Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Might have hit rock bottom due to alcoholism, but don't get that click

Kotaix

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 29, 2019
Messages
1,013
Reaction score
1,186
Age
42
This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.
I was in the same situation as you around the beginning of last year, except with weed and not with booze, but I've made huge inroads since then and my life has improved in kind. But the drug is not your problem, it's just the symptom.

Your problem is that you think compulsively, and especially with being couped up like this, all you have to think about are your own thoughts. So you over-analyze everything and you think that you should somehow be able to control every factor that plays into how your life works, then you beat yourself up when you make a mistake which only leads to more thinking and more drinking, which then makes it even worse. Your thoughts are in a positive feedback loop, and this is very dangerous, as you've found out.

I would hazard a guess that you're smart and too intellectual and analytical for your own good.

First off, you need to realize that you can never control everything to the point where you don't make mistakes or get what you want. You have to accept that you are a small part of the universe as a whole that is constantly expressing itself moment by moment and it doesn't give two sh!ts about you or anyone else. Sh!t happens and there is nothing you can do about it except roll with the punches and not complain about that which you have no control over.

If you've seen the movie groundhog day that's a REALLY good analogy. The main character has a sudden fling with the female romantic interest and it's magical and flows like wine, but then every day he tries to force that interaction happen to again and she rejects him because it's not natural and the interaction flows like diarrhea. In the end he only gets with her and breaks the cycle of repeating the same day when he realizes that he has to just let things flow and accept that the outcome might not be what he wants. You are in the same situation with this woman and alcohol. The minute you stop drinking is the minute you start thinking and you get uptight and insecure again.

The solution to this problem is to learn to stop thinking. For me, it became a spiritual journey. I started working on meditation and cutting off the trains of thought that would lead to dark places or feed my insecurities. It didn't happen overnight, but over the course of a few months I no longer found myself thinking my way into self-destructive downward spirals. Nowadays I don't even get them anymore except when I smoke weed, so I've mostly eliminated that from my life.

All 12 step programs work on this same principle, as do all religions: Learn and accept that you can't control most things in life.

Also, this is a lifelong trajectory. Just like you have to keep going to the gym to stay ripped, you have to keep working on your mental fortitude to stay sharp, if you stop practicing your mind will weaken.

I highly recommend Zen and the book 'Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind".
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
Those jobs have a "devils advocate" or "boiler room" amounts of stress in them. Coupled with alcohol its like adding gas fumes to spark. So it happens quickly. Alcohol was their "go to" to. "Relax" and to "unwind"... So it catches them quick.
The highest suicide rate is in sales and lawyers. What do you think?
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
Addiction to a particular substance is the symptom, its not the specific substance that's important. That's why when you get sober your still have work to do. Sobriety is the best choice, but just getting sober will absolutely not solve all your problems.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
I'm struggling and this song is my emotional anchor. It fires me up a bit.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
16,362
Reaction score
10,627
Location
DFW, TX
Go ahead and try to explain this to them. They will not only not care, they'll not listen.
Of course. Just let them see you some will figure it out. Those two groups are pro "ignorers"
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
"i have a secret place inside my mind where you'll find hidden inspiration you won't find"
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
It gives them an edge... Thats the sell.
I was homeschooled till the 8 the grade. I spent time I with my mother, two older sisters, some of my best friends were girls ( i saw vaginas from a very young age) the point where I'd be like "mom why is Rachel or Rebeca being so mean?" my mom explained what a period was and I was like 6. I said "well we need to start writing on the calender..." one time I punched the sister above me in her mouth, she was bleeding all over, u was maybe 4,my mom gave us a dirty look and i thought i was gonna get my @ss beat by my father. Nothing happened. My mom is a American born Swede. My mother was gangster.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
Salwsmab
It gives them an edge... Thats the sell.
Salesman will laugh in your face. They ain't give a fvck about even themselves, why would they care what you think? South Florida has been a very eye opening experience for me. Good in some ways, sad in others m everything is a double edged sword. You take the bad with the good. As a man it's about accepting reality and then bearing it. I didn't have do murder japanese people and risk my life all the time like my grandfather, but I have an entirely different set of struggles to deal with. That is life and I understand why my grandfather was such an angry man. He had it worse and easier in different ways. I didn't get to choose when I was born.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
One of the last times I was at a detox, I met this cute girl. She was always watching movies in the movie room by herself. I was so restless I silently came in the room with her. Watched one movies that was a gay drama. Then later she watched another movie, gay @ss drama. I did start talking to her. I asked a bit about her situation. She had been a stripper, cucking her baby daddy at the time, literally he took her to jobs and enabled her behavior to fund her cocaine habit. Cucked the dude. It wasn't me so I didn't judge her. But after watching the second movie with her I finally said it was " why the fvck do you watch movies about psycho b1tches murdering their boyfriends and the man they're cheating with?" i felt slightly attacked. I stopped talking to her. She came up to me, pulled me into a hug, this whovre warmly hugged me for calling her out for acting like q psycho whovre. I mean she was Leaving, she said walked up, grabbed me and warmly hugged me. What the fvck is happening i thought. This woman explained how she used to be a cocaine addicted stripper, completely used men, i told her what she is, and her instinct was to warmly hug me. I was just pacing down the hall because I felt sick. She did it in front of all the nurses too.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
Call me insane but anything that comes out of my parents mouth is mystical to me.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
1,260
Reaction score
1,399
Age
41
With texting you need to get to the point quickly and meet up. Nothing is ever going to happen over text and it's likely (as seems to have happened) that you'll end up saying something that turns her off, because you can't see how she's reacting. She might just enjoy the attention and have zero sexual interest for all you know, so you also want to find that out quickly to avoid wasting your time and getting emotionally attached to a woman that might not even see you as an option.

I don't know what to say about the alcohol, apart from maybe you can try some new hobbies or find something better to do to distract yourself from the addiction. Find something that you enjoy doing that is actually good for you rather than bad.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
495
Reaction score
248
Age
32
Gotta head back to the house. Let's hope no one knows I'm drunk. It's gonna be how it's gonna be.
cheers
 

redskinsfan92

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 18, 2018
Messages
1,477
Reaction score
1,172
Age
28
This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.
I advise you leave alcohol behind completely
 
Top