do women judge a man’s desirability by how well he reads and respond to flirting?

[Pumax]

Even tho you guys know I'm a bit on the autistm spectrum, it's something I came to understand lately.

I saw how it works IRL, and so I've asked myself "how does a woman gauge how desired, desirable, and "high-value" a man is..how does she determine that a man is experienced, attracts women, and is actually getting laid?

As far as I can tell, I thought, she based that on how he responds to her flirting.

Let’s look at some examples.
If a woman flirts with a man, it can play out in two ways:

1) He’s "too autistic", like me, and misses even the most obvious signals.
He doesn’t respond to the flirtation, or rather, it falls flat because he takes everything literally.
She doesn’t feel "understood" because he answers the literal question she asked, rather than the underlying intent.
At the same time, this shows her that he’s a serious guy who doesn’t like to play games. He’s focused on his life and on being authentic.
Usually, these are guys like me, mature men who have their lives together and are successful, but who consistently miss these kinds of social cues.
But, at this point, she feel that if this man cannot read women flirting, there must be something wrong with him, and so, he has low value, even tho he is attractive and own his sh1t togheter.(This happened to anyone in life, and we also have an entire 3d for it, so this might not be an "autistic man only issue" https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/most-obvious-come-on-that-was-missed.13316/ )

2) He responds well to the flirtation. She feels understood because he realizes she’s "playing", he’s able to read between the lines of her "questions" and grasp her true intentions.
In that moment, he’s managed to step outside the framework of "real life" to engage with whatever playful nonsense she’s brought up.
She feels a greater sense of rapport with a man like this.
Consequently, a woman will assume that, even if he’s less physically attractive, and he doesn't own his sh1t, this man is the one who’s sleeping with more women, has higher value, and makes her "feel better", "understood".

There have even been extreme instances of "Case 1."
In such cases, rather than attempting to flirt, the woman might declare her feelings outright or ask the man out on a date. If you’re curious, you can find examples online: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1d2ylpi
In "Case 1," the woman might feel rejected, or perhaps simply conclude that the situation is too embarrassing, or that the man lacks the self-confidence to be direct and negate her.

In "Case 2," however, if she is negated, she perceives the man as having the guts to say things to her face.

It would be awesome to find out what you guys found out to be true in your experince

 

[Pumax]

Also, think about it.

Which of the two men will most likely have problems in LTRs when women are having emotional problems, because they don't feel "listened to," and thus resentment builds?
And which of the two guys would be willing to eat more sh1t and be more disrespected by her?

For example, I would expect to be the man 1 to whom she is communicating something with intent, but not being able to understand what she wants unless she actually verbalizes it. However, I can't imagine being disrespected or eating her sh1t, which Man 2 might do, because he finds it fun and it's part of his game, while he could probably understand what is going on

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Pumax "It would be awesome to find out what you guys found out to be true in your experince"

We're all constantly scanning one another for indicators as to whether or not someone will align with us, whether we recognize that we're doing so or not. Women are no different when assessing a man's desirability

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I mean, I've never been more embarrassed to read how many men on Reddit stories post about how they "asked a woman if they could kiss her".

Thank God I read a post that some guy was incredulous because a woman actually told him "That's not something you ask, you just do".

And most guys think this is "asking for consent" and defend it.

It's honestly fvcking pathetic...guys with no testosterone and no social skills to be able to read women and their reactions or human interactions to understand how this actually works reporting to having to "ask". I mean they might as well be a little kindergartner raising their hand to use the bathroom to women, because that's what they look like.

So if they are waiting for a man to know how to flirt, they are going to be waiting a long time. They don't even know how to know how to know if a woman wants to be kissed.

 

[zekko]

I mean, I've never been more embarrassed to read how many men on Reddit stories post about how they "asked a woman if they could kiss her".

Forget about asking, did they fill out the proper consent forms?

 

[zekko]

I saw how it works IRL, and so I've asked myself "how does a woman gauge how desired, desirable, and "high-value" a man is..how does she determine that a man is experienced, attracts women, and is actually getting laid?

As far as I can tell, I thought, she based that on how he responds to her flirting.

You know, I've honestly never thought about this before, but I think you may be on to something. I know I've been clueless any number of times about a woman coming on to me. Women's signals can be so subtle, they can go right over your head. But if you're a guy who's especially tuned into that sort of thing (which, I confess, is not me), you might be seen as a guy with a lot of experience, a guy who "gets it", and a guy with high emotional intelligence, all things which are attractive to most women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Forget about asking, did they fill out the proper consent forms?

They raised their hands and asked the women for permission to go to the bathroom

 

[quodlibet]

Women don't sit down and calmly do an analysis. Attraction is a feeling and emotion -- and it comes on immediately.

Just like, when you see a painting or a scenic view in nature, you don't do a calm analysis on whether you think it's beautiful. You just know it right away.

That's why for women, first impressions are everything. There are things you cannot control like your ethnicity or face structure. But there are things you can, like your behavior, posture and your conversational skills.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Honestly there is no formula I'm sorry to say. Its more like car shopping right? All cars will get you from point A to point B. Why do you pick a certain car? Based on its features & characteristics and how those stack up as whether or not you can attain (afford and obtain and maintain) the car you choose.

You also pick something you FEEL good about owning or driving. How you feel drives your choice a great deal.

So you pick a certain color, certain make/model, certain price range. And you cannot always obtain your dream car.

In a similar way you pick a woman. The difference is that this woman in not an inanimate object, she is human too, and she is also shopping for a car (a man).

So you have to choose one another. You will have zero way of knowing whether or not a particular woman finds you interesting or attractive....you need to make an approach and see if a woman is receptive. That really is the only way to find out.

One thing you could do, if the topic interests you, is read up and study human interaction between nuerodiverse individuals and nuerotypical individuals. There are a number of books out on the topic, and they are informative.

But nothing replaces interactions with women. Experiment. Ask a woman for advice on something related to human interactions like people watching. Share that you are on the spectrum and interested in improving your ability to read social cues (for example). You might be surprised how that shift in perspective aids you in the interaction.

I am married to a man on the spectrum, as you may know. He's got a solid career and is driven in his field (engineering), is introverted, but he has always been good looking so he's learned the ins and outs of interacting with women over the years.

And he is not afraid of rejection. He asked me out straight away after he met me. I said yes. He kept asking me to do stuff & I kept saying yes. And here we are, married, some 6 years hence.

So we chose one another.

Digest that. Does it make sense? My husband doesn't sit around trying to decode my behavior. He doesn't have the patience for that. If anything I've had to extend him a fair amount of patience because he is on the autism spectrum and as such is socially awkward or uncalibrated or too literal. In some ways I serve as his social "seeing eye dog". That's ok. He's funny & sweet and playful in addition to being handsome & driven etc. I assist him in reading social situations in both personal and professional settings. He still steps in it sometimes, but he knows I read a room (or a social scenario) very well, and he benefits from my insight....both personally and at work.

You gotta approach and make a move. If she says yes, go do something interesting or fun together. Repeat. That's the ultra Cliff Note breakdown.

You'll never have a formula. Humans and human interactions are too nuanced and chaotic to be formulaic.