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My Amazing LTR GF has a "Bad Past"

mofro

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She fits B but not A. I'm guessing she learned a lot with the guy in HS, in fact he asked her to marry him when she graduated highschool but she turned him down. He had been treating her like **** or something, and like any good female DJ (what would you call that?) she dumped him for his transgressions. I'd be proud of her if she dumped me for the same reason, in fact. Nobody, male or female, should ever feel like they're not wanted and respected by their significant other.

It was plainly obvious that her and him were nowhere near as close as her and I are (went to the same school), and knowing that sex brings people closer, I'm pretty sure that I give her a lot more pleasure than he ever did.

Anyways (I realized I'm getting away from the thread topic), it doesn't really matter to me how many guys she's been with. I'd love her just the same because of who she is NOW. I've changed a ton in the last couple years, who knows if you're gf hasn't too?
 

Dilberto

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Her telling you about her past in detail.....prolly means she finally wants to come clean about her "wild days" Give her that much respect, for one. People DO CHANGE....as long as it's not YOU making them do it. If she has decided to settle down with you, then explain to her you are still uneasy about her past. She shouldn't try too hard to convince you....because that's where YOU should learn to let it go, and accept her for everything you love about her...and forget the REST.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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I was rather insulted and angry because her best friend, who they both had a threesome with her friend's FB, was visiting her here for a few weeks. They didn't go down on each other but only just made out, it wasn't a full blooded antics.

We were already having a few issues and one of them was dealing with her past and having her friend here would be downright disrespect and insulting. It was hard enough cos she has to leave the country for TWO MONTHS with her family. Then I get the bomb saying oh im sorry shes staying the weekend because her friend is so friggin arrogant and ****y who has to prove her self-importance and not being considerate with our space and business. blah blah, saying I "must" embrace her past if I really love her yadi yadi feminista crap etc.

To be honest, she's been the greatest I have ever come across but dealing with her insecurity and her nasty past is taking a bit of time, understanding and acceptance.
 

dietzcoi

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Rudy

C'mon, really, did you think this was the girl for you? REALLY???

It is easy for a third party to see that this was a disaster waiting to happen.

All the CPT Sav-a-hoes on here were wrong, all of us who called her out on her past actions were right.

If this were a trial, I would rest my case now. Case closed!!!

Dietzcoi
 

cmos

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Age matters

Personally, I think she was really young when she did all that crap. A sure sign of maturity is honesty and her willingness and courage to face her past. On the other hand, she din't tell you this right of the bat, just to be honest. It was part of a game before you were even together. Also, all these vows about leaving the country and not seeing anyone for 3 months are pretty childish to me.
The sure sign of wether to keep her is if she's actually adding any value to your life. By this, I don't mean just making you laugh, or doing nice stuff for you. I mean teaching/imparting values, knowledge & expierience or encouraging you constantly to improve YOURSELF and be more ambitious or calling you on your bull**** i.e things that make a quality woman. I know my present girlfriend has kissed a guy when she was away on student exchange behind her then-boyfriend's back. She admitted this to me without me ever asking her. So even though it still haunts me sometimes, I try to remember that she was only 19 then.
Both of you are still in the maturing stage(as am I) and will probably change a lot in the next 2/3 years. And as corny as this may sound, my gut tells me that you should grow up together & not apart.
 

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Rudy_TubeSteak

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How many "awesome" girls are there who you've thought were the one....and then kept some nasty a'ss secret?

How many djs are there with a clean cut record?

I have had no one treated me better than this girl nor even kept my attention for as long as she had? I have never met anyone who has helped me grow together and help me reach my goals more than anyone.

Seriously, I still don't understand why my own thoughts betray me when even I think to myself I am worse when it comes to my pasts and treated girls including this one fairly bad on some occasion. Maybe this social conditioning of having the most immaculate and pure girl on this side of the village is the most important goal of courtship.

I'm sure most people even the most prudish -looking ones have a very dark fantasy they would kill to fulfill, but very scared of what society would think of them. I know most people would do them if NO ONE ever gets to know.
 
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She treats you good, hey? So if a monkey treated you good, would you be enamored with it or would you still see it as a monkey?
 

MacAvoy

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Ok a couple of problems I've notice Rudy. I remember this thread, and I went back and read the rest of it.

First problem is I think you made a critical mistake. I can understand you being upset if it was the guy friend who came and visited her. But do you really think that this broad is that devious that she's going to seduce her into having a 3some with her again. They were BEST FRIENDS, you can't expect a chick to drop her best friend because your insecure. Do you realize how AFC that comes across?

Consider yourself lucky, she didn't drop you.

