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How to get from 20 years old virgin to successful DonJuan?

MessedUpLearner

Don Juan
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I was talking with GrowingPains,
but I decided to post this here as well so others can benefit from the insight I can possibly receive.

So my current situation looks like this:

- I don't really go out, so my daily routine is basically going to classes in the morning by bus or by car with my father, since I live on the outskirts of the city (roughly 20 minutes by car, 1 hour by bus).
- Once classes are finished, most of the days I have lunch at the faculty cantine and then spend the whole afternoon at the library because I have extra classes from 7 PM to 9PM. Then my father picks me up, dinner, kill sometime then bed time. And repeat.
- Once or twice a week I go to my own gym (olympic material and all) and workout a bit.
- At the weekends I basically stay at home and just waste my time fapping and watching silly movies even staying up until late doing that ( I'm talking 4 or 6 AM ). Lately is getting ridiculous.

So to sum it up, I'm not going out at all (just the faculty and back home), I barely workout (so not really progressing, even though I have my own gym), in addition to that, I'm addicted to pornography and not really focusing on the studies (even if I spend most of my time at the library).

My situation with women naturally is really bad. I'm 20 years old, never kissed a girl, nor had sex, so I'm a virgin. I think I started looking at porn when I was around 13, and I've been reading PUA material, videos and the like since I was around 14 I guess.
But I'm still where I started (I think it's mainly because I don't put what I read to practice and the short term gratification I get from fapping).

My goals are:
- To get to a point where I'm able to have multiple girls in rotation.
- To weight 80kg (176lbs) with a low percentage fat (basically that my abs are still kinda visible)
I currently weight aprox 75kg (165lbs) and I'm 1.75 m (5.74ft) tall. So that means I'll have to gain, minimum 5kg of muscle.
- To have success in my Computer Science Career, that means, finishing the grade in 2022 and start working at a well known company as a Data Scientist or the like.
- Be independent once and for all from my parents.

So where should I focus myself? How do I finally quit porn and get some experience with women? How do I do that and still perfom well at tests and practices at the faculty? How can I be consistent and really focus at my goals such as lifting or studies?

I would really really appreciate if any of you could give me some feedback.

Thanks in advance!
 

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Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
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Welcome aboard.
From reading your posting, i have good news. It's obvious that you have ambition and better than that... you appear self-objective and are willing to work on things. That in itself is an indication that things will be eventually much easier for you. Half he people that join this site fail to look inward and always blame outside factors. Until they are willing to work on themselves, they'll remain in this rut.

I'm quite a bit older. Back in my day, we were lucky if we had an old playboy magazine issue tucked between the mattress for viewing. I can understand how... having various porn at ones disposal could kill actual real-life female motivation.

As far as porn, here's what I'd suggest. First, start reducing the times you view. If you do, you'll find yourself *wanting* to view porn, but instead, start replacing the porn images with fantasies with women you've seen in real life. Although it is still artificial, you will be 're-wiring' your brain. Eventually, your brain will 'react favorably' because you've deprived your body of the instant gratification of porn actresses on film. You'll still crave the need to wack, but now... in order to do so, you'll have to 'work' for it (no more instant porn, instead you must rely on women you've actually seen in real life). You'll probably still watch a little bit of porn (most of us do) but the key is to reduce this to a minimum.

Once you find that you're able to 'achieve' on a regular basis by fantasy - rather than by porn, you'll see a light at the end of the tunnel.

At this point, start working more on yourself. How's your posture? While at school, how are you dressing? Are you interacting much with other students?

Also, be very realistic. Although you may fantasize about the student with all the right curves, there's an old saying that "we have to crawl before we walk." Becoming comfortable around women will become a gradual process. All of us face rejection at times. It's part of life. I don't suggest that you find a woman considered "low hanging fruit" and use her. Instead, find a girl that you find interesting but not as intimidating as the "cheerleader type."

Unlike porn or those Hollywood movies, there will be times of awkwardness after you transition into this phase. As I said above, y'ou already have a great advantage over half the members that join this site. You actually *want to* change and with ambition, you will.

Be aware that there are members on this forum that will posture and 'flex' and possibly look at you as a new member to put down. This in itself is an indication that they live more miserable lives (in real life) than they pretend to project on this forum. The good news is that you are not like them and with determination, you'll do well.

Good luck
 
Last edited:

forcerecon01

Don Juan
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Good luck with your endeavors. Please do work on yourself,but I feel women are the icing on the cake and not the whole cake. I think with you going to school thing is a great investment and will help you later on down the road being independent as you were saying. I got my degree later because I was in the Marines at your age but we all have different walks of life and experience from that. Don't quit school and develop a nice body because later on that will help you more.
 

touma.akagi

Senior Don Juan
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So, you said you looked at "PUA stuff." Just stop. These people try to tell you that you should "be a good salesman" and "know how to sell your self." And since that's their main thing, it makes PUA pretty worthless.

This is just bad advice!

Trying to sell something is convincing. At best, you'll get one-night stands with that behavior, but when you want long-term relationships with women it rarely, if ever, works. Most of the time, the "selling" does nothing but make you look insecure.

"Acting uninterested/stoic" is another pillar of this ideology. Don't do that ****. Acting uninterested in someone who's interested in you is in many cases one of the worst things you can do. As a matter of fact, quite a few women actually see through this behavior and will figure out exactly what you're doing. Hell, guys see through it with girls too: "that girl likes me, but is acting uninterested to play a game with me." Plenty of people of both sexes won't waste much time on a game player. The ONLY situation I'd choose to express explicit disinterest in a woman is to do so towards a woman who has already done this to you. Any questions?

