I want to be a father one day...

[Roober]

Every State is a no-fault State dude. I believe you are talking about being a community property State where all assets are split 50/50 w.o a presence of a trust or pre-nup.

The person you marry may not be the person you divorce dude. Just something to remember and consider. I asked my atty friend, no the courts do not look on differently if couple was married or not. It's in the best interest of the children and there are no assets to be divided; at least in CT.

To the bolded, I would say yes and no. Portions of a person's life may change, but generally, their core values do not. Generally people overlook certain personality traits to fit their partner into the image they want them to be.

A truly conscientious person won't suddenly become unconscientious, just like a an introvert doesn't become an extrovert. They both learn to live within the environments presented to them. And of their partner is worth it, they may even sacrifice some of their own aversion to the opposite of their own values... Bit at that point, it merely becomes a mask of resentment just waiting to be removed.

And as I said about the courts, I'm not speaking from facts merely from what I've witnessed. Thank you for clarifying.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

So what if they are some crazy women or men?

There's also fat and thin people.

Ugly and beautiful people.

Take it as it comes and handle it.

And I'll tell you something that's also the truth, when a man keeps on harping over something as useless as crazy women, that means he's the problem.

Nothing can affect you as long as you don't allow it.

You can’t control everyone Spaz. I‘m continuing to get better, and I will surpass everyone on these boards. But even I recognize that things aren’t as rosy as humanists like to believe. On my journey of getting better, of self-improvement, I start to note defects in people that are limiting them and are preventing them from being as happy or as great as they could be. I notice these things because I used to have the same behavior as them when I had XYZ weaknesses. In the case of women, many of them talk about how they desire romantic love and whatnot. But when you open the door for them to come to you, and you’ve never really shut any of them down, they’ll still be too scared and too afraid to do anything, and then they’ll get all upset at you because THEY were too scared to be direct with you about what they want (you). And I can see that it’s because of certain insecurities/weaknesses/defects that they have in their character. And they’re aftaid to face them because it hurts and is hard to confront and fix. But I know that it is BECAUSE of these weaknesses because I used to have many of them myself; I figured myself out more, and in turn I figured out how others are as well.

Like I said, you can’t control everyone. Most people can hardly control themselves.

 

[ubercat]

26 is a good time to be thinking about this. Woman normally ends up being 5 or 6 years younger than the guy. Most of the guys here agree that a low mileage chick gives you the best chance. with the skills you have learnt here you should be able to push that a little bit and anything up to 10 years younger is fine. that will help with your motivation because chicks do hit the wall a bit younger than men. So you've probably got until 32-33. Which gives you plenty of time to sort through an awful lot of women.

Its still possible to find relatively innocent 23 year olds by 25 that ass is well tapped.

And then I would fish in the less polluted pools EE, Asians and Latinas. then screen on what you want do you like a quiet girl do you like a social girl do you like a sporty girl etc. There's always going to be some compromise but if you're sporty and she never wants to get off the couch that ain't going to work.

the flip side is that by taking on a younger woman you're basically taking on responsibility or forming and molding her. you got access to the experience of hundreds of men here so that shouldn't be so hard.

It would also be good to read a couple of books on the subject a lot of the guys here rate athol Kay. Kids are a challenge I wouldn't go there until you know you have enough money to provide a few luxuries as well. Never had my own unfortunately one of my regrets. But I've lived with women who have kids. and I would say been able to provide a date night, a weekend away without the kids pampering time out for her etc is a wise investment in your shared mental health.

when you started thinking about this the old advice was to start burying a bit of gold in the backyard. Nowadays I guess it's an offshore account or some crypto bux. But yes given the horrible state of modern matrimony having a chunk of money that she will never know about is a very wise precaution. I had a mate who is the most gentle guy in the world when his relationship went tits up the cops came around and kicked him out of his own apartment. She's gone to a judge and got a restraining order evidently no evidence required. Since she had lived there the judge accepted that as her residence and so he couldn't be there. And a restraining order also freezes their joint accounts.

So make sure you have a fighting fund just in case.

 

[AttackFormation]

Most of the guys here agree that a low mileage chick gives you the best chance. Its still possible to find relatively innocent 23 year olds by 25 that ass is well tapped.

And then I would fish in the less polluted pools EE, Asians and Latinas.

Imo focusing on low mileage in itself is a losing strategy, especially in the long run, obviously because it's impractical to find but also for your mental health's sake. Sure, you don't wanna wife up a prostitute, porn star or obviously chronic hoe. But other than that, the reality is I would just go by whether you think she's a good woman or not (respectful, submissive, pleasant companion, compatible habits, your type).

