Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

kind of been hung up on this girl

Aesthetix29

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Messages
413
Reaction score
52
last week I created a thread explaining my current situation with my long term friend who I recently got he hots for ...

Now there was some solid advice. But since I posted that thread ... I can now see how I have been her orbiter ... she loves it aswel, it’s like what ever your mind is saying do just do the complete opposite ha ha.

I last saw her on Wednesday, but I noticed she has been uploading pics onto her social media stories which is showing me that she’s out with other guys etc .. which is cool, so I decided to just back off for 4/5 days .. not messaged or spoke to her ... she’s just texted me saying ‘Hey, you okay’ it’s pretty obvious why she’s sent the text -

I’ve been like a drooling puppy - so at the moment I haven’t even bothered to open the message and reply yet. I feel like I’ve been disrespected in some way.

She has all the benefits of a relationship but without giving any sex. Feel like a mug
 

RangerMIke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3,878
Reaction score
5,568
Location
USA, Louisiana
Any man that says they haven't been in this situation is a liar. It happens to us all at some point, but really just learn from the experience and improve. That's all that you can do.

The WORST thing you can do is think you can turn this around. She knows you like her, and wanted more... and she is sending you clear signals she isn't available, so you're done. All you can do is try to forget about her... my recommendation would be to stop looking at her social media feed and when you find yourself thinking about her and wishing you had done something different, just get busy with something else that is productive. If she reaches out, try to make a date... if she won't commit to this, just move on. Trust me... if you've been sniffing around doing sh1t for this chick any length of time, she'll try and pull you back in.

Now if she really values you as a friend, she might get upset that you are walking away, just like she would be upset by one of her valued GFs that moved on... if this is the case, she'll reach out and ask "What's wrong, are you mad?" or some such BS... if she does this this is what you say:

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you what you already know. Do you really want some dude hanging around hoping things change, pretending to be your friend. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to me. If things change and you are really available, reach out, and if I'm not involved with someone else then we can go from there."

Then you are done... walk away and never look back. But the truth is in most cases, she'll just let you drift off.

Don't hate her for this, she can't help it... it's just the way chicks are... you can't control her, only how you respond to it.
 

Aesthetix29

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Messages
413
Reaction score
52
Any man that says they haven't been in this situation is a liar. It happens to us all at some point, but really just learn from the experience and improve. That's all that you can do.

The WORST thing you can do is think you can turn this around. She knows you like her, and wanted more... and she is sending you clear signals she isn't available, so you're done. All you can do is try to forget about her... my recommendation would be to stop looking at her social media feed and when you find yourself thinking about her and wishing you had done something different, just get busy with something else that is productive. If she reaches out, try to make a date... if she won't commit to this, just move on. Trust me... if you've been sniffing around doing sh1t for this chick any length of time, she'll try and pull you back in.

Now if she really values you as a friend, she might get upset that you are walking away, just like she would be upset by one of her valued GFs that moved on... if this is the case, she'll reach out and ask "What's wrong, are you mad?" or some such BS... if she does this this is what you say:

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you what you already know. Do you really want some dude hanging around hoping things change, pretending to be your friend. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to me. If things change and you are really available, reach out, and if I'm not involved with someone else then we can go from there."

Then you are done... walk away and never look back. But the truth is in most cases, she'll just let you drift off.

Don't hate her for this, she can't help it... it's just the way chicks are... you can't control her, only how you respond to it.

Great advice bro I really appreciate it ... makes perfect sense what you have just said ... I think I just need to move on and learn from this ... just annoyed I missed my opportunity

Live and learn

Thanks man
 

RangerMIke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3,878
Reaction score
5,568
Location
USA, Louisiana
... just annoyed I missed my opportunity
Don't do this to yourself. Too many men live under the dilution that they do stuff and chicks respond... it doesn't work like that. What a lot of guys call 'game' only works if a chick likes you.