Why don't you go ahead and consider the following:
  • Find something to replace the porn. Notice I didn't say "just stop watching porn," because that doesn't really help. Go pick up something new if at all possible, and install some applications or blockers on your browser so that you can't access your favorite porn sites as easily. If you can go around 30 days without it, you can kick the habit completely. I don't really know exactly how your relationship with porn is based on what you've written, but regardless, it's got to go.
  • Quit, quit quit trying to be something you're not. If you force yourself to go out of your way to put on a persona that isn't you, you're just going to end up miserable. Pretty self-explanatory I think, but it's worth mentioning since people of all generations tend to perpetuate that "only x will do y" and a lot of young people interpret that as "I must become x at all costs."
  • If certain web pages and eBooks that you're reading about dating, about social interaction is at any point unclear, not informative enough, or confusing, just take a break and stop reading it. When I was in high school trying so hard to change my situation, (which in the end turned out to be a lost cause but that's not the point) I tried consuming a great deal of material that while it made the author's brain seem damn big, just ended up creating more questions for me. I knew the whole entire dating thing could be easier than it had been for me, and as such literature that were making things more complicated was accomplishing exactly the opposite of what I was trying to do. It was no better than hearing bad boomer advice from the wealth of mediocre adults in my environment. It never hurts to ask somebody a question or get some help to figure out what something means, mind you, but if the person you're reading isn't willing to tell you information that's pertinent and actionable to your situation, then maybe it's good to just bookmark the page for later - a lot later - and get back to it when you're a bit more seasoned.
  • Try not to talk too much with women about negative topics such as your job, TV and movies, your relationship with your family. If they ask you something, you can keep it short. Hell, say "I don't wanna talk about it" if you can't think of something better.
  • Set up Tinder, again pretty self explanatory and considering you're more of a shy guy it could help you. I'll warn there may be lot of time wasters on OLD, though, so be prepared to sift through at least a few duds.
  • And ultimately, quit giving a **** about people who don't give a **** about you. I had a ton of 'friends' and 'family' where I came from that didn't give a ****, so I physically moved halfway across the country to start over.
There are probably a few more things I forgot, but if I think of them I can share them later.
 

Trump

Master Don Juan
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- Screw Computer Science, I wasted 2 years of my life in my early 20s studying it. It’s pointless and unless you are going to work for Apple or Google, it’s a waste of time,

- Get into real estate, buy something right now with all the money you have.

- You are not tall which is a problem, girls around your age love love love height. The only thing that may offset it is being rich.

- Get the virginity out of the way as fast as possible. Don’t worry if she is not hot, they will come later. Get the experience now. If you don’t do it now, it will weigh on you and affect everything else you do.
 
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Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
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Get the virginity out of the way as fast as possible. Don’t worry if she is not hot, they will come later. Get the experience now. If you don’t do it now, it will weigh on you and affect everything else you do.
I think that the above advice is not a one shoe fits all situation. For instance; I've had two friends that did just that. They went for a the kind of gal that they knew would put out and both of these guy's said that it was years before they felt like trying it again. They didn't know each other and it wasn't the same gal. It was the circumstance. Of course, it depends on the individual and mindset, and mileage may vary with each person

There's no crime in meeting some girl at a show or party and hooking up afterward. There's also no crime in meeting a girl, asking her out and seeing how things progress.

@MessedUpLearner
Keep us posted. You've got a base here that will listen and offer tips when asked. Some members might not want to admit this, but we were all virgins once.
 

MrWood

Master Don Juan
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Get the virginity out of the way as fast as possible. Don’t worry if she is not hot
Im going to go against this advice. You should go for what you think is attractive for you. I had a few hotties for my first few sexual experiences... the next few were with girls I was not attracted to physically, it wasn't fun nor self esteem building.
If they had been my first experiences, I would not be the great lover I have become nor achieve the quality of women in my life that I enjoy physically.

Forget the PUA stuff, look to the girls that are initiating interest in you, your natural charm will take you to the winners circle
 

GrowingPains

Master Don Juan
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I was talking with GrowingPains,
but I decided to post this here as well so others can benefit from the insight I can possibly receive.

So my current situation looks like this:

- I don't really go out, so my daily routine is basically going to classes in the morning by bus or by car with my father, since I live on the outskirts of the city (roughly 20 minutes by car, 1 hour by bus).
- Once classes are finished, most of the days I have lunch at the faculty cantine and then spend the whole afternoon at the library because I have extra classes from 7 PM to 9PM. Then my father picks me up, dinner, kill sometime then bed time. And repeat.
- Once or twice a week I go to my own gym (olympic material and all) and workout a bit.
- At the weekends I basically stay at home and just waste my time fapping and watching silly movies even staying up until late doing that ( I'm talking 4 or 6 AM ). Lately is getting ridiculous.

So to sum it up, I'm not going out at all (just the faculty and back home), I barely workout (so not really progressing, even though I have my own gym), in addition to that, I'm addicted to pornography and not really focusing on the studies (even if I spend most of my time at the library).

My situation with women naturally is really bad. I'm 20 years old, never kissed a girl, nor had sex, so I'm a virgin. I think I started looking at porn when I was around 13, and I've been reading PUA material, videos and the like since I was around 14 I guess.
But I'm still where I started (I think it's mainly because I don't put what I read to practice and the short term gratification I get from fapping).

My goals are:
- To get to a point where I'm able to have multiple girls in rotation.
- To weight 80kg (176lbs) with a low percentage fat (basically that my abs are still kinda visible)
I currently weight aprox 75kg (165lbs) and I'm 1.75 m (5.74ft) tall. So that means I'll have to gain, minimum 5kg of muscle.
- To have success in my Computer Science Career, that means, finishing the grade in 2022 and start working at a well known company as a Data Scientist or the like.
- Be independent once and for all from my parents.

