TL;DR:
She showed clear signs of discomfort before stating her boundary, and without knowing her true intentions, it’s likely OP misread the situation, thinking it was a date while she may have just been casually vetting him. A guy she was more attracted to would’ve likely started further along in the interaction and faced less resistance.
Due to the many ideologies surrounding this and the complexity of the question, I’ll try to keep my response as concise as possible:
First and foremost, seduction is the process of drawing someone in, making them want you, pursue you, and ultimately possess you. The reason why you want someone to desire you can vary (sex, money, power, popularity, the challenge, being enjoyable to be around, etc.), but the game is mutual: both parties are seducing each other at the same time.
Seduction generally follows a similar progression:
interest → desire → emotional connection/attachment → physicality/sex. If both parties are equally attracted to each other, they’ll start around the same point and both will need to invest the same amount of effort. However, if one is much more interested than the other, say, the stereotypical “creepy guy” with oneitis for the cheerleader, he’ll have to put in significantly more work just to get her to the starting line, while she might already be in the emotional connection phase just by being aware of his interest.
With this in mind: yes, if she were more attracted to another guy, he would’ve started further along in the seduction process than OP did.
Please be aware just because two people sleep together with mutual consent doesn’t mean seduction took place.
As for the other question: most women only start communicating like men, directly, when they see that subtle cues aren’t being picked up. Before she told him directly that she likes to take things slow, she was signalling that indirectly through:
- Pulling away slightly when he put his hand on her back
- Visibly showing annoyance when he stroked her hair
- Saying she doesn’t like to be touched
- Not reciprocating any physical affection
- Giggling at flirtation, but not escalating or encouraging further touch
I don’t think this was a **** test. It looked like a clear attempt to set a boundary.
That said, we don’t know her real intentions or her POV. She may have just wanted a free drink, an ego boost, or never intended to get to know OP at all. This is why I don’t ask women out right away, I prefer to let them invest in me a bit first to screen out situations like this. Personally, I think she briefly placed him at the top of her orbiters to vet whether he was worth further effort, while OP may have thought he was already on a second date.
Ultimately, advice here is always like shooting in the dark, because we don’t know the full story. OP may have left out key details—intentionally or not—that could shift the interpretation completely on or against his behalf even further.
