I treated my ex kind after a breakup. DON'T DO IT.

elperuano

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I want to share an insightful experience with you all.

I broke up with my toxic ex-girlfriend (3 years of relationship). I was very attached to her, and she disrespected me a lot of times so she started losing interest and you know the rest of the story. It did not matter at the point of the breakup because I also wanted to get rid of her.

We broke up and I went silent. I started dating other girls and I never contacted her because I didn't want her back.

6 months passed and I got an email from her. The email was passive-aggresive. She expected that I would contact her and was offended because I didn't. "Like, you don't realize I'm the love of your life? You can't let me go like this!" tone of voice. I ignored her. Then a second letter asking for forgiveness and reconcilation. I ignored her again. Then a third letter, very submissive, basically telling me that I can go **** her whenever I want. Honestly, I didn't want to.

But I slipped up. Not because I ****ed her, but because I responded. At this point, I wasn't aware you can't reason with women on this topics.

My ex represented the past for me. My old self. I believe wanted to show her that I have changed, but also I wanted to say thanks because I couldn't have this frame without her intense emotions and BPD. Very naive from me, but I'm an extremely spiritual person and also she is, so I thought she would understand my point (NOTE: Women have no real personalities. They assume roles and does them in a way to please a father figure or ideal relationship in their mind).

We met, I rejected her sexual advancements. I tried to reason with her that we were both better like this. She agreed, but in action was trying to convince me to **** her.

We split. I thought we were now cyber-friends. We did not chat because I wouldn't respond, but there were no more resentments (at least from my side).

1 month later she discovers that I dated another woman just a few weeks after our break up (also the new one was prettier) and starts talking secret things, lies, and **** about me with my friends and her friends in an effort to destroy my reputation and relationships with others. Because I was out of social media during this time, I got the information very late. I was treating her kind during all this time (basically she sent me memes and I responded or haha'd). She never told me what she was doing. She was resentful because I was not alone and she was at that point. I haven't done anything bad to her and she was the one that broke up with me.

I knew her family. I helped her mature, get a job, and lose weight. I was a ****ing Nice Guy and that's why she left me. What do I get for that? **** and more ****. Even after we are no longer in a relationship. For being the good guy, the monk, the tolerant... you receive nothing in this life. So accept it or change ways.

If your ex woman (or even your current woman) is not heavily neurotic or crazy, maybe trust her after a breakup. MAYBE. But, as a rule of thumb ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY so don't ****ing trust your ex. Don't treat her nice. Don't forgive her. If you got it back, use her. Use her until she is so emotionally wasted of not being able to control you again that she definitely leaves. You keep your balls warm and empty while you navigate new seas.
 

BackInTheGame78

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There is a lot to unpack here.

Basically the issue is, she views you as a simp and typical "nice guy" she can walk all over and who is a personal doormat for her.

Why? Because you allowed it and your actions told her you were OK with it.

Your conclusions have no basis in reality. Treating someone kindly has nothing to do with what happened in this scenario. You can treat someone with kindness and not be a doormat. Those are not mutually exclusive things.

This is why "nice guys" finish last. Because they don't understand why or even how what they are doing is causing their own issues.

The issue is she knows you are a doormat and she continues to treat you as such.
 

soulforge

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I want to share an insightful experience with you all.

I broke up with my toxic ex-girlfriend (3 years of relationship). I was very attached to her, and she disrespected me a lot of times so she started losing interest and you know the rest of the story. It did not matter at the point of the breakup because I also wanted to get rid of her.

We broke up and I went silent. I started dating other girls and I never contacted her because I didn't want her back.

6 months passed and I got an email from her. The email was passive-aggresive. She expected that I would contact her and was offended because I didn't. "Like, you don't realize I'm the love of your life? You can't let me go like this!" tone of voice. I ignored her. Then a second letter asking for forgiveness and reconcilation. I ignored her again. Then a third letter, very submissive, basically telling me that I can go **** her whenever I want. Honestly, I didn't want to.

But I slipped up. Not because I ****ed her, but because I responded. At this point, I wasn't aware you can't reason with women on this topics.

