How to become a DJ - (my most enlightened post yet)

[qweretyuiopas]

Best topic on the forum:woo:

 

[avrilishot]

wow that was an awesome post.

long as hell but worth it. thanks for posting. 5 stars also.

 

[kk2004]

here it goes...

Jariel I read your post and it makes great sense...I can sit here..either uspet or happy...its a simple as it gets....

But its going to be a battle to keep myself happy..when I feel lonely...I have social anxiety...and Im not reaching for some goals to have many women or what not...I just want company and people to share my time with and enjoy with... Bcuz of social anxity its very hard to meet new people....so you end up being alone..I can either be happy or sad...Im still going to be alone..I can enjoy my time or hate it...

But sometimes I just wish..I could have friends to share my time with....nothing to do with the ego...when Im around girls...there nothing Im trying to achomplish...I dont even speak to girls...im to nervous...my social anxiety is making me not talk to individuals....

Its a very hard to thing to live with social anxiety and be happy at the same time...

 

[FunkyMillion]

props to Jariel, awesome post man... 5 stars. This post belongs in the Bible.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks again for the kind comments guys. The feedback is always appreciated.

But its going to be a battle to keep myself happy..when I feel lonely...I have social anxiety...

KK2004: I know what you mean as I suffered from severe social anxiety a few years ago too. Some would say you need to face your fears head on and approach women, but if you're like I was, you'll probably turn bright red, start hyperventilating and panicking and feel ready to pass out before you even get to open your mouth. Not many understand social anxiety, but it can be completely crippling at times.

But it definitely helps if you can become happy with yourself and your life first and foremost because you become less dependent on other people for happiness and it doesn't really matter if you don't mix well. And yet, the less you care (worry) the easier it gets to talk to people.

I have overcome my social anxiety completely and I wish I could give you a magic technique to beat it, but it does take a lot of time. It's best to take baby steps, like saying hi to neighbours, building up to saying hi to familiar people, to talking to the local shopkeepers or old people at bus stops/train stations about the weather. Eventually I progressed into doing a telesales job and then retail work, which was scary as hell to start with, but helped me become very comfortable speaking to strangers.

Even talking to strangers on internet chat programs or dating/networking sites (eg myspace.com) can be helpful as a stepping stone.

It's a long process, but I can verify that you can beat it, just as long as you keep easing towards your goal.

 

[kk2004]

ic

Ic...those are some really inspiring words..honestly God bless you..because Ive spent 300 or more so posts explaining my situation to people and your the few people who understand EXACTLY what the Hell im talking about...

Yes Social anxiety is crippling...and it becomes very hard to talk to people...you feel all those symptoms...which Im sure you know.

Yes I also noticed that when I decide to be happy and forget about the fact that I have socail anxiety and when I try to be happy with even the simplest of things in front of me such as a great sandwich or a nice tree that I am walking toward...it makes me happy...and honestly Ive even had a few exchange of words with some store owners without much anxiety..

I guess I will have to come to terms with my life..and realize that yes I am lonely and I need company...but still find a way to be happy with myself and my life..

Yes building up yourself..almost like taking steps to the second floor...but making conscience effort makes it so much more difficult..when I am generally happy and content with life as it is...with everything bad and good...I might be in a better situation to take baby steps then, it feels more natural...almost as if what im doing is not even without any effort as its happening like it has always happened...

The hardest thing to do is to be happy and lonely at the same time..I guess its going to take alot of acceptance on my part.

 

[Jariel]

Bump for the newbies. Hope it's useful to you.

I wrote this tip last summer and it was a major turning point in my life. It was the start of a much more positive outlook that brought many great friends into my life, multiplied my dating prospects and my success, helped me become a much cool-headed person and increased my ability to handle rejection, and many more of life's set backs.

 

[Boschy]

Thanks for the bump. Kudos and I agree.