So where should I focus myself? How do I finally quit porn and get some experience with women? How do I do that and still perfom well at tests and practices at the faculty? How can I be consistent and really focus at my goals such as lifting or studies?

I would really really appreciate if any of you could give me some feedback.

Thanks in advance!
Yo yo. Alright, let's get to crackin' this fable.

It'd be a really positive thing for you to make some good friends that inspire you, support you, and make you feel good. What kind of things are you interested in doing in your free time? I would try to find some groups that do these things and you'll make some friends simply by going to the events of those groups. For example, I like soccer so if I'm in a new area I'll find a soccer meetup on Meetups.com. I just chat and joke with the guys there and if they seem receptive, I ask what there is to do around there/suggest hanging out. Friends will get you out and about more but you have to put yourself out there (which you're willing to do since you posted this thread). Having friends is also crucial to not feeling lonely and falling back to where you started when things with women don't go well. There will be days where you're just not getting any matches, girls you cold approached aren't returning your texts, and you're just feeling pretty down about it. Posting here about it is fine, but having friends to talk to about it and to keep you uplifted when you're down is so powerful. Good friends, just like women, are hard to come by but be patient and keep putting yourself out there. They will come. This will also give you some confidence so that if you decide to start approaching women, you've done it with strangers - men and women - already.

"I went out looking for friends and I found none. I went out as a friend and I found many."

In my experience, the most crucial thing to achieving any goal is consistency. Followed by proper planning, execution of the plan and resourcefulness. But let's focus on consistency. You need to plan something that isn't so outrageous that you quit after the first week but it's so easy that it doesn't push you out of your comfort zone - you have to find a balance and that balance will lead to sustainability which will lead to consistency. For example, consider trying to lose weight. If you go from doing absolutely nothing to trying to count your calories and macros and eating nothing but chicken, white rice and veggies you might go mad. But if you change from doing nothing to tracking calories of just what you eat in general, then after you're comfortable with tracking, making the next step to adjust what you're eating to 80/20 'healthy'/junk then that's a much more gradual change that is likely more sustainable. Again, sustainability is the key to consistency.

Regarding your goals:

I think it would be helpful to do something to make your goals visible and to remind yourself of them. David Goggins did what's called an accountability mirror. Basically you put the things you dislike about yourself and by reminding yourself that 'I'm socially awkward' the idea is that the constant reminder will bug you and you can take it off once you've changed that quality. Be honest with yourself, then attack it.

How have you met women in the past? Since finding this site, what new methods have you considered to meet women?

Gaining weight: See the brief mention about about dieting. Step on a scale every two days to see how your diet choices are affecting your weight. Since you're training already, that's good. Just keep doing that and do what's called progressive overload. This is how you get stronger. It simply means increasing the intensity via adding weight, more volume or shorter rest periods. But it's powerful, it's how you get stronger - and therefore how you build muscle. 1.6 grams of protein/kg bodyweight. Drink water. Eat good. Sleep good.

Studies: Lately I've been thinking... successful people are always talking about obsession. And when they're asked in interviews how they did 'it' they respond "I was just obsessed blah blah blah". So I wondered, did something just happen one day and they woke up surging with obsession? Why am I not obsessed? I think the thing is that you have to choose to be obsessed. You have to force yourself to wake up at 5 am and get work done or stay up until midnight grinding. You have to force yourself to read the textbook, to practice extra problems, to go hard as fvck. At the beginning it may be exciting, but it may be really difficult. And after a while it won't be exciting, and that will make it even more difficult. But you have to constantly put mind over matter and push on. Keep going hard. Keep doing the things you said would make you better.

"Pain is temporary, if I quit, however... It will last forever" - E.T. the hip hop preacher

"All these questions start to flood your mind. 'Why am I here, I'm not good enough.' Trust me, I know all about the fvcking questions. They will flood your mind. If you do not have the answers you will quit... The answers lie in the repetitions you put into trying to dominate the craft that you're in today. Always embrace the suck. Adapt to the suck." - Goggins

Constantly seek ways to hold yourself accountable. If you're not doing enough and you know it, tell yourself. Post here. If your parents ask you how your day went, don't say 'fine'. Tell them 'Today was mediocre. I failed to do xyz and I don't feel good about it. But tomorrow I'm back on the fvcking log and getting after it. This is how I'm gonna improve tomorrow:...'

Godspeed.
 

andreihaha

Senior Don Juan
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- Screw Computer Science, I wasted 2 years of my life in my early 20s studying it. It’s pointless and unless you are going to work for Apple or Google, it’s a waste of time,

- Get into real estate, buy something right now with all the money you have.

- You are not tall which is a problem, girls around your age love love love height. The only thing that may offset it is being rich.

- Get the virginity out of the way as fast as possible. Don’t worry if she is not hot, they will come later. Get the experience now. If you don’t do it now, it will weigh on you and affect everything else you do.
Great example of what to IGNORE on this site.
-stick with your studies and learn to do something
-it is too soon to get into real estate. You don't have your own hard worked money, so it won't mean much to you + you'll learn and know nothing if you focus on real estate
-at your age you can get taller, basketball made wonders for me until i was around 23 i think. Volleyball for others, but pretty much every sport helps in some way or another. It will also diminish your fapping needs
-you're a virgin, you're not experienced. Doing it fast with someone random might make you loose a lot of confidence, while someone that is close to you( a girlfriend) will understand your lack of experience, and through practice will turn you into a good fkin man. You know you're not ready for a rotation(and some of us are not build for that anyway), I'd try to find a person I like for a longer relationship if I were you. Which will mean getting rejected and rejecting women also. You know it's hard to find the right person from the first try.

