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Crises point. I want to settle but at what cost.

Pandora

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I cant settle down and its killing me. Went through a breakup got on OLD. Did "well" ( average chicks and single moms) because I used really good photos. Now I am about to turn 38 at a crises point.

1.) I have a decent looking ex in the midwest who we dated all through my 20s. Single mom pressuring me to uproot my life and move out there because she is miserable. Problem is her racist ex lives in the same town and wants to hurt me.

2.) I got 2 single moms who I meet OLD as f- buddys. Now they are catching feelings hardcore. One is an amazing person but her baby daddy lives next door and still shares custudy etc. The other is recently seperated and is a wild one.

3.) A foreign chick who I broke up with but imprinted on her hardcore. She is 27 and is still not over me. I traumatized her enough to " change". She is willing to break up with bf in order to see me again. She wants me to move to her.

4.) Random azz 20 something who wants to smash but has an ex boyfriend who she still lives with ( go figure). Trouble.

The older I get the more unlikely it looks that I will ever have a kid. Every option looks terrible. I guess I will try to get my LMS up and we shall see. All I want is a kid..but the tradeoff seems to be a nightmare. Sorry for the ramble.
 

Stanley

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1.) I have a decent looking ex in the midwest who we dated all through my 20s. Single mom pressuring me to uproot my life and move out there because she is miserable. Problem is her racist ex lives in the same town and wants to hurt me.
Don't go backwards and uproot yourself for someone else. Let the past be the past. Those aren't your kids either and you may be in danger with this woman.

2.) I got 2 single moms who I meet OLD as f- buddys. Now they are catching feelings hardcore. One is an amazing person but her baby daddy lives next door and still shares custudy etc. The other is recently seperated and is a wild one.
Again, if you want a kid probably not a good idea. That and having a kid at 38 as a man isn't odd, you can father healthy children.

3.) A foreign chick who I broke up with but imprinted on her hardcore. She is 27 and is still not over me. I traumatized her enough to " change". She is willing to break up with bf in order to see me again. She wants me to move to her.
Wouldn't go backwards...have her move to you if you see something there.

4.) Random azz 20 something who wants to smash but has an ex boyfriend who she still lives with ( go figure). Trouble.
Probably too immature relative to your age to have meaningful relationship leading to kids anyway. Could be wrong on that though...

Have you considered changing your approach to women at large and maybe you will find more of what you are looking for? Keeping in mind what you put out there comes back to you in turn. I can't give you any advice other than encourage you to look inwards and reflect. I get what you're feeling man, but don't settle for something less than ideal just to have a kid.

My parents had me at 38 btw...
 

RazorRambo24

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No reason to stress about that. Just focus on better quality women. Sounds like you don't have any good viable option.

I got a chick or two in my life who I've always thought "yo if i don't find the best possible option , i can always knock her up and she'd be a great mother to raise kids with".. But, I'm not at an age where I'm panicking about it yet lol
 

Pandora

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Don't go backwards and uproot yourself for someone else. Let the past be the past. Those aren't your kids either and you may be in danger with this woman.



Again, if you want a kid probably not a good idea. That and having a kid at 38 as a man isn't odd, you can father healthy children.



Wouldn't go backwards...have her move to you if you see something there.



Probably
too immature relative to your age to have meaningful relationship leading to kids anyway. Could be wrong on that though...

Have you considered changing your approach to women at large and maybe you will find more of what you are looking for? Keeping in mind what you put out there comes back to you in turn. I can't give you any advice other than encourage you to look inwards and reflect. I get what you're feeling man, but don't settle for something less than ideal just to have a kid.

My parents had me at 38 btw...
Thanks for the supportive words man. So the thing is that I underestimated how much I can imprint on a woman. I think we all do.

When you have a connection with a chick and smash her well and basically become a semi Don Juan you will imprint a few girls in your life.

You feel so guilty when they have a hard time getting unattached. The foreign girl is good but she is hardcore imprinted. She cant feel for any other guy. She cries to sleep missing me etc.

The single mother from Midwest is texting me as we speak. How i should have let her get over me, then we had sex and now she is a mess. She is in love with me etc......