Not much else I can add, except that if some dude is starting from scratch or AFC purgatory, practical scripts and methodologies are useful for drawing a few arrows in the right direction. They explain how to do what comes naturally to alphas and graduate DJs. It's all confidence-boosting and AFC euthanasia at the end of the day, assuming the guy has some smarts and ambition. I keep reading about master PUAs who learned by trial and error over a period of years. Getting a technical leg-up from books and websites written by experienced DJs is like having that cool older brother or suave dad that many of us never had.

Having said that, your post reiterates what the ultimate goal should be.

 

[qlo]

Bump for the newbies. Hope it's useful to you.

nice one on the bumping job

nice thread, though it's kind of my way of looking at life: dont expect anything and be happy with what you got + realise that it's not extern things which make you sad but the way you react on them

but i think it's nice someone has put that all into (so many ) words

but really: do you honestly think that you would have gotten that insight so early (if at all) without forums like this? i mean.. as almost everyone here you came to this site as a shy guy (atleast that's what i assume ). do you really think you would even be able to freely talk to girls etc. (like you did in that one month of celibacy and prolly still now) without those hints and games etc.?

i mean, of course, you don't have to pretend to be someone else, you don't have to do all these tricks and games when they just aren't you, but dont you think you have MADE some of those hints/games you??

pls have a look at my post on the being yourself thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=922970&postcount=9

with all this: don't you think your conscious mind has taught your subconscious mind false insights on how dealing with women? and by teaching i mean that your conscious mind saw in movies/other people/.. how to deal with women. your conscious mind saw it so much that it really indoctrinated your subconscious mind and you were DOING THE SAME THINGS AUTOMATICALLY?

didn't these tips, tricks and games etc. re-taught your subconscious mind on how to deal with women, so that it became natural to you, that it happened automatically and that you still are being your (changed) self? (but therefore had to do those things a certain time when they weren't natural to you, but they are now, you do them automatically now?)

Anyone who is willing to change who they are or put on an act to get what they want are not being true to themselves and this in itself is the ultimate act of supplication. It is not the DJ way and sooner or later people will see through you.

didn't you change, didn't these tips made you to what you are now? your post sounds a bit too much like "dont use any of dj bible cause it's not yourself". but didn't you have to change yourself, didn't you have some time in your life where you were teaching yourself things where you couldnt be yourself (weren't true to yourself) but where you are yourself now when doing them?? (read this alinea 3x please)


enlighten me here pls.

 

[I love Hyori Lee]

Great post.

:rockon:

 

[Boschy]

I look at assimilating all of the DJ tips and philosophies of people like Juggler, Tyler Durden, Gunwitch, DD, etc, like learning martial arts. At first you either can't fight your way out of a wet paper bag, or have some crude school yard experience. Then you learn basic drills, and also how to take a fall. Over time, your skills and focus improve to the point where you employ the correct actions automatically to a given situation.

 

[qlo]

...

seriously jariel, could u answer my post ?

 

[Mr. Fancy Pants]

Great post Jariel. I always enjoy reading what others have learned from their experiences to see if it corresponds with my own.

 

[Jariel]

Firstly, thanks to Glo for pointing this out...

Anyone who is willing to change who they are or put on an act to get what they want are not being true to themselves and this in itself is the ultimate act of supplication. It is not the DJ way and sooner or later people will see through you.

I really fvcked up what I intended to say here and this could be read as very bad advice! I apologise and need to clarify.

What I was trying to express is that you shouldn't start acting differently or put on a fake front to impress other people. However, any kind of long term change, that improves your core IS good!

 

[Jariel]

but really: do you honestly think that you would have gotten that insight so early (if at all) without forums like this? i mean.. as almost everyone here you came to this site as a shy guy (atleast that's what i assume ). do you really think you would even be able to freely talk to girls etc. (like you did in that one month of celibacy and prolly still now) without those hints and games etc.?

i mean, of course, you don't have to pretend to be someone else, you don't have to do all these tricks and games when they just aren't you, but dont you think you have MADE some of those hints/games you??

It is true that I gained a lot from this forum and a lot of the tips helped steer me in the right direction. However, using the tips and games without a confident foundation never got me anywhere. I was merely a messed up shy guy behaving erratically and my games were totally transparent.