And again, careful what you read around here. There is useful and also distructive info on this site. Treat is carefully, with a grain of salt.
 

GrowingPains

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Wassup witchu bro? Thoughts?
 
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MessedUpLearner

Don Juan
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Thanks for your feedback!
I really appreciate it.

This is what I took from it:
1) If you fap, do so creatively thinking of a real woman you've seen.

2) Go out and meet new people, men with similar interests as I do & interesting women.

3) Approach women. Once I'm able to do that, see if any of them show interest and build a relationship (dates, kiss, whatever) and eventually I will have sex with her. Am I correct @Black Widow Void ?

4) Do steady chages instead of radical ones. Weight the intake food, weight myself every other morning, go out once a week, start working out with low weight and add from there, say hi and be more friendly, ask for the time or a place you want to go etc.

5) Have values instead of goals, so it's like: I have to workout because I consider being fit and healty a priority, or I must study for the upcoming test because I must have a holistic knowledge and practice with this programming laguage or the other, or simply because I want to be an all round computer scientist. So instead of "I must have the best grade in this subject", it's "I want to learn how to do this the best I can because I want to be competent in this area". When it comes to studying and test it's really hard to change this mindset. Do you find it difficult too @GrowingPains ?

//This week journal:

- Beginning of the week
I created a Sosuave acccount. Wrote my current situation and goals. I got great feedback from the community.
I fapped Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
I didn't really studied even though I was at the library the whole day, and instead I rode the sosuave journal from @Young OG and some other posts. In addition to that I was looking to buy a new smartphone so I got distracted.

- Middle of the week
I had one test on Wednesday, it wasn't complicated and I think I did alright.
There was a test on Thurday, Operative Sistems, it was a test based exam, I did alright but I could have nailed it if I would have practiced it more.
On Friday there were two tests, one was focused on Object Programming, this subjects requires great programming speed, and I bad. I forgot to do two exercises, so 2points ot of ten less, plus I didn't finish the Java methods. If I would have practiced Java more and the GUI interface more I would have had more experience and would have nailed it.
After that, I had another test, this one was the theory behind Concurrency Systems, so it's really tricky. Not surprinsingly I did really bad. I barely read the theory and I was dumb enough to not even look a the solved exercises given to us.

- End of the week

//CLUB/FRIDAY NIGHT INTERACTIONS
Friday
(yes, same day as the not so good tests), went back to workout, taking it easy with the weights, cold shower, done.
*on Wednesday I looked at MeetUp to see if there where any interesting "party" events around but didn't find any. So I installed "Geokeda" which is a more local app where people tend to post events and meetups. I found out there where some people in their 30's or 40's that where meeting Friday night to play some billard so I said I would go.
So after the workout I borrowed my fathers car and went to the meet up. When I got there I couldn't find the people meeting up (I knew this could happend) so I went on my own. First I went to the billards, not played but chated a bit with a girl, after that I went looking for a rock and roll club but couldn't find it so I chatted with a group of 3 girls, they said they were going in that direction and I chatted with one of them a bit. Well, the club was really empty (there was a guy giving a folk~country "concert" and there was not many people around. I ordered a tonic. Chatted with the barwoman a bit and then moved closer to the concert guy. chatted up a girl with the "do u know how to play the guitar" openner XD (just invented that). Ok, she was the concert guy's girlfriend. Once drinked I bounced from there back to the billards. nothing going on there (groups minding their own business). I bounced then to a near club where you can dance a bit, and it's cheap too. Ordered a nestea and chatted with a group of 3 girls, with the "hola, como os llam'ais" "hi, what's your name" openner, they laugh, only one of them answered (the fattest one), "hola, me llamo yolanda", "hi, my name is yolanda", I joked a bit with the name (yoli is the short of that name and told her about a friend of mine) anyways, 30 seconds later I moved back to the bar table. moved from there to the opposite side of the bar table. spotted the "futbolin" table football, and some guys and a hot woman with a nice huge butt playing so I ask to play next round. played with them a bit, I lost, I really suck at table football. Chatted with those guys for a while and then back to the table bar. where my drink was, there were now a group of young girls and a guy (definitely gay), all looked at me. after a while without saying anything I told them to look out for my leather jacket "i'll be right back", went outside, fresh air, then in front there is a "chupito" shots place, got in, looked around, and back outside. got in the previous club and asked the girls if everything was in order, not really said anything more. went to the bathroom, focused myself and when I got back, told them "hey, so how do you know each other?" openner, they told me "cole" that means, "highschool" so I joked about that for a bit, played with guessing their age and mine, told them they looked 80, etc you know the drill, so they told me they where 19, no way, but all right. They probably where around 17. Anyways, they start talking about being nuns, kidding around, so I followed the lead. Laughed a lot joking around, then asked for a few names, dance a bit (but no solo dancing or the like, just moving thats all), they took some group pics and told them to send me one, so I got the number of one of them (but night phones are rubbish, so not a big deal). Told them I was leaving, I told them I was heading for a trip the next day. They joked around a bit, say good bye and that's it.

After the chat with that group and on my way to the exit, I chatted a bit with a gothic looking girl, then with two girls, with the "who dances best, u or your friend?" openner, just a commentary. Once out, I went to the parking lot, drove home. It was half past one more or less. Best night ever. Went on my own, and really enjoyed it.

