Building Comfort but not Killing the Mystery?

samspade

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there are lots of women who actually dump a guy because it was in fact just about sex and for those women they didn’t want to be used for just that which for them is also horrible.
Three days and she peaces out on a presumption? That's self-deselection. Whatever keeps the freeway moving faster.
 
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guru1000

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I speak as someone who actually is a woman. While there may be some women who withhold communication post date under the guise of being used for sex as a reason to dump a guy, which is horrible, there are lots of women who actually dump a guy because it was in fact just about sex and for those women they didn’t want to be used for just that which for them is also horrible.

Some women are fine with just sex. But a lot of women really are trying to prevent getting used and are not making up excuses when dumping a guy who appears to be using them for sex. And just like some girls use men for resources, some guys use women for sex. I mean, a significant portion of what’s posted right here illustrates how some women and men use each other in that way.

I think a simple thank you to a guy after a date is perfect, initiate a connection. I like that a lot. But what happens if he says you’re welcome and doesn’t text anything else for the next three days lol? Joking but if that did happen you can bet many women would hamster that to death lol.
To even argue otherwise presupposes that you or any other woman has something to be used for. As IF her vagina is such gold, that a man would need to trick her via use-ry.

That presumption collapses like a pile of straws when confronted with the reality of any man worth his salt.

I have some bad news for you AJ: the vagina is just not that valuable to some men. Shocker I know.

If some women wish to live in the delusion otherwise, they can go right ahead ... without me lol
 

guru1000

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Interested as well. Also curious about the difference of in-person mystery vs non-in person. Meaning, creating/maintaining mystery in person during conversation, and also maintaining mystery after the date as well.


Reason being, I actually had an hb8 recently tell me they weren’t interested in continuing to go out because I “didn’t reach out to her enough after dates” - basically that I wasn’t like the other losers who text a girl night of or day after a date telling them “how great of a time I had”...this girl was 23, I’m 28. Goes to show you what some women expect. Basically I ****ed her good (better than her last boyfriend, she said) but turned her off by not texting her for like 3 days after a date...I know I dodged a bullet there, but good lord can a girl go from high interest and wanting to **** your brains out to “not wanting to continue things” because you don’t validate them via text after a date...F that. Sounds like an insecure woman to me, if I’ve ever seen one. I’m onto the next already, but sweet Jesus it’s kind of annoying that some women literally expect you to text them that you “had a good time” and if you don’t, they can write you off and self-deselect from the process and move onto whatever other loser beta who will text them all day and night and validate their feelings without them having any anxiety over a guy they’re dating
Your three day calling wasn’t the reason. It was her excuse. She would have left regardless eventually if not immediately.

Good move though. Give her the room to exit in place of wasting your time.

FYI: I’ve called girl months after with no communication between and they were responsive. Many.
 

nicksaiz65

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Three days and she peaces out on a presumption? That's self-deselection. Whatever keeps the freeway moving faster.
Haha I was kinda hoping you'd chime in on this thread bro. I always enjoy your responses.

What do you think about talking about commonalities with a girl? Say you both like classical music and video games for instance. Would you say that kills the mystery on the date or in general?
 
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stringpuller

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Building comfort- let her talk. Keep her talking. If you didnt realize this, women love to talk. They also love to talk about themselves. They will even trip up and tell you things that they shouldnt be telling you if you only listen.

Remain a mystery- You just talk enough to keep the conversation going.
Her: Yeah I really like to travel blah blah
You: Oh yeah? Where do you like traveling to?
Her: blah blah

By the end of the date she has told you more than enough for you to know if there needs to be a date #2. Ex BFs, social presence, etc etc. She will also feel as if the date went well because all she did was talk. Not realizing that you just kept the convo going.

She will also think "Man I really dont know much about him (mystery) so I think I need to find out more...."

Then comes date #2 and you do the same thing except you also take advantage of times in the convo to drop in sexual inuendos when needed and ramp up the sexual presence.

