So introduction - Hey everyone, I'm Brian. I'm 26 (27 in March) and I was introduced to The Rational Male and The Game about 1 year ago. I've read both books and am rereading The Game right now. Never thought I'd need a forum like this or a community (thinking I could just rely on books), but I'm feeling at a loss right now.
Here's a bit of back story: I've tended to be an introverted guy in the past, but am now beginning to break out of my shell with all I've learned. I was in a fraternity in college, but as post-grad life hit the majority of my friends became the sorority girls I hung around a lot. I was really close with them throughout college and they'd introduce me to other friends slightly outside the friend group (that ultimately did help out with game).
There's one person who I see more as a friend and that girl has been very consistent in introducing me to new people and, of course, other girls. This is just background as to why I tend to hang around girls often and how it has helped. This story isn't about that girl, it's about one of our other friends in the group.
We'll call her Monica. I met this girl about 4 years ago and we've maintained a very close relationship. Almost like brother and sister in our Greek life days. That relationship came about because a couple months after we met, she and I went out. I didn't have the balls to ask her out, having the feeling she'd reject me, or not see me in that light. So I asked her to be my "little" sister in Greek life. Obviously, she said yes to that.
We had been super close since. Monica has seen my highest highs and my lowest lows. I've seen her thrive and I've seen her struggles, as well as begin to mature and grow into an adult. We both care about each other's path in life and we wish for both of us to achieve high. She is a free-spirited girl and has a lot of life in her, despite her most recent family struggles.
Recently, our large friend group went on a cabin trip (end of January). 7 girls, 3 guys. 1 of the dudes is dating one of the girls, the other dude hung around the pair that was dating. So the trip was basically me and the other 6 girls, Monica included. This would also be my first-time microdosing on shrooms. A lot of things were elevated: colors, emotions and there was a feeling of equilibrium between everyone who took shrooms. So basically me and the other 6 girls, Monica included.
The first night we all got wasted, I DJ'd some tunes and we were all happy to be out of the city. I ended up falling asleep in the girl's bed. A master bedroom with a king mattress that fit 4. My bed was in the basement and it was too far of a walk so I slept in the girl's bed with all the girls. Monica included.
This next part was hazy and I still can't make out if this was a dream or not, but I may have dreamed (or maybe it happened) that Monica and I were drunkenly making out on that bed with the other 2 girls sleeping next to us. It was exciting. But did it happen? I'm not sure, but something told me that we both felt something that weekend.
The day after, we took shrooms, went on a hike then came back to hang out in the hot tub, which heated our bodies and probably exasperated the emotions and drug effects. Mind you, I felt like I had 3 targets on that trip. Still do, excluding Monica, making that 2 targets... I'll explain...
Before I go on, I should note: Monica is dating someone. Has been for 2-3 year now. They've had a bit of a rocky relationship, but they've kept it going for whatever reason. The guy is almost 30, so I can see why there may be a larger sense of security there. I have the feeling that the relationship isn't at its best right, even though she and I haven't talked about it.
Going back to the cabin, there was a point where we were trying to find a comfortable place to sit in the hot tub and in the midst of that Monica curled up into my domain, my arms were basically around her. Holding her. But I've held her before, but this time felt different. Was I just more aware of the dynamics between men and women or did she want that feeling of security from me? It felt right. It felt like we were on the same wavelength.
As night came and the drugs were fading little by little, all 7 of us were hanging out and chatting about philosophy, art, and the world, again the other people on that trip not hanging with us as much. It was getting late so we put on a movie, and one by one each of us go to sleep. I decided to sleep in the same bed as the girls. I did my best to cuddle with Monica, but she didn't budge. So I stayed there, cuddled up with her arm, gently moving my finger up and down her forearm...
This is where it all happened.
As soon as I thought she had gone to sleep, she adjusts to move her legs from the covers. The room was hot, and I didn't blame her.
She opens her legs and I hear this repetitive rubbing motion. I look down and squint (I wear glasses so it's hard for me to see). It was dark and I see a portion of her sleeve go up and down.
I get excited and move my finger from her forearm to her whole arm, and caress it more aggressively. This kept going on and eventually I was able to move my hand down to her p*ssy. On the outside of her clothing.
She didn't stop rubbing.
Thinking she would've been more startled if I had gone in, I left my hand there and simply placed pressure to where I thought her cl*t was.
She's a very small, skinny girl so it was a little hard to find whether I was pushing against her hip or p*ssy.
Either way, there was a moment where the air was taken from the room. It was silent.
She had climaxed.
She curled up and got comfortable. Eventually, I was spooning her and we were cuddling.
Still being turned on from what had just happened, my hand made its way up her shirt.
My index finger reached her chest. As I was moving my finger up and down between her petite breasts, I could hear her breathing heavier.
I moved my finger to her left nipple...
And that's where she pulled back. She pulled herself from me and turned away. I kept trying to cuddle her. Kissing her shoulder blades and she was turned away. Then I thought to do reverse psychology. I pulled away.
She turned back to me and when I faced her again, she turned away again. So I played more reverse psychology. It was late at night and eventually fell asleep.
When I woke her facing away from her, I turned back to see her facing me, still asleep.
We didn't talk about the experience the next day. We hardly made eye contact. It was a surreal experience.
It didn't think too much of it, and actually wanted to create another scenario to have that moment again. Perhaps embellished on a few more things.
I wouldn't see her again until an impromptu Valentine's Day darty (day party) two weeks later. She was distant, but still very beautiful. It didn't know what to say to her. Did she remember what happened? What did she feel? Did she feel the same thing I did in that moment? Was she able to perceive that our souls were on the same wavelength at that moment?
Either way, she hung out for a little bit. Didn't drink. Only smoked her dab pen and chatted with few people at the party. She then left to meet with her boyfriend, and I left to hang out at home (I didn't feel like being social that day, we all have those days).
I began to mull things over and went to check her Twitter. She hadn't tweeted in a while.
Unfollowed me...
Alright, that's odd. What about Instagram?
Unfollowed.
Snapchat?
She usually has her location on, and looked up her username.
Unfriended.
I checked my texts with her. I do share my location with friends I see often in case they got lost after a night at the club.
Stopped sharing location February 15th.
Facebook.
"Would you like to add Monica as a friend?"
She had unfriended me.
Being a millennial, it does kind of hit hard when you're unfriended by someone you care about a lot on Facebook. Almost like years of your life were wasted.
I took to YouTube to figure out how to deal with my situation. Some videos had applicable details, but none were able to be specific to my situation. She was never my girlfriend, so that information never related. We're not in university anymore, so it's not like I see her often anyway. Monica is just someone I care about a lot, and just so happened to be attracted to her...
I want to look at this from an unbiased lens so I won't give you my input. The only thing I will say is that she did go through the effort to unfollow me (not block me) on all socials.
She is probably confused. I'm guessing she liked it and was scared to open that door.
"She cared so much about what happened that she unfollowed me" is my conclusion.
I think I know the verdict... But I want to get out of my head and ask for some guidance from like-minded people I trust. I don't think there are many people I can turn to about this.
What can I do? What is her perspective?
There’s a lot of uncertainty. Not a fan of it.
Outside, no contact. What is going through her mind?