//Saturday.
//FAPPING LIKE A MONKEY... I REGRET IT
Got up at 13:00, so pretty late. Made breakfast, (counting my macros on myfitnesspal), then lunch, then film, then (around 6 PM) downloaded 3, 3d porn games and just wasted the entire afternoon, night and early morning. I didn't even ate dinner. ****ing ridiculous and lame. I did that until 5 AM in the morning, so disgusting. *Side note here, I fapped Thursday thinking of a butt I saw at the faculty, no fap on Friday, but I fapped on Saturday. I had blue balls like never before, since I only ejaculated after almost 12 hours of fapping. So it's pretty hard core level here. Went to bed disgusted at myself. I just wasted a whole day fapping... trully lame.

//Sunday. (the day I'm writing and posting this entry)
//FIRST DANCING CLASS EVER
Got up at 10:00, pretty early considering the time I went to sleep.
Wrote and finished a practice I had to send to a teacher.
Didn't eat lunch. (I didn't have time)
Went to buy the new smartphone. (second hand)
At 17:00h there was another interesting meetup about dancing "bachata". So I borrowed the car and got there.
Chatted with the dancing instructors and went in to order a tonic with some nuts.
Chatted and took some pics with some grannys that were attending the dancing meetup too. (something is someting XD) I warmed up at least.
Once that was done, met some guys there. And I went to have my first dancing class ever. I loved it.
1) It was free
2) I got to dance with almost 15 different women from all ages without the need to do anything but dancing
3) I learned to be more confident when asking a girl to dance or to make her do anything, (guys have the dominant role in dance).
4) I asked a few young girls to dance too, even though they where had more experience than I did, it was fun.
5) I'm going there again next sunday.

So that's all.
* I detailed the club interaction a lot so you could give me some tips & feedback so I can improve it the next time.

I'll post a journal like this every sunday from now on.

Thanks again to everyone!
 

BackInTheGame78

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Accept that there is no shortcut to success and that it is going to take a lot of hard work and a lot of failure before you ultimately succeed.

Accept that the amount of work and/or failure that you have to put in may be far more than what you think it should have to be. It's not up to you to decide how much it is.

It can be done but it's going to take a lot of hard work and a lot of deep reflection and some real honesty with yourself. If you aren't willing to do that then your chances of success are not good.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I was talking with GrowingPains,
but I decided to post this here as well so others can benefit from the insight I can possibly receive.

So my current situation looks like this:

- I don't really go out, so my daily routine is basically going to classes in the morning by bus or by car with my father, since I live on the outskirts of the city (roughly 20 minutes by car, 1 hour by bus).
- Once classes are finished, most of the days I have lunch at the faculty cantine and then spend the whole afternoon at the library because I have extra classes from 7 PM to 9PM. Then my father picks me up, dinner, kill sometime then bed time. And repeat.
- Once or twice a week I go to my own gym (olympic material and all) and workout a bit.
- At the weekends I basically stay at home and just waste my time fapping and watching silly movies even staying up until late doing that ( I'm talking 4 or 6 AM ). Lately is getting ridiculous.

So to sum it up, I'm not going out at all (just the faculty and back home), I barely workout (so not really progressing, even though I have my own gym), in addition to that, I'm addicted to pornography and not really focusing on the studies (even if I spend most of my time at the library).

My situation with women naturally is really bad. I'm 20 years old, never kissed a girl, nor had sex, so I'm a virgin. I think I started looking at porn when I was around 13, and I've been reading PUA material, videos and the like since I was around 14 I guess.
But I'm still where I started (I think it's mainly because I don't put what I read to practice and the short term gratification I get from fapping).

My goals are:
- To get to a point where I'm able to have multiple girls in rotation.
- To weight 80kg (176lbs) with a low percentage fat (basically that my abs are still kinda visible)
I currently weight aprox 75kg (165lbs) and I'm 1.75 m (5.74ft) tall. So that means I'll have to gain, minimum 5kg of muscle.
- To have success in my Computer Science Career, that means, finishing the grade in 2022 and start working at a well known company as a Data Scientist or the like.
- Be independent once and for all from my parents.

So where should I focus myself? How do I finally quit porn and get some experience with women? How do I do that and still perfom well at tests and practices at the faculty? How can I be consistent and really focus at my goals such as lifting or studies?

I would really really appreciate if any of you could give me some feedback.

Thanks in advance!
You can live that average bloke Lifestyle. Fat wife. 2.2 kids. Possibly some other mans baby or you can man the **** up, nut up, and make a move.

Check free tour. Chat up 3x everyday. Say hi. Make small talk. Break rapport. You can hit on girls as if you had smashed. You can really be 'that guy.'

The big personality traits are pretty stationary. Its why outliers are getting all the girls. They are born with the genes that smash everything. They will continue to play.

Make the shift. Chat up girls. Every experience is practice. Live and learn. Go lift. Eat healthy. Looks max. Get edu. Drink water. Read. Test your boundaries

Enjoy the ride. .
 

Amante Silvestre

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My goals are:
- To get to a point where I'm able to have multiple girls in rotation.
- To weight 80kg (176lbs) with a low percentage fat (basically that my abs are still kinda visible)
I currently weight aprox 75kg (165lbs) and I'm 1.75 m (5.74ft) tall. So that means I'll have to gain, minimum 5kg of muscle.
- To have success in my Computer Science Career, that means, finishing the grade in 2022 and start working at a well known company as a Data Scientist or the like.
- Be independent once and for all from my parents.
It's good that you have particular goals laid out, but when it comes to transitioning yourself into a man that succeeds with women, it is far more imperative to learn and absorb some fundamental truths in the nature of people, interactions and relationships. It will be in these lessons that you'll come to realize that while all of your goals will certainly provide some leverage in your pursuit of women, none of them will make any difference if you lack the social acuity to unearth and develop opportunities. In fact, I would say the ability to develop opportunities through social interaction will eventually prove that you can actually make leeway with women even without achieving many of those goals.

