DJ Bootcamp 2019

GrowingPains

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#21
Approaching groups is really tough. Pretty girls roll in packs but lemme tell ya that sh!t is intimidating. Before I give deeper into it, I wanna note that I know I need to stop hesitating and start doing. So I'm resolving to just start doing what I want. If I want to talk to a group of girls, then I will. Any embarrassment from the situation is better than the feeling of disappointment in myself for not engaging in the first place.

I think it's the pressure of being judged by multiple people that keeps one from approaching a group. It's already hard enough to approach 1 girl on her own now I'm asking myself to do 2, 3, 4 at a time? This really highlights the fact that I haven't adopted the idgaf mentality. But I've been learning that your confidence and indifference comes from experience. You can fake it, but even Mystery turned into a blabbering fool when his girlfriend left him. I want to have a solid foundation and that comes from experience, not faking it. So I'm on a mission to get that experience.

I know that I'm in my head when I'm hesitating, but I feel like one of my concerns is legitimate. That is how do I do this without being weird. For example, if two girls are sitting at a table talking in the dining hall, I feel like it's weird for me to just come over and start talking. They're having their own conversation, something about this seems awkward and I haven't decided if that's me making an excuse or if it truly isn't the right time. The other day when there was a group of girls having fun it was a lot easier because they weren't being to themselves. Certain environments/situations are easier to navigate. This is understandable, I just need to understand which situations are approachable/not.

What do you guys think?
 

GrowingPains

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#22
Got to class early af and it was nice out so I went outside of the building to see if I could find anyone to approach. Saw a girl sitting down, couldn't really see her face but I walked over. She was staring hard af into the distance so I asked what she was thinking so hard about. She told me her research. She was from Switzerland. Blah blah. She seemed a little uncomfortable and she wasn't that cute so I peaced. Glad I got a rep in today, keeping the momentum up helps me keep getting these under my belt.

Gonna do a lil reading of week 2 before I KO.

Edit: Most of the stuff I read are things I'm already doing so I feel good about the conversation. I find it easy to talk to people once I'm actually in the conversation. Approaching HB's is still the biggest challenge. Just gotta get more reps in. I found the article "Fine tune your sense of humor" by JuanWannabe to be most interesting. Basically that watching/listening funny stuff will make you funnier as it reawakens your sense of humor. I posted a while back about developing wit, this article seems to be the answer. I'd like to watch more funny stuff anyways.

According to the bootcamp, I should do 2 more approaches to complete the week (10 total). Easy peasy. I'm gonna try to get at least one of these to be with a group of girls though since that's something I'm struggling with. Gotta push yourself outta that comfort zone!

Still working on eye contact. It is getting easier and feels more natural because of the way I'm starting to feel after talking to people (approaches). I feel more confident and I think I have a more sociable vibe. This plays into my facial expression which I have noticed makes people make eye contact with me for longer. Idk if that makes any sense, I'm just saying I feel more inviting and confident.

Bootcamp says to post the topic of your favorite discussion with someone... Nothing was really that striking tbh but the girls from the coffee shop asked me if I strip and they were looking for someone to join their chair dancing group. I think that was a joke because when I responded that I only strip for blue faces but I'd join the squad... No response. All good though, at least it was entertaining. I'm not pressed.

@lamath I read this and thought you might find it useful: "Also, keep in mind that most people want to meet other people and have conversations with them, but are just too shy or insecure. So in fact, you will be doing a huge favour to those people whom you decide to hold a conversation with."

and Im doing this from now on: "
Also, a tip that might help you with this lesson, and the next few lessons, is the 3-second rule (You
can find it on ASF). What this means is that when you find someone you might be interested in
approaching, don't give yourself more than 3 seconds from the moment you are able, to approach them. Anything longer than 3 seconds highly increases the chance that your nerves will work against you, and that you'll chicken out. Even if you have nothing planned to discuss with them, you'll find that you'll amazingly have something to say if you can only force your feet to propel you to the person"

Hesitation... What's that?
 
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zekko

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#23
Interesting journal-type thread. Ah, to be young again, with infinite possibiliies ahead.
 

GrowingPains

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#24
Interesting journal-type thread. Ah, to be young again, with infinite possibiliies ahead.
Age is but a number, brother! The possibilities are still endless.
 

zekko

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#25
Age is but a number, brother! The possibilities are still endless.
You make me laugh, but I like your attitude. :)

You're partially right. Don't get me wrong though, if I could push a button I wouldn't go back. It would be like starting over from scratch. Pros and cons, you know.
 

