Help this is messing with my head

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
340
Location
The City
Hey guys,

A few weeks ago I met a 22 year old girl called Eva at a bar. We danced and made out for an hour or so. She was really interested and was giving me lots of compliments about my looks, dancing etc. I was pretty overwhelmed by all the compliments. I told her to come back to my place but she said she was uncomfortable doing that so soon, and she gave me her number instead.

We go on our first date a couple days later. She's all over me and making out with me, giving me compliments. Tells me she wants to see me again. I plan I second date a few days later.

On our second date we are making out again, shes touching me, and things going well as usual. I tell her to come back to my place, but she again says she feels uncomfortable doing it, she seemed pretty anxious about it. I told her its ok and she doesnt need to accept my invitation. She assured me that she was into me, and would be interested in coming back to mine on our next date.

Here's where it goes downhill. I text her 2 days later about meeting up for our 3rd date on a friday. But she says she will get back to me because she might be busy. I told her to let me know. I wait for 3 whole days till she texts me on the Friday that she wants to spend time with me after all. I tell her that I have now made other plans, and would prefer to see her later on next week. She agrees and we arrange to see eachother the following Wednesday.

When I met up with her Wednesday she's not affectionate or touchy at all. It's was almost like she wasn't that into me anymore. I was my usuall self, confident, charming, and not afraid to escalate. She hardly even made out with me. It was pretty bizarre. Could it be that she is afraid of intimacy? And when I told her to come back to my place on the second date did it scare her off?

I try to text her a day later to make another date, but she then dumps me telling me she would rather be friends. I tell her that I am not interested in being friends, and wish her all the best. Im planning on going no contact.

Things about her that may be red flags:

Told me early on of her divorced parents since a kid.
Occasionally expressed hatred for her dad.
Militant feminist, loves talking about how men fck women over.
Out partying every week.


What is your take on this guys? Did I do anything wrong or is it her?
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
4,128
Reaction score
3,666
Age
31
Location
Sweden
What is your take on this guys? Did I do anything wrong or is it her?
You just have to recognize that womens' moods are ultimately out of your control, that's it and be fine with that, as long as you are doing your part of respecting yourself and escalating which it sounds like you were doing.
 

DJnoob

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
613
Reaction score
35
When she said "She would rather be just friends "

What did that mean to you.?
1. Friends with benefits
2. Friends with NO benefits
3. Friends with benefits now, then MAYBE relationship after?

When you said " I tell her that I am not interested in being friends"

Does that mean You looking for a relationship right away?
 
Last edited:

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,561
Reaction score
3,117
Age
51
Hey guys,

A few weeks ago I met a 22 year old girl called Eva at a bar. We danced and made out for an hour or so. She was really interested and was giving me lots of compliments about my looks, dancing etc. I was pretty overwhelmed by all the compliments. I told her to come back to my place but she said she was uncomfortable doing that so soon, and she gave me her number instead.

We go on our first date a couple days later. She's all over me and making out with me, giving me compliments. Tells me she wants to see me again. I plan I second date a few days later.

On our second date we are making out again, shes touching me, and things going well as usual. I tell her to come back to my place, but she again says she feels uncomfortable doing it, she seemed pretty anxious about it. I told her its ok and she doesnt need to accept my invitation. She assured me that she was into me, and would be interested in coming back to mine on our next date.

Here's where it goes downhill. I text her 2 days later about meeting up for our 3rd date on a friday. But she says she will get back to me because she might be busy. I told her to let me know. I wait for 3 whole days till she texts me on the Friday that she wants to spend time with me after all. I tell her that I have now made other plans, and would prefer to see her later on next week. She agrees and we arrange to see eachother the following Wednesday.

When I met up with her Wednesday she's not affectionate or touchy at all. It's was almost like she wasn't that into me anymore. I was my usuall self, confident, charming, and not afraid to escalate. She hardly even made out with me. It was pretty bizarre. Could it be that she is afraid of intimacy? And when I told her to come back to my place on the second date did it scare her off?

I try to text her a day later to make another date, but she then dumps me telling me she would rather be friends. I tell her that I am not interested in being friends, and wish her all the best. Im planning on going no contact.

Things about her that may be red flags:

Told me early on of her divorced parents since a kid.
Occasionally expressed hatred for her dad.
Militant feminist, loves talking about how men fck women over.
Out partying every week.


What is your take on this guys? Did I do anything wrong or is it her?
I bet you she was breaking up with and getting back together with an ex and you were just some entertainment in between.

