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kind of been hung up on this girl

Robert28

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Man y’all play too many games and dance around for me. Be direct. When I say be direct I mean “look, I do not want to be your friend. We aren’t in middle school, we are both adults here.” You don’t care if she gets mad, you don’t care what she might say. Know why? Because you block her number after you send that message! Look, it’s never worth it even if you could turn the friendzone around. The sex isn’t all that great like you had in your mind it would be, and you’re only feeling like this because you had her on a pedestal so long. Don’t play the “I’m busy, catch ya later maybe” game. Just say “you know what, I don’t want your friendship. Never did, never will.”
 

Robert28

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I wouldn’t even waste another second on this girl. Seriously. I wouldn’t even have a conversation with her. She’d be blocked and deleted in my phone and thrown away like yesterday’s garbage.
 

samspade

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but she kept saying stupid stuff like ‘ This is why I can’t get a bf ‘ I can’t even remember what we was talking about but as soon as I heard that I knew it was game over. And stuff like ... Dave messaged me today (a guy we both know) asking if I wanted to go out but I just ignored him ...
Translation: I need to get fukked.

She gave you an open shot.
 

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samspade

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Yeah I’m just trying not to come across too pushy ... because I’m trying to dig myself out the friend zone it’s harder than just meeting someone and escalating

I do think I’ve made some headway .. just need her to give clearer signals if that’s the case .... probably fu**ed it now but deffo going to learn from this
You're socially over-calibrating because of your "history." You're projecting your past onto your present.

Meanwhile, the girl was living in the moment. I think you need to stop worrying about being pushy or the "friend zone" (b.s.) and just take your shot. If she rejects you again, you laugh and say "well you looked good, I couldn't help myself." And change the subject.
 

catsmeow

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Did you attempt to escalate in anyway?
Good question! Female here, hoping you'll "allow" me to chime in without ripping my head off LOL.

Anyway I was "platonic friends" with my second long term boyfriend (now ex) before he took the LEAD one night and led us to where he wanted us to go.

Which was to bed, after which we went to bed a few more times before we became bf/gf for 4 years!

How? One night we're out (as friends) ordered drinks, I got a bit drunk and he gave me one of the best kisses of my life (up to that point)!

He didn't ask, he just took the lead and kissed me! And I'll be honest in saying up till then, I only saw him as a platonic friend because that's what I thought I was to HIM! Because he had not escalated.

Calling her and asking her if she wants to come over and fuc*k as has been advised I can almost guarantee you would not have netted same result as what happened with me and my now ex.

Why? It's disrespectful and debasing, its what you ask a 2-bit wh0re NOT a woman who's been a good friend for a year or however long you've been platonic friends.

Where's your confidence man? Your boldness, take no prisoners attitude?

Confident men LEAD, so lead.

If she shoots you down, so be, you move on.
 

Robert28

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Good question! Female here, hoping you'll "allow" me to chime in without ripping my head off LOL.

Anyway I was "platonic friends" with my second long term boyfriend (now ex) before he took the LEAD one night and led us to where he wanted us to go.

Which was to bed, after which we went to bed a few more times before we became bf/gf for 4 years!

How? One night we're out (as friends) ordered drinks, I got a bit drunk and he gave me one of the best kisses of my life (up to that point)!

He didn't ask, he just took the lead and kissed me! And I'll be honest in saying up till then, I only saw him as a platonic friend because that's what I thought I was to HIM! Because he had not escalated.

Calling her and asking her if she wants to come over and fuc*k as has been advised I can almost guarantee you would not have netted same result as what happened with me and my now ex.

Why? It's disrespectful and debasing, its what you ask a 2-bit wh0re NOT a woman who's been a good friend for a year or however long you've been platonic friends.

Where's your confidence man? Your boldness, take no prisoners attitude?

Confident men LEAD, so lead.

If she shoots you down, so be, you move on.
Where’s our confidence you ask? Well there’s this movement going on, maybe you’ve heard of it, called the #metoo movement. Everything is sexual harassment these days. So yeah, forgive us men if we don’t “man up” and randomly kiss a girl that friendzoned us.
 

catsmeow

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Where’s our confidence you ask? Well there’s this movement going on, maybe you’ve heard of it, called the #metoo movement. Everything is sexual harassment these days. So yeah, forgive us men if we don’t “man up” and randomly kiss a girl that friendzoned us.
I agree, kissing a girl at work or some random off the street is sex harassment but this girl has been a 'friend' for a year so it's a bit different.

It's called escalating, I'm sure you've heard if it? Xd

Ideally, they're sitting at the bar, drinking, he begins escalating by first flirting in a sexual way, gauging her response, waiting for a "window," then making a move by kissing her.

Just trying to help, it worked for my ex, we had sex that night!

And what pray tell do you think inviting her over to bang without any lead-up (seduction) first is? That's not sex harassment? LoL
 
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Robert28

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I agree, kissing a girl at work or some random off the street is sex harassment but this girl has been a 'friend' for a year so it's a bit different.

