I just left my girlfriend of 3 years, for business. Am I a selfish prick?

Mr. Focus

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(I'm new here) Hello everybody!!!! I am going to spend a lot of time on this forum.

So, as the title says, I left my girlfriend this past weekend, the longest relationship I've ever had, so I can focus 100% on my business, and fully experience my 20's (I'm 20).

I met this girl when I was 17, I had recently gotten over another break up, was working out, dressed well, and felt on top of the world and confident. She was the hottest girl that was ever interested in me. I almost didn't want to jump into another relationship right away, but of course I felt pressured and made it official.

The relationship wasn't bad at all, I loved her (still do), but there were times where I just felt like I wanted my independence. I didn't want to waste time. I wanted to hustle 100% and be free to move across country tomorrow if I wanted to, without having to worry about her (being in college). Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.

Not to say that I didn't do **** in the relationship, I didn't let myself go, I still had my business goals, worked out, read books... I just felt like I could have done A LOT more if I was alone during those 3 years, she was an excuse for me to procrastinate, and just be comfortable and chill out with her. Whenever I visualized moving out of my parents house, I didn't really like the idea of living with her either, I just wanted to be alone and independent and hustling.

I've ALWAYS had a hard time breaking up with someone, even when things are going bad, I've had a problem with attaching too hard. I attempted to break up with her maybe after the 2nd year, but I felt hopeless and got back with her.

Then I read The Rational Male, I don't know why, but the author really spoke to me, and after just a few chapters in, I got the courage, and I broke up with her the next day for good. She did not take it well at all.

I should be feeling good, but I can't help but feel a little down. There's thoughts in my head that are like, "Maybe I COULD have focused 100% while being with her, maybe it was MY issue, maybe I'm the one who made all the excuses, blablabla".

I guess my plans are just to now work on myself and I really have no plans for a relationship for a very, very long time. I'm entering the non-exclusive dating scene now.

My mother obviously doesn't agree with the break up, and thinks I just broke my poor girlfriends heart for no reason.

What do you guys think? Am I a selfish prick for breaking up with her? Or is my future more important, and this may have been the best decision I could have made for myself?
 

BernieTrump

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I am with you brother...just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years (I'm 23)...but we are young, my feeling is 20 or even 23 is too young to accept that it's the right person for the rest of your life unless it feels absolutely perfect. which in your case (and mine), it doesn't.
 

sosousage

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i want to read that book too :) currently reading something else. damn i wish im not such a slow reader lmao.. i read half a day and only 20 pages qq
 

Roober

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A man's purpose always comes before his woman.

Whether or not you could take her along for the ride is the answer to your question? It sounds like you really didn't care about her that much.
 

Mr. Focus

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I appreciate all your responses, I didn't hate her at all, so it wasn't easy for me to do. I felt 100% confident at first because of the book but, honestly now 2-3 days after the break up, now I'm feeling a sense of loss. God it sucks, but hopefully it will pass soon.
 

resilient

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...2-3 days after the break up, now I'm feeling a sense of loss. God, it sucks, but hopefully it will pass soon.
Yeah man... 20 is crazy young for an exclusive relationship. Now that you're single, you're going to notice women riding the c0ck carousel hard for the next near-decade while they're at peak SMV, so take advantage of that and don't go exclusive.

Keep focusing on you.

Build your Don Juan life.

Keep reading the forum and applying yourself in life.

Use your work, hobbies, gym, music, bro friends to distract you from the feels. Let yourself grieve now if you have to since it was 3-years down the line with this girl.

The more you put the focus on you, the less "grip" or attachment you'll feel from her. Good luck.
 
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Mr. Focus

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Yeah man... 20 is crazy young for an exclusive relationship. Not that you're single, you're going to notice women riding the c0ck carousel hard for the next near-decade while they're at peak SMV, so take advantage of that and don't go exclusive.

Keep focusing on you.

Build your Don Juan life.

Keep reading the forum and applying yourself in life.

Use your work, hobbies, gym, music, bro friends to distract you from the feels. Let yourself grieve now if you have to since it was 3-years down the line with this girl.

The more you put the focus on you, the less "grip" or attachment you'll feel from her. Good luck.
Thanks dude, that really helps. It doesn't help that she was really hot, and I guess I got some ONEitus thinking going on.
 

TheGambino

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So much good advice on this post, You Guys are the best lmao. Focus on yourself!!
 

devilkingx2

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You only made a mistake if she was a great girl. If there was other good reasons to break up with her it's fine

Be careful not to wind up alone at the top though.
 

Red Legg

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A DJ takes care of his goals,needs,and wants first...women are a distant 4th. if that..
 

Mr. Focus

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You only made a mistake if she was a great girl. If there was other good reasons to break up with her it's fine

Be careful not to wind up alone at the top though.
That's what I'm afraid of dude, I kind of just entered panic mode a couple hours ago. Now I'm thinking about all the good qualities about her and I'm really ****ing with myself. Always excited to be with me, loyal.

And the things I was annoyed about seem superficial now, cusses too much, never reads or tries to better herself. Never willing to try new things. I feel like I can deal with all that **** now.

God this sucks, this really, really sucks.
 

Macaframalama

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but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.
This is an excuse bro. Wether you have a steady gf or not, you should be doing this regardless.
"Maybe I COULD have focused 100% while being with her, maybe it was MY issue, maybe I'm the one who made all the excuses, blablabla".
BINGO! Growing complacent is no one's fault but yours.
You obviously didn't want to be with her and wanted to be single. That is enough reason in itself to end the relationship. You made a choice, so own it.
Or is my future more important, and this may have been the best decision I could have made for myself?
You obviously don't see her in your future, so yes. I agree with devilkingx2. If she was a great girl, you are likely to regret it. If you were wanting to smash other chicks though, it probably would've ended sooner or later anyways. I was married/had a child to/with my high school sweetheart for nearly 10 years, so I see where you are coming from. She was a great girl as well. I still feel like it was a foolish decision to this day. But, on the upside, yours will probably never see stability in you now anyways, so feeling regretful is useless.
 
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devilkingx2

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That's what I'm afraid of dude, I kind of just entered panic mode a couple hours ago. Now I'm thinking about all the good qualities about her and I'm really ****ing with myself. Always excited to be with me, loyal.

And the things I was annoyed about seem superficial now, cusses too much, never reads or tries to better herself. Never willing to try new things. I feel like I can deal with all that **** now.

God this sucks, this really, really sucks.
Look at it like this, did you murder your brother for a tic tac or did you punch a nazi for $100,000,000?

if you did something horrible for a small gain,you made a mistake. If you did something not so bad for huge gains you did the right thing.

Time will make it clear, if it helps you i got my ex girlfriend back a year after dumping her (and convinced her it was her fault too) so you've got a good chance to fix it if you determine it to be a mistake in 1 months time.
 

Red Legg

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That's what I'm afraid of dude, I kind of just entered panic mode a couple hours ago. Now I'm thinking about all the good qualities about her and I'm really ****ing with myself. Always excited to be with me, loyal.

And the things I was annoyed about seem superficial now, cusses too much, never reads or tries to better herself. Never willing to try new things. I feel like I can deal with all that **** now.

God this sucks, this really, really sucks.
Snap out of your pathetic scarcity mentality...
 

highSpeed

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Spend your 20s building up your life, your career, your finances, and your home. Spend your 30s having lots of sex. Settle with an early-20s woman when you're around 40.
If only I had gotten that advice when I was 20
 
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