Dating a woman who has had groupsex in the past?

[AlmostThere]

How would you guys handle finding out that your girlfriend has had sex with two or more guys at once in the past? Like a mmf or a mmmf?

What if she was a totally awesome person now with her life together, but had done these things years ago when she was younger?

She is intelligent, beautiful, very down to earth and nice. Basically nothing like what you would expect a girl to look like that was railed by 3 dudes at the same time.

Do you ignore it and say the past is the past? Or do you break up with her?

 

[Warrior74]

How would you even know? That's my question. I think the basic gut instinct is to devalue her, then of course the societal training (brainwashing) kicks in and says, "so what that was in the past, women are free to do what ever, you've probably done things she wouldnt like, don't be so quick to judge". Eventually I think it will eat away at most average guys and manifest itself in other ways down the road. I don't think the average guy would have much respect for her, if he has options he probably won't date her seriously.

 

[jophil28]

Do you ignore it and say the past is the past? Or do you break up with her?

Do you know that she actually did this ? Is your information certified correct? Was she a willing participant ?

And the real question is - how much does this bother you ?

 

[Todd Preston]

How did you come upon this information?

 

[SoldMySoul]

I have had group sex in the past... but I was dabbling. However, I would not tell that just to any woman, but I was with a woman that admitted to being hit by four guys at once. Let's just say it did not last too long after finding it out. Unfortunate too, because she was a squirter and the sex was FUN!!!

Like Warrior said, I just couldn't get over it and that was too damn bad because I liked hitting it!

OP, you could see where it leads you though and maybe introduce some freakness into the relationship if that is yo thang.

 

[AlmostThere]

it was one of those "oh what's the craziest place you've done it/craziest thing you've done" type of conversations.

that's when this bombshell was dropped on me lol.

 

[Warrior74]

I have had group sex in the past... but I was dabbling. However, I would not tell that just to any woman, but I was with a woman that admitted to being hit by four guys at once. Let's just say it did not last too long after finding it out. Unfortunate too, because she was a squirter and the sex was FUN!!!

Like Warrior said, I just couldn't get over it and that was too damn bad because I liked hitting it!

OP, you could see where it leads you though and maybe introduce some freakness into the relationship if that is yo thang.

It's a true but understated fact that men, just like women are ruled by their biology. Just as men hate hypergamy and a woman's need to marry up and see security and alpha males, so men have the urge to want a woman who has not been the neighborhood bike and lessens his odds of being cuckold with another man's child. Mama's baby, Daddy's? Maybe! Most men can't get past that instinct.

The fact that you posted about it OP, says you might not be to comfortable with it no matter what you try to tell yourself. You listed all of her selling points, but they still don't equal up to, and blot out the mental image of three dongs in your woman at the same time.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What if she was a totally awesome person now with her life together


Believe it or not, some women who do those things actually do have their lives very much together.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

So what? Every man wants his girl to tell him he's the best in bed. We all want a girl who's never been touched before us. We somehow think that just because a woman has had guys before that she'll have guys after us. You know what? In most cases it's the truth. She might be the girl you end up with for the rest or your life or not. Who knows? All i know is, is if you let her sexual past interfere with all the good she's willingly giving you now you're doomed.

She told you because you asked, not because of some moral obligation to confess her sins to you. She told you in confidence because she felt you were secure enough to shrug it off. If you let her past bug you that much you're doomed to ruin the relationship. She's with you for a reason. Don't forget that.


I'm currently with a girl who's had a pretty wild past - Even up to the week we became exclusive. It doesn't bug me in the least. Honest to god. My first relationship the girl didn't do half the things my current girl did. It was her choice and her right to do it. I said sh!t to my ex that would make any loyal girl with an insane attraction to a guy run out like her goddamn house is on fire. Things like "god i don't know if i can get over it" and "I can't believe you did that. I don't know if it's going to work, we're just too different"

I'd have her in tears at the end of the convo begging me not to break up with her. Eventually it got to the point where me judging her got stale and she just didn't feel like dealing with the jealousy anymore, among other things. (not saying she didn't have her fu<k ups too. My insecurity was a big factor in it not working out though)

Point is she likes you and wants to be with you. Don't ignore that fact. Every girl has done something morally questionable at some point or another. It was the right time and place. I could understand your problem if she was married or had a boyfriend and had no shame or remorse in cheating, but that wasn't the case, was it?

Edit: You should read Squirrels' latest post on how dark seduction can get. As I said before the conditions were set up for her to be gangbanged and she liked it. Did she like it enough to do it again? Is she a serial cheater or swinger? We're all sexual creatures and sometimes, based on a girl's sexual appetites and moral hangups, things like that happen. It's been happening since the dawn of time...or dawn or man...or something.

I'd see red flags if she said she cheated on her exes, lied to her exes, or withheld any important information with them. I'd see redflags if she flaked out on you and gave you excuses to NOT have sex with you. What other redflags to you see?

 

[wasted-nick]

Tough one, but I'd have this no-holes-barred vision of her and that would be tough to.. er.. swallow. huh huh.

 

[Serg897]

Who cares? We all have skeletons in our closet. If she is compatible with you and you have mutual respect I wouldn't sweat what happened in the past too much.

 

[jophil28]

it was one of those "oh what's the craziest place you've done it/craziest thing you've done" type of conversations.

that's when this bombshell was dropped on me lol.