It's called escalating, I'm sure you've heard if it? Xd

Ideally, they're sitting at the bar, drinking, he begins escalating by first flirting in a sexual way, gauging her response, waiting for a "window," then making a move by kissing her.

Just trying to help, it worked for my ex, we had sex that night!

And what pray tell do you think inviting her over to bang is? That's not sex harassment? LoL
I don’t invite them over to bang, and I certainly don’t accept friendship when they offer it or try to shoehorn me into some one sided friendship either. I just go escalate with girls who don’t need to start out as friends or give me the friend route. Been there done that, wasted a lot of time.
 

catsmeow

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I don’t invite them over to bang, and I certainly don’t accept friendship when they offer it or try to shoehorn me into some one sided friendship either. I just go escalate with girls who don’t need to start out as friends or give me the friend route. Been there done that, wasted a lot of time.
Fair enough but a few posters advised him to dial her up and invite her over to fu*k which is why I mentioned.

A few men also advised escalating at a window (which she opened ever so slightly), and I chose to elaborate how it can be done successfully, as it is what one of my ex's did (again we had been platonic friends for a year prior) and it worked!!
 

Robert28

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Fair enough but a few posters advised him to dial her up and invite her over to fu*k which is why I mentioned.

A few men also advised escalating at a window (which she opened for him ever so slightly), and I chose to elaborate how it can be done successfully, as it is what one of my ex's did (again we had been platonic friends for a year prior) and it worked!!
That’s a lot of effort to put in for one girl. A year is a long time. I did that when I was younger, because I didn’t know any better.
 

Hank Moody

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To get a woman, you have to be willing to risk losing her.

I'm not sure if this relates to OP. I just really like the quote.
 

catsmeow

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That’s a lot of effort to put in for one girl. A year is a long time. I did that when I was younger, because I didn’t know any better.
Well, the OP did say he was 'hung up' on this girl, and wanted more than friendship, so again just trying to help.

@Hank Moody, re your quote, agree and it goes both ways.

None of this stuff is gender specific, the advice to women is same - to "get" a man, a woman must be willing to risk losing him."

I think it's good advice for both men and women.

G'night.
 

Glassguy

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Yeah I’m just trying not to come across too pushy ... because I’m trying to dig myself out the friend zone it’s harder than just meeting someone and escalating

I do think I’ve made some headway .. just need her to give clearer signals if that’s the case .... probably fu**ed it now but deffo going to learn from this
By not escalating and being direct, you just dug yourself deeper in the friend zone.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you're not acting like a man who knows what he wants from a woman and making it clear to her that you have no interest in being platonic friends.

You just keep playing her game, and at this point, it's game over.
 

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BadBoy89

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she'll reach out and ask "What's wrong, are you mad?" or some such BS... if she does this this is what you say:

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you what you already know. Do you really want some dude hanging around hoping things change, pretending to be your friend. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to me. If things change and you are really available, reach out, and if I'm not involved with someone else then we can go from there."
If a girl asked me “What‘s wrong, are you mad?”

I would reply: “Why would am I mad?”
 

Hank Moody

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Humor break -

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
 

Aesthetix29

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Decided to message her and ask if she wanted to go get a drink ... her response was

‘ I can’t today, but what you up to tomorrow?’

I just said ‘Okay! Not sure yet will let you know’

Now the way I see it is that I asked her out ... she declined, but made a counter offer

I’m literally at the point now where I need to know one way or the other as I’m certainly not game for giving her my attention if it’s going nowhere.

Can put my focus onto other plates instead.
 

Robert28

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Decided to message her and ask if she wanted to go get a drink ... her response was

‘ I can’t today, but what you up to tomorrow?’

I just said ‘Okay! Not sure yet will let you know’

Now the way I see it is that I asked her out ... she declined, but made a counter offer

I’m literally at the point now where I need to know one way or the other as I’m certainly not game for giving her my attention if it’s going nowhere.

Can put my focus onto other plates instead.
Y’all are playing games with each other and it’s going nowhere. You’re wasting each other’s time trying to one up the other. When she said “but what you up to tomorrow” all you had to say was “I don’t think I have anything going on, tomorrow works. How about 7 at such and such bar?”. Boom, done, date set. If she flakes then you kick her to the curb, but quit doing this dance of trying to appear busy or else she’s going to lose interest if she has any. You have to get them out in person to escalate, you can’t do it over text.
 

Glassguy

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Decided to message her and ask if she wanted to go get a drink ... her response was

‘ I can’t today, but what you up to tomorrow?’

I just said ‘Okay! Not sure yet will let you know’

Now the way I see it is that I asked her out ... she declined, but made a counter offer

I’m literally at the point now where I need to know one way or the other as I’m certainly not game for giving her my attention if it’s going nowhere.

Can put my focus onto other plates instead.
Wtf is up with your "not sure yet" responses to her? YOU ARE NOT LEADING HER and you haven't paid very good attention to some good advice you've been given.

Stop playing these female games. You're acting like a female.

Tell her you're free tomorrow, meet for a drink close to your place and take her home after 2 or 3 drinks. Why is that so hard?
 
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