If you are good at this, you dont have to say much at all. Your body position, eyes, witty comments and sly smile will do it all without anything really coming out of your mouth.
All scrypt stuff. OP heres what you do. Let her do all that talking. Say goodnight. Dont try to kiss her.
Dont text her a fcking thing afterward and when she hits you up tell her shes nice and all but you don't think she's relationship material and not put her hopes in this.
Then after you establish that frame slowly let her have some line.
 

stringpuller

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No. Think about it. If you went on a date with a girl and she didn’t text or reach out for 3 days, what would you think? High interest?
3 days? :rofl: if you never hear from her again do not literally care. I mean ever. What about a month? A week. 4 days? Who the fck cares its a text message.
 

nicksaiz65

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In person= she does most of the talking.
Non in person= she does most of the chasing. Easy
Perfect. I think I'm understanding. You can still maintain a conversation, just let her do most of the talking. That alone will make sure the mystery takes care of itself.

I guess I'll ask you the same question I've been asking everyone else lol.

What do you think about talking about commonalities with a girl? Say you both like the same type of music and video games for instance. Would you say that talking about that stuff kills the mystery on the date or in general?
 

AJ84

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To even argue otherwise presupposes that you or any other woman has something to be used for. As IF her vagina is such gold, that a man would need to trick her via use-ry.

That presumption collapses like a pile of straws when confronted with the reality of any man worth his salt.

I have some bad news for you AJ: the vagina is just not that valuable to some men. Shocker I know.

If some women wish to live in the delusion otherwise, they can go right ahead ... without me lol
Yeah, I never said that it was. And in fact, it shouldn’t be actually. It’s more attractive when men don’t worship the P. It also motivates us to actually do more to earn affection, rather than just using our lady bits.

But that doesn’t change the fact that some men do use women for sex. And it’s not that her vagina is such gold that he has to trick her via use’ry, it’s just that it’s a way he may be able to get laid, whether her vagina is a precious metal or not. I’m kind of feeling like a broken here lol. I’m pretty sure women don’t lament about their vaginas being so valuable that men have to trick them with use’ry. In fact, I would bet the house that women aren’t deluded into thinking that their valuable gold vaginas are why they got used for sex. Usually she feels her vagina is actually less valuable when it’s being used for sex via trickery.

Yeah.
 

AJ84

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Three days and she peaces out on a presumption? That's self-deselection. Whatever keeps the freeway moving faster.
Yeah, and some guys here hard next a girl who doesn’t have sex with them on the third date. That’s also self deselection.

I’m not saying the girl made the right decision when she dumped him, I’m trying to explain why she may have done it. Some guys do use women for sex, some women are really trying to prevent getting used. It could be based on her assumption that she was going to be used, even if she was totally off and ends up de selecting herself.

Like when a guy assumes after the third date that she’s never going to put out and dumps her, when maybe she was going to put out on the fourth date, or after her period or whatever.

I think when anyone, guy or girl just dumps based on assumptions without trying to get some clarity, it certainly does keep the freeway moving, but again, I’m just trying to explain why some women do that. Her dumping him for not texting in three days is a no brainer but that doesn’t mean her decision is right, it’s just that her reaction is a no brainer.

Explaining an action isn’t justifying it.

Personally I think communicating and not assuming is a better avenue, it either confirms or dispels.
 
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MillionBillionaire

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Yeah, and some guys here hard next a girl who doesn’t have sex with them on the third date. That’s also self deselection.
By the third date someone is comming over to someones house or you are BOTH wasting your time.

That is not "deseletion" It is simply being smart and not being used.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Some guys do use women for sex, some women are really trying to prevent getting used.
I know you are trying to help and I appreciate a woman's counter-points here, but you keep saying this and I don't understand it. You are acting like sex is something only men want and men take from women. I thought sex was something that gave men and women pleasure, that men and women both want? If a woman doesn't actually want sex, and she's only giving it up to get something ELSE she wants, don't you see that as a problem, and what exactly is it that she wants?
 

nicksaiz65

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Ok guys just gonna pop in here real quick, I kinda had an epiphany regarding this stuff last night. I had to bring it all the way back to the Book of Pook and the "Sosuave Guide to Women."

So here's what I'm going to do. I like my Game very simple so that I can stay out of my head while I do the approach.

Pook(paraphrasing): Would Prince Charming go and tell a woman everything about himself? Of course not! He would only tell her things about himself as a REWARD. He is like an onion, you reveal yourself bit by bit, piece by piece.