So it makes me afraid to date again. You run the risk of really breaking a heart. Sex is powerful.

When we were young the girls could shrug it off but now they dont seem to be able to. Idk if you understand what I am saying.

Just living by the principles of self improvement will make you a catch to many women. They will get madly attached. Before you know it you have 3 bad options who are crying themselves to sleep because of you.
 

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Pandora

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No reason to stress about that. Just focus on better quality women. Sounds like you don't have any good viable option.

I got a chick or two in my life who I've always thought "yo if i don't find the best possible option , i can always knock her up and she'd be a great mother to raise kids with".. But, I'm not at an age where I'm panicking about it yet lol
Does she have a kid? And honestly in your 30s its really mostly single moms. This myth of the host sane 20 something is laregly a myth for most guys. I dated 20 somethings in my 30s but its difficult. They are not mentally there. If they are hot its even worse.
 

Stanley

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Thanks for the supportive words man. So the thing is that I underestimated how much I can imprint on a woman. I think we all do.

When you have a connection with a chick and smash her well and basically become a semi Don Juan you will imprint a few girls in your life.
You feel so guilty when they have a hard time getting unattached. The foreign girl is good but she is hardcore imprinted. She cant feel for any other guy. She cries to sleep missing me etc. The single mother from Midwest is texting me as we speak. How i should have let her get over me, then we had sex and now she is a mess. She is in love with me etc......So it makes me afraid to date again. You run the risk of really breaking a heart. Sex is powerful. When we were young the girls could shrug it off but now they dont seem to be able to. Idk if you understand what I am saying.Just living by the principles of self improvement will make you a catch to many women. They will get madly attached. Before you know it you have 3 bad options who are crying themselves to sleep because of you.
I am a 13 years your junior, but I understand what you are saying, or so I think...

After a few relationships I spent time away from dating and sex all together. I grew tired of the drama and didn't want to use anyone when I knew fully well that the person would grow feelings for me when I would not reciprocate. It was a period of voluntary celibacy that I used to focus on myself and reassess. I emerged from that with a better understanding of what I wanted in the stage of life I am in. Did I miss out on some poontany? Yep. Did I come back into the market more level headed and self aware? Yup.

I was afraid to date as well because I genuinely didn't want to cause unnecessary hurt onto others and in general i'm empathetic (that and on some level I didn't want to be hurt either). That said, after some time I realized I needed to take what I wanted and care less about others judgements and resulting feelings. It can feel good in a way knowing women are losing sleep over you and your rejection/unwillingness to commit, but that is a fleeting bump to your ego. It sounds as though you are looking for something 'different' and want something with actual chemistry alongside the need for sexual intimacy and potentially kids.

I think you just need to keep on open mind and continue to put yourself out there, I know that sounds cliche... Identify what is you are looking for, figure out the best means of finding it and pursue it wholeheartedly. Just do not settle or put others needs before your own.

Hopefully older guys here can weigh in and give some more sound advice. This is out of my depth and my naivete may be showing as I have not experienced the stage of life you are currently in.
 

Pandora

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I was afraid to date as well because I genuinely didn't want to cause unnecessary hurt onto others and in general i'm empathetic (that and on some level I didn't want to be hurt either). That said, after some time I realized I needed to take what I wanted and care less about others judgements and resulting feelings. It can feel good in a way knowing women are losing sleep over you and your rejection/unwillingness to commit, but that is a fleeting bump to your ego. It sounds as though you are looking for something 'different' and want something with actual chemistry alongside the need for sexual intimacy and potentially kids.
Yes exactly. There is nothing casual about casual dating. Casual sex is not a thing. People get attached. If you follow the " player" lifestyle you will be haunted by the ghosts of gfs past.

We are so used to getting rejected that we forget that we are actually kind of a catch. This is true if you actually put in effort to get in shape, get a little income etc.

Its a catch 22. If you get a large notch count in your 20s you waste oppurtinuties to start a family but you get experience with women. You also leave a trail of imprinted crying girls.

If you settle down early you are blue pilled and you get divorce raped. I guess its pick your poison.
 

