"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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I Get It At Last !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B

boulepiquante

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OPEN
is this chicken any good
u might get the aviary flue

you bring a bottle of wine back to the supermarket recption where you left your bag
' got a corkscrew ? D LOVE TO HAVE A GLASS WITH YOU
( put more emphasis on SCREW than CORK for obviuos reasons !! crdits to gool ol ROSS JEFFRIES)

****Y AND FUNNY


then you introduce the B F element
" i bet u r boyfriend is a wine connoisseur
' i guess so
' nice to have a boy friend who cooks you dinner when u get home in the evening
' i m afraid he doesn t do much of that


see you r in luck
' i can cook u a slap up meal anytime
here s some ^paper !! digits BITTE
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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T

Tomatoes

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Spookey

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yeah you would hope so....

wouldnt touch it with a 10 foot pole (no offense to Poles)
seems obviously contrived and boring.

what are you going to to walk around the supermarket with a chicken in one hand a bottle of wine in the other?

it is too limited by its reliance on specific answers?
what if she has a BF who is a good cook?
what if she has a GF who is a good cook (bingo!!)

im guessing you are trying to develop a routine for a supermarket (or whatever you call them malls etc)? why not ask her for advice on a brand of product, or where a certain item is? while doing so sneak a look in her trolley and say upon seeing catfood, make some C&F comment about single women and cats.

be flexible
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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D

Docs

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What the hell is this?

Articles that get into the bible (or even the tip album) have to have taken some consideration and forethought. This one took forethought, to write up such a wonderful piece of shit.
 
T

Tomatoes

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The DJ bible is there to help people about the forum and posts....I for one think that boulepiquante should get put into the DJ bible.

New "Troll" section or "Not what to say" section would work out nicely.
 
T

tosh

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I meant he's good at entertaining me, not at picking up.

He's funny!
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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M

Mr. Unique

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boulepiquante is now banned, thanks to me :cheer:

Hey mods,Make sure you erase his IP address in case he comes back :)

your welcome, boulepiquante. I did you great favor by reporting you. That is what you wanted right? silly me, your banned! you cant post here anymore. oh well :D
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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