My ex represented the past for me. My old self. I believe wanted to show her that I have changed, but also I wanted to say thanks because I couldn't have this frame without her intense emotions and BPD. Very naive from me, but I'm an extremely spiritual person and also she is, so I thought she would understand my point (NOTE: Women have no real personalities. They assume roles and does them in a way to please a father figure or ideal relationship in their mind).

We met, I rejected her sexual advancements. I tried to reason with her that we were both better like this. She agreed, but in action was trying to convince me to **** her.

We split. I thought we were now cyber-friends. We did not chat because I wouldn't respond, but there were no more resentments (at least from my side).

1 month later she discovers that I dated another woman just a few weeks after our break up (also the new one was prettier) and starts talking secret things, lies, and **** about me with my friends and her friends in an effort to destroy my reputation and relationships with others. Because I was out of social media during this time, I got the information very late. I was treating her kind during all this time (basically she sent me memes and I responded or haha'd). She never told me what she was doing. She was resentful because I was not alone and she was at that point. I haven't done anything bad to her and she was the one that broke up with me.

I knew her family. I helped her mature, get a job, and lose weight. I was a ****ing Nice Guy and that's why she left me. What do I get for that? **** and more ****. Even after we are no longer in a relationship. For being the good guy, the monk, the tolerant... you receive nothing in this life. So accept it or change ways.

If your ex woman (or even your current woman) is not heavily neurotic or crazy, maybe trust her after a breakup. MAYBE. But, as a rule of thumb ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY so don't ****ing trust your ex. Don't treat her nice. Don't forgive her. If you got it back, use her. Use her until she is so emotionally wasted of not being able to control you again that she definitely leaves. You keep your balls warm and empty while you navigate new seas.
Great read, and weldone for holding frame and staying NC for the vast majority of time.

Ideally you should have stuck with NC and never looked back, but bro unlike some people on here, I am not going to trash you for it.

Most of us learn lessons the hard way.

Ignore the "hey look, I'm more Alpha than you, because my frame is stronger than yours, you messed up, this must obviously means I have a bigger dik than you" types on here.

Also for future reference. It's fine being the good guy and sometimes nice... But never be afraid to check a bich if she acts out, or shows disrespect. She will either get in line, and if she is the crazy unstable type, then you can kick her azz to the curb, sooner rather than later.
 

MtmVaott

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This is way too much thinking, and I know what I'm talking about.

Bottom line is that you are afraid to counsciously dislike people that are trash.
 

Plinco

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I want to share an insightful experience with you all.

I broke up with my toxic ex-girlfriend (3 years of relationship). I was very attached to her, and she disrespected me a lot of times so she started losing interest and you know the rest of the story. It did not matter at the point of the breakup because I also wanted to get rid of her.

We broke up and I went silent. I started dating other girls and I never contacted her because I didn't want her back.

6 months passed and I got an email from her. The email was passive-aggresive. She expected that I would contact her and was offended because I didn't. "Like, you don't realize I'm the love of your life? You can't let me go like this!" tone of voice. I ignored her. Then a second letter asking for forgiveness and reconcilation. I ignored her again. Then a third letter, very submissive, basically telling me that I can go **** her whenever I want. Honestly, I didn't want to.

But I slipped up. Not because I ****ed her, but because I responded. At this point, I wasn't aware you can't reason with women on this topics.

My ex represented the past for me. My old self. I believe wanted to show her that I have changed, but also I wanted to say thanks because I couldn't have this frame without her intense emotions and BPD. Very naive from me, but I'm an extremely spiritual person and also she is, so I thought she would understand my point (NOTE: Women have no real personalities. They assume roles and does them in a way to please a father figure or ideal relationship in their mind).

We met, I rejected her sexual advancements. I tried to reason with her that we were both better like this. She agreed, but in action was trying to convince me to **** her.

We split. I thought we were now cyber-friends. We did not chat because I wouldn't respond, but there were no more resentments (at least from my side).

1 month later she discovers that I dated another woman just a few weeks after our break up (also the new one was prettier) and starts talking secret things, lies, and **** about me with my friends and her friends in an effort to destroy my reputation and relationships with others. Because I was out of social media during this time, I got the information very late. I was treating her kind during all this time (basically she sent me memes and I responded or haha'd). She never told me what she was doing. She was resentful because I was not alone and she was at that point. I haven't done anything bad to her and she was the one that broke up with me.

