dj_inprogress
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Have your ever broken up with a girl that you had been in a LTR(+6) because you wanted to date other people? Later on realizing that she may have been the best one.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Letting go of the one
- Thread starter dj_inprogress
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Crazystarf
Don Juan
6 years is a huge time gap in regards to evaluating someone. If you haven't realized that she's completely right for you or not in that time, it means that you probably deserve better than what you have.
Even if you think she was the best one, eventually a better one will come across.
Even if you think she was the best one, eventually a better one will come across.
JohnChops
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I always go by the saying , there isn't one right girl for you but many right girls out there for you. The one doesn't exist but exists in many girls.
Agreed. Lose "the one" type of thinking. There is no "one". Just a person the way they are when you meet.
Even if you think she is, you might marry/have kids/ and both of you may change over the years
and be divorced within ten years....then she really wasn't, was she?
Even if you think she is, you might marry/have kids/ and both of you may change over the years
and be divorced within ten years....then she really wasn't, was she?
JohnChops
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I agree , maybe my wording is a bit offPairPlusRoyalFlush said:
. My point being there isnt such thing as the "one" is the bottom line. Good thing for us "small group" out of about 3.5 billion girls means 100,000s of girls are still attracted to us. Keeping it positive you know
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
dj_inprogress
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Thank you all for the sound advice.
HalfPUAHalfAFC
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What you are experiencing is buyer's remorse in reverse.
Buyer's remorse is when you finally get the girl and then realize she was not all you thought she was. Or, she gets you and then she decides shortly after you are not her cup of tea.
When you break up in a LTR, you sometimes start to feel that maybe you made a bad decision. This will be probably in the first week or two.
And it can linger on if you do not find new women to date, have sex with, etc.
Now, it is possible that your ex-gf was a really good match for you and maybe you acted rashly in dumping her. Few quality women are out there. But, there is no "one" and, yes, there are more quality women in fact out there.
Many of us have experienced this sort of post-hoc questioning of our decisions. It's perfectly natural.
But, here's what NOT to do: If it turns out you decide that you made a mistake and want her back, DO NOT CHASE HER. I made that mistake once and wasted 3 years of my life trying to get an ex-gf back. She had all the power and I turned total chode. It was embarrassing.
So, suck it up and move forward. If she comes back, think about it carefully.
Buyer's remorse is when you finally get the girl and then realize she was not all you thought she was. Or, she gets you and then she decides shortly after you are not her cup of tea.
When you break up in a LTR, you sometimes start to feel that maybe you made a bad decision. This will be probably in the first week or two.
And it can linger on if you do not find new women to date, have sex with, etc.
Now, it is possible that your ex-gf was a really good match for you and maybe you acted rashly in dumping her. Few quality women are out there. But, there is no "one" and, yes, there are more quality women in fact out there.
Many of us have experienced this sort of post-hoc questioning of our decisions. It's perfectly natural.
But, here's what NOT to do: If it turns out you decide that you made a mistake and want her back, DO NOT CHASE HER. I made that mistake once and wasted 3 years of my life trying to get an ex-gf back. She had all the power and I turned total chode. It was embarrassing.
So, suck it up and move forward. If she comes back, think about it carefully.