I had attention and luck from women, now that I'm in my mid 30s, nothing

[Jason9]

From my late teens until around 31 I had a lot of attention from women. I didn't know what to say and never took my chances. A lot of chance encounters I never took.

I was called sexy and hot.

One time at the park when I was 27, there were these three attractive women around 19 years old deliberately by choice decided to come towards me and said I am sexy amongst themselves as they were close, I was preparing for sports practice so I didn't nothing.

Another time I was going to my train depot and I had to catch my train, there were two younger women who was dancing towards me and danced to me, I didn't do nothing as I was catching the train.

I really regret not taking my chances.

I'm in my mid 30s now and in the last few years, absolutely nothing. On dating apps, I only get swiped by an attractive women once per month, otherwise they are below average looking women who swipe me. I don't mind simple looking women, but I don't get ok looking women or even simple looking women swipe me.

A lot of below average looking women who swipe me on dating apps.

I relied on chance encounters as many of it happened before as you read.

If I was in my 20s and go to a club, id probably expect women to make eye contact with me first, then I'd go in.

I don't get any eye contact or chance encounters for the last few years as I used to.

I've been very lonely and isolated in the last few years.

I feel depressed as I get older.

I feel very very sad.

I don't know what to do.

 

[Mike32ct]

How is your hair now as compared to before?

 

[Poonstra]

I feel very very sad.

This here is your problem. People can smell it a mile away and nobody likes a downer.

I get the impression that you’ve relied too heavily on your looks, when you should have been using that time to build something meaningful for yourself. But I might be wrong.

Things won't change until build a life that makes YOU happy.

Don't have a job? Get one.
Don't like your current job? Change it.
Overweight? Loose some fat.
Skinny? Work out and grow some muscle.
Think about what you always wanted to do and work towards that.
Get some hobbies and develop some interest so you become interesting to talk to.
Become social, mingle. Cut people who are a burden or who put you down out of you life.

And somehow, after you done all of that, a chick will appear and decide that you are fun and interesting and stick around.

If you don't want a chick that sticks around and just want sex, the same template applies.

 

[Jor-El]

This here is your problem. People can smell it a mile away and nobody likes a downer.

I get the impression that you’ve relied too heavily on your looks, when you should have been using that time to build something meaningful for yourself. But I might be wrong.

Things won't change until build a life that makes YOU happy.

Don't have a job? Get one.
Don't like your current job? Change it.
Overweight? Loose some fat.
Skinny? Work out and grow some muscle.
Think about what you always wanted to do and work towards that.
Get some hobbies and develop some interest so you become interesting to talk to.
Become social, mingle. Cut people who are a burden or who put you down out of you life.

And somehow, after you done all of that, a chick will appear and decide that you are fun and interesting and stick around.

If you don't want a chick that sticks around and just want sex, the same template applies.

This^^ Its just doing something isnt it,anything to better your situation. Sat around moping in misery will bring more of the same

 

[BaronOfHair]

From my late teens until around 31 I had a lot of attention from women. I didn't know what to say and never took my chances. A lot of chance encounters I never took.

I was called sexy and hot.

Physiologically and chronologically speaking , you're no longer the boy/near-child that you were, a few years after HS wrapped. The time has come to learn what to say and take calculated risks on a regular basis

Exhibits these basic traits of manhood, and you'll likely be more attractive, both to women and everyone else

 

[Jason9]

Thank you for all your insights guys. I'll apply it.

 

[Jason9]

I'm still pissed off, I dress very well when I go out, I just don't have the luck anymore. Neither on dating apps.

Once again, thank you all for your insights and suggestions, I'll follow them up.

I'm starting to hit the gym, lifting weights. I'll continue with my day job while looking to study for a masters degree part time. Which there are a lot of graduate jobs in that field.

I like going to movies, plays, have more hobbies.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I am a big believer that many people who peak hard early fall off hard later on. It's not a rule, and it may be mostly a mindset thing, but it seems to be a real thing.

I was invisible to woman throughout my entire adolescence, then in my early 20s I suddenly became a rockstar at bars/clubs/parties and had similar experiences to what you describe. Then somehow, defying all logic, most of my mid 20s became a huge struggle again, only for it to reverse once again in my 30s. The only conclusion I can draw from it is that your internal state matters far more than appearance (assuming you're taking care of yourself and all that). That said, I do think body fat levels may be contributing too. I was "skinny" albeit not muscular in my early 20s, and then in my 30s I became fairly lean and ripped, and I don't think it's a coincdence it effected my success with women. A lot of people don't realize how much gaining weight effects your face. With a shirt on people can't tell, but your face will look considerably worse with high body fat (and you'll be giving off bitchy vibes from the higher estrogen too).

