Handling hints of serious talk

[filerfiler]

Being seen by this girl recently, I am over 40. She is second half of her 20s and an objective 9. She is not ready for an LTR in my assessment with the way she generally behaves - she enjoys the attention of orbiters and doesn't set good boundaries. We have been seeing each other for about 8 months. Things are generally really good and we have a lot of chemistry together but I don't think I want to take it beyond that.

She frequently drops hints that she is thinking about some serious topics like kids and moving in together but she doesn't talk about these in the short term. She talks about them in the general sense. She doesn't necessarily talk about it directly; she just hints.

For example yesterday she went on a long monologue about whether people are having kids at the right time and whether they are considering their financial situation. She went on about this for a long time and I'm not sure why. It's certainly the case that this is playing up in her mind but it's probably the case that she is fishing for my view on these things. I've never really expressed whether I want them either way.

Whenever she talked about this stuff I don't really respond. Sometimes she asks me direct questions like, "Will you want to move from your place at some point" or " do you want kids in your life?" and I would say something deflective like "At the right time" or "Maybe in the future" or "I'm not thinking about that right now."

I think I handle the direct questions we'll just looking for some input on how to handle when she is fishing for my thoughts... I generally just let her talk and don't respond and when she stops the monologue I switch topics

 

[BPH]

I had a friend who experienced something like this with a girl he'd been hooking up with for a while.

He came to me, stressed out, because he thought this girl wanted a relationship.

Why did he think that? Was she dropping hints? Did she ask him if he was seeing anybody else? Maybe she asked him to be her boyfriend?

Nope. He just assumed that's something she wanted because they had been "seeing each other for a while". I told him he was stressed out over a problem that only existed in his head.

Regardless, he felt guilty, and this ate at him, so he ended up asking her to be his girlfriend, which she accepted. He folded under zero pressure. I told him I didn't understand why he asked me for advice when he created his own problem.

TL;DR if you're gonna have that conversation, have it or don't have it. But don't make assumptions based on hints that she may or may not be dropping.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Gaslighting aside lol, next time she's doing this, turn to her and look at her without saying anything, and once she shuts it do the fishing reel thing with your hands. She should get the idea to drop it or go direct. Then if she does repeat your prior vague answers lol.

 

[filerfiler]

BPH your response strong ironic element I’ll let you figure out

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Bro you are at 40+.

Those are ridiculous answers to give at your age. When is the right time going to be, when you are 70?

 

[filerfiler]

With the right woman why not… but I don’t want to give false hope when she isn’t behaving like she warrants that sort of serious upgrade

 

[BackInTheGame78]

With the right woman why not… but I don’t want to give false hope when she isn’t behaving like she warrants that sort of serious upgrade

These sound like nonsense excuses. You don't want kids. That's the real issue, which is fine.

Just be a grown ass man and tell her the truth instead of trying to drag out sex as long as you can.

You simply are not compatible. Nothing wrong with that. There is something wrong with intentionally lying to her when you know the truth.