Second thing is who cares. Like I said on page 2 or 3, your young and not likely to marry this women, it was a fling and it was fun while it lasted. Now move on to the next one. Yes she was a great women, and better than all the others you've had but as you go out there and experience more women, guess what, you'll figure out that she wasn't THE VERY LAST GOOD WOMEN ON EARTH, there are plenty more out there.

There are a tonne of good quality women out there. Yes there are a whack of scaley wh0res, chicks with issues/baggage etc... and you have to wade through them, but there are also quality women, she wasn't the last on earth.

So pick yourself up, dust off and get back on the horse. Don't look back, move forward.

Third is your setting yourself up for major oneitis. Putting her on a pedastool, all you talk about is how she treated you like a king. I bet your going to be pining over the one you let get away for the next year even though your the one who gave her the boot. This is the most important point, I can't stress it enough.

You need to stop focussing on how good she was. Yes you had a great time, now its time to move on. The fact is you've spent the past 2 1/2 months trying to get over this issue and couldn't. There is a reason for that, accept that you weren't meant for each other, take a mental note of the lesson for the future and get out there and gain new experiences.
 

drak_ool

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i actually took the time to re-read this whole thread to get the story straight.

Wanted to point out 1 thing that i didn't see anybody mention: she said she s only been wit 7 guys? and she s only had 2 3somes? And you believed that? I personally believe that girls will downplay their "numbers", ESPECIALLY when they re trying to get into/maintain a LTR.

another thing was her age... 21? That is still fvcking young. Ya, she might have changed but to say she put her past behind her is still premature. Like somebody else said before, she will still be changing a lot for at least 2-3 years so you have no idea where that road is leading her

You should move on. And by the way, how much has your game regressed in the 9 months you were wit her? Are you sure you re not clinging on to her (memory) because now you can't go out there and score a chick half this hot?
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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so if there was ever a 100 point GF-Test....

That gal would have come close to scoring 99...the "1" thing she failed was the sexual history test.

Now tell me how many girls do you think would getting perfect scores...let alone one who would give you the time of the world.
 

Moofahsa

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
so if there was ever a 100 point GF-Test....

That gal would have come close to scoring 99...the "1" thing she failed was the sexual history test.

Now tell me how many girls do you think would getting perfect scores...let alone one who would give you the time of the world.
The sexual history test is worth 50 points.

The ***** failed.

Move on bro, she will find some scum to hook up with and live happily ever after with 4 kids...while you'll be looking for the real prize.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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ok so...ive slept with twice as many partners as she has, made out with easily 5 times that...

and so because of this, in the name of morality, i should dump this girl (for a thing she did a couple of years before us).....and that i should sleep with as many girls to try find the prize? how does that justify that?
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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i think she has proven herself that shes come a long way...we are nearly a year together and she has made so much effort to make this relationship work despite all the setbacks we (or she) had.

ive hung out with other women and frankly, most of them just pissed me off and a turn off...of course i wanna sleep with them but it wouldnt fix this situation. most of them are attention ho's if they're any fun to begin with...some are just too boring or frigid if they're the type who don't have any sort of history...trust me i have met n hung out with tons of women already. and most of them dont seem to impress me much with superficial crap.

honestly she could've ran off with any other top dog guy, this town is a real sausagefest. but she chose to invest nearly all that she's got into me. ive walked away so many times and she went chasing and making up for it..even if it was my fault. ive hurt this girl more than her history has hurt me. ur typical ho wouldv'e just hooked another poor sucker after another.

but if this end up horribly wrong i still know how the game works. i still have a fair amount of gals who would jump at the chance to be with me..i mite even dabble in 3somes just to this crap of my head to see if its any different.

but next time..it is definitely a case of "DONT ASK, DONT TELL" or make sure the girl has a clean history.
 

Potbelly

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Sounds like a great girl to me man. Don't ALWAYS let something from her past stop something great from happening.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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when i have time to write up all her good traits you will understand why this was a bigger issue than anyone could fix with a flash judgment. i just finished talkin to her..she was busy helping her mother with a lot of stuff (hardly anyone does that), she's already bought 2 presents for me for my bday next month and has been working out heaps to take good care of her body and mind. and she is asking when i can have time for her cos she wants to call me.

the list of her good traits doesnt just cover superficial stuff i can find in another girl..these are the ones that take time, effort and commitment with me. this is why it was so hard to decide to dump a girl over her history. if she didnt have these traits i wouldve walked away in a split sec never to come back ever
 

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Sun Tzu

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Let me ask you this... Have the negative feelings dissapated over the past few months, or are they still as strong now as they were when you first posted?
 

Gangster Of Love

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Rudy_TubeSteak said:
I've been going out with this girl (21, I'm 23) for nearly 6 months (she's been my longest) and so far things have been so good compare to my previous flings and hook ups.