That will probably overlap to some extent with women who have a lower mileage, and you can consider that too, but it's just impractical to make it the main focus. Helps you stop obsessing about their past so much too, a thought pattern which is hard to overcome... but I think if you can do it it'll give you more of a mental ease.

I'd be careful about romanticizing other cultures too... it's the same species and even the same social trends everywhere.

 

[ubercat]

Yes and no. Sure you may find a golden unicorn in the most unlikely of spots. And if you do don't overgame the s*** out of her.

But over years and dozens of women all you need to do is shift the odds slightly in your favour and good things will happen. Anybody who's played any poker knows that. And I've given the best advice I know on how to do that.

I also meant to mention that because we're guys we solve problems. and we are kind of anticipating the problems down the track so we can give you the best shot at planning around them.

you're young enough and cluey enough that you will probably get a great result. so when you do enjoy the first couple of years with her before the kids come along and learn & explore together.

and that might go on your shopping list as well a girl who is open-minded enough to be willing to grab a contract in another country do a bit of work do a bit of travel learn new languages or hobbies together etc.

That's the main reason I like the Asian ladies because as long as you do an ok job of leading they are into whatever you're into. it's not the fact that they have a vag the size of a mouse's ear that s going to make any guy look good. That's just a huge added bonus.

 

[Spaz]

You can’t control everyone Spaz. I‘m continuing to get better, and I will surpass everyone on these boards. But even I recognize that things aren’t as rosy as humanists like to believe. On my journey of getting better, of self-improvement, I start to note defects in people that are limiting them and are preventing them from being as happy or as great as they could be. I notice these things because I used to have the same behavior as them when I had XYZ weaknesses. In the case of women, many of them talk about how they desire romantic love and whatnot. But when you open the door for them to come to you, and you’ve never really shut any of them down, they’ll still be too scared and too afraid to do anything, and then they’ll get all upset at you because THEY were too scared to be direct with you about what they want (you). And I can see that it’s because of certain insecurities/weaknesses/defects that they have in their character. And they’re aftaid to face them because it hurts and is hard to confront and fix. But I know that it is BECAUSE of these weaknesses because I used to have many of them myself; I figured myself out more, and in turn I figured out how others are as well.

Like I said, you can’t control everyone. Most people can hardly control themselves.

Everyone has defects.

With regards to women, I am not here to suggest how to fix women, never did and never will. That's their problem to fix.

Why is it yours?

All I'm doing is living my life to its fullest possibility.

It's up to these women to either want to come into my life or leave it.

As far as I know and have experienced, women are like leeches, whether you want it or not, they WILL suck in a man's ambition, status, happiness, etc and then they will exhibit the same.

It's like they become infected, of course they still retain their core but its now influenced.

Likewise, if a man is constantly displaying negativity with life, his perceptions, lack of ambition and basically an all around loser, she too will suck it in and be infected by whichever men she's with.

I guess people will call her a BPD.

So choose, you want to be a fixer of women or an effective leader of women?

 

[FMCSMT]

Best interests of the children is a farce. Take it from a divorced law student who has won custody.

There’s case law that proves this. I cannot cite it off the top of my head and it’s not my area of interest due to enmeshment.

In Minnesota, if you’re not married, children automatically go to mom.

If you’re married but separated, you have just as much custody as mom.

When divorced, you are defaulted to joint legal custody no matter what. No judge will award sole legal.

When going through the proceedings married, the rebuttable presumption is 75% parenting time to mom. It’s actually not a bad gig. You just have to prove why you should have 50/50 or more. Not too hard to do. I have joint physical and joint legal with 50/50 parenting time.

What does that mean? I have a veto power. Different school? No. Done. Wanna move? No. Done.

Unmarried? Good luck. But you can escape both child support and the parental role quite easily.

Married/Divorced? You cannot escape child support.

I’ll post the “best interest factors” in my state. Go ahead and try to use them. See where that lands you.

You are dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.

 

[FMCSMT]

Sec. 518.17 MN Statutes

Good luck. There’s 12 best interests factors.

Was I questioned in even 1 of these during my 8 month proceedings? Nope. Not once.

By the way, these factors are not what you intend to do going forward. They are what have you been doing as a parent.

Does anyone tell you that? Nope.

 

[TheProspect]

Re-read this thread today. Thank you all for sharing your experience and words of advice. I appreciate it.

@Roober @BeExcellent @Amante Silvestre
... the contributions of you 3 especially resonated with me.

I feel optimistic about my future in regards to fatherhood, and also just about my future in general.