Pandora

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The girls that can have sex and ghost you were faking it the whole time. It took me 37 yrs to realize this. These sluts are damaged.

If you are a semi cool guy who is in shape and actually is fun to be around..she will fall for you. Her acting aloof after sex is her being afraid of true intimacy.

In a girls 20s she can just run away from her feelings because she has so much abundance. In thier 30s its much harder to hide.

So basically be careful who you have sex with. This is advice i would have given my 25 yr self. I would not have listened though lol.
 

RazorRambo24

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Does she have a kid? And honestly in your 30s its really mostly single moms. This myth of the host sane 20 something is laregly a myth for most guys. I dated 20 somethings in my 30s but its difficult. They are not mentally there. If they are hot its even worse.
Nah no kids.. Her only flaw to me was the fact that she was a bit too nice.. and that she would still go out drinking every weekend with cousins/gal pals.. Since then she's slowed down but she's 24 now so it made sense. When I met her she was like 19

She just got put on the backburner ever since I started plating more hotter chicks but i'll always consider her a good friend.
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Luciano,
" You're 38 bro give up on kids. That ship has sailed."...Well sorry but that wasn't my experience as a well established Man I started a second young Family at 45....A far more successful and enjoyable enterprise than the
first one.
 

ManFromTartarus

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I had a child at 42, not the optimum age/situation, but not unfeasible if you know what you want.

As for your candidates, none look overly appealing logistically, I think the "don't look back"/move forward advice you're getting here is solid. Although the foreign chick has some slight appeal depending on where she is, but then why move to her if she's all wrapped up in your vapors, why not move to you?

If you're spinning them like you listed you shouldn't have too much trouble finding some more candidates with better potential.
 

BillyPilgrim

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OP you gotta consider what kind of world you would bring this kid into.
 

SmoothSmooth

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Wait am I missing something/ why would 37 be late to have kids? You’re attracting low tier women because I’m assuming your smv is low. If you were rich at 37 I can imagine you could date plenty of prime young 20 something year olds
 

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pipeman84

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OP, none of the 5 options you listed are suitable for LTR and to be the mother of your children. You already know that.
The claim that at 38 you're too old to be a father is total BS. Actually 40+ is the optimal age because it's the sweet spot between still being physically vibrant and having accumulated enough wealth and life experience to be able to raise a family without undue headache.
 

BackInTheGame78

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OP, none of the 5 options you listed are suitable for LTR and to be the mother of your children. You already know that.
The claim that at 38 you're too old to be a father is total BS. Actually 40+ is the optimal age because it's the sweet spot between still being physically vibrant and having accumulated enough wealth and life experience to be able to raise a family without undue headache.
I don't disagree with this. I would say ensuring your kids are 18 by the time you retire tho is key to make sure you are not wasting your retirement years trying to raise kids...especially teenagers.

Nobody wants a parent who others think is their grandparent. There is also the physical ability to keep up with them and be able to do things with them which becomes more and more difficult as you get older.
 

pipeman84

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Aristotle said it 2300 years ago ... ideal age for a man to get married is when he's about 37 with a woman who's about 18. Nowadays you see guys like Arnold, Stallone, Statham who became fathers at 40+. IMO that makes the most sense, logically and evolutionary speaking.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Aristotle said it 2300 years ago ... ideal age for a man to get married is when he's about 37 with a woman who's about 18. Nowadays you see guys like Arnold, Stallone, Statham who became fathers at 40+. IMO that makes the most sense, logically and evolutionary speaking.
That had more to do with so many women dying in child birth and it increasing drastically as women aged back then.

Plus needing to have double the number of kids you wanted because half of them would die growing up. With a young woman, it was much easier to do this as she had a lot of child bearing years in front of her versus someone in their late 20s or early 30s.

Additionally the life expectancy back then was far lower so unless you wanted children who would be orphans, it was wise for the mother to be young so they would at least have 10-15 years of being raised by at least one parent. Obviously both parents are important but in their younger years the Mother plays a much greater influence usually.

You fail to understand the context and the time period this was said in.

Even up until 120 years ago, you were lucky to get half your kids to reach adult hood.
 
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