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Confrontation in car park

Fruitbat

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Internet hard men please moderate your BS on this!

I was with my nephew (18 mild autism) and my 2 yo daughter.

we got in our car and there wasn’t much space for the doors. Couple sat in car on the side.

as my nephew gets in the other car beeps, the guy comes out, raps on the window. As I’m getting my senses, he opens my nephews car door and is clearly pissed. Basically says “can you not hit my car”

My nephew didn’t hit it hard and the fact the guy didn’t even check for damage showed he was probably having a row with his wife.

So anyway, I felt my anger rise as the dude just opened my cars door without invitation and I had a strong urge to tell him to F off, or to say “where’s the damage then” but I basically said “ok no worries, sorry mate” and drove off. In the end I decided it wasn’t worth having a fight over and he was clearly upset about something else.

As in all these situations where it didn’t come to blows I am kind of half happy I avoided a conflict but there’s a male pride being damaged here. The thing is, I couldn’t really tell how hard he hit it so a part of me thought “we could be in the wrong here”. I currently have an adrenaline surge and I stopped the car midway through drivjing off as I had half a mind to tap on his windows and telll him to F off.

it’s a fine line between avoiding pointless conflict and not backing down. I remember making the decision on the basis of “this is not worth it” but pride is wounded.

thoughts? Would you have made an issue of it?

the way he spoke I felt he was going to explode if I had prodded him. The dude was tiny compared to me, not intimidating and I would have sincerely mashed him up.

criminal record and losing job over a non damage incident to a car door? Madness - but I have a part of me which wants to smash his head in.

the issue is, if I was with my wife there would be another story. Although I objectively avoided a stupid conflict, I worry a woman would think her man just backed out. If he had opened my wife’s car door (had she been with me) I think I would have reacted differently. But whether or not we ALWAYS rise to a threat or know when it’s worth the fight is an interesting topic.

problem is, these things that catch you off guard are the hardest. In retrospect I would have told him not to open my door and to show me the damage but at the time I just had “angry person” in my face and I just thought this isn’t a hill to die on.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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Honestly I have stopped getting in any confrontations with random people I don't know. These days that will get you seriously injured or killed. People are legit psycho now, snapping over the most minor things.

Tell someone to please move their grocery cart out of the way? Get stabbed.

Ask someone to turn their music down? Get shot.

Out with you small child and people are using foul language excessively and ask them to please not use that language in front of your small kid? Get jumped and beaten in front of the kid.

You never know a person's mental state and the fact they are acting so aggressively for a minor incident probably shows they are near their breaking point that day for whatever reason.

You were right. It may "feel good" to give them a piece of your mind but that won't last long if you are laying there bleeding out in the parking lot hoping the ambulance gets there in time.
 

Dr.Suave

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I just say something like "We can call the insurance companies if you want to waste a few hours of your life."
 

RazorRambo24

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What you did was perfectly good man. What woulda been taking the L was if he asked for your insurance info and you gave it to him. You did nothing wrong and your pride should not feel damaged. Proud of you for keepin it cool.
 

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Fruitbat

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Thanks guys, but hopefully you understand the urge to fight. I ended up with a real set of anger because the dude was looking for trouble.

the other thing was, while he was clearly angry he didn’t really do anything or say anything. Just asked us not to do it. If he’d insulted us or threatened I think I would have acted.

Always struggled a bit with rage in these incidents so I’m glad that not acting on it doesn’t make me a pvssy.

I told my dad later about it as we watched the game and he said “better to be sat here with me with wounded pride that to be sat in a police cell with pride intact”

wise words Dad.
 

Atom Smasher

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I’m of the opinion that when it comes to car doors, the “banger” is automatically at fault, and should swallow his pride, because the “bangee’s” anger is justified.

It’s infuriating when people do this especially when you take great pains to take care of your vehicle. I think you handled it correctly. I haven’t hit anyone’s door in ages, but if I do I will be profusely apologetic and will tell the person that I fully understand their anger. That has a way of diffusing the situation.
 

Fruitbat

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I’m of the opinion that when it comes to car doors, the “banger” is automatically at fault, and should swallow his pride, because the “bangee’s” anger is justified.