You guys are right on about letting her do most of the talking on the date. It's right there in the Sosuave Guide to Women. Your talk-listen ratio should be 40/60 or even 30/70. Listen to what she says and talk about those things. Doing this alone helps maintain the mystery.

The Guide also says you should spend as much time as you can in the "Me Too" zone. Women like people who are similar to them. So go ahead and find commonalities, connect and talk about them!

I realize that during the approach, especially during Daygame, you have to ramble more. But that's totally fine as long as you aren't talking about YOU too much.

Giving joke answers to some(maybe about 50%) of her questions is a good way to flirt and keep the mystery up as well.

You can tell her some stuff about yourself, but she shouldn't know everything about you.

So in summary: I'm going to keep employing the same simple strategy that I already have to get women. You can still talk to them, find commonalities, and connect. As for the mystery, as long as you keep in the back of your mind
A.) She shouldn't know everything about you
and
B.) Let her do most of the talking
You'll be fine. I thought this AMS "Be a Mystery" stuff was new, but it's really not. This stuff has been around since like 2003!

I don't think you even need to be that extreme with this stuff. As long as you're not blabbing every detail about yourself like some AFC, you'll be fine.
 
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Alvafe

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Yeah, I never said that it was. And in fact, it shouldn’t be actually. It’s more attractive when men don’t worship the P. It also motivates us to actually do more to earn affection, rather than just using our lady bits.

But that doesn’t change the fact that some men do use women for sex. And it’s not that her vagina is such gold that he has to trick her via use’ry, it’s just that it’s a way he may be able to get laid, whether her vagina is a precious metal or not. I’m kind of feeling like a broken here lol. I’m pretty sure women don’t lament about their vaginas being so valuable that men have to trick them with use’ry. In fact, I would bet the house that women aren’t deluded into thinking that their valuable gold vaginas are why they got used for sex. Usually she feels her vagina is actually less valuable when it’s being used for sex via trickery.

Yeah.
new flash every men here use woman for sex, every men alive, who say they don't they are lieing, only reason a men will go after a woman is because of sex, anything else is to see if you will keep her around, but the main is sex, unless he is gay, and as long there is not other source for sex, then woman will be used for sex, is not because woman use men for more then sex, men would do so, remember men and woman are diferent
 

AJ84

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I know you are trying to help and I appreciate a woman's counter-points here, but you keep saying this and I don't understand it. You are acting like sex is something only men want and men take from women. I thought sex was something that gave men and women pleasure, that men and women both want? If a woman doesn't actually want sex, and she's only giving it up to get something ELSE she wants, don't you see that as a problem, and what exactly is it that she wants?
I should have clarified, my bad. Yes women like sex (some probably don’t but generally speaking yes, we have sex drives and enjoy sex).

Being used for sex, for a female, means being used to have sex with and offering nothing more, no dating, no meeting friends and family, no interest in who she is as a person, no indication that it will be anything more, like a relationship.

Men are the gatekeepers of relationships and, while some women are fine with just causal hook up sex, a lot of women want a relationship and don’t feel valued in situations where it’s only about hooking up.

I’m trying to find something that I can compare it to for guys. Only thing I can think of is when she friendzones you, it’s like you are good enough for her to use as an emotional tampon but not good enough to sleep with.
 
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AJ84

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To add, when a women just wants sex with a guy she doesn’t usually refer to herself as being used for sex, she will say she has a f**k buddy or a it’s a fling. She willingly and knowingly enters an arrangement where it’s only hooking up, no meeting family no progressing to a relationship.

If she says she was used for sex, that usually means she felt the he was only interested in the sex and not the rest of her. This may be a negative experience for her, even if the sex was good, if she wanted more of an investment.
 

nicksaiz65

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I should have clarified, my bad. Yes women like sex (some probably don’t but generally speaking yes, we have sex drives and enjoy sex).

Being used for sex, for a female, means being used to have sex with and offering nothing more, no dating, no meeting friends and family, no interest in who she is as a person, no indication that it will be anything more, like a relationship.

Men are the gatekeepers of relationships and, while some women are fine with just causal hook up sex, a lot of women want a relationship and don’t feel valued in situations where it’s only about hooking up.