Down the road if I end up having a kid and things don't work out between me and the mother, I'll at least be able to say I gave it a shot instead of letting fear prevent me altogether from experiencing (planned) fatherhood. I'd rather be 80 years old and say I went for it, than be 80 years old and convince myself I never wanted it because of the risk.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Can we put this thread into the Hall of Excellence? Some of the posts here give legal advice on what to do to protect your assets for those who are married/may want to get married, and that is just something that the manosphere doesn’t really talk much about. I even went ahead and saved all these pages on archive.org even because of how beneficial this stuff may be due to the legal implications of it.

 

[Black Widow Void]

What about dating sites like catholic match or christian mingle? Will you find good women on there?

Nothing within my above posting would suggest that I've been a member of catholic match or christian mingle.
Nevertheless, here I am... getting a flag alert by you with the above irrelevant question.
You need not bother clicking the "reply" button to explain yourself. I have no interest in understanding.

 

[logicallefty]

In my state Illinois it’s all about the mother getting the child support. Once the child support order is set Then the judge will tell the mother to let the father have the kid as much as possible and encourage it. But until the child support is established the father is a skum bag by default. They don’t even pretend to make it about the best interest of the child. My situation is a little bit different than the norm that most men get but I had to fight bloody death for what I got.

 

[logicallefty]

Can we put this thread into the Hall of Excellence? Some of the posts here give legal advice on what to do to protect your assets for those who are married/may want to get married, and that is just something that the manosphere doesn’t really talk much about. I even went ahead and saved all these pages on archive.org even because of how beneficial this stuff may be due to the legal implications of it.

We can. I will try to remember tomorrow when I am at a computer. But if I forget please remind me.

 

[sosumba]

That right there is THE WORST THING a WIFE could ever do for her children.

She may not have realized it,but she likely had just UNKNOWINGLY sowned a psychological seed of destruction in her kids.....AND in the marriage.

So what would one do in that case? Just run?

 

[TheProspect]

Bump.

Been a year since I posted this. I'm interested in reading more perspectives on the topic of potential fatherhood, and perhaps even further discussion of the existing dialogue. Might be an useful read for some of you.

Here’s the very most basic thing you look for.

A woman who you find sexually attractive who is into you and understands the following:

Top Priority is to be your LOVER

Second Priority is WIFE/PARTNER to you.

Third Priority is MOTHER to your children


You can lay out those priorities and dictate them in fact but that’s the correct order.

BE, would you care to expand on those 3 priorities? Perhaps just detailing what each role would look like ideally, as well as explaining the important of their order. I find it would be constructive to the thread.

 

[TheProspect]

Marry a good woman and keep her interest level sky high.

And don’t listen to all the negativity in this thread.

If you date down far enough and screen hard you can do it.

@EyeBRollin , @LARaiders85

You two also offered different opinions then the typical responses one would expect to hear on the topic. Others did too, but have already elaborated earlier in the thread.

Would you two care to elaborate a little bit yourselves in order to promote more discussion on the topic? I'll ask a few questions to both of you based on what you said if it helps formulate a response...

@EyeBRollin, what do you consider a "good" woman? How do you recommend establishing and maintaining a high interest level?

@LARaiders85, in what categories do you figure one would have to date down and why? Do you find it very unlikely one could have a successful parenting situation without having to date down? What would the screening process look like for you when deciding who to have a kid with (assuming you wanted one)?

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

In my state Illinois it’s all about the mother getting the child support. Once the child support order is set Then the judge will tell the mother to let the father have the kid as much as possible and encourage it. But until the child support is established the father is a skum bag by default. They don’t even pretend to make it about the best interest of the child. My situation is a little bit different than the norm that most men get but I had to fight bloody death for what I got.

A lot of women are trash *** dumpsters and morons are playing house with. There was a barrier for entry into marriage that is ancient and withstood the test of time for a reason. Fellas need to put their foot down. She must be if the utmost highest caliber possible beyond aesthetics. Outside of sex, modern day western women serve little value with few exceptions. Screaming misogyny isn't a argument. After countless sets, I have never met wife material.

Wanting to be a father is selfish if you aren't VETTING solid wife stock . I've seen more recent Elliot Hulse vlogs. The content has been really good. Kevin Samuels has called but so called Christian women who value feminism more than their own God.

My mate is Chad. He once called out imagining have kids with THESE women? Splicing your data with pigs and animals in the form of western waman? *** dumpsters and a series of aborted fetuses? murdering babies. Even a atheist can acknowledge that is evil and not worthy of motherhood.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

@EyeBRollin , @LARaiders85

You two also offered different opinions then the typical responses one would expect to hear on the topic. Others did too, but have already elaborated earlier in the thread.