Tell her no thanks to the friend offer and next.
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
340
Location
The City
When she said "She would rather be just friends "

What did that mean to you.?
1. Friends with benefits
2. Friends with NO benefits
3. Friends with benefits now, then MAYBE relationship after?

When you said " I tell her that I am not interested in being friends"

1. You looking for a relationship right away?
I think it was pretty clear she was rejecting me, as in friends with no benefits.

I never gave the impression I wanted a relationship. I was just hanging out with her at bars and making out. I just wanted to see how it goes.

Just don't understand why she pulled away as soon as intimacy was on the cards.
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
4,128
Reaction score
3,666
Age
31
Location
Sweden
Just don't understand why she pulled away as soon as intimacy was on the cards.
There could be any number of reasons for it. Maybe it's mood changes. Maybe it's as dude99 said and she is using you as a nuance in her ex drama. Maybe she felt like a slut. Maybe her friends didn't like you. Maybe she was on her period. Maybe she found a better option. Maybe she just wanted to feel better about herself for a bit through mens' attention.

The point is that it's out of your control, and you were doing your part of respecting yourself and escalating so there is nothing big to take away from this except just moving on. Maybe she'll hit you up sometime when she feels like fvcking you.
 
Last edited:

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
2,182
Reaction score
3,852
Friday: good move - stating that you had other plans when she called at the last moment.
Wednesday: her behavior could be different variables. On the positive; she accepted your counter offer and she showed up.

If this was me, I'd make one final bid with a script like this (of course this is a rough draft and you'd want to sweeten it up a tad).

"Look.... I understand that life can be difficult and it sounds like you were dealt a bad hand (not that you actually agree with her self-proclaimed victimization... but continue) . I understand how you must be feeling and I hope you understand that I shouldn't and will not be judged by the actions of others in your past. I find you interesting and yes, also desirable. To me this seems normal. And if you can allow things to progress organically... then I would like to see you again. "
 

FruitLoops

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
149
Reaction score
58
I read it somewhere, "women have an attention span of a baby".
Basically like a small child, women tend to have small attention span. If a women tells you that she is into you, you cant exactly predict for how long she might stay into you or with you.
I kind of had a same situation. The woman i was dating once went on to tell me that she would be my family (cause i stay alone and away from my family). But the next day she was acting all cold. My point is, you cannot exactly predict when they might change.
Its not your fault. In addition to this, the red flags you pointed out are pretty big in my opinion. Especially the one thats says that she used to talk bad about her father. In my opinion if a woman doesnt respect her father, there is a high chance she wouldnt have any respect for her partner, meaning she would end up ghosting or flaking or dumping her partner.
 

Kotaix

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 29, 2019
Messages
2,302
Reaction score
2,910
Age
46
It's her. Militant feminism is an instant next in my book because it's based on a paranoid delusion, and I've met too many feminists.
It's a no-win situation, she's going eventually hate you for one or more of the following reasons:
  1. Not believing the lies and not towing the feminist narrative
  2. Not being a man and towing the narrative like a little b!tch
  3. Explaining objective reality to her (mansplaining)
  4. Having a penis
I used to have a very close friend who went full feminist and eventually admitted to me that she driven away all her friends except for me. She stopped talking to me after I laughed spontaneously at some retarded point she was explaining to her friend.

Edit: She's going to hate herself for liking you, which probably explains the current situation.
 
Last edited:

DJnoob

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
613
Reaction score
35
Friday: good move - stating that you had other plans when she called at the last moment.
Wednesday: her behavior could be different variables. On the positive; she accepted your counter offer and she showed up.

If this was me, I'd make one final bid with a script like this (of course this is a rough draft and you'd want to sweeten it up a tad).

"Look.... I understand that life can be difficult and it sounds like you were dealt a bad hand (not that you actually agree with her self-proclaimed victimization... but continue) . I understand how you must be feeling and I hope you understand that I shouldn't and will not be judged by the actions of others in your past. I find you interesting and yes, also desirable. To me this seems normal. And if you can allow things to progress organically... then I would like to see you again. "
I really feel like you don't have to write long essays to explain to a woman anything to "qualify" yourself. That's just me though.
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
2,182
Reaction score
3,852
I really feel like you don't have to write long essays to explain to a woman anything to "qualify" yourself. That's just me though.
Fair enough.
I scrolled above to see what alternate advice you offered the OP and saw nothing.
If the OP wants another crack at this girl, what method (with favorable outcome) would you suggest to the OP?
 

jaymbrs

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 27, 2017
Messages
1,989
Reaction score
1,994
Age
37
Fair enough.
I scrolled above to see what alternate advice you offered the OP and saw nothing.
If the OP wants another crack at this girl, what method (with favorable outcome) would you suggest to the OP?
There is no other crack at it. Something turned her off to him and/or turned it on for someone else. Chasing at this point will only drive her further away. NC is the only way to possibly have another shot.
 

