Girlfriend met Ex boyfriend.

djdfuser

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OP, she dumped you before Christmas (never go back) hence now she's meeting an ex behind your back? Would you respect her if you'd done that to her and she was still avaliable to you? No. Restraining order? BS. Everything she says is BS.

Bail then zero contact.
 

Dash Riprock

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Hi all,

Girlfriend told me ex boyfriend has contacted her (which shes messaged back) and turning up at her place unannounced. She met him for coffee (red flag) without telling me to tell him she wants nothing to do with him anymore. He got angry and hounding her. She's rung the police on him and told me she loves me. I trust her but ffs. I'm too old for this shlt.
She met him for coffee but rung the police?? WTF. Which is it? Makes no sense. Sounds like she can't keep her story straight.

Silence and distance, friend. Tell her you need some time to think things over. Don't hand over your balls like 99% of other guys would.

S&D works well with women because they're very social and cannot stand silence or NC.
 

flowtheory

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Curve ball..

What if a woman told you she was going to meet and ex for a coffee BEFORE she went to meet her ex?
Says she wanted closure, and isn’t interested in him anymore.

That’s respectful, yes?
 

Danger

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Curve ball..

What if a woman told you she was going to meet and ex for a coffee BEFORE she went to meet her ex?
Says she wanted closure, and isn’t interested in him anymore.

That’s respectful, yes?
Nope.

"Closure" is just an excuse to justify her desires.

You could just say that she should do it and that you would rather be with a girl who is not living in the past, then walk away.

Or you can not say anything and just say she is free to do as she wishes and go fvck other women.

Either way she is not worth investment, whether she is a plate or exclusive.
 

djdfuser

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Curve ball..

What if a woman told you she was going to meet and ex for a coffee BEFORE she went to meet her ex?
Says she wanted closure, and isn’t interested in him anymore.

That’s respectful, yes?
Wanted 'closure' but isn't interested? You've got to do some serious mental gymnastics to buy that one.
 

billtx49

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Curve ball..

What if a woman told you she was going to meet and ex for a coffee BEFORE she went to meet her ex?
Says she wanted closure, and isn’t interested in him anymore.

That’s respectful, yes?
It really doesn’t matter when she tells you. If she needs closure she isn’t over him. Bottom line is the only thing that matters is she met with him face to face.…
 
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Spaz

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How you think influences how you do things.

We can provide steps on how you do things but it's akin to providing fish to a desperate man that's hungry.

Yes we can feed him today, but how about tomorrow when he's hungry again ?

When giving him a fish to satiate his hunger, we should also provide him with a fishing rod and teach him how to fish.

He will now know how to fish when he is hungry and not wait for handouts - (How you think)

How you think + How you do things = Results
 

guru1000

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Let’s break it down...

Woman detects a bit of feminine in the man = a bit of uncertainty. (Weak frame)

Ex boyfriend calls girl and she wants to see if something is still there or if she hammers down the final nail.

Knows it’s underhanded business but also knows that socially, the correct action is to come clean so he will overlook it and set a precedence. To see how malleable he is to the imperative.

Man becomes uncertain because she “came clean” and it’s socially benevolent to “forgive” with no other thought. But he knows somewhere in himself that it is somehow a red flag. Becomes confused.

Cause = weak frame due to social feminine programming in the man at the start.

Woman, who supposedly operates on cues triggered by emotions (biology) knew that she could get away with this from past experiences and the greatness of society that backs her.

Knowing down in her DNA and the effectiveness of her female brain and endocrine system (emotions) is the ruling parameter. She just knows how she feels.

She tries to slip this test by to qualify the man.

Weak man says...
It’s all the woman’s fault because she followed her survival programming devised over millions of years and she is so blatantly disrespectful.
She’s a terrible creature.

Spare me the victim bull$hit.

Soution...man works on how he thinks so that he can present himself as an optimal man.

Ex calls girl (got the number from a third party)...girl blocks him forever. Problem never comes up.
Yes and no.

