How I got Gaslighted.

Murkserious

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I believe my friend/roommate displays many of these qualities. Prob best to cut her out once she moves. I caught her stealing and she’s lied to my face and called me paranoid/toxic. That was the dealbreaker and can’t go back from that.
 

LARaiders85

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This is a good post I think I'm with a girl like this.

My girl said she wanted to go get a piercing 5 days later on Saturday. I replied something and she just ignored me until Sunday. And asked me where I was Saturday. I said you didn't msg me all week, didn't think you're going. Then she sent me a pic of the piercing and she had gone with her friend.

So this week is the same thing again. One message I reply and then she ignores me the whole week.
She said back in Europe her mom would spend lotsa time with her all the time and check her bags for drugs and alcohol. RED FLAG
She has tattoos. RED FLAG. Does some mdma at raves. RED FLAG.

But I havent' banged her yet. What is the strategy?
Just withhold attention like crazy until she panics
 

highSpeed

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Great post! Very accurate too, I've been there.

There's two things that helped me. That's good knowledge about logic and trusting my senses before anyone's words. Once you are aware of the types of logically fallacious arguments people make you'll see through it so easily. Not only when people knowingly lie, also when they are unaware of all the holes in what they're saying.

Gaslighting is fvcking evil! It is to make someone doubt themselves, it often completely ruins self-confidence. Thankfully I'm immune to it now and on top of that anyone who does it to me will have a bad time... I know my way around the mind games better than anyone who's too dumb to not play them...
I've yet to meet the woman who does not gaslight. If you find one, don't walk, run to lock that sh*t down. If she passes the door test, the erection test and the gaslighting test, she's a real keeper.
 

Grewd

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I've yet to meet the woman who does not gaslight.
That is quite an accomplishment. I often wonder where you guys find such an extreme lack of variation in women. Shouldn't really be possible.
 

highSpeed

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That is quite an accomplishment. I often wonder where you guys find such an extreme lack of variation in women. Shouldn't really be possible.
I didn't say my scenario is typical of everyone, I'm simply relating my experiences. Is it my bad choice in women? Do I attract the wrong women? Is that really most women? I'd say it's a little bit of both. Many women do this, probably more than 50% at least. I probably do attract the wrong women to some degree. It's in women's nature to do this, it's a biological imperative for them. If you can't confront someone physically, as most women cannot physically confront a man, then you need to have mental gymnastics to wear them down. Women do this. Women are verbal in nature, men are physical in nature. It's biology at it's core.

I do think that women who don't gaslight are somewhat rare, hence my comment of running, not walking to lock that sh*t down when you find it. I think that men who gaslight are also somewhat rare as most men don't have the time or desire to waste the mental energy to participate in all of these mind games, which is why it is so frustrating for so many men that go through this constant cycle of tearing down.
 

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LARaiders85

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That is quite an accomplishment. I often wonder where you guys find such an extreme lack of variation in women. Shouldn't really be possible.
Maybe you just aren't observant enough in your own women.

Do most women do full blown NPD gaslighting? Of course not. Even when they do it isn't always easy to detect until you know them fairly well. Do most women use passive misdirection and allow you to doubt reality in order to avoid direct conflict? Of course they do. Cluster B traits are just extremes of human nature.

One exception, I'm not sure I've ever seen a normal person use projection openly, but we probably all do it analytically.
 

Grewd

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I think that men who gaslight are also somewhat rare as most men don't have the time or desire to waste the mental energy to participate in all of these mind games
You assume people consciously gaslight. Plenty of men gaslight, some more than others, just like women. I also think your definition of gaslighting is a bit too broad, maybe that's why you think it's so common.
 

highSpeed

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You assume people consciously gaslight. Plenty of men gaslight, some more than others, just like women. I also think your definition of gaslighting is a bit too broad, maybe that's why you think it's so common.
I didn't give a definition of gaslighting, so I'm not sure what you mean. If you honestly think that men gaslight as much as women, then I'm not sure what to tell you. Most guys I know, if they're f*cked off at you, man or woman, they'll come straight out and tell you. They don't beat around the bush, they aren't passive agressive, they don't give you this snarky f*ck off vibe, they don't confront you through their comments to other people. They don't brush off your concerns, they don't tell you that you are too sensitive, they don't then turn around and do the exact same thing that they don't want done to them, to the guy. If you don't think that's not more commonplace in your interactions with women than men, I want to run in your crowd, because mine is skewed way to the side of women and their sh*tty, passive agressive, gaslighting behavior.
 