I knew her family. I helped her mature, get a job, and lose weight. I was a ****ing Nice Guy and that's why she left me. What do I get for that? **** and more ****. Even after we are no longer in a relationship. For being the good guy, the monk, the tolerant... you receive nothing in this life. So accept it or change ways.

If your ex woman (or even your current woman) is not heavily neurotic or crazy, maybe trust her after a breakup. MAYBE. But, as a rule of thumb ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY so don't ****ing trust your ex. Don't treat her nice. Don't forgive her. If you got it back, use her. Use her until she is so emotionally wasted of not being able to control you again that she definitely leaves. You keep your balls warm and empty while you navigate new seas.
You had to learn that your state of mind in the beginning was inadequate but the issue here is learning how to be properly and effectively selfish.
 

soulforge

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The lesson to learn here is, don't be afraid to treat her well.. However always check ✔ bad chitty behaviour.. Always & be ready to walk away if things don't improve.

Save yourself from 3 years wasted.
 

Scars

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"Like, you don't realize I'm the love of your life?"

Lol, bro.
 

soulforge

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"Like, you don't realize I'm the love of your life?"

Lol, bro.
Yeh I mean modern women are some damn narcassisct, even after they treat a man like shyte, trample over his heart, get tagged by Chad/Tyrone both at the same times. She still feels like you didn't chase enough or beg enough.

How dare you walked away? Lol
 

Black Widow Void

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I see that you just joined up. Welcome aboard.

It's all about perspective. And the way I see it, you won. You didn't give her what she wanted and she threw a tantrum.

I wouldn't worry about her attempts to discredit you. I've been there. If not immediately, I can guarantee that eventually the mutual friends will see straight through her. File her behavior under "typical scorned woman."

As the old saying goes, "the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference" And this ex of yours sure isn't acting indifferent. Just think of it as...this is her way of handing you the victory. Her behavior may be erratic and bothersome, but inadvertently she's communicating that you have 'ownership' of her. -- Just continue to practice self-control - while she continues to lose her own. Good job!
 

Scaramouche

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Hi elperuano,
Grear to see new blood on here....For some time,I have slid gently out of relationships....Long,long ways down the line it has payed off!....Youth never appreciates what age may yearn for!
 

elperuano

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There is a lot to unpack here.

Basically the issue is, she views you as a simp and typical "nice guy" she can walk all over and who is a personal doormat for her.

Why? Because you allowed it and your actions told her you were OK with it.

Your conclusions have no basis in reality. Treating someone kindly has nothing to do with what happened in this scenario. You can treat someone with kindness and not be a doormat. Those are not mutually exclusive things.

This is why "nice guys" finish last. Because they don't understand why or even how what they are doing is causing their own issues.

The issue is she knows you are a doormat and she continues to treat you as such.
Thanks, I needed to hear this. I had Nice Guy syndrome and still has some level of it nowadays. I'm progressively getting better, but there is lots to learn yet. Hope you can give me more of this insights or comments.

PD: I did too many mushrooms with her. Also problematic.
This is way too much thinking, and I know what I'm talking about.

Bottom line is that you are afraid to counsciously dislike people that are trash.
Correct, but just women. I'm 99.9% sure my mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I come from a single-mother household. You get the idea.
I’ve treated my Ex-s well. Some went on to become sides/FWBs others are friends. Two of which I’d trust with my life.
As a rule of thumb, modern women are insane. Healthy women or relationships with good frame are different, I supose.
 

elperuano

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I want also to steer clear that my conclusions are conditional to my scenario (CRAZY BPD EX / NICE GUY SYNDROME). I formulated my title with a generalization to generate engagement. You can all think by yourselves. If I would have written every nuance about this topic, I would have wasted all day.

I appreciate your welcome's and responses.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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The main problem is the lack of establishing boundaries right at the very start of the relationship. If a woman knows you have boundaries and you're willing to walk away from the relationship if she crosses those boundaries, she won't treat you like sh1t because she knows that her transgression has severe consequences.
 
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