zekko said:
I've read your posts, Squirrels, you're still sowing your wild oats. You're in this for the sex. If you get to a stage where you want a LTR you may feel differently. Maybe not, but possibly.
You don't know what I "want". To be honest, I don't want ANY of it. I wish I could wash the desire for female companionship out of my system entirely. It feels like a mental condition, like something I've been CONDITIONED to want and don't have the willpower to quit.
I just don't believe in fighting human nature and human desirewith all kinds of rules and structure and shaming tactics. "Slut" is a shaming word that people use to try to coerce women into unnatural physical commitments.
I don't believe that any man can "possess" or "own" a woman, or vice-versa. I disagree with the use of marriage and pseudo-marriage (i.e. the "serious relationship" label) as a means of claiming single ownership over another's genitals.
I didn't "save myself for marriage", so if I ever want to have a good, strong marriage one day, I have to believe that someone as "dirty" as I am...and as I said, we ALL are, deep down...can and will commit, out of their OWN volition and not out of being ashamed to be called "slut", to a close emotional bond with me, regardless of her sexual past.
In your mind, is there any difference if your girlfriend 1) goes out and sleeps with another man, 2) expresses an interest in sleeping with another man, or 3) harbors secret thoughts about sleeping with another man?
In all three cases, is the infidelity not already committed? "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28)
Like I said, I agree with all of you that if your girl is running around screwing other guys, then she shouldn't be "your girl" in the first place. But you can't hold her past against her...she didn't know a guy like you back then and was just doing what's in her nature. It could easily be in a woman's nature to "slut around" when she doesn't have a better option...if you come and be that "better option" for her, then maybe she COULD be with only you.
Maybe not. But what you need to do is watch her behavior NOW. You'll see if she's congruent to what she claims to be NOW or whether she is still following the behaviors she pursued then.
Men want to figure a woman out within the first couple months of meeting her and never have to think about it again, to write her off as a "known quantity". That's how relationships get stale and boring, and honestly how they get broken, because people are ALWAYS changing. Who I am now is different than who I was 7 years ago, and who 7 years before that.
You obviously don't understand what I meant by the "swinger" thing. Swinging couples don't go out ALONE and get f**ked...it's an experience they SHARE. And they still come home to one another at the end of the night.
That's what I'd consider to be "infidelity", far and above sex...if she's out doing something we could've done TOGETHER and she KNOWS I would enjoy it as much as she does, but leaves me behind. Then why am I even "with her" in the first place??
I just think some of you guys have very narrow views of what "infidelity" means, caused by a narrow focus on something many clearly don't understand, yet claim to be able to "control"...the nature of human sexuality.
If you watch how women...ALL women...behave, you'll understand a lot more. But then...you might end up like I am, trusting women about as far as you can throw them.