There are only three situations that are likely to follow for you, now that you know that she had a gangbang ..

1. You are OK with it, and continue to see her because "it is in the past".
2. You are disturbed by this revelation and continue to see her regardless, BUT you cannot get " that" image out of your head .
3. You break up because your standards or expectations of a woman have not been met.

THis is entirely your decision but ultimately you must be comfortable with your decision..

 

[Proselytiser]

I don't see how group sex is an indicator of a woman not having her life together. All women will do this under the right circumstances. And by right circumstances, I mean circumstances that allow her to be comfortable with it. They all have the desire for it and plenty have told me that if comfort was a given, they would be all for it.

So now I guess you have to figure if you want to be with a girl who managed to get in the right situation and then get comfortable enough to do it

 

[Strelok]

Just try to say a woman that you are virgin and you will see if she "respect" your past,you will be probably friendzoned at that same moment.
We can't consider her a b1tch if she's the town ***** but she can consider a loser whatever afc she wants.

Past is importat for both men and women,it's just that women found a way to shame you into play on their rules.
A man that get lot of women is a winner cause it's almost impossible for a man to get sex whenever he wants,a woman who had a lot of man it's not a "cool girl" as mtv says,she's just an used good that gave sex to all cause she had nothing else to offer.
Any ugly fat woman can get sex whenever she wants,she just have to flirt with an average man in a club while a good looking man have to work the hard way,make it game or job or whatever.
This is the reason of the double standard.

So yeah,there is nothing wrong to have standards.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I have no doubt that there are plenty of innocuous, unassuming Soccer Moms with 2 kids and married for 8 years at 38 who lived entirely different lives in their college/party years. Looking at her coming out of the mini van or at bible study you'd never guess she used to do three-ways with her dorm mate and her BF back in college. Yet there she is getting the kids off to school.

 

[Scaramouche]

Oh Come on,are you guys for real?
What are you all about?I have indulged in almost every perversion that Heterosexual sex offers....Am I any the worst for it?...No...Tell me you have never indulged in adventurous phantasies?Yeah and I believe in Fairies at the bottom of my garden...well,if it is worth thinking about it is worth doing....Let me say that most girls who indulge in group sex do it to please their Man...The fact that once things start humming they are better equipped to enjoy the encounter is a reflection of our primitive past...So Yeah This Lady is well rid of an unimaginative lover,she will make a good catch for some more adventurous Guy.

 

[samspade]

I always just assume the women I've dated have had sordid pasts, or at least done something that would make me shudder. I've also done my share of crazy stuff. But I prefer not to discuss it and expect the same of a woman I'm with.

So the question is why has she told you this? Does she want to communicate to you that she's got a crazy past? Does she want to share future possibilities with you, i.e. gang bangs? And how comfortable are you with all of this...not just knowing it, but that she volunteered the information?

Someone on SS, I think it was jophil, once wrote that even if you agree NOT to discuss your pasts, a woman will eventually communicate to you her past and what kind of values she has.

In the end it's about what you expect and what you want to get out of this. If you're just looking for crazy sex, and maybe a FFM threesome, hey, keep her around. If she's shattered your illusions and you find yourself losing respect for her, don't try to force a serious relationship out of it. It'll blow up in your face. On the other hand, if you can handle it, more power to you.

 

[zekko]

I have no doubt that there are plenty of innocuous, unassuming Soccer Moms with 2 kids and married for 8 years at 38 who lived entirely different lives in their college/party years. Looking at her coming out of the mini van or at bible study you'd never guess she used to do three-ways with her dorm mate and her BF back in college. Yet there she is getting the kids off to school.

I did things in my teens and twenties that I would never consider doing now. I think it's part of growing up, testing your limits and learning from your mistakes. You do something stupid and learn that you shouldn't. You touch the hot stove, get burned, and learn not to touch the hot stove. Maybe it's the same with some girls who get wild sexually early on. Maybe. Some.

I have talked to some more mature women however, who have very openly stated without shame that they got off on participating in group sex/orgy type situations. It's not my cup of tea, but YMMV I suppose.

I don't think the group sex is a deal breaker necessarily, although I would definitely consider it a red flag. I would make the girl qualify herself very heavily after hearing that, at the very least.

 

[Mr.Positive]

She is intelligent, beautiful, very down to earth and nice. Basically nothing like what you would expect a girl to look like that was railed by 3 dudes at the same time.

Do you ignore it and say the past is the past? Or do you break up with her?

Almost, how long ago was this? If it was just last year or something, people don't 'change' that quickly and sort their lives out. If it was when she was 20 or something and trying to figure things out that's one thing.

Also, what's your goals for the relationship? I think a lot of assumptions are being made that everyone wants to get married, have kids, and a soccer mom wife.

Personally, I don't want to get married and have kids. So, this type of past wouldn't bother me. I'd just focus on who she is now, as a person, and if you are happy with the way she treats you....that is what's important.

Remember, people can't change their pasts. It's who they are now that's important.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Almost, you could have a little fun with this, and drop a bomb back on her. To test her reaction, and see if there's a double standard there of 'excusing' past behavior.

Now, telling her that you had groupsex wouldn't have the same effect, as it's somewhat accepted for men to have a wild past.

Tell her that you slept with a bunch of prostitutes in the past.

In the eyes of women, that should be the equivalent of low-value behavior. Of course, after you take note of her reaction, tell her it was a joke.