If you were showing up as your authentic self, and she was never really attracted to you then you never really had a shot. You didn't lose a godd@mn thing because you never had anything to work with in the first place.

Now if you had turned yourself into a dancing grinder monkey, all knotted up trying to be something you think she wants... well... you can't keep that sh1t up, and eventually she will sniff you out and lose interest. Understand that any 'effort' made just to impress her is not going to work for you.
 

Aesthetix29

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Messages
413
Reaction score
52
She texted me before asking if I want to do something I just replied that I had other plans this afternoon and that we’d speak soon

Her response to that was ‘ yeah sure... hope you have a good day ‘

And that was 20 mins ago ... didn’t reply

Ahh well next ....
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Sir FB

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 27, 2021
Messages
112
Reaction score
136
Age
54
My only experience like this was that when I actively tried to move myself out of the friend zone and into the “romance” zone, it made the woman quite angry that I was no longer willing to do a friends only relationship. I didn’t have the benefit of the advice from folks in this forum or I might have done it differently. I agree that you’ll never turn this around, however if you slowly go silent and distant, you might avoid the angry confrontation that I experienced.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,524
Reaction score
2,865
Age
41
last week I created a thread explaining my current situation with my long term friend who I recently got he hots for ...

Now there was some solid advice. But since I posted that thread ... I can now see how I have been her orbiter ... she loves it aswel, it’s like what ever your mind is saying do just do the complete opposite ha ha.

I last saw her on Wednesday, but I noticed she has been uploading pics onto her social media stories which is showing me that she’s out with other guys etc .. which is cool, so I decided to just back off for 4/5 days .. not messaged or spoke to her ... she’s just texted me saying ‘Hey, you okay’ it’s pretty obvious why she’s sent the text -

I’ve been like a drooling puppy - so at the moment I haven’t even bothered to open the message and reply yet. I feel like I’ve been disrespected in some way.

She has all the benefits of a relationship but without giving any sex. Feel like a mug
Tell her to come over and suck you off.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
7,618
Reaction score
4,613
Age
45
Location
Colorado Panhandle
I've been in the situation. Don't beat yourself up over it. Some girls are just unavailable and/or unattracted. The most recent time for me, I pulled way back. She eventually asked if I was mad, and I just said no, been super busy (which was not a lie). The funny thing is once I realized I wouldn't convert her, my attraction to her plummeted. Now when I see pictures of her I just think, eh, whatever. I've been around her since, but she just seems like another random boring chick to me.

The key is not to be butt hurt and just stay true to yourself...you're a guy who lays chicks, you were just going after another pretty girl - simple as that. She turned you down which was within her rights. No harm no foul. As someone once told me, it's only awkward if you make it awkward. My MO is just to laugh it off and get on with life. I pull the attention way back but if we interact I'm cool and just treat her like a buddy.
 

Aesthetix29

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Messages
413
Reaction score
52
I've been in the situation. Don't beat yourself up over it. Some girls are just unavailable and/or unattracted. The most recent time for me, I pulled way back. She eventually asked if I was mad, and I just said no, been super busy (which was not a lie). The funny thing is once I realized I wouldn't convert her, my attraction to her plummeted. Now when I see pictures of her I just think, eh, whatever. I've been around her since, but she just seems like another random boring chick to me.

The key is not to be butt hurt and just stay true to yourself...you're a guy who lays chicks, you were just going after another pretty girl - simple as that. She turned you down which was within her rights. No harm no foul. As someone once told me, it's only awkward if you make it awkward. My MO is just to laugh it off and get on with life. I pull the attention way back but if we interact I'm cool and just treat her like a buddy.

Great post brother! Great advice - this girl has just texted me again ... asking if I want to go somewhere and do something this week ... I replied by saying I will let her know as I might have plans ... she said cool and that she’s busy tomorrow but free on thurs/fri

I’m just going to do what you said ... not going to be butthurt just going to be myself and spin other plates in the meantime.