Some women are damaged beyond repair. They have taken on too many dlcks, lost their ability to pair bond, and incited by their falling SMV, all feats are ego-serving machinations. These women, men should not take ownership for as they are simply incorrigible. Let them down in their mania.

But for women who have not corrupted, the onus falls squarely on the man.

We can also state that the onus falls squarely on the man in choosing which of the two above women to deal with correct intent.
 

samspade

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It's a question of awareness:

If she commits an act that she is not aware of which undermines your preference, then you overtly state your boundary, so she now becomes aware of your preference.

For example: I prefer that guests take off their shoes before entering my house.

Here, as she been to many houses and likely has never removed her shoes before entering, it's reasonable to assume she is not aware of this particular preference. An Overt boundary here would be appropriate.

However:

If she is aware of the "rules of play" in a normal healthy relationship, then overtly stating your boundary is implictly asking her to commit actions that contradict her desire. You can't negotiate desire. Hence, an overt boundary here is not your best play.

Instead, in such a context, you employ Silence and Distance (S&D), a covert boundary. You do this for two reasons:

1) She has made clear her desire contradicts yours. Hence, your desires are incompatible, and so you must walk away;

2) If her desire were to test you as your recent rapport with her has created doubt, S&D may forge a new desire in her, one that is compatible with yours. You employ S&D to walk away from an incompatible relation, not to change her, but her change is often a natural consequence thereof.

Here:


This is an act she is aware is wrong, and undermining. So S&D is appropriate.
You might have to employ the caveat that so many women are used to dating beta pu$$ies who allow this kind of stuff, so they think these are the "rules of play." She may never have been with a man who considers this disrespectful and shows it. You're probably right that silence and distance are preferable, but you may still have to state your terms, and she may respect you for it because she's never been told no before.
 

guru1000

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You might have to employ the caveat that so many women are used to dating beta pu$$ies who allow this kind of stuff, so they think these are the "rules of play." She may never have been with a man who considers this disrespectful and shows it. You're probably right that silence and distance are preferable, but you may still have to state your terms, and she may respect you for it because she's never been told no before.
Yeah I get this shlt all the time bro from young princesses. I just dismiss them. They always come back corrected.
 

marmel75

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From my perspective, she is not loyal. Not GF material. Disrespectful.

Not sure why all these different discussions are needed. Just ghost the bytch and go find a new one. A cheater/liar is a cheater and a liar. It doesnt matter what you do, its who she is. Walk away. No discussion or explanation needed with her. Ignore.
I'm of the opinion that women can be different things to different guys and it in large part depends on who she is with and the leeway afforded her. Or in other words, what she feels comfortable with doing and getting away with which is usually based on the guy she is with and how he acts.
 

Amante Silvestre

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@Floydispink01

This was your post from December 19th from the thread @LARaiders85 linked to.

Amazing how you can be with a girl for 5 months. She dotts all over you, great sex, tells you she is massively into you, buys you christmas presents, cooks for you......then dumps you a week before xmas at a flip of a coin without a hint of a warning.

Onwards and upwards i guess.
You dated this girl for 5 months.

Earlier in this thread you said she only dated this other guy for 2 months, yet they are acting as if they split up a week ago and there needs to be "closure".

No one needs closure with a person they only dated for 8 weeks and has not been intimate with for 5 months after.

She has been cheating on you with this guy behind your back the entire time. That's why she needs "closure" as if it were a LTR, because it was. They've been banging boots for at least 7 months now.

There is absolutely nothing to discuss, dissect or ponder here. You've been cucked and love-bombed like no other.

Flush this bytch like the piece of sh*t she is and never look back.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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Hi all,

Girlfriend told me ex boyfriend has contacted her (which shes messaged back) and turning up at her place unannounced. She met him for coffee (red flag) without telling me to tell him she wants nothing to do with him anymore. He got angry and hounding her. She's rung the police on him and told me she loves me. I trust her but ffs. I'm too old for this shlt.
She told you she loves you after telling you this fib?
 
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