CBear

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 3, 2018
Messages
438
Reaction score
666
Fair enough.
I scrolled above to see what alternate advice you offered the OP and saw nothing.
If the OP wants another crack at this girl, what method (with favorable outcome) would you suggest to the OP?
Why would he want another crack at her after how she behaved? A girl who shows such high interest and is making out with you for an hour within the first couple hours of meeting you is usually not a good sign anyways. Especially if you want to try and "date" her.

Edit: My guess, since she wasn't putting out even though she was showing clear signs of interest in the beginning, is that she had something going on with her other guy on the side and was using op for attention/as a rebound.
 
Last edited:

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
2,182
Reaction score
3,852
Why would he want another crack at her after how she behaved?
That is not up to you (or me) to decide. If he wants another crack, we aren't here to play the role of "armchair self-righteous." Correct?
If the OP wishes to proceed (even if we don't agree) we are here to offer a fellow member the best tactics.

Funny thing, CBear. I scrolled up above and noticed that you will take the time to point fingers, yet not invest time in helping the OP?
I think you missed the point of this forum.
 

CBear

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 3, 2018
Messages
438
Reaction score
666
That is not up to you (or me) to decide. If he wants another crack, we aren't here to play the role of "armchair self-righteous." Correct?
If the OP wishes to proceed (even if we don't agree) we are here to offer a fellow member the best tactics.

Funny thing, CBear. I scrolled up above and noticed that you will take the time to point fingers, yet not invest time in helping the OP?
I think you missed the point of this forum.
When did I point fingers? I just asked why he would want another crack at the girl after her interest has dwindled down for seemingly no reason. If you're still willing to run after someone who has made her boredom with you clear, be my guest. I invested my time by telling op what I suspect. He did nothing wrong. He escalated and she wouldn't give in after making out with him for an hour and then going out with him. Then in the 3rd date, op has a gut feeling that something is off. You misinterpreted the entire post and pointed fingers at me as a result of thinking that I was trying to belittle you, which didn't even occur to me until you made it clear that that was your thought. YOU missed the entire point of this forum.
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
340
Location
The City
It's her. Militant feminism is an instant next in my book because it's based on a paranoid delusion, and I've met too many feminists.
It's a no-win situation, she's going eventually hate you for one or more of the following reasons:
  1. Not believing the lies and not towing the feminist narrative
  2. Not being a man and towing the narrative like a little b!tch
  3. Explaining objective reality to her (mansplaining)
  4. Having a penis
I used to have a very close friend who went full feminist and eventually admitted to me that she driven away all her friends except for me. She stopped talking to me after I laughed spontaneously at some retarded point she was explaining to her friend.

Edit: She's going to hate herself for liking you, which probably explains the current situation.
I think there's a good chance she will end up hating me if not already.

Especially since I come across as confident and unapologetic when I hit on women. I bet she sees this as "toxic masculinity" among other things
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
340
Location
The City
God dam you made out in a bar for an hour?

Dam i know its brutal. Only from the info this is what im seeing.
Girls like this. You can't miss the window to flip the script. When she iced you until friday and you canceled and went the following week.
I would have gave her crumbs at that point or flat out rejected her. Lost leverage with her. Gotta have 0% tolerance for flaky disrespect. Thats my take according to your story. At that point there's nothing to do but push away and walk.
Yea made out for that long, seemed very keen.

I forgot to mention, but when she got back to me on Friday she was the one who suggested we reschedule. If she didn't suggest it, I probably wouldn't have bothered doing so.

Anyways I think her leaving me was a blessing in disguise. She seemed kinda crazy
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
340
Location
The City
You did nothing wrong. She has very obvious mental/emotional issues.

Be thankful you found out early.

If I were you, I wouldn't ever contact her nor respond to her again.
Yea, seemed like a bit of a nutcase, which explains her weird behaviour.

I'm definitely not considering dating her again, even if she asks me to.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,561
Reaction score
3,117
Age
51
I think there's a good chance she will end up hating me if not already.

Especially since I come across as confident and unapologetic when I hit on women. I bet she sees this as "toxic masculinity" among other things
The same women who were coining the phrase "toxic masculinity" 5 years ago are the same ones who are now crying "where have all the real men gone?"

She will be no different.
 
Top