Would you two care to elaborate a little bit yourselves in order to promote more discussion on the topic? I'll ask a few questions to both of you based on what you said if it helps formulate a response...

@EyeBRollin, what do you consider a "good" woman? How do you recommend establishing and maintaining a high interest level?

@LARaiders85, in what categories do you figure one would have to date down and why? Do you find it very unlikely one could have a successful parenting situation without having to date down? What would the screening process look like for you when deciding who to have a kid with (assuming you wanted one)?

It's similar to Rollos point of view. Date a deviation below. I can't agree with this. Essentially, lower your value. Date down.

The data is crystal clear. Getting ran through is detrimental to pair bonding but morons continue to play house. Fellas need to raise the bar. Not lower the standards of what they will tolerate.

Western society is not ideal for wife stock and fellas looking for kids one day. Outside of the west holds better alternative BUT if she becomes westernized it's all over.

 

[Serenity]

TL;DR ... I want to be a father and raise my own kid one day. Wondering the smartest way to approach this desire given the current marketplace and female proclivities these days. In no rush, and I'm not willing to sacrifice on the quality of a woman just for the sake of having a kid, so I can accept it if it doesn't happen... although I really look forward to potential fatherhood. Thoughts?

Really late to this one, but here's my take on it. I too wanted that type of life over 5 years ago, that's really the reason I joined this forum. I wanted that future and I sucked with women. So I learned all I could and started sucking way less with women, but still unable to find what could be a good relationship. This burned me out and I finally accepted my life as it is, focusing on having the best time possible with what I had.

Shortly after this zen-like acceptance I happened to meet a woman where everything just worked out. I wasn't even trying to game her, I was just talking with her and having fun. I thought I'd never see her again, I wasn't gonna do anything, I was tired of all that. However, she sent me a message asking for a date. I spent a good 2 hours in deep contemplation before delivering my answer, I would possibly be putting a lot of my good energy on the line if I got involved with her. I decided to see where it would go, I had after all learned how to save myself from such pains. Well, a date turned into many many more. Each step of the way I was just waiting for the red flags I knew to look for, but they never showed up.

A year after we met she moved into my apartment. Surely I'd see some red flags now, right? Nope, she even insisted on paying to live with me (all of which I put into a savings account to buy a house together, if we broke up it was mine to keep). Late 2018 we buy that house together and we have plans to marry and have a kid. We got married in 2019 and my son is now 5 months old.

So how are things now? Honestly I hesitate to talk about this on the forums because I feel like nobody would believe how well it's going. It's fvcking fantastic! Communication is great, we have a lot of fun together and the sex has never been better. I really mean it when I say I love her and I know for a fact she loves me too.

So how do you find this? I don't think you can actively look for this, not without becoming miserable or making a bad choice. Maximize finding enjoyment in what you can right now. She might come along when you least expect it or you might never encounter the woman who will be the mother of your kids. This means you should be fully prepared to live your entire life without fulfilling this desire, because it's that desire that cause men to compromise too much on a woman.

I had essentially given up, I was fully prepared to live out my days as a single man without a kid. Had someone asked me 5 years ago what my life would look like today I wouldn't have said happily married with a kid, I wouldn't dare to feed that desire. Here I am though, 5 years later, husband, dad and still having a great time in life (minus pandemic restrictions ofc).

It wouldn't have taken much for me to break up. After that entire ordeal with my BPD mother, my patience and tolerance for drama and BS was near zero. I was having an amazing time being single right before I met my wife, I was already whole and didn't need her at all. Had she so much as tried to disturb that then I would have pulled back faster than light. I spent 4 years before marrying her, looking for evidence that our relationship may not go to infinity, but I'm still empty handed.

You have the order of priorities correct, but you may want to let go of your desire even more. It will just make you feel incomplete, if only by a little bit, but you aren't. Ironically for me I had to let go of that desire to become whole, which may be what I had to be in order to fulfill said desire.

 

[derby1]

Also late to this one, As a father myself and I work with women in a therapy setting.

Allow me to pre-warn you! Western women are only interested in securing the seed, not the man. As soon as she has your baby she will dispose of you like a bad habit, whilst the child is still in nappies. Then she will get in a relationship with the state.

you will become a drunk in a one bedroom apartment on mental health meds. LOOK AT WOMEN ON SOCIAL MEDIA not one has the dad in the pic with the child

the only way it ever works is if the woman totally adores her own dad & you are a pretty decent earner. can afford a moderate house, then she will keep the family together.