She treats me like a king (as my friend says, kisses the ground I walk on) she doesn't go out clubbing or has a lil drink unless she is with me. Calls and txts me all the time without me having to initiate lately. She buys me heaps of treats and other sappy stuff and does all a typical good girlfriend does. To top it off she is on the same level of sex drive as I am.

She has high grades with physiotherapy, teaches lil kids how to swim, teaches aqua aerobics and regularly volunteers for charity events and camps. She has a very strong family relationship too.

To my horror she has revealed to me her rebellious past (compare to what she is now). She had a F-Buddy for about 6 months to which she had a threesome with his male friend. WTF!! She also had another threesome with her female friend and her friend's work colleague! After that she went on to sleep with her FB for a couple more times until she met a new guy and settled down with him for nearly a year. It was nearly a year they were going out until I "stole" her from him because he hasn't been in the country for over 4 months and was stuffing her around when he could finally be with her.

She lost her virginity at 17 and has only slept with 7 guys in total (4 LTRs and 3FBs from 3somes, her "rebel" stage). 7 guys is a very small number for a 21 yr old. But I just can't get over her little s'lutty stage. She explained that she was a real good girl back in high school who never drank, took drugs, didnt lose virginity until 17 when everyone else lost it at 14, worked her a'ss off and never pi'ssed off her parents. So I guess she was breaking out and had a "system overload" then got it out of her system. The main problem I have with her is her threesomes and her cheating (from her previous boyfriend to me)

I've been with a lot of girls and this one has been awesome. I am falling for her big time (which is a first) but I feel that the past is holding me back. I literally feel disgusted and can't touch her or look at her whenever I get a visual of what shes done.

It really eats me up and I feel like it is robbing me of a healthy relationship. I am sick of the old lifestyle I had before I met her because I was just sleeping with a lot of other girls and everything was just a mask to make me happy on the surface. Now I dont even think about all the useless things and actually got a better direction in life (DJing too much is actually bad for your WELLBEING!!!)

So please, I am asking advice from the experience DJs.

PS And NO I am not going to ask her for a threesome...I have worked hard on this relationship to lose it to a petty fantasy.
First of all, STOP IT!

I read your post, and have refrained from reading everybody's responses, to not be influenced by them, as I know most will cast their "moral" judgement, and be hypocritical about male/female double standards.

Every girl who's normal, healthy, and attractive, has something in their past that she will not be too proud of. You yourself have done things that you wouldn't tell her about. Do you expect her, specially as you get more serious, to start holding back stuff from you? I think that is something she shouldn't have told you just yet, or ever, yet it is no big deal. It is the past. If you were being "morally" judged for what you have done, then most people wouldn't want to be involved with you either. We all have a past.

Most women won't tell you exactly how many partners they've been with, unless it is really a relatively low numbers. Remember, they don't usually count their one night stands, or guys that didn't make an impression. So right away you know that she told you the truth, as she was willing to tell you something even more personal.

Perhaps she got her rebellion and adventure stage past her and is also searching for something more. You are being very insecure and unfair. If you are that compatible, and that into eachother, then my friend, I am here to tell you that both of you are very lucky to have found eachother, and I envy your situation. You owe it to yourself to not sabotage it due to your insecurities and judgements.

All of us have a past that involves things we are not very proud of. I suggest you think of your own past, and write down as many of those "dark secrets" that you wouldn't tell many. Compare it to her list, and decide wether she should hold it against you. If that still doesn't help you come to grips, then I suggest you go search for a virgin, and mold her to your liking. I am not being sarcastic here, you are young, so you might still have a slim chance of meeting one of those who is 18+.

It is also very normal to feel this way, as you never thought she had done that in her past. It will take a few days for you to come to grips, and I hope you do it rather sooner than later. In the end, you will realize that we've all made mistakes yet we are still searching for something. Send me a private message, or post it here, if you need further help.
 

Gangster Of Love

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Kev07 said:
you've been sleeping around with girls before her so what makes you think you can expect better from her?
Because he's a guy, and guys that do sleep around are studs and desirable, but chicks that do that are hoes. (being sarcastic).

Didn't even realize thread was several months old, or I probably would not have responded originally.
 

Rudy_TubeSteak

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G o L, this thread is still well and truly active, as I am still with the girl. I originally broke up with her but she walked for miles to my door to have me back. She won me over, it should be the other way around.

One thing I realise is that most girls have a skanky stage in their life or at least go through a bad stage when they've broken up from a long relationship (as her last bf she was with before her "phase" f*cked her over pretty bad). But then she straightened up right after.

Hmm sound family? We all have some kind of f*cked up stages. I know mine was worse (depression, suicidal, desperation in sleeping with any girl to find comfort etc, self sabotage) And we all come out of the dark times to do something better with our lives.
 
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