timmylivingalie
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 9, 2011
- Messages
- 226
- Reaction score
- 1
Since its about to become winter and most people are wearing jackets is it ok to put your hands in your jacket pockets?
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
HalfAddict said:Yeah if you ever feel like putting your hands in your pocket instead place your thumbs in the belt loops on the front of your pants.
timmylivingalie said:Since its about to become winter and most people are wearing jackets is it ok to put your hands in your jacket pockets?
Thankssamspade said:Body language has meaning. There is such a thing as signaling.
Recently I saw a group of groomsmen waiting to pose for wedding photos in a park. They were all acting jovial, making jokes and smiling, laughing, etc. One guy stood in the back, looking down a lot, with his hands firmly ensconced in his pant pockets. He was chuckling with the rest, but if I asked you to pick out the biggest Follower in the group, you'd have no problem singling this guy out, solely based on body language.
If I can see it, imagine what the opposite sex reads into it.
ThanksNutz said:Generally, yes, it's bad body language. It can come off as insecure and send subtle cues that you're hiding something. What you can do to make it okay is to disqualify it from being a bad thing, simply by saying "brrr... it's cold out here!" and then stuff your hands in your pockets. That's a lot different from rolling up to a woman with your hands hidden from the start.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.