I don’t get why she keeps
Messaging me tho ? She’s not stupid she must know that I wanted more .... betch is using me ha ha
 

gettinit

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 6, 2017
Messages
234
Reaction score
199
Been there, done that and the advice here is spot on.

Sometimes, its hard to accept that you have been behaving like an orbiter, but I happens to everyone. I have only turned something like this around twice and both times, it was due to me ignoring them. Go figure. It sounds like you are on the right track "if" you can maintain the disconnect. I just put it in my mind that she knows that I'm interested and its up to her to make it known that she is too. Time apart is your friend. Although I'm not the manipulative type, some situations require a little push. If you have it in you, cancelling on her once might just get her thinking.

As far as her messaging, don't put too much stock in that and if she suggests doing something that SHE wants to do, there is a good chance that you are just entertainment. If that's the case, suggest something that YOU want to do to counter and see what the reaction is. Sometimes this stuff is so hard to read that you need to rustle the bushes to see if anything is there. The question is though, is any of it worth the trouble?
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,220
Reaction score
7,454
Age
44
Great post brother! Great advice - this girl has just texted me again ... asking if I want to go somewhere and do something this week ... I replied by saying I will let her know as I might have plans ... she said cool and that she’s busy tomorrow but free on thurs/fri

I’m just going to do what you said ... not going to be butthurt just going to be myself and spin other plates in the meantime.

I don’t get why she keeps
Messaging me tho ? She’s not stupid she must know that I wanted more .... betch is using me ha ha
She is trying to keep you on the hook. That hook leads to nowhere, as you are finding out.

Typically they will get REALLY P1SSY with you when you reject their offers to do something, but I will guarantee you that if you had accepted one of her offers, something would have came up and she wouldnt show up for it.

Then they will play the VICTIM card like you did something wrong to them when you keep ignoring them. A lot of women turn into crying children and throw a fit when they dont get their way for FREE attention. And you know what? Who cares.

The only advice I can give you is this:

When she reaches out again, say "no I am busy that night. But I am free tomorrow night between 7-9 if you want grab some take out and come over and have sex".

She will either come over and fvck or she will tell you how sh!tty of a "friend" you are. Honestly, who cares in the long run if you have the strong frame of not wanting her around anyway if she isnt doing things that benefit you (Sex).

But being VERY DIRECT will work more than you think. You just need to balls to do it and own it.
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,220
Reaction score
7,454
Age
44
For some reason, with some women, they catch a craving for a man who starts dismissing them and gives them a direct and clear message that lets them know they have been "demoted" to sex only.....no more free attention.

Women LOVE when you take charge, put them in their place and own it.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
9,398
Reaction score
9,071
Age
36
Great post brother! Great advice - this girl has just texted me again ... asking if I want to go somewhere and do something this week ... I replied by saying I will let her know as I might have plans ... she said cool and that she’s busy tomorrow but free on thurs/fri

I’m just going to do what you said ... not going to be butthurt just going to be myself and spin other plates in the meantime.

I don’t get why she keeps
Messaging me tho ? She’s not stupid she must know that I wanted more .... betch is using me ha ha
They need advisors and they need validators
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
9,398
Reaction score
9,071
Age
36
The good thing about being in the situation like this is that it deromanticizes you because you can see the woman reject you and your perfect interpersonal communication with her in favor of chasing around hot guys. It's very important to recognize how unimportant interpersonal connection is to them. Even if you are a good looking guy that brings a lot to the table and has tight game they might still just go for someone who is a bit more good looking regardless of any other trait. They act like the stereotypical guy that women are constantly complaining about that only goes after the most superficial women.

This is not true for all women of course but it is true for quite a few.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,220
Reaction score
7,454
Age
44
I can promise you that I get a lot farther a lot quicker by getting straight to the point with women.

If more guys would stop beating around the bush and either the woman complies or the man moves on, this game of dating that is frying some people's brain would be a whole lot easier for them.
 

