're always being hit on and having guys chasing them. A few drinks later, a lot of persisitance, and they can easily find themselves in an awkward situation.

Im more mature now, and you know what, the sexual past for girls I date is only going to get worse. You get to certain point where you just kind of accept things they have done in the past. Quite frankly, I don't care. To be honest, I think everyone should have as much experience as they can before they tie the knot.

But I feel you brother, it definitely leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. Just know this, everyone has their past, but what's most important is the fact that she's with you know. That's the only thing that should matter. Always look forward in life. Create your future, because the past is done, but the future is in your hands to create. Hope this helps.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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KX, she rode to my place in the middle of the night to try and get me back. And she ended up walking home crying when I couldn't take her back.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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I've slept with around 15 girls...one night stands, other people's partners, FBs, casual thing...and only ONE proper LTR.....does that make me scum??
 

belividere

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
So some of you are saying....it doesn't matter if you have the most near-perfect life, the biggest contribution to other people, loved and cared so much for another,has a great future etc....but if the girl had an experimental stage with 2 guysjust ONCE...then that girl is scum for life?
I'm not as caught up in the hatred towards the non-virgins or the love of hors as some of the folks on this thread BUT it seems to me like once she told you about her past she realized her vulnerability.

Actions dont mean **** when your judging a vulnerable person. Back someone into a corner and pull a knife out. They'll pretend to be something they aren't just so they dont get hurt. That is why she was acting like the best thing you could ever get (which by the way I'm sure you'll soon find out isn't true). By treating you so well it was her own fvcked up way of apologizing for her past and trying to make you not think about it. Her mentioning her past early on was likely an attempt to gain leverage in the beginning but when it got serious it turned against her.

How long would her overly loving attitude have lasted anyways?

Move on and learn from what you just went through. As much as every situation is unique you (ironically) can use your past relationships to know what to want and how to qualify future girls. IME the over the top do anything for you after 2 months type of girls are the ones who are trying to overcompensate for some fvcked up past and tend to undergo a rapid transgression once they get reel you in.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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Shes treated me like a king since day one until the day I told her it is over. Thats nearly 9 months.

Her slut friend came in and I thought I would talk to her and F*CK...talk about arrogance and self importance...she was like ohh I've been here and there I work with kids with cancer you should accept her past and if not get the **** out attitude....f*ckin wh*re she is...she was on this bullsh*t moral high horse...saying ohhh I had absolutely nothing to do with the break up with me being here, I don't feel guilty about this.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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She never overcompensated about her past...I was developing an issue once i fell for her after a few months.

she was treatin me like a king even when she thought i was ok with things.
 

mofro

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I haven't read all the posts, but...isn't honesty what a mature individual looks for in a relationship? Its a sign of weakness to tell her to hide her past, but I see nothing wrong with being bothered by it. Just take it like a man an let her vent things onto you (within reason) and give her a shoulder to lean on. That's why she told you btw, she couldn't keep it bottled up from you any longer. Eventually my gf asked me "don't you wonder how many guys i've been with" and I was very satisfied with the answer (1, her high school bf). I'd have been just as happy if she said 7, because now she is only with me, and as far as i can tell will be for the foreseeable future.

She loves you enough, and thinks that you love her enough in turn, to show you the skeletons in her closet. Thats huge, man! And as far as taking her past to mean she liked to sleep around, dont. It means she enjoys pleasure and isn't afraid to seek it out in the most appropriate manner. Women really arent that much different from guys when they break free of the role society assigns them. They want love and affection just like we do (don't kid yourself, if you found "the one" you would marry on the spot today), want acceptance from society, and above all, want to do their own thing.
 

Johnny Soporno

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mofro said:
Eventually my gf asked me "don't you wonder how many guys i've been with" and I was very satisfied with the answer (1, her high school bf). I'd have been just as happy if she said 7
I'd have been infinitely more happy if, in the same situation, mine answered '120, but most of those were one-nighters', or '500, but almost all of there were clients'.

Women who haven't got PLENTY of historical sexual experience require A) lots of step-by-step coaching in order to become ANY good, and B) tend to become inescapably attached [virtually unflushable!] if you're the first guy to bring them off substantially.

Johnny Soporno
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