I know this because I have spanned the spectrum of status and physique and many other traits while maintaining the same kind of success with women. As a teen I was very thin, sloppily dressed, flat broke and lived at home, but I still had women sneaking in and out of my bedroom. Likewise, I have since filled out, have a nice physique, make very good money with a nice place, etc.... and not much has changed, other than the types of women I attract.

To start on this path, you must first come to realize that no particular goal will provide a guarantee that it will result in greater attraction. In most cases, each particular goal only shifts the type of women you can potentially attract, as I stated previously. If you go from broke to rich, you will only shift to attracting women who prioritize money. It will do nothing to nurture more success with women who don't particularly care about that. Likewise for muscles. Some women actually like skinny, rock star types or chubby dad-bod types and so forth. All you're doing is shifting to different targets, but without that social acuity to bring opportunities to fruition, you will have no ammunition to take your targets down. You will simply fail to materialize opportunities and merely shift your failure to a whole new group of women, even in spite of your improvements.

Second, and more importantly, you MUST realize and fully accept that no matter how good your looks are, no matter how muscular you are, no matter how friendly or popular you are, no matter how much money you make and no matter how far you go with your goals, there will ALWAYS be people out there who wont like you, will not be attracted to you, will be rude to you, will ignore you, will laugh at you, will reject you and so forth. This is universal. Even the most beloved people in the world have their fair share of haters.

You will NOT be an exception to that. You WILL experience ALL of these things, just like everyone else in the world does.

You will know when you have fully accepted and made peace with this truth when these experiences happen to you and you basically forget that they happened later in the day. It may still sting in the moment or shortly thereafter, but it never really lingers in your mind. It will not be something you will mull over and constantly ask yourself what went wrong. You'll just....forget. At worst, it will be very quickly forgotten again even if you later recall it.

Getting to that point requires many different experiences, insights and maturity that is necessary for your development with women, so the more you attempt to interact and learn from those experiences, the more these facets will develop and the quicker you can see progress. You get out only as much as you put into this. No short cuts. No lazy way. You just have to jump into the fire and keep doing it.

Make eye contact. Say hello. Notice who responds and who doesn't. Notice not everyone will fit into a generalization or pigeon hole/pattern. Learn that attractive women are both friendly and b*tchy. That unattractive women can be both friendly and b*tchy. That intimidating looking men can be both friendly and A-holes. Realize that in all of these variations and types of people, that you will always find people in each of these categories where some will be friendly and some will be rude, some will smile back and some will ignore you, some will like you and some will hate you, some will welcome your efforts while others completely blow you off.

There's no true structure to it all. There are no sure-fire rules of thumb. It's all about unearthing and developing opportunities, and the best way to do that is to get out there and interact, make peace with all results from doing that and continuously make efforts to refine and shape your abilities so that you can unearth and discover more and more opportunities.

That is the path to materializing success and multiplying it.

You're not a virgin because you're broke, fap or live at home. You're a virgin because you don't know how to find and develop opportunities.
 

MessedUpLearner

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You're not a virgin because you're broke, fap or live at home. You're a virgin because you don't know how to find and develop opportunities.
I'll make sure to apply that, develop opportunities and exploit them. Thanks a lot!
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

MessedUpLearner

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Ok, it's Monday but I have to post this past week journal.

- Workout: Joined a Kickboxing gym near home. Did one class, ended up exhausted and helped me realise how bad I'm fighting. Learned the basic punches and kicks. I practiced two times on my own that week after the class.
+ my gym routine.

- Dancing: I didn't organize myself properly and ended up missing the bachata class on Sunday because I had to finish a programming project. I should have organized better. Lately I always tend to finish everything right before the deadline, it's too risky.

- Degree: I procastinated a lot when it came to the programming project + I haven't really done much of anything degree related. It's Xmas here in Spain too and I have the finals on January so I need to step up my current productivity rate. I must finish two Algebra practices + Computation theory & tests + C++ STL exercises and theory + a bunch of other theory subjects.

- Approaches: Although I went out Tuesday night after having dinner with the family I went on my own again. (I still have to find a group of friends to hang out with). Dressed up. Took the car to the city. Went to a few pubs here and there. I didn't danced nor talked with anyone at the pubs just asked for directions when moving from one to another and chatted a bit with one group of three girls. Other than that, drank a tonic and went home. The thing is, I could have approached two girls at the pub that I made eye contact with, smiled and say hi, they said hi back, then I went outside they did the same... I didn't say anything (I should have). Then with the group of three, very chatty. Then, there was another group that I asked for directions, that was pretty chatty too and I know wanted to have some fun, but again, I didn't do much, just directions and smile. bye.

- Masturbation: I lost control the whole week. Porn, fapping, xgames you name it. But I didn't fap nor Saturday or Sunday.

How can I approach easily without having to go to the city? Could I go to the little towns near the one I live in? So I can save some time and transport wouldn't be that much of a problem BUT the amount of prospects will definitely be more limited.

In addition to that, I want to own a car. Do you guys think is worth it in my situation? If yes then I should start looking for a part time job (weekends) as a pizza delivery guy or at a restaurant washing dishes since I need to save up to 2k euros to pay the car and the insurance.
Or would it be preferable to rent a shared flat with four other guys (500 euros aprox with water and electricity) in the city?

Merry Xmas to everyone!
 