Modern Man Advice

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
474
Reaction score
618
Location
Bend, OR
Don't do this to yourself. Too many men live under the dilution that they do stuff and chicks respond... it doesn't work like that. What a lot of guys call 'game' only works if a chick likes you.

If you were showing up as your authentic self, and she was never really attracted to you then you never really had a shot. You didn't lose a godd@mn thing because you never had anything to work with in the first place.

Now if you had turned yourself into a dancing grinder monkey, all knotted up trying to be something you think she wants... well... you can't keep that sh1t up, and eventually she will sniff you out and lose interest. Understand that any 'effort' made just to impress her is not going to work for you.
@Aesthetix29 I agree 100% with RangerMIke here and his previous comment. Plus do you really want someone that does not appreciate your masculine energy/worth in your life?

My philosophy towards these scenarios has been: Anything I've lost, I wasn't supposed to have. Anyone I've lost wasn't supposed to be around. Simple.

Modern Man Advice
 

PRW63

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
325
Reaction score
258
Age
58
Location
Illinois within driving distance of St Louis, Mo
last week I created a thread explaining my current situation with my long term friend who I recently got he hots for ...

she’s just texted me saying ‘Hey, you okay’ it’s pretty obvious why she’s sent the text
The only reply to that is "Doing great! What's up?!" Anything else is being a cry baby. Not responding at all is being a but hurt little boy. Real men don't "ghost" because they don't need to. The woman is no threat to have to "hide from".
 

Aesthetix29

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Messages
413
Reaction score
52
The only reply to that is "Doing great! What's up?!" Anything else is being a cry baby. Not responding at all is being a but hurt little boy. Real men don't "ghost" because they don't need to. The woman is no threat to have to "hide from".

Yep finally seeing this for what it is now ... I wish I’d opened my eyes earlier lol

All that time wasted ...

Worst thing is looks wise she’s a 6/10 ... I think I liked her more because of all the stuff we did together etc ...

I’m just gonna focus on me again now ... gym, tanning, nice clothes etc ... and spin plates

She keeps reaching out to me like 30 mins ago she texted me saying ‘ do you think you’ll be free one day this week then or are you working?’

I replied saying not too sure just yet, I’m really busy at the moment will keep you updated.

Her reply was ‘No worries’

I think I’m done with that now ... ain’t going anywhere ... she just wants me to stroke her ego ... she has other fu** boys for that.

I think she’s finally knows I’m getting the message and am not interested in friendship.
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,220
Reaction score
7,454
Age
44
Yep finally seeing this for what it is now ... I wish I’d opened my eyes earlier lol

All that time wasted ...

Worst thing is looks wise she’s a 6/10 ... I think I liked her more because of all the stuff we did together etc ...

I’m just gonna focus on me again now ... gym, tanning, nice clothes etc ... and spin plates

She keeps reaching out to me like 30 mins ago she texted me saying ‘ do you think you’ll be free one day this week then or are you working?’

I replied saying not too sure just yet, I’m really busy at the moment will keep you updated.

Her reply was ‘No worries’

I think I’m done with that now ... ain’t going anywhere ... she just wants me to stroke her ego ... she has other fu** boys for that.

I think she’s finally knows I’m getting the message and am not interested in friendship.
agree with @PRW63

OP- did you ever bang this chick?

I think your responses have been ok....not great. But how long can you pull off the "not sure if I am going to be busy or not" text?

Why dont you just come out and say "I can be free to smash at 7pm on Thursday if you want to come over. Other than that, I am not interested in just being platonic friends. Let me know, I am good either way".

I mean you are kinda in the spot youre in because you never were super direct and you allowed her to string you along. I would shoot that out as one last hail mary.....and if she didnt come over and bang, I would NOT be sending back anything but "I'm great thanks for asking" in the future. If I even replied back to her at all.
 
Top