IVLVS Field Journal

[BackInTheGame78]

Wanted to post an update since I'm supposedly meeting a 22-year-old girl next Sunday. We matched on Tinder, talked for a bit, she asked for my number, and we've been texting since. I asked her out last week, but I guess she was busy because we never managed to lock down a date.

Then, out of nowhere (at least from my perspective), she started giving me **** about a video I posted on social media from a rock event I attended past Saturday. She was saying things like, "So that's why you like rock?" and making these over the top comments that basically implied, "My taste is so much better than yours."

I figured they were probably **** tests, or maybe just poorly calibrated teasing. For the first one, I replied, "Yeah, and I'm tired of pretending I don't." She came back with another jab, so I answered by sending her a video of myself leaning into exactly the kind of thing she was making fun of. My attitude was basically, "Girl, I like having fun." She responded with a surprised sticker, and at that point I didn't feel like continuing the conversation, so I just left her on read. That was last Sunday.

Yesterday she texted me asking for help with a couple of things. I helped her out, and after a few messages today she asked, "So when are we finally going out and swapping stories?"

She's cute, definitely provocative, and her sense of humor is pretty dark, lol. I honestly considered telling her, "Look, that's kind of rude, and I don't really hang out with rude people." I didn't, partly because I was a bit drunk and just having a good time.

Anyway, the date is set for this Sunday. I'm also planning to see the girl I mentioned yesterday on Saturday, so it should be an interesting weekend.

Why does she have access to your social media? This is used to disqualify you. Never give this out freely to people

 

[Clockwerk50]

Well, here's a bit of an update.

I don't know whether it was something I did or just bad luck, but everything went to ****. Spectacularly. Both dates.

FIRST GIRL
Let's start with the girl I asked out after getting her number while she was walking her dogs (the one who ended up standing me up).

We'd been texting, nothing over the top. Just normal conversation. Every now and then she'd react to one of my stories with a heart or something similar. Things seemed perfectly fine.

Last night I replied to one of her texts, and she left me on read. No big deal. The next day (Saturday), since it was the day of our date, around 2 p.m. I figured, "What the hell," and texted her.

We were supposed to meet at a bar at 6 p.m.

I sent her, "Hey, her name, how's your hot afternoon going?" She replied, we teased each other a bit, and honestly I don't think I said anything weird or off-putting.

Then I went to the gym for a run, headed home to shower, and by then it was almost 5 p.m. I ordered an Uber and texted her:

"I'm on my way. I made a reservation and wanted to check the place out a bit. Just let me know when you're nearby and I'll come outside to meet you."

The place was an arcade bar, looked like a pretty fun spot.

She replied:
"Oh, I think I got confused. So you're already heading there because of the reservation?"

I answered:
"Yeah, I'm almost there. I took an Uber because I didn't want to deal with parking."

Then she said:
"Oh, okay. I think I misunderstood from the beginning. I thought at 6 we were leaving from here together. I'm still not ready, and I think I'll get there around 6:30."

I simply replied:
"That's okay. Take your time."

I got to the bar around 5:35. Since I'd never been there before, I figured I'd get familiar with the place while I waited.

Then... nothing.

At 7:40 p.m. she finally texted:
"Hey, you know what? You were right. It was impossible to find parking. I spent like 30 minutes looking, got desperate, and left. Sorry, I owe you one."

I replied:
"Really? You should've told me you were there. I could've come out and helped you."

She answered:
"No, you were already inside playing, and honestly I just couldn't get close. I kept driving in circles and never found a spot. I got really stressed. Sorry."

My last reply was:
"Well, we could've figured something out, but okay."
Then I sent an animated sticker of two cats shaking hands.

SECOND GIRL
This is the one who got back in touch after giving me a hard time at first and was actually the one who suggested we hang out.

We agreed to go out this Sunday.

Everything seemed normal. Friday night I replied to her last message before going to bed. I'm generally not someone who replies immediately anyway(I'm usually working, reading, driving, walking, or at the gym).

I sent three simple messages:

• Asked if she'd managed to get herself a beer (she had mentioned she wanted one).
• Told her I wouldn't really be drinking again until Sunday since I'd gone out last Saturday and had a quick beer on Wednesday.
• Sent her a screenshot of a conversation with one of my coworkers because it related to a joke we'd been talking about.

That was it.

She left everything on read for the entire Saturday.