MountainSlide

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 17, 2014
Messages
609
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I was talking with GrowingPains,
but I decided to post this here as well so others can benefit from the insight I can possibly receive.

So my current situation looks like this:

- I don't really go out, so my daily routine is basically going to classes in the morning by bus or by car with my father, since I live on the outskirts of the city (roughly 20 minutes by car, 1 hour by bus).
- Once classes are finished, most of the days I have lunch at the faculty cantine and then spend the whole afternoon at the library because I have extra classes from 7 PM to 9PM. Then my father picks me up, dinner, kill sometime then bed time. And repeat.
- Once or twice a week I go to my own gym (olympic material and all) and workout a bit.
- At the weekends I basically stay at home and just waste my time fapping and watching silly movies even staying up until late doing that ( I'm talking 4 or 6 AM ). Lately is getting ridiculous.

So to sum it up, I'm not going out at all (just the faculty and back home), I barely workout (so not really progressing, even though I have my own gym), in addition to that, I'm addicted to pornography and not really focusing on the studies (even if I spend most of my time at the library).

My situation with women naturally is really bad. I'm 20 years old, never kissed a girl, nor had sex, so I'm a virgin. I think I started looking at porn when I was around 13, and I've been reading PUA material, videos and the like since I was around 14 I guess.
But I'm still where I started (I think it's mainly because I don't put what I read to practice and the short term gratification I get from fapping).

My goals are:
- To get to a point where I'm able to have multiple girls in rotation.
- To weight 80kg (176lbs) with a low percentage fat (basically that my abs are still kinda visible)
I currently weight aprox 75kg (165lbs) and I'm 1.75 m (5.74ft) tall. So that means I'll have to gain, minimum 5kg of muscle.
- To have success in my Computer Science Career, that means, finishing the grade in 2022 and start working at a well known company as a Data Scientist or the like.
- Be independent once and for all from my parents.

So where should I focus myself? How do I finally quit porn and get some experience with women? How do I do that and still perfom well at tests and practices at the faculty? How can I be consistent and really focus at my goals such as lifting or studies?

I would really really appreciate if any of you could give me some feedback.

Thanks in advance!
I’ve also had problems with porn addiction in the past. Because it helps to relieve stress. Feels good. And you can find some pretty exciting stuff online. I would recommend doing nofap challenge. Because if you’re looking at porn all the time and fapping, when you find a real girl to have sex with, you’ll realize the two things are nothing alike.

it’s hard to move out of the trap where you want all these things and aren’t living the social life that you want. Fortunately you’re in school so should have good opportunities to meet women, join groups, play sports. Just start talking to women with no expectations regarding outcome. joke around with them and have fun. As you become more comfortable with it, everything else should also become easier.

best luck!
 

MessedUpLearner

Don Juan
Joined
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Spain
Hey thank you all for your good advice! I really appreciate it.

Like I said to GrowingPains, to sum up this past months:
- Finished finals
- Been going to bachata and salsa classes (surprisingly helpful)
- Challenged myself to a 3 month no fap. (I bet 100€ to a friend I could do it). It's been more or less a month now.
- Been Bodybuilding & Kickboxing regulary
- Not a virgin anymore (happend the weekend before Valentine's day).

Back at college now for the second semester. Doing my best to keep myself on top of the class material rather than the other way around.
Honestly, it's really hard to keep up the pace but it is what it is.
Any tips on that?

Doing workouts in the early morning to keep it consistent. So far so good. Kickboxing twice a week.

Attending social bachata and salsa meetings every Saturday. Hitting some pubs after that or some cold approaches at the street.
I'm getting better and better at dancing, touching all kinds of girls which is awesome, really helpful and funny.
I've been trying some openers of my own, kidding around, playing just having a blast with a friend from dancing classes.

However, I could use some help when it comes to approach girls at reggaeton clubs or at pubs and get to make out with them.

When going out in the evening, you know just taking a walk at the city center. How to cold approach (daygame). Well I'm passing by and if I see an interesting girl that's not in a rush or that is sat on a bench or something I would approach.

Lately I've been using the photo approach. If I'm with a friend or something I'd say:
hey can you do me a favor? ... dramatic pause... Take a picture of me and my friend.
Then just try to make conversation and ask for the number.

I got the dramatic pause idea from Heartiste and it's very flexible.
Any other good openers to use when evening approaching girls? I just go out there and have fun it all boils down to that.

Last but not least. My first sex encounter ever summary:
Chatting up a girl when I got to the dancing club. Danced with her. Talked and behaved C0cky & Funny. She was receptive. Invited her to come with me and my friend have a beer and something to eat. After that I told her:
me: U know what I really want to do?
her: What
me: Kiss you
her: Oh well, U don't say those things u just do them
me----Got in for the kiss
her: Now it's not happening
me: Oh well, i'll go dance think about what u've done
her: oh don't go
me---simple lips kiss

From there, kissed some more later, went to eat, kissed some more, grabbed her ass and hips u know.
Went to some pubs, drank and smoke some cachimba (sisha, it's like vaping).
Said bye to my friend, he was still with us.
The girl was very receptive, offered to give me a ride home. So oh well why not (20kms from the city center ~ not that close).
Gave her a tour of the atic, watched some "I'm legend" Will Smith, kissed, clothes off, let me grab the condom, told her I was a virgin, fVcked her.
She came twice, but I ended up not cumming. I do last a lot though XD, we where doing it for at least two hours . First time ever, quite different from just fapping, she is no playboy model, a bit fat on the stomach, but cute face, good butt with pants but a bit fat and average when naked, good titties though.

Few days later I fapped and I came thinking about it no problem.