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GrowingPains

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#26
You make me laugh, but I like your attitude. :)

You're partially right. Don't get me wrong though, if I could push a button I wouldn't go back. It would be like starting over from scratch. Pros and cons, you know.
Yeah I gotcha. I understand where you're coming from. I'm just saying you just have to work a little harder than I do to create the opportunities because I'm on a college campus and such.
 

zekko

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#27
Yeah I gotcha. I understand where you're coming from. I'm just saying you just have to work a little harder than I do to create the opportunities because I'm on a college campus and such.
Oh, I wasn't even talking about women lol. I was saying you are young and have your whole life ahead of you, and you are in the position of creating what you are going to be. An exciting time to be alive. The girls are nice too though :up::)
 

GrowingPains

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#28
Story time:

So the two athlete girls from the other day ended up texting me asking if I strip because they needed a third for their chair dancing group. I jokingly reaponded that I only do it for $100 bills but I'd join. Keep in mind my goal is to meet other hot chicks in their group. So they don't respond for a while but they invited me to a party tonight which started out really weird because it entailed us learning their routine. I went along with it, I was in a house full of girls so fvck it. Apparently there's a birthday girl I was supposed to give a lap dance to but that didn't happen. I would've done it, no problem. My hips don't lie. Anyway, it's time to go to the party so we dip. I'm introducing myself to a bunch of people which is good because I get to talk to new people but they're all pretty confused as to why I'm there (it's a women's sports team and obv I'm the odd one out) but I play it cool and chat. We get to the party, and I am NOT a party person. But we met the upperclassmen teams and there were so many bad b!tches there. Goal achieved.

So now I'm starting to feel a bit nervous and still out of place as I'm getting ready to chat with some people but I'm like this is what I'm here for so lets get it.

One girl who I was flirting with on the way there told me she better see me later (I'll spare you the details of the conversation because it's silly, it was about fvcking each other though). I tapped her on the ass and said maybe. On my way out she was talking to another dude but I'm not worried, I got her number and I need to go to bed haha.

Chatted to another girl who was wearing a cheetah shirt. Asked her if she killed a cheetah for it, we talked for a while. Cuddled up on the couch. Got her number. She was cool. And THICK. Just how I like em.

Talked with another girl but she was boring so I dipped.

The guy team was there too, definitely some Chads in the group. So I made friends with da boiz. Hung out, chatted and laughed for a bit. Nice guys. Exchanged info.
 

GrowingPains

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#29
Sometimes the person being approached is more nervous than you:

Today I went to talk to a cute girl I made eye contact with on my way in to a dining area On the way out, I walked over, smiled and asked what her name was. She was flustered af and thought I wanted her seat. I just laughed and said no I just wanted to introduce myself. So I asked her where she's from because she had an accent. How long she'd been in the US. She told me she was a PhD student and I said me too, which program are you in? Then she asked why I was asking all these questions. I could tell she had her guard up and I said I like the way you smile so I came over to say hello, that's all. Guess she wasnt into it because she stammered that she had to go meet someone and we departed.

After this week, talking to strangers is so much easier. It's very fun, especially when it's a cute girl.

Generally having a conversation is easy if you: open with something relevant to the current situation/just say hi and ask their name - you'll find something to ask them about after they tell you their name dw ( like where are you from/what brings you here). Then from there you literally just have to listen to what they're saying and the conversation won't die unless they give you a response full of nothing. There's an article in the DJ Bible that explains this pretty well I think, it's called conversational threading. It's very natural and just requires that you're attentive. Then when you can relate to something or have a quick though about something she said, toss it in. You can tell if the person is interested in you by if you say so ething about yourself and pause and they ask you something about what you said. Be comfortable with the silence and see what they conjure up. If they say nothing, you know how future interactions with that person might be. If they ask you something, same thing. This is all in the DJB, but I'm just telling ya it works.
 
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RangerMIke

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#30
I like this thread. It's really difficult for me to offer advice to dudes that have a hard time walking up to a woman they don't know and start up a conversation... something that is just alien to me since I've never had this problem. After reading this I'm getting a sense of how hard it is for some guys. When people would ask me how to do this I just tell them, "Just go talk to them about what's on your mind." But now I'm starting to see it's more involved than that.

