Dates that are a waste of time

[The Duke]

Here's the thing. As I said before, I was far more tame than I would normally be. I did pull back and then I went back in with light touches when going through her tattoos, rings, or when we couldn't hear each other in the loud ass bar and had to bring our heads in. Are you saying that I should've just completely backed off and never touched her again? At that point, it feels platonic and I'm not having as good of a time. This just seems like a case of incompatibility because I'm not willing to go on multiple dates for a chance at something I want.

And before you guys insinuate that I'm being selfish. As I said, I took interest in her. I asked questions, listened, had conversation, talked about her, talked about myself. Conversation with some verbal flirting tossed in by me, which she just kept saying thanks to.

I took feedback from you guys in regards to the touching because it is a pattern and I purposely dialed it back with this girl, because I'm normally escalating even quicker. And even other girls did not pull back the way this one did.

See where I'm going with this?

A date at a loud bar makes things more difficult. You can't hear each other, its hard to fully express ones thoughts, you cant watch body language as easily because your faces are closer together. At that point you are relying on physical attraction and alcohol to lower inhibitions. This girl wanted you to communicate your way into her pants, you wanted to simply touch your way in. If having a conversation to create a connection isn't your idea of a good time, then I think you and her had some compatibility differences.

Perhaps these other girls were less attractive, thought you were highly attractive, were drunk, horny, didn't want anything serious, etc. Thats usually the case when one is able to escalate quickly. @Clockwerk50 spoke to this in Post #42.

Tell me about a date you had where you had to turn chameleon, or make certain adjustments, to accommodate her. Because in my eyes, I did. I pulled back, but I did re-enter. Or tell me what you would've done. No touching at all?

I get the point you're making but turning chameleon for a girl sounds like a nice guy thing. You know, the guy that agrees with her, pretends to have common interests, etc. Doesn't sound seductive

It's not about pretending and agreeing with her. Being a chameleon is about being more aware and understanding what makes her tick and then providing it to get what you want. Figure out topics that resonate with her and explore those. Figure out what she is passionate about and ask open ended questions that help her express that passion. You do that right and she'll be blushing and wondering how you got all of that out of her, then she'll be open to your physical advances and want you to touch her.

 

[SW15]

A date at a loud bar makes things more difficult. You can't hear each other, its hard to fully express ones thoughts, you cant watch body language as easily because your faces are closer together. At that point you are relying on physical attraction and alcohol to lower inhibitions. This girl wanted you to communicate your way into her pants, you wanted to simply touch your way in. If having a conversation to create a connection isn't your idea of a good time, then I think you and her had some compatibility differences.

Loud bars can be useful in late night approaches that lead to same night sex but aren't good first day venues choices off of any daygame approach. Venue selection seems to be an issue here. I like venues where the volume isn't that loud.

Figure out topics that resonate with her and explore those. Figure out what she is passionate about and ask open ended questions that help her express that passion. You do that right and she'll be blushing and wondering how you got all of that out of her, then she'll be open to your physical advances and want you to touch her.

This helps a lot in terms of getting laid.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Not read all the comments and the OP was unnecessarily long

In my experiences gothic chicks if they are into you are down for sex quickly , they have a Devil may care attitude to life and normal dating conventions seem to rarely apply

I don't think goth girls really have any care for the Macho / Alpha role-play, they are fully aware of what you want

My feeling is you've probably tried to frame her into a trad girlfriend type role and creeped her out in the process

 

[The Duke]

Tell me about a date you had where you had to turn chameleon, or make certain adjustments, to accommodate her.

Example 1:
I had a girl that I went out with 3 times. I was also casually seeing another girl at the time and this girl knew that. Our first date was a standard date. The second date was with a group of my friends at a concert so we had little one on one time. On our 3rd date we ended up at a hotel bar, and both of us had plenty to drink so I got us a room. We got in bed and I take her top off. At this point I was thinking sex was guaranteed. As soon as I started pulling her panties off, she shut me down. So I backed things up and tried more kissing/caressing and started rubbing her thru her panties. She eventually stopped me and said it wasn't going to happen because I gave off too many player vibes.

I had invested very little into this girl. There was little communication outside of our actual dates. I had done very little at creating an emotional connection. I needed to show her another side of me because she wanted more than sex. All I had really done was show that I was the fun time party guy.

Had I approached this whole situation differently from the start and built more of a connection I don't think she would have put up last minute resistance. I never asked her out again. I had other girls I was talking to and at the time felt she overvalued her pu$$y, her body just didn't do it for me. She had the face of a HB9, body of a HB6.5.

Example 2:
I had met a girl in a bar. We pretty much sat down at a table and had an impromptu first date a few minutes after meeting. Talked for an hour and hit it off good. A few days later I called her up to ask her out and she had me talk to her friend. I thought it was weird but she was having her friend screen me like girls do so I played along with it and had fun, made her laught, and scored points.

On our first ACTUAL date, I was telling stories of how I had effected someones life in a positive way. She ate this up. It totally disarmed her, her body language changed, she began smiling more, and her eyes got bigger. I realized it was working because I paid attention to her body language, so I poured it on thick. She is then telling me how great of a person I am and she was so lucky to meet me. It was then I started with the physical touch and she put up no resistance as we made out on the patio of a roof top bar.

We ended up having sex that night. I wined and dined her, told her what she wanted to hear, and built a connection. She lowered her defenses and was all about giving herself to me. I just facilitated it.

So acting like a chameleon is about playing a role to lower her defenses. That role always varies based on the person and the connection. But to do this effectively, you must have good awareness and be willing to adjust accordingly.

The guys that are having the most success with women are the guys who know how to play a role, develop a connection, and flip the attraction switches. In order to get what everyone of us is after(pu$$y), you have to do this. Sometimes its really easy, other times it takes some investment on your part.