Went out with her in Valentine's day. We ended up fVcking in my mother's car. I needed a lot of concentration but managed to cVm.
I think it takes me longer to cVm simply because real sex is not perfect. It's smelly, nasty, weird but intense, OK she's not top model either. I guess I'll just have to get used to real sex.
Why do you guys think that happened? Any tips?

So next goals:
- Keep working hard
- Keep dancing and going out, fresh air, chatting up people at least the weekends. I have to get more numbers and set up dates so I can have more options not just this girl.
- Get better at approaching both street and reggaeton clubs.

Thanks a lot again and hopefully you guys can give me some feedback.
Take care,
MessedUpLearner.

P.S. How can I go out and approach by myself?
I guess the answer is simple: Just go out do something u like chat up people while u are at it. Any tips on that?
I ask this because it's really easy to have a great time when I'm with a friend but it gets difficult when I'm just walking from one venue and place to another just by myself. I can set some goals and challenges but it gets boring. But on the other hand I don't want to be dependent on other people availability to go out just to do so. You know what I mean?
 

nicksaiz65

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 27, 2017
Messages
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Age
23
Hey thank you all for your good advice! I really appreciate it.

Like I said to GrowingPains, to sum up this past months:
- Finished finals
- Been going to bachata and salsa classes (surprisingly helpful)
- Challenged myself to a 3 month no fap. (I bet 100€ to a friend I could do it). It's been more or less a month now.
- Been Bodybuilding & Kickboxing regulary
- Not a virgin anymore (happend the weekend before Valentine's day).

Back at college now for the second semester. Doing my best to keep myself on top of the class material rather than the other way around.
Honestly, it's really hard to keep up the pace but it is what it is.
Any tips on that?

Doing workouts in the early morning to keep it consistent. So far so good. Kickboxing twice a week.

Attending social bachata and salsa meetings every Saturday. Hitting some pubs after that or some cold approaches at the street.
I'm getting better and better at dancing, touching all kinds of girls which is awesome, really helpful and funny.
I've been trying some openers of my own, kidding around, playing just having a blast with a friend from dancing classes.

However, I could use some help when it comes to approach girls at reggaeton clubs or at pubs and get to make out with them.

When going out in the evening, you know just taking a walk at the city center. How to cold approach (daygame). Well I'm passing by and if I see an interesting girl that's not in a rush or that is sat on a bench or something I would approach.

Lately I've been using the photo approach. If I'm with a friend or something I'd say:
hey can you do me a favor? ... dramatic pause... Take a picture of me and my friend.
Then just try to make conversation and ask for the number.

I got the dramatic pause idea from Heartiste and it's very flexible.
Any other good openers to use when evening approaching girls? I just go out there and have fun it all boils down to that.

Last but not least. My first sex encounter ever summary:
Chatting up a girl when I got to the dancing club. Danced with her. Talked and behaved C0cky & Funny. She was receptive. Invited her to come with me and my friend have a beer and something to eat. After that I told her:
me: U know what I really want to do?
her: What
me: Kiss you
her: Oh well, U don't say those things u just do them
me----Got in for the kiss
her: Now it's not happening
me: Oh well, i'll go dance think about what u've done
her: oh don't go
me---simple lips kiss

From there, kissed some more later, went to eat, kissed some more, grabbed her ass and hips u know.
Went to some pubs, drank and smoke some cachimba (sisha, it's like vaping).
Said bye to my friend, he was still with us.
The girl was very receptive, offered to give me a ride home. So oh well why not (20kms from the city center ~ not that close).
Gave her a tour of the atic, watched some "I'm legend" Will Smith, kissed, clothes off, let me grab the condom, told her I was a virgin, fVcked her.
She came twice, but I ended up not cumming. I do last a lot though XD, we where doing it for at least two hours . First time ever, quite different from just fapping, she is no playboy model, a bit fat on the stomach, but cute face, good butt with pants but a bit fat and average when naked, good titties though.

Few days later I fapped and I came thinking about it no problem.

Went out with her in Valentine's day. We ended up fVcking in my mother's car. I needed a lot of concentration but managed to cVm.
I think it takes me longer to cVm simply because real sex is not perfect. It's smelly, nasty, weird but intense, OK she's not top model either. I guess I'll just have to get used to real sex.
Why do you guys think that happened? Any tips?

So next goals:
- Keep working hard
- Keep dancing and going out, fresh air, chatting up people at least the weekends. I have to get more numbers and set up dates so I can have more options not just this girl.
- Get better at approaching both street and reggaeton clubs.

Thanks a lot again and hopefully you guys can give me some feedback.
Take care,
MessedUpLearner.

P.S. How can I go out and approach by myself?
I guess the answer is simple: Just go out do something u like chat up people while u are at it. Any tips on that?
I ask this because it's really easy to have a great time when I'm with a friend but it gets difficult when I'm just walking from one venue and place to another just by myself. I can set some goals and challenges but it gets boring. But on the other hand I don't want to be dependent on other people availability to go out just to do so. You know what I mean?
Congrats fam. Proud of you.

I'm working on the same thing rn, cold Approaching by myself, and Daygame.
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
616
Reaction score
712
A tip of the hat to you, Sir. Congratulations on your first score.

My "first" also wasn't the most memorable (this is rather common with a lot of men) but it's great to finally get it out of the way.

I remember your original posting. I had a hunch that unlike many other newbies, you'd actually apply yourself and succeed.

There was nothing wrong with your original posting. With this being said though, it's quite obvious that you've had a lot of growth in just the past two months. It's not just what you've typed... but it's about the personality that you are currently projecting.
If you've advanced this far in just two months, by next year, you might be offering some of the newbies some tips (I'm being serious).
 
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