So I've been doing some thinking today on what EXACTLY I do. It's simple, and yet hard, if it isn't done properly... but you will get better with experience.

First you have to own the fact that nothing you do or say will cause her to be attracted to you... she either is, or she is not. You can do everything perfect, but if she isn't interested you're done. Having said that, you can screw sh!t up with a chick that is attracted by saying something stupid. If she likes you, as long as you do not say something stupid you will be okay... the trick is not to be stupid or come off as clueless so you do not ruin attraction of a chick you have a shot with. The more you do this the more you will learn how not to be 'stupid' and goofy because experience is a harsh teacher.

So here is what I do.... Whatever it is about the chick that I find interesting I will compliment her about it and tell her I just had to talk to her. That's it... then I gauge her reaction and what she says and go from there. The problem is you have to be subtle about what you say. Lets say she has a great body... you don't just walk up to a chick and say "You have a great body, I just had to meet you."... Although in the right surrounding and right set of circumstances that might work, but it's too direct. You complement her on what she is wearing... she will know what you mean. If she has a nice body, trust me... she knows she has a nice body, your revelation isn't news to her. But you have to give her a reason why you want to meet her and if it's honest, then you will find out really fast if she is attracted to you.

The OP mentioned in one of the posts that a chick he was talking to said he was asking a lot of questions. This is a sign that things are not going well. If she likes you she will keep the conversation going without you turning it into an interview. It should just flow... but when you first meet a chick, if you spend more than 15 minutes talking to her that is likely too long unless things are going really well, and she doesn't want you to walk away... at this point you get the number or ask her out and go about your business. This gives her a reason to see you again, in better circumstances.

If at any time during the initial conversation that she is making it too hard or not actively participating in the conversation, just make an excuse and walk away. Don't even bother asking for her number, she's not interested. When you first meet a women, your purpose she not be to 'get her', you don't get to decide that, she does. Your purpose is to see if there is something to build on.... that's it. You can't screw it up because either way you win... you either meet a chick you have a shot with, or you quickly screen her out and move onto the next one. All it costs you is a few minutes, and it's a bargain.
 
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zekko

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#31
you don't just walk up to a chick and say "You have a great body, I just had to meet you."... Although in the right surrounding and right set of circumstances that might work, but it's too direct. You complement her on what she is wearing... she will know what you mean. If she has a nice body, trust me... she knows she has a nice body, your revelation isn't news to her.
"Wow, I really like that skimpy piece of cloth that's barely covering your boobs. You have great fashion sense".
Something like that? :)
 

GrowingPains

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#33
Goooooood morning, gentlemen. Hope you're all ready to grab life by the fvcking balls and get yours today.

Week 3: Same as last week, 2-10 minute convos with strangers but this time they have to be women you'd date. No prob, Bob!

I'll tell ya about today's progress but hold your horses lads, we gotta talk about a little slip from yesterday. So I was studying, girl sits in another study room and we keep making eye contact. More people show up in her study room and it starts getting loud. She comes out to the table I'm at and works on her problem. She's cute, so I chat her up a bit, but didn't get her name yet. She tells me she's studying for an exam, I took that as a cue to leave her alone for a bit and not press too much - I should've just gotten her number at that point but oh well, I won't make that mistake again next time. From that point on I hesitated to start the conversation back up (I wasn't sure how she'd take it as we were both studying). I decided to go get some water and when I came back I would talk to her. I did that, and she said she was going back inside right when I got back. Should've said something. This is just another lesson in "hesitation is like masturbation, in the end you're just screwing yourself". Oh well, there's more fish in the sea! I was down about it, but you know what... we all slip. At least I'm aware of it, definitely need to work on hesitation with HB's.

Today: We're over that little mishap yesterday. Back on top girl at it again. Walking to get some studying done I see a girl walking, she's a bit far up but I took a fitness walking class (for gym credit) so I know how to book it lmao. So I catch up to her and tap her on the shoulder. She's a little startled but she's smiling and I'm smiling so it's all good. We shoot the sh!t, I just started out by asking her name (we'll call her Guatemala Girl) then how her morning was going (don't over think the approach, boys). She asked me the same, and I was like "I'm doing well too, ready to seize the day" or something like that. I can tell she really liked this positive attitude/confidence. We walked and talked, and I ended up walking by the Thick Chick I met at the party Saturday. I said "Hey so and so, how are you" smiled and told her to have a good day. I saw her glance at the girl I was with, I think that'll be to my advantage. Gonna make a separate post about this though. Parted ways with Guatemala Girl and said "Lemme get your number" I'm happy with this, I used to habitually say "Can I get your number", AFC af. Got the digits and did the dash.

