LTR, feeling anxiety of losing her

[ethann]

Hi there,

Recently I posted this thread talking about my new girl and my concerns. However, it's been great since that thread, until after this weekend. She has been with me the whole weekend, we went to have lunch, dinner, cinema, we had a lot and good sex, etc... However, I do not why but I feel something is wrong. We have had a few conversations about our ex's, and I told her my ex-gf broke up with me, although I do not think that has nothing to do with the current situation, maybe i am showing weaknesses. The thing is that I feel she is less responsive since I left her at her home yesterday. For example, yesterday I was the one to write her "good night hun" and this evening I have been the one writing to her how was her day.

I do not know if I have a paranoia due to my previous relationship, or the symptons are true. She says she is happy with me, and we have some plans in the future (a trip for example), we agreed two days ago we are in a relationship.

In any case, I do not want to ruin this, I know I am thinking about her a lot, and I am maybe showing dependent. Maybe she is today "full of me" since I have been too much time with her, and I need to give her some space. I also see her at work, and I do not know if that is a problem or an advantage.

How would you act? Maybe I should stop messaging her and see how she behaves? Showing myself normal but not very responsive? Do not know... I am in a kind of cycle where I feel happy and then bad when I do not see the girl "dedicated to me". I feel I am going to lose her, as happened in my previous relationship, I have oneitis and anxiety.

However, so far there are no real facts of bad behaviour of her. I think I am still on time. I really need your help now.

Waiting for your advices,
Thank you!

 

[Tictac]

You are over-pursuing.

Back off. Give her some time to miss you. Wait for her to contact you. When she does, ask her for the next date.

Your one-itis (self-inflicted dependency) and resulting anxiety are in your head.

 

[parkthebus]

Yes you should give her space. But also show her you have other things going on in life. And tbh, it sounds like you don't have much else you're really engaged in. It's like you've made her your priority in achieving happiness. Maintain your frame.

 

[Reykhel]

When you fear losing her, you've already lost the game.....

Meditate on that for a moment. It's to do with the energy and subcommunications you
give off.......and she can smell it off you....

You need to pull yourself out of this nosedive pronto tio....

Sit down for a minute.....imagine your relationship was over. You're not going to see her again. What would
you fvcking do? YOU WOULD HANDLE IT......and life would go on........

contemplate the fact that one day this relationship will fvcking end.....you will reject her, or she will reject you, or death will make angels of either one of you and give you wings where you had shoulders smooth as ravens' claws, no more money no more fancy dress...this other kingdom seems by far the best....(Thanks Jim)

Do you understand? Accept that it will end. It's inevitable. The only thing you can do is live in the present moment and savour your moments together, just as you would savour una bottella de Rioja (a bottle of Rioja wine)........savour the moment with your wine, breath it in through your senses, intoxicate yourself........but the bottle must finish........alas! do we cry over the finished bottle? que va!! for there are so many other bottles to choose from! so many regions to explore!!!

Why cry over an empty bottle of wine! Why cry over one woman!!!! You are merly ships passing through the night.....soon you will continue your journey seperately! other ships will cross your path!!!

Enjoy the moment with women......nothing more! For you see they are fickle creatures and we cannot trust them with our plans for the future!

Remember not to crush the sparrow. Your girl/relationship is like a little sparrow in your ghastly manly hands.....if you squeeze it too tight.....you'll crush that sparrow...

 

[ethann]

Thank you for all your responses. But I still have a doubt, should I act "normal"? Should I be less responsive? What should be my behaviour in these situations? She did not loss the respect to me so far, but I just have the feeling she is more distant.

Thanks again.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Don't text her unless she texts you first. Try to see if you can get by with just that one simple rule.

 

[Reykhel]

Reykhel's in black below...

Hi there,

Recently I posted this thread talking about my new girl and my concerns. However, it's been great since that thread, until after this weekend. She has been with me the whole weekend TOO MUCH TIME SPENT TOGETHER.....FAMILIARITY BREEDS LOW INTEREST LEVEL AND RESENTMENT.....THEN CONTEMPT, we went to have lunch, dinner, cinema, we had a lot and good sex, etc... However, I do not why but I feel something is wrong. YES SOMETHING IS WRONG, YOU HAVE NOTHING GOING ON THE WHOLE WEEKEND BUT HER: IN HER EYES SHE IS SEEING YOU AS LOW VALUE (AT LEAST YOUR SOCIAL STATUS) We have had a few conversations about our ex's, FVCK SAKE KID and I told her my ex-gf broke up with me,SHE IS NOT YOUR SHRINK. IS THAT CONVERSATION ADDING TO THE FUN? IS THAT CONVERSATION UPPING HER INTEREST LEVEL? FVCK NO! although I do not think that has nothing to do with the current situation,WRONG maybe i am showing weaknesses. RIGHT The thing is that I feel she is less responsive since I left her at her home yesterday.YOUR LOVE OR AFFECTION IS LIKE A TUB OF ICE CREAM.....YOU GAVE HER THE WHOLE FVCKING TUB AND NOW SHE'S READY TO THROW UP! TOO MUCH SON! TOO FVCKING MUCH! For example, yesterday I was the one to write her "good night hun" and this evening I have been the one writing to her how was her day. THAT'S PURE FAGGOTRY. STOP THAT NOW! SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BOTHER YOU WITH SUCH LOATHSOME TEXTS!!!!!