It’s infuriating when people do this especially when you take great pains to take care of your vehicle. I think you handled it correctly. I haven’t hit anyone’s door in ages, but if I do I will be profusely apologetic and will tell the person that I fully understand their anger. That has a way of diffusing the situation.
Right, and bear in mind my nephew is aspergers and has terrible hand eye.

we were technically in the wrong. However, I think the dude was extremely het up and overreacted. The other point I didn’t mention is that he parked very close to us meaning the only way he could get in the car was to at least rest the door on his car.

Let’s say reasonably that we were technically at fault but the reaction was over the top, and I would have been justified in telling him sorry, but don’t come opening my car door without invitation as you’re playing with fire when you cross that line. If that had been my wife who he was opening doors on and talking to like that, this most certainly would have ended differently .
 

corsica

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Can anybody see your kid is mentally challenged by just looking at him? Your kid ain't an excuse. Can't you see how entitled you are?
You're bigger than the guy. Are you bullet proof also?

The other person opening your door was certainly disrespectful but understandable.

When I mess up, I look the person in the eye and say:
- I'm sorry, it was not my intention.
That with a serious face, holding your frame and keeping eye contact.

That's it. The person folds immediately. Never had a problem with the situation escalating.
 

Plinco

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Internet hard men please moderate your BS on this!

I was with my nephew (18 mild autism) and my 2 yo daughter.

we got in our car and there wasn’t much space for the doors. Couple sat in car on the side.

as my nephew gets in the other car beeps, the guy comes out, raps on the window. As I’m getting my senses, he opens my nephews car door and is clearly pissed. Basically says “can you not hit my car”

My nephew didn’t hit it hard and the fact the guy didn’t even check for damage showed he was probably having a row with his wife.

So anyway, I felt my anger rise as the dude just opened my cars door without invitation and I had a strong urge to tell him to F off, or to say “where’s the damage then” but I basically said “ok no worries, sorry mate” and drove off. In the end I decided it wasn’t worth having a fight over and he was clearly upset about something else.

As in all these situations where it didn’t come to blows I am kind of half happy I avoided a conflict but there’s a male pride being damaged here. The thing is, I couldn’t really tell how hard he hit it so a part of me thought “we could be in the wrong here”. I currently have an adrenaline surge and I stopped the car midway through drivjing off as I had half a mind to tap on his windows and telll him to F off.

it’s a fine line between avoiding pointless conflict and not backing down. I remember making the decision on the basis of “this is not worth it” but pride is wounded.

thoughts? Would you have made an issue of it?

the way he spoke I felt he was going to explode if I had prodded him. The dude was tiny compared to me, not intimidating and I would have sincerely mashed him up.

criminal record and losing job over a non damage incident to a car door? Madness - but I have a part of me which wants to smash his head in.

the issue is, if I was with my wife there would be another story. Although I objectively avoided a stupid conflict, I worry a woman would think her man just backed out. If he had opened my wife’s car door (had she been with me) I think I would have reacted differently. But whether or not we ALWAYS rise to a threat or know when it’s worth the fight is an interesting topic.

problem is, these things that catch you off guard are the hardest. In retrospect I would have told him not to open my door and to show me the damage but at the time I just had “angry person” in my face and I just thought this isn’t a hill to die on.
You're reaction is normal. Avoiding fist fights is a wise thing to do.
 

Fruitbat

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Can anybody see your kid is mentally challenged by just looking at him? Your kid ain't an excuse. Can't you see how entitled you are?
You're bigger than the guy. Are you bullet proof also?

The other person opening your door was certainly disrespectful but understandable.

When I mess up, I look the person in the eye and say:
- I'm sorry, it was not my intention.
That with a serious face, holding your frame and keeping eye contact.

That's it. The person folds immediately. Never had a problem with the situation escalating.
in tight car parks where you can’t physically get in cars without tapping the other car, it’s reasonable to hit it in some way. Other than climb in through the sunroof.

had roles been reversed I wouldn’t have cared, but I get some are protective of their car.
 

G Money

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I don't have kids, so maybe I would have felt different I'm not sure - but the way you described you were pride-wounded halfway thru the drive reminded me of me.... I would have felt the same way for sure I get just like that. I like what someone said earlier though: try or ask anybody anything nowadays and get stabbed or killed for it - so true especially if living in a grimey ass city like LA or Chicago or freakin New York. Gotta be smart and careful now. You DEF did do the right thing and should be glad though, don't feel down brotha.
 