In the end I gained true confidence without tips and techniques, just through experience. I got burned a lot by women and came away wiser every time. The advice that did help me, was the advice that suggested I stand up for myself, maintain my dignity, value myself and be a man. It wasn't something I could just apply on the spot, but it showed me where I need to get to. I got there through practice and experience, just getting out, confronting my fears and learning from mistakes.

didn't these tips, tricks and games etc. re-taught your subconscious mind on how to deal with women, so that it became natural to you, that it happened automatically and that you still are being your (changed) self? (but therefore had to do those things a certain time when they weren't natural to you, but they are now, you do them automatically now?)

I know what you're saying, but it's hard to give a yes or no answer to this. I mean, it's true that I have reconditioned myself using a lot of info on this forum. I've reconditioned myself not to feel shame for my sexuality, to no longer fear or worship women and to move on when things fail, for example, and this all comes naturally now. But in terms of lines, gimmicks and pick up techniques, I found I didn't need it once I developed confidence! This kind of thing is a placebo for people without confidence, motivating them and making them think more positively (until it fails, that is).

I was aware of and even used ****y and funny before I'd seen it labelled, and I had been using neghits long before I came here, but just knew it as deadpan or dry humour. So this style of humour was already natural to me, but maybe now I use it more frequently, improving it with practice.

didn't you change, didn't these tips made you to what you are now? your post sounds a bit too much like "dont use any of dj bible cause it's not yourself". but didn't you have to change yourself, didn't you have some time in your life where you were teaching yourself things where you couldnt be yourself (weren't true to yourself) but where you are yourself now when doing them?? (read this alinea 3x please)

I tried to clear this up above as I had overlooked a mistake in my writing there. But to answer, yes I found change extremely important, and I did adapt my values, beliefs and everything, and I am literally not the same person I was beforehand. However, it was a REAL and gradual change/development, rather than an act or forced change. I.e. I didn't go in thinking "I must behave X way tonight" or "I must start doing Y more often", it was more a case of "I fvcked up doing X last time, I won't do that again".

In short, my development was more about eliminating bad habits and bad conditioning, rather than acquiring new skills.

Hope this clarifies things.

 

[Taifun@]

You are right Jariel. Can you check out my thread please....http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100670.

 

[flippinfreak]

Yeesh there's a lot of good advice on this thread. I read your post, and it's all very true. I still view everything I read and hear with a dichotomy bag over my head though, so I saw TONS of room for improvement on your part in terms of understanding equality. I'l get to that later though, I only have a few minutes.

Jariel, mind answering one or two questions for me as well

My ego boosts come from my own mindset. When I get thinking on the right track, nothing except sleep ruins it for me, so I stay awake for days at a time pouring cup after cup of coffee and working out to get my blood flowing.

Some people say stop caring, others like you seemingly say start caring. Yes, you come across like that, a caring guy. I am the same way, and it drives me crazy how easily I want to let somebody control me so I can get inside their heads to make them better(parasitic assistance). So when I hear tips like yours on abandoning all techniques and routines because they are all wrong and deceptive, I stop and think that the person writing is a reatrd.

When does something cease being wrong in terms of manipulation?

I speak to you with the intention of getting a response. I hold every conversation with an outcome in mind... You said in your list that in doing so I set myself up for hurt. It's very true AND very wrong at the same time. If you made a speech during Thanksgiving, and your parents didn't look you in the eyes once, how would you feel?

 

[qlo]

...

Hope this clarifies things.

it does
thanks

 

[rock]

Firstly, thanks to Glo for pointing this out...



I really fvcked up what I intended to say here and this could be read as very bad advice! I apologise and need to clarify.

What I was trying to express is that you shouldn't start acting differently or put on a fake front to impress other people. However, any kind of long term change, that improves your core IS good!

This is now right

You could add this to the first post.

To improve yourself is good

btw bump

 

[SlyD4rK]

bump

this post is amazing as well as the follow up