 

[Arete]

With a shirt on people can't tell, but your face will look considerably worse with high body fat (and you'll be giving off bitchy vibes from the higher estrogen too).

I agree, but diet matters. How fat you look is judged largely by your face, as you already explained it. But a very clean diet goes a long way. Especially if you cut out salt and creatine, which causes useless water to be stored in the body. This makes you look more buff for sure, but also bloats the face.

If people were consistent with a clean diet and stopped with supplements and getting hung up over macros, the margin of having a "lean" face would increase dramatically. Talking from experience.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Get your ass to the gym and get you T levels checked.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I agree, but diet matters. How fat you look is judged largely by your face, as you already explained it. But a very clean diet goes a long way. Especially if you cut out salt and creatine, which causes useless water to be stored in the body. This makes you look more buff for sure, but also bloats the face.

If people were consistent with a clean diet and stopped with supplements and getting hung up over macros, the margin of having a "lean" face would increase dramatically. Talking from experience.

Yeah I said nothing about lifting lol. Exercise is for strength and conditioning not weight management. I strongly believe that 95-100% of your body comp comes down to diet. Hell, you can have a low body fat % and not even exercise.

I will maintain being as lean as possible is the best move, even if it means sacrificing some potential muscle/strength. And when it comes to attraction especially, it's better to have low muscle mass with low body fat than it is to be strong/muscular with high body fat. Obviously if you can be muscular with low body fat that's ideal but you can only take that so far.

Once you establish where you want your baseline strength and fitness to be it really just comes down to maintaining that, then you can focus all your efforts on improving your diet so you can get more lean.

 

[BadBoy89]

I've been very lonely and isolated in the last few years.

I feel depressed as I get older.

I feel very very sad.

I don't know what to do.

The Gym. That's the answer to everything.

Well actually the first is "make sure you have all your hair", but you can't really fix that easily. Heck, Rafael Nadal, net worth $274,000,000, Boats, Lambos, Rolexs, Private Planes, Hotels, and he get can't solve hair loss. The US can put a man on moon, find vaccination for Covid, create a B2 bomber worth $2,000,000,000, yet can't solve hair loss.

To be honest, I can they can, but don't want to. Why? More hot girls for the powers that be.

Keep your hair ladies and gents!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Older women OP to get you out of your mental funk. In the meantime hit the gym.

 

[Arete]

I will maintain being as lean as possible is the best move, even if it means sacrificing some potential muscle/strength.

I partly disagree with this. Being overly lean is not necessary on a very clean diet. All you're doing is ruining your libido and losing hair at an accelerated rate.

Take a good look at everyone in your local gyms. Low-fat diets, in particular, are very damaging to long-term health.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Being overly lean is not necessary on a very clean diet.

???
Being on a clean diet always will and always should result in being lean. Since people seem to have different ideas of what a "clean" diet is (someone could eat "clean" and be in a caloric surplus), Iet's replace the word clean with "good", and my point stands. In other words, no diet that results in a caloric surplus is a good diet (unless you are purposely bulking + cutting, which is retarded strategy) ...... but I disgress.

All you're doing is ruining your libido and losing hair at an accelerated rate.

When I said being as "lean as possible" I guess I should clarify I meant doing so within reason. I think about 10 +/- 2% bodyfat is probably the ideal for long term. That is not unhealthy in any way shape or form, i'd say once you stay below 8% or so that you might be taking it too far.

Take a good look at everyone in your local gyms. Low-fat diets, in particular, are very damaging to long-term health.

I never said anything about low-fat diets either. I lost most of my weight on a keto/carnivore diet which is precisely the opposite. And while I don't think a high fat diet is the best way for everyone, I don't think a low-fat diet is a good idea for anyone.

For the record I have been exclusively relying on OMAD (one meal a day) to stay lean for about 3 years. In fact, last year I had a bad injury that resulted an open fracture on my tid/fib, which resulted in very limited mobility for a long time. Despite that, I actually became leaner over time, and now I'm probably leaner than I've ever been in my life, and it's almost entirely from my eating habits.

 

[Cheeky_James]

That’s a bummer dude.

 

[Jason9]

I guess it's acceptance now and finding happiness within

I might do a masters degree part time online while working full time and leave Saturday and Sunday free.

I'll have to accept my situation, I won't graduate until I'm 40 with that masters degree, do a few modules per year.

 

[Pumax]

@Poonstra gave you the solution.

You commit to some activity which will bring a positive vicius circle to your life, so everything of your persona is a reflection of that.

Some female friends always complain about their husband passion for soccer, but eventually they're still togheter.

And I can confirm how important is soccer to reflect in their personalty and make those men actually "vigorous" and "playful" "good competition vibe".

And most importantly is to find an activity that can make that positive cycle to last a lifetime. I found it to be fishing