Fruitbat

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I don't have kids, so maybe I would have felt different I'm not sure - but the way you described you were pride-wounded halfway thru the drive reminded me of me.... I would have felt the same way for sure I get just like that. I like what someone said earlier though: try or ask anybody anything nowadays and get stabbed or killed for it - so true especially if living in a grimey ass city like LA or Chicago or freakin New York. Gotta be smart and careful now. You DEF did do the right thing and should be glad though, don't feel down brotha.
Haha this is England mate. There’s about 3 postcodes where this might happen but you can generally get into confrontations without this happening. The media talks a lot of shyt about “knife crime” but England really isn’t dangerous at all, even in big cities.!

plus I could tell by looking at the guy. I think that’s what made me madder is because he was a little middle class dude and not the kind who could swing his weight around.

I also wonder if the fact I was in a fairly new luxury car and he was in a crappy Peugeot didn’t help, I had a BMW many moons ago and I immediately felt the aggression from other drivers who assumed I was an a-hole from the off.

Yes though, any situations where you have to swallow your pride is annoying.

Im fairly easygoing and wouldn’t have given a F in roles reversed - as I say; the guy did not check for damage so it’s clear he didn’t really think it was hard enough to cause any. It was a case of “I’m with my wife and chest beating overt MY PROPERTEH”

Still, not worth it ofer this and the guy will either meet me on a bad day, or another guy one day and get his ass pounded. If you approach your problems like this you will enevitably find the wrong person one day
 

corsica

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... It was a case of “I’m with my wife and chest beating overt MY PROPERTEH”
Laughing about Eric Cartman as a cop reference.




Once I was inside the car with my girlfriend. Car with dark tint windows so you couldn't see anything inside.
A car parks very close to me because there was not a lot of space between the cars in the parking lot. The door from the back seat opens and hit my car with some intensity. My first thought was, "screw this bastard" but knowing the deed was already done I didn't bother.
Then before the person coming out, they hit my door again! When I'm about to open my door to yell at the damned idiot, I see a very old lady trying to get out of the car. She hits the door a third time and I just do like Paul McCartney; let it be.
 

G Money

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Haha this is England mate. There’s about 3 postcodes where this might happen but you can generally get into confrontations without this happening. The media talks a lot of shyt about “knife crime” but England really isn’t dangerous at all, even in big cities.!

plus I could tell by looking at the guy. I think that’s what made me madder is because he was a little middle class dude and not the kind who could swing his weight around.

I also wonder if the fact I was in a fairly new luxury car and he was in a crappy Peugeot didn’t help, I had a BMW many moons ago and I immediately felt the aggression from other drivers who assumed I was an a-hole from the off.

Yes though, any situations where you have to swallow your pride is annoying.

Im fairly easygoing and wouldn’t have given a F in roles reversed - as I say; the guy did not check for damage so it’s clear he didn’t really think it was hard enough to cause any. It was a case of “I’m with my wife and chest beating overt MY PROPERTEH”

Still, not worth it ofer this and the guy will either meet me on a bad day, or another guy one day and get his ass pounded. If you approach your problems like this you will enevitably find the wrong person one day
Ahh England. Hehe, well then I can take back part of my statement - yeah here in the states where I live it's wild man, unfortunately. I feel like more and more people refuse to "man up" anymore and use fists in the first place. It's wack. And you know what, the car might be it too!! Here people love to kinda act up when it comes to Benz and Beamer drivers - some won't even give you the right of way, *******s for real.

But take brotha - I personally, now being 33, am constantly burdened by how much I got to lose, and honestly it kills my confidence a lot too because I feel like I gotta always back down from everything. I got "in trouble" before and I cannot anymore. Avoid the bad. (If with a woman, tough call!)
 

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zekko

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I basically said “ok no worries, sorry mate” and drove off. In the end I decided it wasn’t worth having a fight over and he was clearly upset about something else.
Clearly you did the right, adult thing, so kudos to you. And who cares what a woman would think, even if it would be your wife? You are the rock, you have to make decisions based on what you think is right, not on emotions.

I disagree that he was necessarily upset about something else though. I've noticed some people go absolutely ballistic when it comes to their cars, that might have triggered him big time. I am not one of them, I don't get so obsessive over my car.

A few winters ago, there was ice and snow, and I was stopped by a train. When the signal lifted, the car ahead of me slid backward into the front of my car BAM! I immediately pulled into the nearby parking lot because I figured there had to be damage. To my surprise, the guy ahead of me floored it and took off. I had expected him to pull in after me. But when I checked the front of my car, there wasn't even a scratch, I don't know how because it was loud when it hit. I'm sure some people would have stewed over that and how the guy basically did a hit and run, but I figured no harm, no foul. But it's just another lesson, you can't trust anyone.
 