I’m trying to find something that I can compare it to for guys. Only thing I can think of is when she friendzones you, it’s like you are good enough for her to use as an emotional tampon but not good enough to sleep with.
That is the most obnoxious situation in the world btw
 

nicksaiz65

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Ok guys just gonna pop in here real quick, I kinda had an epiphany regarding this stuff last night. I had to bring it all the way back to the Book of Pook and the "Sosuave Guide to Women."

So here's what I'm going to do. I like my Game very simple so that I can stay out of my head while I do the approach.

Pook(paraphrasing): Would Prince Charming go and tell a woman everything about himself? Of course not! He would only tell her things about himself as a REWARD. He is like an onion, you reveal yourself bit by bit, piece by piece.

You guys are right on about letting her do most of the talking on the date. It's right there in the Sosuave Guide to Women. Your talk-listen ratio should be 40/60 or even 30/70. Listen to what she says and talk about those things. Doing this alone helps maintain the mystery.

The Guide also says you should spend as much time as you can in the "Me Too" zone. Women like people who are similar to them. So go ahead and find commonalities, connect and talk about them!

I realize that during the approach, especially during Daygame, you have to ramble more. But that's totally fine as long as you aren't talking about YOU too much.

Giving joke answers to some(maybe about 50%) of her questions is a good way to flirt and keep the mystery up as well.

You can tell her some stuff about yourself, but she shouldn't know everything about you.

So in summary: I'm going to keep employing the same simple strategy that I already have to get women. You can still talk to them, find commonalities, and connect. As for the mystery, as long as you keep in the back of your mind
A.) She shouldn't know everything about you
and
B.) Let her do most of the talking
You'll be fine. I thought this AMS "Be a Mystery" stuff was new, but it's really not. This stuff has been around since like 2003!

I don't think you even need to be that extreme with this stuff. As long as you're not blabbing every detail about yourself like some AFC, you'll be fine.
Put my money where my mouth is and did a couple more approaches today. As long as you have the right mindset, this stuff actually turned out to be really easy.
 

guru1000

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Yeah, and some guys here hard next a girl who doesn’t have sex with them on the third date. That’s also self deselection.

I’m not saying the girl made the right decision when she dumped him, I’m trying to explain why she may have done it. Some guys do use women for sex, some women are really trying to prevent getting used. It could be based on her assumption that she was going to be used, even if she was totally off and ends up de selecting herself.
AJ I know you’re a woman and have dozens of women friends. But if you multiplied your friends by 10, you still couldn’t encompass a fraction of my experiences lol

Women make men wait for sex not so much because they are afraid of being used (women’s sex drive for an attractive man in many cases supersedes the man’s! Trust me on this), but rather as a contrivance to attempt to make that man believe she is not a wh0re. That’s really it lol.

AK, you are about 35ish, married, probably slept with under 10 guys. I can tell all this by the way you type. But even you know, when the RIGHT guy is front of you and you want to rip his clothes off, to THAT guy, you probably would want sex with him more than he would (Sex is too easy for him to get and so holds little value) and the feeling of being used wouldn’t cross your mind as long as you could have him—as you know you will likely not see him again regardless if you had sex with him or not.
 

oldmanofthesea

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I get not blowing up a girls phone but really for f**ks sake some balance of contact to keep the rapport and her interest going esp after crossing the sex line lol. Her reaction was a no brainer.
I don't think it's a no-brainer.

Some women, you text them the next day (not talking about blowing her up - talking about ONE text) and they categorize you as a clinger or low-value and they lose interest. Others, you wait three days and they decide you are using them sex. So what's the magic formula? Many men wait 3+ days because of bad experiences reaching out the next day. As a woman, I'm sure you would love a guy to reach out the next day because you get that validation, confirmation, and comfort of feeling that he is interested in more than just sex, but that is quite different from what you respond to in terms of attraction. Meaning: Many people want what they can't have, or can just barely have. If someone makes it easy, you likely lose interest. Women want to be comfortable, yet respond to sexual tension.

So I don't think it's a no-brainer that it's a man's obligation to text after sex, and he should do so the next day, otherwise he's made a mistake and the girl is going to think he's using her for sex. She is perfectly capable of texting as well. Rather than make assumptions of his intentions, if she wants to know, why doesn't she reach out first? Is it because she doesn't want to reach out and risk being rejected? Doesn't a man face this same situation when he reaches out after sex? Again, why is the duty on the man here?
 
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