Lesson of the day: Don't let your failures keep you from moving forward. In fact, I use mine to say "Alright, I can't let this keep me down too long, I need to get out there and try again so I don't get stuck in my head." Here's a quote from the DJ BC that conveys this well in the context of approaching/hesitation:

"The way I see it, fear is like a bully that tries to intimidate you. The more you listen to it and become a slave to it. The harder and stronger it comes onto you. But if you'll stand up to it, it disappears. Because it knows it has no power over you.
...
The next time fear tries to stop you from walking over and talking to that girl across the room. Say to yourself mentally "back off! I'm not listen to this crap!" and walk right through the fear! You will notice that the fear will grab you (psychologically) and hold you back! This is when you need to be really strong and pull forward and do what feel is in your best interests! "


Side note: Went on a date Saturday and tried to kiss the girl back at my place. We did a little peck but no frenching, she leaned away after the second one. I tried again later but she leaned her forehead down to keep me at bay. I thought maybe she's not into me, but she texted me the next day asking me to do dinner this week. She even suggested a place, interested to see how this plays out. Let her do the chasing, as they say.
 

GrowingPains

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#34
Last night I hit up a sporting goods store. Shorty that was helping me out was cute so I asked her name when she got off the phone. She was calling another store to see if they had what I needed. Antiwayz her male co-worker was also standing there so I was talking to both of them for a couple mins. Asked for her number.

She: I don't know about that one.
I: I gotta leave the store with something
She: yeah I know but I have a gf
I: that's fine, I'm not the jealous type
She rolled her eyes and I bounced.

I was nervous af, couldnt think quickly. Oh well at least I did it with the guy being there for a little bit of it. It'll help me with trying to approach girls with other people around.
 
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#35
If I were to give advice to my old self, it would be to try to escalate and get the girl to a secluded spot if she's been talking to me for 15 minutes. If that is not possible, then get her number and move on. Don't linger if you have bad logistics and can't pull. Nothing you do from learning how to banter, overcoming approach anxiety, being able to make friends, etc, is is more important than closing the deal. In fact, everything you are trying to do that has nothing to do with closing is a complete waste of time.

If you were completely brain dead and all you did was close, you would have more success and expedite your experience.

The only difference between a guy who naturally grew up successful with chicks and an incel/newbie is that he had more opportunities to close. He didn't have more opportunities to express his personality, banter, connect with chicks, or play house with them. A "natural" is just a closer. He is not more interesting or knows how to banter more than you, or whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Most naturals are not even social.

Guys who get laid a lot are actually completely EFFORTLESS. All they do is try to close, pull or get rejected, and move on. They don't pay women any mind outside of trying to sex them.

This is the biggest misconception with the PUA community and guys learning game. Guys are trying to learn stuff that naturals never had to learn. And in the end they come across as try-hards. No one has to entertain women. It is not a burden you have take on in life. Women are boring (most). You only feel alive when you are getting physical with them. Otherwise, most of them are intolerable.

That's what I would tell my old self. Skip everything and try to close. Kiss close, number close, f-close, etc. When I became "good," or more accurately, when I became ripped from working out a lot, I stopped talking to women altogether. I would just go for make outs and finger bangs. I did what was enjoyable to me and not what "works" with women.
 