Fruitbat

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Clearly you did the right, adult thing, so kudos to you. And who cares what a woman would think, even if it would be your wife? You are the rock, you have to make decisions based on what you think is right, not on emotions.

I disagree that he was necessarily upset about something else though. I've noticed some people go absolutely ballistic when it comes to their cars, that might have triggered him big time. I am not one of them, I don't get so obsessive over my car.

A few winters ago, there was ice and snow, and I was stopped by a train. When the signal lifted, the car ahead of me slid backward into the front of my car BAM! I immediately pulled into the nearby parking lot because I figured there had to be damage. To my surprise, the guy ahead of me floored it and took off. I had expected him to pull in after me. But when I checked the front of my car, there wasn't even a scratch, I don't know how because it was loud when it hit. I'm sure some people would have stewed over that and how the guy basically did a hit and run, but I figured no harm, no foul. But it's just another lesson, you can't trust anyone.
modern cars it seems the case - I had the same thing someone going into the back of me. I think it’s Either no scratch or the whole thing crumples.

As for the confrontation I find it very hard to back down and I feel like sh when I do. Even when in the wrong this voice says “you want a go do you?”

drunk is the worst, I rearranged one of my long term friends faces on holiday with a lot of vodka inside me. It was over a misunderstanding but the guy and me have always been competitive and he pushes my buttons.

i think MMA or boxing could be good for me but I have a rare form of arthritis which makes me a bit brittle. If I took a really hard blow to the head I don’t think my neck would bend enough and it could break my neck. Lifting weights is good. And golf and soccer for competition.

I am best keeping out of fights as I can get real red mist and should the situation arise I don’t know what the f I would do, and I don’t want to go to jail.

i know this sounds very internet hard man but I’m really not, I’m a nice professional guy I just have a switch.
 

Bokanovsky

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Right, and bear in mind my nephew is aspergers and has terrible hand eye.

we were technically in the wrong. However, I think the dude was extremely het up and overreacted. The other point I didn’t mention is that he parked very close to us meaning the only way he could get in the car was to at least rest the door on his car.

Let’s say reasonably that we were technically at fault but the reaction was over the top, and I would have been justified in telling him sorry, but don’t come opening my car door without invitation as you’re playing with fire when you cross that line. If that had been my wife who he was opening doors on and talking to like that, this most certainly would have ended differently .
The fact that you were even contemplating beating that guy up over something that is clearly your nephew's fault suggests you have anger issues. The guy had every right to be upset, especially if he had a nice car (and he obviously had no way of knowing about your nephew's autism). There are too many inconsiderate idiots out there who don't give a fvck about damaging other people's property (to be clear, I'm not calling your nephew an inconsiderate idiot, just making a general observation). People parking too close to one side of the parking spot, not paying attention when they open doors, etc. I would find someone slamming their door into my car infuriating as well, as would most other people I would guess.

Your nephew's autism is not a free pass to damage other people's stuff. If you knew that he had poor hand eye coordination and the garage space was tight, couldn't you have told him to wait while you pulled out off the parking spot? This situation was entirely avoidable.
 
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Fruitbat

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The fact that you were even contemplating beating that guy up over something that is clearly your nephew's fault suggests you have anger issues. The guy had every right to be upset, especially if he had a nice car (and he obviously had no way of knowing about your nephew's autism). There are too many inconsiderate idiots out there who don't give a fvck about damaging other people's property (to be clear, I'm not calling your nephew an inconsiderate idiot, just making a general observation). People parking too close to one side of the parking spot, not paying attention when they open doors, etc. I would find someone slamming their door into my car infuriating as well, as would most other people I would guess.

Your nephew's autism is not a free pass to damage other people's stuff. If you knew that he had poor hand eye coordination and the garage space was tight, couldn't you have told him to wait while you pulled out off the parking spot? This situation was entirely avoidable.
You’ve not read what I said properly mate.
 

zekko

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As for the confrontation I find it very hard to back down and I feel like sh when I do.
Perfectly understandable, I feel the same way. But again, one of the lessons of the manosphere is that we're not supposed to run on emotions. Flying into a rage and giving into it is doing exactly that. You behaved admirably, give yourself a pat on the back.
 
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