Normally I wouldn't think much of it. I'd just shrug and move on. But what I don't understand is why this always seems to happen right before we're supposed to meet.

Why leave the conversation hanging the day before the date?

Just... keep the conversation going. Am I' supposed to double-text someone I barely know?
----------------------------------
That's it fellas.

Now for the internal stuff I noticed.

For the most part I actually felt pretty relaxed while texting. But there were definitely moments where I got nervous about screwing things up.

Whenever that happened, I'd catch myself thinking: "Does this text sound needy? I don't want to come across as needy... Wait, who the hell decided this was needy in the first place?"

And then I'd spend way too much time overthinking what to send next.

The classic one also popped into my head: "If I double text, she'll think I'm desperate. The ball's in her court now."

Other than those moments, though, I honestly think the texting was fine. Before we got into the logistics of actually meeting up, the conversations had good back-and-forth. I genuinely don't know what I did that would suddenly make someone go silent the day before a date.

Getting stood up definitely messed with my head for a while.

For a moment I caught myself thinking: "What the **** is wrong with me? My ex left me the way she did, and now this girl doesn't even show up?"

My phone was almost dead (about 5% battery) so I left the bar and went home. At first I was thinking about charging it, taking my car, and heading back out to salvage the night somehow.

But once I was lying in bed, I stopped myself.

I thought:

"Wait a minute. Why do you want to go out right now?"

And the answer wasn't a good one. It wasn't because I genuinely wanted to have fun. It was because I wanted validation from women. I wanted proof that they were the problem, not me. Once I realized that, I decided I wasn't going to chase that feeling. I can stand up for myself.

Tomorrow, next week, or whenever I actually feel like going out because I want to enjoy myself (not because I need someone else's approval) that's when I'll do it.

So at 11 p.m., I stayed home.

First of all, there are a couple of principles worth keeping in mind.

1. Rapport and escalation = Rapport is the mutual comfort, trust, and connection you build through conversation, shared experiences, humor, empathy, and simply spending time together. Escalation is moving the interaction forward based on the level of comfort that has already been established.

Escalation can take different forms: logistical (coffee → dinner → another venue), physical (light touches → hugs → kissing), or emotional (small talk → flirting → deeper conversations). The timing varies depending on the situation, but the principle remains the same: build rapport, escalate, build more rapport, then escalate again.

The relationship between the two is important because escalation requires enough rapport behind it. If you escalate too quickly, you risk making someone uncomfortable. If you never escalate, the interaction can become stagnant.

At the same time, you still have to attempt to escalate because it gives you information. Her response is the green light or red light. If she is receptive, you know you can continue. If she isn't, either you moved too quickly and need to build more rapport, or the interest simply isn't there.

2. Presence, absence, suspense, and anticipation = Presence creates attraction through shared experiences and emotional connection. Absence gives those experiences time to grow because it allows someone to think about you, replay moments, and look forward to seeing you again.

Suspense and anticipation keep curiosity alive. If someone always knows exactly what to expect from you, interest can fade. The goal isn't to play games, but to allow someone to discover new sides of you over time. Attraction grows not only from the moments together, but also from the space between those moments.

The balance between these ideas is that presence creates the memories, absence allows those memories to develop, and suspense keeps curiosity alive. Attraction is not only built through what happens during the interaction but also through what happens afterward when someone is alone and reflecting on the experience.

Conclusion: With girl one, I think the main issue was probably a rapport and escalation problem. You went from meeting her while she was walking her dogs to setting up a date at an arcade bar. This isn't necessarily wrong, but the level of investment may have been higher than the comfort built between you two. More rapport through lighter interactions or a lower-pressure first meet could have made the escalation feel more natural.

With girl two, I think the bigger question is why you felt the need to restart the conversation the day before the date when she was already the one who suggested hanging out. Since she had already shown initiative, the interaction already had momentum and there was no need to seek reassurance through more texting. The move is to stay available for logistics while also allowing the other person to invest and show their level of interest. Hopefully, the date still happened, but I would have kept it simple and sent a confirmation text the morning of. Keep communication open, but avoid feeling like you need to constantly maintain the interaction to prevent someone from losing interest.

Overall, women with high interest usually make things easier. They give you more room for mistakes, are more receptive, and help move things forward. When someone is interested, their actions usually align with that interest. When they aren't, you often end up analyzing messages, interpreting mixed signals, and wondering where you stand.