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#36
First day of bootcamp. Been reading a few articles, wanted to approach several girls but stopped. Two thicc girls gave me eye contact but got in my head and decided to not approach. Face ok but body wise, curvy. Wasn't feeling it on octane mode so I substituted to try a friendly vibe today. Been talking to girls. Saw a fashionable chick and complimented her just to warm up in my mind. I expected a nod, but got a smile and eye contact. Did not expect that from a high end fashion chick. Said hi to a college girl cashier and really short talk ensued, and went by my business. Hit the gym, said hi to the receptionist. Talked to a girl lifter(first time opening her up), Hot but not hot, a 5. Felt unsure on at the attractive scale. And I was focused on small talk mainly. Small talk then decided to hit the drinks talk. Was hesitant in saying it. Got a reply that she has a bf, I said well as friends, doesn't matter, I mean as long as she doesn't feel awkward seeing me because I hit on her. Carrying on with my day. Rejections better than regret, rejection in the sense that better to get rejected for asking than regretting for not having the balls to ask. Sounds easier but in practice its hard, the hotter the chick, the bigger the fear of overstepping it.
Not sure if we can talk about our lost approaches or should we focus only on the actual approaches ?
Should you hit on chicks that are moderately attractive ? like a 4/5 ?
 
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zekko

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#37
She: yeah I know but I have a gf
I: that's fine, I'm not the jealous type
She rolled her eyes and I bounced..
Horrible line, it's in every PUA book practically. She's probably heard it 100 times, so she rolled her eyes.
But you showed balls doing it in front of the guy so kudos to you.
Did she really say girlfriend instead of boyfriend, or is that just a typo?

I'm curious about this chair dancing group they dragged you into. What does this entail exactly? You've mentioned vocals and stripping in connection with it. Sounds like they do this for entertainment? Do they get paid? Do they sing while they're doing it? Do you have to strip for it or take your shirt off? I've never heard of this sort of thing, other than chair dancing as exercise.
 

GrowingPains

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#38
Not sure if we can talk about our lost approaches or should we focus only on the actual approaches ?
Post anything you want - boot camp related. Thoughts/results/questions. The more women you talk to, the more you'll realize that they're just people like you - which will make you more comfortable with approaching. Good stuff.

Hehe, I'm not stressing it. It was in my arsenal so I spat it out.

Did she really say girlfriend instead of boyfriend
Girlfriend. it's 2019 man. Anything goes nowadays ykno.

What does this entail exactly?
I think its a joke. They dance for their team members. We were just at a party goofing off. We 'practiced' a routine, not seriously, and never ended up doing it. I didn't care, I would've done it but I was just there for the party.
 
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#39
Talked to a girl today. Never saw her in class before so approached her. Forced myself to do it, because this is a weak area of mine. I see it a success in multiple areas. First, approaching a girl, hot or not. check. Question, will I be able to approach and open multiple chicks (and if they are hot ?) Hopefully I will. How did I force myself ? Just said, I had to do it because I need to prove myself and I just had to do it. But surely theres still fear of approaching girls in class. Still fear of being judged and just the idea of approaching, and thinking that you are some trash and not their type. I also see that I overstepped my fear in approaching when you aren't one on one alone but with people around. They could be looking at you, judging you. Seeing you have the balls, or curiosity to approach. Approached with the mindset "I just want to know you" kinda.

When approached, was still jittery but she was chill. Talked interview questions like julien said because they can be used as threads rather than long eloquent ****. No flow though yet. Some dudes were standing next to me whilst I approached, and when we talked about majors. They overheard our conversation and interrupted in but left quickly. They asked her a question about some school stuff, she had this expression, like wtf you stupid dudes why so surprised . I felt frame was lacking that they interrupted us, but then I clarified for them and then they ****ed off. Creeps man. creeps. Makes me doubt the concept that no one cares about what you do. Those creeps hear what you say...Or maybe those dudes are insecure as f ?

Did I maintain eye contact today ? Yes, one girl today was eye****ing me, I was staring into her, she was staring into me but I didnt approach because she was in a group with girls, and we were walking in opposite directions so the assumption that she will deny me because girls don't give a number in front of girls to not appear sluts. Felt aroused as **** lol after that.
So hard day today, in terms of quality of girls, far too little.
 
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GrowingPains

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#40
Creeps man. creeps. Makes me doubt the concept that no one cares about what you do.
Maybe they wanted to talk to her too but didn't have the confidence to do it themselves. So they piggybacked off your approach and jumped in when they saw the opportunity.

I haven't had many chances to talk with girls this week besides the few I've mentioned. Girls are definitely been around but I haven't really been in the mood. Gonna try to force myself out of that today. My excuses for not approaching; feeling a bit discouraged by getting numbers and not being able to convert to dates then plates, feeling a bit lonely at times due to being in a new place (which, oddly, makes me want to keep to myself). But I won't let these things hold me back, I know it just takes time and persistence so let's get back in.
 
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