Grewd

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I didn't give a definition of gaslighting, so I'm not sure what you mean. If you honestly think that men gaslight as much as women, then I'm not sure what to tell you. Most guys I know, if they're f*cked off at you, man or woman, they'll come straight out and tell you. They don't beat around the bush, they aren't passive agressive, they don't give you this snarky f*ck off vibe, they don't confront you through their comments to other people. They don't brush off your concerns, they don't tell you that you are too sensitive, they don't then turn around and do the exact same thing that they don't want done to them, to the guy. If you don't think that's not more commonplace in your interactions with women than men, I want to run in your crowd, because mine is skewed way to the side of women and their sh*tty, passive agressive, gaslighting behavior.
None of the behaviors you mentioned is gaslighting, as I said I think your definition is way too broad. Gaslighting is to lie and make the victim doubt themselves so much that they'll believe the lies. That's all there is to the definition of gaslighting.
 

highSpeed

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None of the behaviors you mentioned is gaslighting, as I said I think your definition is way too broad. Gaslighting is to lie and make the victim doubt themselves so much that they'll believe the lies. That's all there is to the definition of gaslighting.
That's part of it but as a whole, the goal of gaslighting is to throw people off balance so you can get your way. That includes things like attention drawing fights, passive agressive behavior, running you down to people to get them on their side and generally having them abandon you.

1. They tell blatant lies.
2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.
4. They wear you down over time.
5. Their actions do not match their words.
6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.
7. They know confusion weakens people.
8. They project.
9. They try to align people against you.
10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.


This is all an attempt to get you to do what they want, be what they want and to use you. What they do with you after they get what they want, well that could be anything.
 

LARaiders85

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attention drawing fights
Picking fights about something completely unrelated to what's bothering you is almost the definition of gaslighting, especially when it's used as a pretext for a breakup. This is almost universal behavior too. Just imagine the raw selfishness of allowing another human being to writhe in pain beating themself up over "causing" a relationship ending fight while you know it's a complete fabrication.
 

highSpeed

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Picking fights about something completely unrelated to what's bothering you is almost the definition of gaslighting, especially when it's used as a pretext for a breakup. This is almost universal behavior too. Just imagine the raw selfishness of allowing another human being to writhe in pain beating themself up over "causing" a relationship ending fight while you know it's a complete fabrication.
agreed, not sure what the hell that other jagoff is talking about. What I've defined is what I live through and what gaslighting is. Don't try and tell someone who goes through it on a regular basis that they don't know what gaslighting is.

I always think of that classic eddie murphy skit of the definition of gaslighting:
 

Grewd

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That's part of it but as a whole, the goal of gaslighting is to throw people off balance so you can get your way. That includes things like attention drawing fights, passive agressive behavior, running you down to people to get them on their side and generally having them abandon you.

1. They tell blatant lies.
2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.
4. They wear you down over time.
5. Their actions do not match their words.
6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.
7. They know confusion weakens people.
8. They project.
9. They try to align people against you.
10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.


This is all an attempt to get you to do what they want, be what they want and to use you. What they do with you after they get what they want, well that could be anything.
Ok, now we agree on the definition in a clear way!

It is not my impression that most women does this though and it's not caused by a failure to recognize it on my part, I have seen it done by multiple people, but far from most I've met. I say people because I have definitely also witnessed firsthand men doing this, and not to any noticably smaller extent than women. So I continue to disagree on that point.
 

RickTheToad

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SOP for most ladies in today's dating market. Men have to work and live in a state of abundance; like the ladies. Yes. It's harder than it appears, but that is what's needed to succeed in life and with the ladies.
 

RickTheToad

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agreed, not sure what the hell that other jagoff is talking about. What I've defined is what I live through and what gaslighting is. Don't try and tell someone who goes through it on a regular basis that they don't know what gaslighting is.

I always think of that classic eddie murphy skit of the definition of gaslighting:
One better.



 
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highSpeed

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Ok, now we agree on the definition in a clear way!

It is not my impression that most women does this though and it's not caused by a failure to recognize it on my part, I have seen it done by multiple people, but far from most I've met. I say people because I have definitely also witnessed firsthand men doing this, and not to any noticably smaller extent than women. So I continue to disagree on that point.
not sure what to tell you. perhaps you've been luckier than most as it relates to dealing with women. women are naturals at gaslighting. that's also why they have higher rates of mental illness than men. it's hardwired in them to have emotional issues.
 

bob2007

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I think these are examples of gaslighting.

1.
Both girls, one said my mom would really like you, we should meet her, not now of course but I donno sometime.
Another girl handed me her phone and I said hello to her mother in the Netherlands, but she said she didn't tell her who I was. Her mother actually thought I was a fat guy in one of her other pictures.

2.
Coincindentally, both girls were 24. We went to the same mall on separate occasions.
Girl #1 wanted to go into swimsuit store, but I couldn't go in with her.
Girl #2 went to a sports store and bought bras and we joked about it.

3. Both were psyche majors. Time between dating them has been 4 yrs separating the two.
Actually Girl #1 wanted to add me on linkedin, I guess she wants to gaslight again lol.

Neither of them made out with me 3rd date.
Both deemed gaslighters by me by 2nd date.
But there's some weird attraction to these girls that you know are not interested in you and you can just say anything.
I guess its the unpredictableness.
 

RickTheToad

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Happens to us all dude. But, your story helps open other men's eyes to the whole gaslighted theory.
 
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