Can you help me respond to this message?

Black Magic

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Alright,

I've been chatting up this girl on social media for almost a year now. I asked her out early on and she seemed sort of into it but then said she had plans. I was ok with it cause at the time I was trying not to date so it worked out.

However, I'm ready to start dating again so've been chatting her up again, and to do things differently I've been asking her a lot of questions, always about her. I got this NLP book and it advocates not talking about yourself and asking the other person interesting questions. It was going well - she even said she found my previous question interesting - till the last attempt. At first she didn't respond so I asked her how it made her feel.

She responded with:
"So many questions!! Haha. Here's a question for you...why are you asking me these questions?"

My first instinct, which is usually wrong, is to explain everything and let the air out of the balloon, and any potential momentum or tension will be gone. I consider myself a high value male but my game needs work.

What's a good way to respond?
 

Igetit!

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I've been chatting up this girl on social media for almost a year now.
You've been talking to some chick online for almost a year......

Uhh.....WHY? Why so long? You do know that,the longer you talk with a chick,the greater the chance of you two ever going out goes DOWN.....don't you?

The more you talk,the more she gets to know you. The more she gets to know you,the more she starts to form an opinion of you.......and if you haven't been showing any dating/sexual interest....any interest in ACTUALLY MEETING,she'll just be comfortable with where things are.....online....and want them TO STAY there. The thought of meeting may actually cause her anxiety or discomfort.

Your biggest hurdle is going to be trying to UNDO the "online comfort" your lack of aggressiveness has caused.


I asked her out early on and she seemed sort of into it but then said she had plans. I was ok with it cause at the time I was trying not to date so it worked out.
Ohh-kay,uhhh......:( ? wait.....

You asked her out.....
She said she couldn't cause she had plans....
Then you say you were ok with her turning you down cause you weren't trying to date anyway....

Well.......if you weren't trying to date....why'd you bother asking her ou.........oh...oh nevermind.

Nevermind.....forget it.

However, I'm ready to start dating again so've been chatting her up again, and to do things differently I've been asking her a lot of questions, always about her.
That's actually good advice. It's good to focus on the chick. The problem here is,you're using this advice after a screwup. Again.....

You created a roadbloack by this nearly year long online chat session. Trying to take things offline and into the real world is gonna feel weird for her......should seem a bit odd for you too,to be honest. Don't know if you've ever heard of ACS.....the attraction,comfort,seduction model. By asking her all these questions,you're skipping the "A" attraction.....and going straight to "C" "comfort". That WON'T WORK......you'll end up friendzoning yourself if you're not careful.


I got this NLP book and it advocates not talking about yourself and asking the other person interesting questions. It was going well - she even said she found my previous question interesting
Well finding your questions "interesting" and finding "YOU" attractive are two different things.

Your FIRST focus should have been on her........AS A WOMAN.....a woman you find SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE. Then once that was made clear,go on to those "NLP" questions you wanted to ask......not the other way around.



- till the last attempt. At first she didn't respond so I asked her how it made her feel.

She responded with:
"So many questions!! Haha. Here's a question for you...why are you asking me these questions?"
I kinda side with HER......

WHY ARE YOU asking her all those questions? What for....what's your purpose? What are you trying to make happen?


My first instinct, which is usually wrong, is to explain everything and let the air out of the balloon, and any potential momentum or tension will be gone.
Well I wouldn't worry about losing any momentum....seeing as how there doesn't seem to be any. "Momentum" has to do with moving and/or motion. Sir....you're NOT MOVING here. If you'll recall,you said when you first asked her out almost a year ago,she told you she couldn't......and you said you were fine with that cause you weren't looking to date.

Now,you ARE looking to date,so you decided to pick back up where you left off. There's no movement here....you're still at the same place you were a year ago. In some ways,you've regressed.


I consider myself a high value male but my game needs work.
If you're still chatting online to the same girl after a year,have yet to show any aggressive,meaningful interest,and are using questions from "NLP" books that were all the rage in the pickup scene back in the early 2000s,your game doesn't "need work".....it needs a whole OVERHAUL.



What's a good way to respond?
It's hard to answer this question,because we don't know what the specific questions were that you were asking.

All I know is if you don't get past the NLP questions and focus on PASSION/CHEMISTRY.....on trying to create a spark of interest in her....a spark THAT WILL INCLUDE ASKING HER OUT..........all you're going to do is end up wasting both her and your time.
 

stormrider

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"Because not just are you sexy, but you're also [insert unique quality about her]. I like that in a woman and I want to get to know you more.....over coffee perhaps?"

I'm sure you have discovered SOME unique qualities about her after talking to her for a year.

You always have to show women that you appreciate their unique qualities (and not just their sex appeal). It makes you come across as a genuine person and not just someone trying to use her for sex.
 

Spaz

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Igetit! has basically laid it out all bare for you.

At this point, there's nothing to lose but to try out what stormrider suggested.

She accepts the date you win, if she doesn't you still win by knowing where you stand with her and chalking this up as a learning curve.

Either way it's a win-win.
 

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Black Magic

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game doesn't "need work".....it needs a whole OVERHAUL.
@Igetit!, I wanted to say this but I'm trying to lose the self deprecation, but yeah. Thank you for dissecting it so brutally, and I agree with everything you said.

Where I went wrong (and not just with her), was asking her out before I was ready to date. I've been in a relationship recovery program (think Pia Melody) exactly a year today, and that included no dating. However being that I am who I am, found it impossible to not sneak an attempt here and there. Hence the "picking up where I left off."