I do not know if I have a paranoia due to my previous relationship,TOUGH LOVE TIME: YOU'RE GAME SUCKS!! or the symptons are true. She says she is happy with me, and we have some plans in the future (a trip for example), we agreed two days ago we are in a relationship. WE? IT WAS ONE PERSON'S IDEA AND THE OTHER PERSON AGREED....I BET IT WAS YOUR IDEA

In any case, I do not want to ruin this, I know I am thinking about her a lot, and I am maybe showing dependent. Maybe she is today "full of me" since I have been too much time with her,YES WELL DONE and I need to give her some space.YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT GIVING SPACE I also see her at work,DOOMED and I do not know if that is a problem or an advantage HARDLY A FVCKING ADVANTAGE

How would you act? Maybe I should stop messaging her and see how she behaves?YES Showing myself normal but not very responsive? Do not know... I am in a kind of cycle where I feel happy and then bad when I do not see the girl "dedicated to me". I feel I am going to lose her, as happened in my previous relationship, I have oneitis and anxiety.

However, so far there are no real facts of bad behaviour of her. I think I am still on time. I really need your help now.

Waiting for your advices,
Thank you!

Kid, why are you spending the whole weekend with this zorra? (call her your little bytch in your head.....just to depedalise her, sabes?)

I would go as far as to say the most important thing in a relationship after respect is space....

Kid, you've got to give her the gift of missing you, capiche?

You've got to look at this from a marketing point of view. Milk has no real value because it's so widley available. Everybody takes it for granted. You are milk. Common. But imagine if milk was took off all of the supermarket shelves tomorrow morning. Like what happend in Venezuala before. The value of milk would suddenly shoot up because it's now scarce....

Diamonds are valuable because they are rare. You need to ask yourself right now are you a diamond or are you milk. Does she view you as a diamond or does she view you as milk...

You need to be busy working on your SMV and contributing to it on a daily basis...

....then you are naturally busy and less available. Then you are more attractive because you are
working on your own projects.....you are busy with your passions, your hobbies, your mission, your sport, your friends......

....Then and only then will you have polarity in your relationship where she is trying to pull you to her and you are pulling away following your persuits....

.....Then you will hear the words......"Can we spend more time together"

There was a brilliant scene in 2 and a half men where a female friend of Charlie's was staying in his place with her daughter who was a little younger than Charlie's nephew....
the daughter had a crush on Charlie's nephew and the nephew was bothered by this....

...he had chat with Charlie and the nephew (Jake) said "I wish she would just leave me alone"
Charlie responded to Jake "Kid, if you remember that in 20 years time, you're golden"

That's were you want to be.....so consumed by your own persuits that your slightly bothered by women wanting too much of your precious time.

 

[Floydispink01]

When you fear losing her, you've already lost the game.....

Meditate on that for a moment. It's to do with the energy and subcommunications you
give off.......and she can smell it off you....

You need to pull yourself out of this nosedive pronto tio....

Sit down for a minute.....imagine your relationship was over. You're not going to see her again. What would
you fvcking do? YOU WOULD HANDLE IT......and life would go on........

contemplate the fact that one day this relationship will fvcking end.....you will reject her, or she will reject you, or death will make angels of either one of you and give you wings where you had shoulders smooth as ravens' claws, no more money no more fancy dress...this other kingdom seems by far the best....(Thanks Jim)

Do you understand? Accept that it will end. It's inevitable. The only thing you can do is live in the present moment and savour your moments together, just as you would savour una bottella de Rioja (a bottle of Rioja wine)........savour the moment with your wine, breath it in through your senses, intoxicate yourself........but the bottle must finish........alas! do we cry over the finished bottle? que va!! for there are so many other bottles to choose from! so many regions to explore!!!

Why cry over an empty bottle of wine! Why cry over one woman!!!! You are merly ships passing through the night.....soon you will continue your journey seperately! other ships will cross your path!!!

Enjoy the moment with women......nothing more! For you see they are fickle creatures and we cannot trust them with our plans for the future!

Remember not to crush the sparrow. Your girl/relationship is like a little sparrow in your ghastly manly hands.....if you squeeze it too tight.....you'll crush that sparrow...

Nice post. This song comes to mind