"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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foolish choice

Big Pappy

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It's been a good while since I made a foolish choice.

I suppose I was due.

I went to a Christmas party hosted by a bartender that I apparently have helped to support in grand fashion. A dusk til dawn sort of affair. There were plenty of girls, but none were giving any signs of interest at all, except one. Got her number, then after meeting a few more people, left for home.

I was seriously drunk. So, I pulled over in this parking lot, which by chance had a bar located next door. So, I went in. Too tired and drunk to care, I ordered a beer just for show and a water.

Then I meet this little hot number. She is one of three hotties in the bar. One is the bartender, this one and another one.

Three steps. A glance, stance and an advance.

An hour later, she's in my bed. So, it ends up she's still here. Dead to the world passed out. I've got sh*t to do today! Why in the world did I bring her here?! Big mistake! I drove her here, which means I can't just toss her out, I've got to take her somewhere, which means more delay.

For those of you fellas that strike out, count your blessings. At least you can get stuff done! This girl wanted to drink all night, even while I was banging her. Weirdest experience ever! If I wasn't so trashed myself, I'd feel guilty.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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NewMan

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Wake her a## up and throw her a 20 for the cab ride home.

By the way - when you wake up - you should wake her a## up.
 

Big Pappy

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Comatose, my man. Slapped her ass and it just jiggled slightly.
 

Eileen

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If you're looking for sympathy, Big Pappy, don't go looking here ;)

You got laid. Stop your complaining already.

Men! You all never cease to amaze me.
 

GirlCrazy

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Why was it foolish?

Everyone needs some lovin' from time to time, even if it's just for one night.

One time I let a ONS spend the next day running errands with me and it wasn't so bad. Otherwise, yeah, spot her a couple 20's and get her a cab.

Slapped her ass and it just jiggled slightly.
At least it didn't cause your roof to collapse :)

Men! You all never cease to amaze me.
We never cease to amaze ourselves!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Slickster

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Don't mean to preach to ya but.......

What the fawk are you doing driving home pissed drunk you d!ckhead?


That is a Foolish Choice.
 

Big Pappy

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Absolutely correct! Not my typical behavior on any count.
 

Squid

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Dude, been there before, nothing like waking up and wishing you could get the hell outta there.
 

Eileen

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Originally posted by Squid
Dude, been there before, nothing like waking up and wishing you could get the hell outta there.
So, is gettind laid worth that "I feel like a trapped animal" feeling you get afterwords?
 

Squid

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Originally posted by Eileen
So, is gettind laid worth that "I feel like a trapped animal" feeling you get afterwords?
It's the whole "getting caught up in the moment" thing, followed by the "what the hell was I thinking". Don't tell me that this has never happened to you before.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Eileen

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Originally posted by Squid
It's the whole "getting caught up in the moment" thing, followed by the "what the hell was I thinking". Don't tell me that this has never happened to you before.
No it has happend to me, but after I always think it wasn't worth it. I'm just wondering if men are the same way.
 

Squid

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Originally posted by Eileen
No it has happend to me, but after I always think it wasn't worth it. I'm just wondering if men are the same way.
I am anyway, if your regretting it the next day then it definitely wasn't worth it.
 
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