I'll look into the ACS model, but I don't think that pickup styles just go away because it was trendy at one time. Human behavioral psychology doesn't just radically shift in 20 years. Our primitive brains are still wired more or less the same as a few thousand years ago, but correct me if I'm wrong. Also, I like learning about people in general, so the question asking is both an attempt at pickup and practicing different social skills.

@Spaz I might try that approach. Just go for the gold now that I'm officially back in the game and don't have much to lose with her at this point.
 

Black Magic

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Well guys, I went all-in and sent her a great message telling her what I think about her and asked her out.

She replied with a gracious message telling me she appreciates it but she's a lesbian. You might think it's just an excuse but I've yet to see any pics of her with a guy so...I'm gonna take it at face value. Not the worst rejection I've gotten by far.

The thing I feel good about is that I went for it with the mentality that I'll be 100% ok with the outcome, and didn't hold back.
 

Spaz

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Well guys, I went all-in and sent her a great message telling her what I think about her and asked her out.

She replied with a gracious message telling me she appreciates it but she's a lesbian. You might think it's just an excuse but I've yet to see any pics of her with a guy so...I'm gonna take it at face value. Not the worst rejection I've gotten by far.

The thing I feel good about is that I went for it with the mentality that I'll be 100% ok with the outcome, and didn't hold back.
You should have message back...;

"That's great! We're kindred spirits and have lots in common, I too am a lesbian, just stuck in a man's body"

"Join me this Saturday @ABC around 9pm for some drinks so we can get to know and explore each other better"

Followed by a smirk emoticon.
 

Igetit!

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Well guys, I went all-in and sent her a great message telling her what I think about her and asked her out.
Well cool. Good you asked her out.

The thing about "telling her what you thought about her",ummm......NO. This is sort of a unique situation,in which you spent a year talking online with her first......but I STILL wouldn't have told her whatever it was "you thought" about her. It's too deep to get in to......but the jist of it is,you're STILL skipping the "A" attraction,and trying to win her over though comfort ALONE.


This whole thing was kinda out of whack because you did things out of order. Most people...they meet FIRST,then go out...then start to get to know each other better. You.......you got to know her FIRST for a year,then tried to get her out. That's NOT normal. Most guys......when they meet a chick and ask her out,they don't tell her what all they think about her first. They can't......cause they don't know the girl....they just met her. So everything in those first few moments are all based ON ATTRACTION..........hence,why I keep telling you NOT to skip over it.

But you did the best you could,you tried. All you can do is work with what you had before you.



She replied with a gracious message telling me she appreciates it but she's a lesbian.
Oh HORSESH1T. And you should know better than to fall for this.

Ultimately,it doesn't matter,because any answer she gives besides a "yes" should have been met with the same response you gave here.....just don't be naive is all I'm saying.


You might think it's just an excuse
No.......I KNOW it's an excuse. I know with 100% certainty it is. You want to know how? Ok. Sir......

This WAS NOT the first time you asked her out. Remember what you said in the initial post,about what she said the first time you tried to get her out? You said......

"I asked her out early on AND SHE SEEMED SORT OF INTO IT...........BUT THEN SAID SHE HAD PLANS.".

So the first time you asked her out,she said she had plans. Then the second time you ask her out,she told you she was a lesbian.

Sir.....sir please........the rejection is fine,that's part of dating....we can take that. But let's not have our intelligence insulted and be made a fool of. AGAIN.......I'm not saying to call her out on it,you responded fine. But let's not be naive here.

I mean come on man,you spent A YEAR talking with this chick,and this never came up? Not even a hint of it? It took you asking her out A SECOND TIME out to find out she was a lesbian........cause she didn't mention it the first time. The first time she told you she already had plans. That's HORESH1T dude.



The thing I feel good about is that I went for it with the mentality that I'll be 100% ok with the outcome, and didn't hold back.
Now on this,I agree. My only advice would be to not wait a year before "going for it".....you need to ask chicks out within the first few moments of meeting them.
 

taiyuu_otoko

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What's a good way to respond?
By learning from the mistake and doing better with the next girl.

Once a OLD girl questions your frame, it's pretty pointless to try and recover.

It's a much better use of your time to move on, but ONLY after reviewing any possible mistakes you did.

For example, instead of ONLY firing off questions, be a bit more open about yourself.

Each lady is practice for the next.
 

marmel75

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How could you talk with a tirl for a year and not know she is a lesbian?
 

Black Magic

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No.......I KNOW it's an excuse. I know with 100% certainty it is.
Fvuuuuuuuck my EGO!! Haha. All jokes aside that stung to read all that @Igetit! but I'm not here for cupcakes and compliments. I'm here to improve, so anything that furthers my immersion in reality is welcome. I only started to "wake up" about a year ago, so I'm gonna stumble for a bit, but I know this: I will improve with practice and perseverance.

Instead of dwelling on whether or not she's a lesbian (or "gay") as she called it, I know I fvcked up from the get-go. To answer your question @marmel75, there's no good reason it took me this long to find out or at least get handed a rejection, except for the fact that when I half-a$$ pursued her I was in my year of voluntary celibacy. Once I set the stage as a hesitant Beta I had very little chance of recourse, as pointed out by the others.

What I'm learning is that pursuing a woman needs to happen lightning fast with total confidence and a closer mindset. I've let soooo many opportunities slip thru the cracks because of Blue Pill thinking; wondering if by pursuing what I want will get me banned from society as a perverted, toxically-masculine deplorable beast who should be caged and ridiculed for wanting sex with a woman.
 

Julian

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Why is your name black magic?

At least you are self aware and seeking to better yourself. Yeah your right tho when it comes to these females theres no beating around the bush. Be decisive
 
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